Loved

by Rebekah Dodson

  Savannah startled me, and I jumped a little, but tried to play it off with an awkward chuckle. She was holding two trays and she spun one expertly in my direction. Behind her was Christina, my maid from earlier, holding an identical tray. I couldn’t identify what this appetizer was, only that it had a shrimp on a skewer and something that resembled cornbread. It was topped with a dollop of red cocktail sauce. Savannah’s tray held chocolate covered strawberries, and Christina, oyster shooters.

  Wow. Matt went all out for appetizers. This was nothing compared to the bite size sandwiches and finger foods offered for lunch and during the wine tasting earlier. This was fancy, elegant, classy.

  I felt underdressed, even as a server. Savannah pressed the door open ahead of me, and I led the way into the dining room.

  Serving appetizers wasn’t as difficult as I thought. The hardest part was carrying the tray, which made me nervous with just one hand, so I balanced it with two. The people were delightful to greet as well. Everyone had flutes and tumblers in their hand from the no-host bar next to the band, and they all seemed to be having a good time. I cleared my shrimp tray in mere minutes and returned to the kitchen for more.

  Matt was there, talking quietly with one of the chefs. I didn’t catch what they were saying, but their conversation was very detailed. The chef was checking off a list and Matt was waving his hands and pointing. The sous chef handed me a tray loaded with stuffed mushrooms this time, and I swiveled around to head back to the dining room.

  “Elaine, wait.”

  It was Matt, and he was right behind me. “After your next tray, you’d better head up and get ready. I, uh, hope you don’t mind, I had something delivered from Portland. That’s why I was late.”

  I blinked at him and shifted my tray to my other hand. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Cam’s dress from last night will not do in this crowd,” he leaned in to whisper. “Though I must say you look damn sexy in what you’re wearing right now.”

  I couldn’t respond, so I just nodded and smiled, even though I wanted to protest. I should have said thank you, or something equally awkward, but I was heavily distracted. He smelled like the peppermint gum he used to chew before court. He always claimed peppermint calmed him down. Why was he nervous now?

  “Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he added, and pushed through the kitchen door.

  He left peppermint and spicy, sweet after shave in his wake. I closed my eyes and tried to force my heart to return to a normal speed. Why was he having this effect on me? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this way around Matt. Toward the end of our marriage, I couldn’t even stand it when he touched me. Now I wondered what it would be like I feel his hands on me...

  “Hey, watch out!”

  Lost in my own head, I nearly collided with a patron, but smiled and dipped expertly around her. My second tray was empty even quicker, and I returned for a third. Christina met me in the kitchen, and she was flushed and flirting with the young sous chef.

  “Quite a party out there,” I commented to her as she was waiting for her next tray.

  “It is!” She looked rather giddy as she leaned closer to me. “Have you seen Mr. Sinclair? Oh my god, he’s so hot tonight.” Her eyes went wide as she pulled away. “I mean, he’s very dashing.”

  I stifled a smile and nodded. “I agree.”

  “Savannah told me you were married to him a while ago. How in the world did you walk away from that?”

  I swallowed hard. I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “Matt, uh, Mr. Sinclair, was a different person back then.” We both were, I didn’t add. “And honestly I’m beginning to think the same thing myself.”

  “Well, whatever you’re doing, keep it up. He hasn’t yelled at me or Savannah about moving faster or paying attention all day.” She touched my arm lightly. “And there’s something different about him right now. He seems almost ... happy.” She frowned. “I’m gonna be sad when you leave because he’ll go right back to yelling at us.”

  Some people never change all the way, do they? “Does he, uh, yell at you two a lot?”

  “He doesn’t yell, don’t listen to her,” Xavier, the sous chef, interrupted. “He just tells them to pay attention, because Christina is as blonde as they come, and she gets lost in her own head.”

  Christina stuck her tongue out at him, which I saw had a metal bar running through the center of it. “You like that I’m blonde,” she teased him.

