Secondhand Heart

by Amity Lassiter

  "No, really." Emma laughed. "I promise, I do. Remember, Finn's like a brother to me, it's just weird to think of someone wanting him like that."

  "You told me Noah was like a brother to you, once."

  "Guilty as charged. Now let's stop talking about me and talk about you."

  She turned her mug around on the table top, watching the liquid inside remain stationary, not unlike the way she felt like she'd been standing still while her whole world carried on without her. Spending time with Finn made her feel like she was actively living her life again and not just reflected in the progress she made with Encore. It broadened her world up more than she had in the whole last year.

  "We went on a date." She could feel her not-on-purpose smile warming her, and it spread to Emma quickly.

  "That's…good. That's good, Lily."

  "For him or for me?"

  "For both of you."

  Chewing her bottom lip, she frowned. Of course things had escalated way more quickly than they would have under normal circumstances, and she couldn't help but wonder if the reason it was suddenly coming so easy to Finn was convenience. Here she was, in his home, available, and following after him like a lost puppy.

  "But do you think he's really ready for this?"

  "I think you should ask Finn about that, honestly."

  "I just…"

  "I get it," Emma said. "You want to find out the scoop before you lay everything out. But I want to tell you the truth, and the truth is I don't know. By my estimation, I think he should be, but Finn's always been a funny kinda guy. He'd be the only one who could tell you the truth."

  Her friend rose, sliding her cell phone out of her pocket. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to hole up editing tonight. But if I intend to get anything done before this evening, I've got a couple horses that need rode."

  "Gosh, yeah, I'm not going to get anything done if I don't get a move on," Lily said breezily, pushing her mug away. Unpacking her feelings would have to wait til later.

  —THIRTY-TWO—

  Walking into the one and only pharmacy in Three Rivers wasn't the problem. It was the aisle Finn found himself in. Family planning. Made it sound so innocent. Made it sound like picking up a box and walking to the counter wouldn't ignite the rumor mill faster than you could blink. This was the sort of town where married folk didn't plan families—more heads made more hands on the family spread—but there was the rub. He was still getting used to the idea of not actually being married. Too many years later. And maybe this was why he'd been putting it off, sparing himself the embarrassment that made him feel like a teenager all over again.

  He flipped the narrow box of condoms off the shelf and into his palm, turning the obvious logo against his thigh as he made his way to the counter. Vanessa Turner stood behind the register, her eyes glued to the screen of her cell phone. She was Kerri's age and he'd seen her around the ranch a couple of times. If the owner, Mr. Thorne, caught her like this he'd have a sharp word or two for her, but Finn was just as happy that her attention was diverted as he approached.

  At the last second, he grabbed a pack of gum from the countertop display and set it on top of the box, sliding them both across the counter. She stashed her phone as if he hadn't just caught her texting.

  "Hey Finn."

  "Afternoon, Vanessa."

  She scanned the gum, then picked up the box of condoms. Her mouth tightened into a line as she scanned the barcode and dropped both items into a bag.

  "Twelve seventy six." One of her eyebrows lifted when she looked to him, but he'd already pulled out his wallet and was thumbing through it. He pulled a ten and a five out, tossed them down on the counter, and grabbed his bag.

  "Keep the change. See you around, Vanessa." But he hoped he wouldn't. The last thing he needed was for her to land on the ranch, spilling his secrets all over creation.

  The door couldn't close behind him quick enough as he legged it across the parking lot and to his truck. Fully aware it would do nothing to stem any rumors that might already be circulating based on the fact that he could already see Vanessa's fingers dancing across the keyboard of her phone through the big window of the pharmacy, he opened the driver's side door of his truck and slid the bag behind the seat. At least it would keep Noah's prying eyes out of things.

  Speaking of…Finn checked his watch, then leaned his hips against the side of his truck, waiting for his younger brother. They'd already loaded the bed of the truck down with the laundry list of liquor they'd been sent with, and then he'd sent Noah off to check on Kerri, who was tending the family store so he could visit the pharmacy alone.