  Xavier passed Christina’s tray to her, but I could see him a little flushed under the collar as her flirting. “Now get back in there before he comes back in and sees you gawking all day.”

  Christina set her mouth in a pout. “Okay, but don’t forget later, we’re going down to the orchard.”

  Xavier smiled and winked at her. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, baby.”

  “Back to work you three,” Daniel, the head chef, barked at us suddenly. Xavier passed me my tray and Christina and I headed back to the dining room.

  “This is my last tray, on Mr. Sinclair’s orders,” I whispered to her before we parted ways.

  “That’s okay. Look, Savannah’s only on her tray two. I think people are saving room for dinner anyway.”

  “It was great working with you.”

  “Likewise!” She flashed me a brilliant smile and began her rounds.

  There was something about Christina and Xavier’s carefree flirting that gave me and idea. I made my way around the room as I did with the previous two trays, but this time I specifically focused on where Matt was standing, talking to one of the band members. The band member took an appetizer – caprese skewers this time – but Matt declined. As I turned away and put a little pep in my step and swung my ass. I glanced over my shoulder to see Matt was completely entranced.

  And that told me everything I need to know about how the rest of the night would go.

  THE DRESS MATT HAD delivered was absolutely gorgeous. It was a strapless, tight, black, wrap-around style cocktail dress, specifically designs to accentuate curves.

  “Holy cleavage, Batman,” I told my reflection in the closet mirror. There was just one problem: the bosom wasn’t designed for people like me, and even with my tightest push-up bra, I was still nearly spilling out of it. I’d gone up three dress sizes since we were married, and he guessed my size correctly.

  I guess having a bit more added to my curves wasn’t entirely a bad thing.

  I took off my hair net we had to wear as servers and left my hair pinned up but took some tendrils down to frame my face. I never wore much makeup, but a swipe of Cam’s red lipstick was in order. I stole it from Cam’s bag because she had plenty to spare in every shape, size, and color. I was a little sad she was missing this amazing night, but I didn’t want to think about what her and Liam were up to right then.

  And I briefly blushed at that thought I might be up to the same things a little later.

  Elaine! My mind screamed at me as I pushed into my ballet flats – the dressiest shoes I owned, and honestly, they didn’t look bad – and gave myself one last look in the mirror. What did Cam say about messy exes? Because there’s still Henry.

  “Oh, fuck that guy,” I told my reflection. I smoothed my dress down, feeling my curves, and tried to recall the last time Matt and I had been intimate. I couldn’t even bring it to my memory besides random blurs and flashes. The last year of our marriage had been so bad I’d lived at Cam’s most of the time.

  But what I did recall was seeing Matt, shirtless, painting that gazebo yesterday.

  I had to stop before I got ahead of myself. Matt still seemed like he was in mourning, even though his wife had died a few years ago. Who was I to get in the way of that?

  Just go have a drink or two, play hostess with him, and then go back to your room. Sensible, smart, classy Elaine Sinclair, Lead Hospital Administrator, was back.

  I really hated her sometimes.

  Before I could make my way back to the party, the room phone rang. It star
tled me so much I dropped my small purse, spilling my wallet, a couple forgotten tampons, and the red lipstick on the floor.

  “Shoot!” I yelled at it as I scrambled for the phone by the bed. “Hello?”

  “Ellie!” Harrison, my assistant at work, shrieked into the phone. “Where is your goddamn phone? Oh, crap, I’m so sorry I swore. Seriously I’ve been emailing you like crazy!”

  “My phone?” I hadn’t really thought about it all day. “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s, uh, unavailable...”

  “I’m sorry to call you on a weekend,” he interrupted, “I did email you like, a few thousand times, but we need you back on Monday at eight am!”

  I squeezed the phone handle hard. I was on vacation until Tuesday. It was Saturday now, and I wasn’t due back in the office for a couple of days. “Okay, hold on, back up a step, Harrison. What’s going on?”

  “The judge moved up that malpractice suit and he needs you in court Monday morning.”