  "Hey stranger." Cutter Anderson's voice sounded behind him, and Finn turned, resting his forearms over the edge of the truck bed. His friend mirrored his stance, glancing at the boxes on the back. Ever the bartender, Cutter took stock. "Looks like a good time."

  "Should be. Say, I saw some fine looking stock in Lily's pictures. Things going good?"

  Frowning, his friend rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. "The price of beef is up… way up… but not enough to make up for crop failure and a blown up combine."

  Finn nodded. Farming was hard enough without added pressure. On top of that, Cutter's daddy had been sick. He worked a half dozen side jobs to try and pull them through but the lines on his friend's normally jovial face told him it wasn't enough.

  "You know if there's anything we can do to help…"

  Cutter shook his head. "I was just in to the bank. Think it's probably beyond help at this point. So we'll sell as much stock as we can and I'm hoping it'll tide us over 'til I can get something going in Denver."

  "Denver?"

  "Yeah, more work, maybe more hours. Something that pays better. Hell, I don't know."

  "We'll be sad to see you go, Anderson." Finn clasped his hands in front of him. His family was lucky—they had enough side lines running to keep the place afloat if they ran into any kind of trouble like this, but it would still be tough. "Hopefully it won't be for too long, though."

  "Well," Cutter said, straightening with a smile. "At least in Denver, I'd be that much closer to date Lily."

  Cutter'd always had a habit of pulling at vulnerable threads, but that didn't stop Finn's blood from boiling just a little.

  "Careful," he warned, before he realized he'd put his foot right in it. Cutter was a cocky asshole, and he knew exactly what he was doing, no doubt. Struggling with the idea of just confessing to his friend, he was cut off.

  "Thought so," Cutter laughed, tapping the edge of the truck bed with his palm. "'Bout freaking time, Baylor."

  "Cutter." Finn's whole body tensed, and he worked to calm himself with a quiet breath.

  "Oh don't worry, your secret's safe with me." He shook his head. "Lord knows you've kept enough for me."

  It was true. Years of friendship—and hardships—meant that this wouldn't be the first time someone had kept something under wraps.

  "Hey, just promise me you're gonna keep an eye out for Rosie. She's got enough on her plate now, but it'll be tough when I head out."

  Finn nodded, a knot in his chest. Denver was only two hours away, but he couldn't imagine the strain of leaving your home behind, especially when it was in turmoil. His sister was a tough girl, but it was a lot for anyone to handle.

  "Of course, buddy." He crossed behind the truck and held his hand out to Cutter, who clasped it and pulled their chests together in a half-hug.

  "I knew I could count on you." Cutter smiled, releasing Finn, as Noah emerged from Baylor's General Store. He nodded. "Noah."

  "Later, Anderson." The brothers raised their hands, seeing him off, then Noah turned to Finn.

  "You ready to head home?"

  "As I'll ever be."

  —THIRTY-THREE—

  "All set?" Finn spoke at the same time he dropped his knuckles against her door frame. It was a formality, really, but Lily appreciated that he thought of it.

  "Are you sure it's okay for me to co
me with you? I know this is your annual thing with your brothers."

  "What would you do? Stay here and edit?" he asked, and she glanced at her Macbook sitting open on the desk. She'd spent the whole afternoon catching up on the sessions she hadn't edited yet because she'd been busy kissing Finn. It would have been easy to brew a cup of tea and lose herself in more of the gorgeous Colorado foliage she'd shot today, but the handsome cowboy standing in front of her was more enticing. He was freshly showered and dressed in an easy smile and a blue plaid button-down with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his sinewy forearms and big, rough hands. Big, rough hands she couldn't stop thinking about. "Don't be silly. Emma and Ren will be there. I'm sick of being the fifth wheel."

  "Alright, alright. If it helps your ego." She laughed, moving to squeeze past him in the door frame. Those hands she hadn't been able to take her mind off of just seconds before caught her at the hips, tugging her toward him. She let herself go with the movement, her heart banging around in her chest like it had been for days now, anytime he got close. It never got old.

  "I dunno, it's taken a lot of damage," he murmured, drawing her closer, his fingers sliding into the back pockets of her jeans and pressing her closer. "I might need a little more than that."

  "Oh yeah?" She chuckled as he bent his head, and then lifted up on her tiptoes when he got closer, brushing her lips across his as she murmured her next words. Her fingers curled into his shirt. "Anything I can do to help."

  "Oh, don't tempt me, lovely. We might never actually make it to the fire."

  The dark, promising undercurrent in his voice sent a punch of desire straight to her gut and Lily dropped back to the soles of her feet. He pressed his palms to her ass and tugged her closer when she tried to withdraw, overriding her playful kisses when he slanted his lips over hers. Her whole body sagged against his chest, that pressure in her belly blossoming into something warm and liquid and sinful when his tongue slid across her lips and into her mouth. One step and her back was against the door frame and she thought they might not actually make it to the fire. The weight of his body made her ache, and she pressed her thighs together, making a noise against his mouth.

  And then as quickly as he'd initiated the scorching kiss, he lifted his head, and with that crooked, easy grin, wiped his calloused thumb across her lower lip. A shiver raced over her skin. The mischievous glint in his eyes told her he knew exactly what he'd done. She couldn't imagine how she'd sit through the evening as primed as she was.

  "Alright, enough," she chuckled, slipping out from between him and the frame of the door, simply to stop herself from dragging him back to her bed and repeating the previous night's events. She headed for the door without looking behind her to see if he followed—she knew he would. He caught up to her and pulled a quilted red plaid jacket off the coat rack. Stopping her when she reached for her own, he shook his head.

  "This one already smells like wood smoke," he said gently, helping her into the coat. It was a few sizes too big, hanging down to mid-thigh and well past her fingertips. When she gave him a plaintive look, he couldn't hide his smile. She didn't bother to try to hide hers. "What? It looks great."

  His fingers went to the mother of pearl buttons, carefully closing her into the jacket. Shrugging her shoulders up, she inhaled. She loved the smell of wood smoke, but more than that, it smelled of him; a delicious, warm, and slightly spicy scent she wanted to climb inside of. He smelled like home.

  Finn shrugged into a similar blue checkered jacket and held the door open for her.

  The crisp night air stole her breath when they stepped out onto the porch. The chill meant fall was here, even if they still had those gorgeous Indian summer types of days. She was grateful for the coat, and she nestled into it as he stepped out beside her, reaching to loop his finger into hers. Not quite holding hands, but making contact. Happiness bubbled up from deep inside—so sneaky she almost didn't realize it—and bent a smile over her lips.

  Between the two houses, about a hundred yards from one of the heifer barns, Lily could see Noah and Dane's figures moving around in the beams of headlights of one of the trucks, assembling a fire that looked considerably bigger than it needed to be. While she'd found the three brothers to be the type of humble, salt of the earth men she loved, they were still men. If the kids hadn't been assembled on a bench ten feet from the fire ring, she might have expected explosives of some sort.

  When they got closer to the group, Finn released her fingers. She knew what he was doing—protecting this little bit of goodness they were fostering—but she couldn't say it didn't hurt a little that he wasn't ready to show his family, who were already highly suspicious. Or in Emma's case, aware. She brushed off her hurt feelings when Noah straightened, taking in her oversized jacket with a pained expression, and then laughed out loud.

  "Nice wardrobe choice."

  Sticking her tongue out, she took up a spot between Emma and Ren on the bench. Kerri had settled at the end with Gracie in her lap and Gage was wrestling with Tucker in the long grass behind them. Rex lay curled at the end of the row, watchful. Finn joined his brothers in assembling the wood, and Lily let out a long, relaxed breath. Day to day, she worried over Finn's progress with Encore, how her mother was doing in Denver without her, and a myriad of other things, but sitting here with the warmth of the Baylor family wrapping her up, she felt all her tension release. And when Finn went to the back of the truck and returned with a cold wine cooler, she smiled and accepted it.