  “I’m on vacation!” I protested hotly. I glanced at the alarm clock to see it was well past eight. I needed to get back to the party. Matt bought this dress after all...

  Harrison’s shocked silence on the end made me suck in a breath. “What is going on at that resort of yours up there? You knock a few screws loose? We need you here, Ellie!”

  I chewed on my lip briefly before answering. I had a good thing going with Matt, right? I couldn’t leave and screw this up. What if we could be good together now?

  “Ellie? Are you still there? We can’t lose Dr. Franz. We have to win this suit, and I’m not sure where the file is or if you took it home or what...”

  It was definitely sitting on my desk at home. I knew exactly which color-coded folder it was in, too. I could hear Harrison nearly hyperventilating on the other end. Dr. Franz was our head neurosurgeon who’d lost a patient last year after a difficult surgery to remove a tumor. The insurance company had ruled in favor of Dr. Franz, saying he wasn’t at fault, but the family had insisted on suing anyway. I had testimonies and insurance claims to present to the judge to make this all go away. I just had to be there to give it.

  “Okay, okay. Here’s what I’ll do,” I assured him, remembering I promised Matt to help him set up for the wedding tomorrow. “I have an engagement in the morning. I’ll come home tomorrow evening; I’m sure Cam won’t mind me making a trip back to the city for one day. Then I can just swing back and pick her up Monday after court.”

  “It’s like five hours each way, isn’t it?”

  “Close to that, yeah,” I hurried over that little detail, “but it doesn’t matter. I’ll get that file and do some prep and be in court Monday morning.”

  Harrison sighed and I could almost hear his heart rate slow to a normal speed. “Okay, good. And answer your phone next time, all right?”

  “I will,” I lied, I still didn’t even know where Cam had hidden it, but now she had to give it back and stop playing this little game. My job was at stake.

  “Well, enjoy your night, boss lady,” Harrison said, I told him the same, and we hung up.

  As soon as I hung up I shoved everything back in my purse and smoothed out my hair and dress one last time before joining the party.

  I stared at the tan walls in the elevator, wishing I didn’t have to drive back to the city. I wanted to stay here and enjoy the outdoors. There was so much I didn’t get to do: the spa, picking apples, I was even looking forward to attending the wedding reception. How could I break it to Matt that I’d be leaving earlier than expected? With Liam laid up, he needed me. He probably even needed Cam; who was in charge of the menu and food service for tomorrow, anyway?

  Absently I pounded my fist against the elevator wall as it stopped at the main floor. I hated this, but I didn’t have a choice.

  My head held high, I marched toward the dining room.

  I had one last night of my vacation, and I’ll be damned if I was going to let this be forgettable. Not in this dress, no way.

  Chapter 10

  Matt

  WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ELLIE that had changed so much in the space of a day? Twelve hours ago she’d been a tense bundle of nerves; I’d felt it when I helped her with the yoga positions. When I hugged her in the stable I felt the stress leak out of her; no, that was a lie. Out of both of us. Her proximity was doing things to me, stirring things within me I hadn’t felt in years. I had a feeling it was having the same effect on her.

  I didn’t even have the energy or desire to yell at the wait staff. Instead, I just smiled and told them things like, good job, I appreciate you, and thank you. Most of them, Savannah and Christina especially, just gave me blank stares of shock.

  When I saw Ellie enter the dining room, it wasn’t a grand entrance or any kind of fanfare. But there was a band playing my heart, that’s for sure, and her presence drowned out the metallic riffs of the musicians behind me. I made my way toward her, trying not to look eager, despite the fact that the closer I got the more sweat sprouted on my forehead and the more I wanted to tug at my cuffs.

  I’d known Ellie half my life; from college dances to dinners with the law office and hospital, I’d seen her in an array of beautiful dresses. Her slim figure always fit any style with elegance and grace. I’d taken a chance on that black dress, especially the size. I still knew her size like the back of my hand, and I guessed a couple up, because it was clear to me that Ellie had put on some weight; and that wasn’t even a bad thing, not to me. The dress wasn’t even name brand, like I bought her back in the day, it was a Nordstrom and the fare for the Uber driver to deliver it was more than the dress.

  But my God, she wore it like she was on center stage, even though I was the only one who cared about her entrance. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as a server, with her tight pants and sway of her hips, and now I felt like some bugged-eyed cartoon freaking out about a pretty woman. It was the “hellooooo nurse!” exclamation of my childhood cartoon favorite and the heart-shaped bulging eyes of Bugs Bunny.

  We were a few feet apart now, and my thoughts had turned decidedly carnal in nature. If she fit the dress that well, how would she look out of it? The last few months of our marriage had been torture; she hadn’t let me touch her, and eventually, we had spent so much time apart it didn’t even matter anymore. Would she let me touch her now? Would she let me trace my fingertips over the line of her breasts, cup her behind firmly in both my hands, and feel the thickness of her thighs pressed against mine?

  God, if only she would let me, I’d be the luckiest cartoon character, er man, on the face of this earth.

  I held out my arm to her and she took it, just like she did at the stables today, only tighter this time. Her full, red lips, silent but yet speaking the world’s oldest language, mouthed a quiet thank you, as I took her to the table for two I had reserved just for us in the corner. I pulled out her chair and let her sit, and to my surprise, as soon as I sat down she reached for my hand. Her thumb caressed mine, and I let her.

  I would always let her.

  “You outdid yourself for dinner,” she said softly. “Did you get the try the appetizers?”

  “Yes. Liam had some really good ideas,” I replied.

  “Have you checked on them recently?”

  I almost laughed at that. “Ew, no. I don’t want to know what they are doing up there.”

  She laughed. I loved to hear that sound.

  “Shall we get dinner?” she asked, glancing at the nearly empty buffet line that had started over an hour ago.

  “No need.” I raised my hand and snapped, and like clockwork Savannah arrived with specialty dinner. She sat the plates down and pulled the cloches off with a flourish.

  “New York steak? Haricots Verts? Roasted potatoes? Oh, Matt... you didn’t have to.”

  I smiled widely. Cam had called green beans by their “fancy” name once in in culinary school, and now that’s all Ellie would call them. I felt almost giddy to see her face light up as she dug in right away.

  Dabbing her mouth delic
ately, she swallowed and returned a grin of her own. “It’s delicious. Tell Daniel compliments to the chef.”

  “I made it, actually.”

  “You ... excuse me? You don’t cook!”

  “Liam’s been teaching me.”

  “When did you do this?”

  “While you were getting dressed. Daniel helped a little, I have to admit. He did the potatoes.”

  “Well compliments to the chef.”

  We ate in silence for the never several minutes. A little moan escaped her mouth when she got to the steak. “It’s so good. You have no idea how much I’d missed this eating with Cam.”

  “Vegetarian food isn’t so bad,” I told her, “but sometimes you just need a good medium rare.”

  “I agree.” She frowned as she said it, and alarm snapped through me.

  “What?” I was cautious; what had changed her mood.

  “I was thinking something earlier,” she started, “about how if I’d been a better cook maybe we would still be married.”

  I nearly choked on my forkful of beans and snatched up my water. “Why would you think that?”

  “You know, so many nights you’d ask me what was for dinner and I’d be at the hospital...”

  “And I’d be at the firm.” I reached across the table and held her hand. She let me. “That was in the past, Elaine, and this is the present. We were both different people; young, even. We screwed up a lot. Both of us.”

  “Christina told me you yell at the staff.”

  Her sudden change in subject made my head spin. Was she trying to start a fight? Tonight, of all nights? Why would she do that? I pursed my lips and smiled. “Christina needs to keep her thoughts to herself.”

  She pulled her hand away. “Well, do you?”

  Oh, shit. This dinner was going down like the Titanic. I was losing her, and fast. “Sometimes I order them around, but you’ve seen how I run a tight ship here. It’s necessary to keep the staff in line...”

  “It’s never okay to yell, don’t you remember what our therapist said about—”