  Before long, the fire was high and crackling. Ren broke out marshmallows for the kids and Gage enlisted Emma's help with his stick. As the rest of them carefully assembled by the side of the pit, Finn slipped into the empty space beside her.

  "You having fun?" His tone was casual, but she felt the warmth of his fingers through her jeans as he slid them across her knee, then up just a little. Already edgy, warmth spread through her at his touch, which could have been completely innocent, but she knew wasn't.

  "Mhm." She pressed her knees together and shot a look at him; surely his family was going to see what he'd so carefully concealed. He was watching the rest of the gang gathered at the fire's edge, as if he wasn't playing on her previously aroused state. She might have thought he was just being oblivious to just how much his fingers playing over the inner seam of her jeans turned her on… if she hadn't watched the thoughtful, progressive way he approached just about everything else in his life. There was a reason behind every single thing the man did. When he felt her eyes on him, he tipped his gaze down and couldn't stop the grin that spread over his lips. She tucked her lower lip between her teeth to stop her own smile from running away with her but it was no good. His fingers tightened against the softness of her inner thigh, and then Dane started to turn toward them and like that, his hand was gone and she bit back a cursing protest.

  "Finn show you your surprise yet?" the eldest brother asked, sidling over with Gracie on his hip, sticky-faced and drooping with sleepiness.

  Beside her, Finn cleared his throat, and when she glanced up at him questioningly, he was shooting a glare at Dane. His brother's mouth formed an 'o' of recognition. He tipped his chin up and glanced at the child in his arms and turned back toward the fire, muttering something about helping Kerri get the kids settled in for the night.

  *

  This wasn't how he'd intended things to go. Finn's heart rate sped up, beyond reason. He knew a dozen women who would have been happy to discover someone had bought them a horse…but this was different. Offering Tank to Lily was a symbol of his failure, and she would recognize that right away. And she'd be pissed. He'd been suspicious Encore might not turn out to be rideable for anyone, least of all Lily, for a while now, but he hadn't shared that with her, and he was regretting it now.

  She looked up at him now, the firelight flickering on her glossy blond hair, swimming in his spare work shirt, and he wanted to kiss her, to hold onto this moment just a little longer. Where she still believed he was a horse whisperer and cou
ld fix the things that were still wrong in her life. He wished he was the person she believed he was, and he was afraid to burst the blissful little bubble they'd been living in when she realized he wasn't.

  Truth was, he didn't know what to do with himself if he couldn't fix her problems. He'd become so dependent on stubbornly ignoring his own personal issues in favor of righting the wrongs in the lives of others that when he was left alone with the truth of his own problems, the fears and insecurities nearly crushed him. If he disappointed her now, what did that mean about the future? And could he build a future with her while he was still terrified to walk away from loving Sunny?

  Taking a big breath in, he straightened and offered her a smile, hoping she couldn't see in the dark that it didn't reach his eyes.

  "Right, your surprise." He rose and held out his hand, squeezing her fingers lightly when she accepted his help, before he released them. Kerri was starting to wrangle up the kids, and he paused to kiss Gracie and give Gage a hug. He hoped Dane felt the daggers in his gaze as they passed by him, walking away from the fire. "We'll be back."

  "You should give me a hint." Lily said, as they crossed the field behind the heifer barn en route to the horse barn. He reached out and found the ends of her fingers dangling out of the bunched up sleeves of his coat.

  "You look cute as hell in that jacket." Safely away from the group at the fire, he threaded his fingers into her, then lifted their joined hands to press a kiss to the delicate skin on the back of hers.

  "Don't change the subject." She laughed out, and the noise made his heart skip a beat. She'd been a cautious, closed woman when she came to the ranch—at least with him, and she'd really blossomed.

  "We're almost there, don't be so impatient."

  Maybe it would be alright, after all. They got to the closed barn door and he drew her to a stop, turning her toward him. She turned her face up, watching, expectant. Sliding his hand along her jaw and under her hair, he tipped her head back and pressed his lips to hers in a sweet, almost chaste kiss. And then he opened the barn door.