Quid Pro Quo

by Sherryl Hancock

  “Like what?”

  “I think she and Finley broke up, but she won’t tell me anything.”

  Quinn nodded. “Call Remi, she’s probably the only one Kai’ll talk to.”

  An hour later, Kai was still sitting in her backyard when Remington came striding around the side of the house, having vaulted the fence. Kai glanced at her, her expression reflecting only mild surprise at her appearance. Remington walked over and sat down, glancing at the ashtray on the table in front of Kai and seeing it was full of butts.

  “What’s goin’ on?” she asked casually.

  Kai gave her a measuring look. “Cass call you?”

  Remington nodded. “She’s worried about you.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Remington nodded again, looking unconvinced as she reached for one of Kai’s cigarettes and lit it.

  “That’s why you’re sitting out here without a jacket and looking to catch cancer?” Remington said. “What happened with Finley?”

  Kai shook her head, her face completely closed off.

  “Want to go to the gym and work some of this off?”

  Kai looked thoughtful, then nodded and stood.

  Three hours later she climbed out of Remington’s GTO and staggered into her house, showered, and dropped into bed exhausted. She knew without a doubt she’d be sore as hell the next day. She woke feeling like she’d been run over by a truck, but got up, got dressed, and kept her appointments for the day. She then went back to the gym and spent another three hours abusing her body to the point of exhaustion.

  Four days after the incident, Remington called Finley.

  “Okay, so what happened?” Remington asked, having had no luck getting it out of Kai. She was tired of taking nasty body blows when she pushed her too hard for answers.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Kai’s disappeared on us; a block of solid ice has replaced her. And she’s beating the hell out of me every time I ask her about you.”

  “She told me she loved me,” Finley said after a long pause.

  “And you said…”

  “I didn’t answer her,” Finley said, grimacing.

  “And that’s because?”

  “Because, Remi, I know saying that to her is a major commitment, and I’m just not sure if I’m ready for that.”

  Remington winced, but nodded. “Well, you’re right about the major commitment thing. You don’t tell Kai you love her unless you’re sure.”

  “I know. I know she’s going to want it all if I say that, and… I just don’t know… She scares the hell out of me with her intensity, Remi.”

  Remington was silent for a long moment. “Kai doesn’t do anything halfway, Finley. You’re dead on there.”

  “I’ve lost her.”

  Remington didn’t tell her she was wrong. It broke her heart a little bit more.

  One evening when Remington had finally dragged Kai out of the house and to the bar, they had the misfortune of running into Kathy. Naturally, Kathy made a beeline for Kai, having heard that Kai had been dating a doctor but that they’d broken up. She figured now was her time to strike, but this time Kai was ruthless, not willing to put up with Kathy’s crap anymore. Kathy’s advances fell on an utterly ice-cold Kai, and it shook her completely.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Kathy asked, her tone reflecting her amazement that her spell over Kai seemed to have been nullified.

  Kai’s lips twisted in a sarcastic grin. “I’m over you.”

  “You’ll never be over me,” Kathy snorted.

  Kai looked back at her, her dark gaze unfazed. “Go away, Kathy. Go back to your wife, or to whatever fucking rock you crawled out from under. I have no use for you.”

  With that Kai turned to walk away. Kathy caught her arm, and Kai spun, knocking away her hand.

  “You’re gonna regret this,” Kathy said icily. “Mark my words, I’ll make you regret this.”

  “Go ahead and try,” Kai gritted out, then turned and walked away. The fact that she was so over Kathy because of Finley rang through her head. Her heart ached at the thought as she gritted her teeth. She proceeded back over to the bar, where she drank heavily until the wee hours of the morning.

  Jackie had had it with Finley’s long face and refusal to talk about what had happened with Kai. It had been a week already. She called Riley, telling her about her daughter’s spiraling mood. Riley swept into the ER and informed Finley that she’d be having lunch with her.

  “I’m busy, Mom,” Finley said, her tone completely lifeless.

  “Well, Jackie’s cleared your schedule. So let’s go.”

  Finley glared at Jackie, but she simply looked back at her unwaveringly.

  Riley dragged Finley to a local place where she was less likely to be recognized and had them seat them in the very back.

  “Okay, you tell me now, what happened with you and Kai?” Riley asked sharply.

  “It doesn’t matter, Mom, it’s just over,” Finley said, shaking her head sadly.

  “Like hell it is!” Riley exclaimed, startling the people around them. “That woman is the best damned thing that ever happened to you, and you’re not giving her up without a fight.”

  “There was no fight—there was just… ice…”

  “What happened?”

  Finley looked back at her mother. “Why do you care?”

  “What do you mean, why do I care?” Riley sounded shocked by the question.

  “I mean, why do you care?” Finley said, suddenly finding an outlet for her anger and pain. “I mean, you’ve never fucking cared how I feel about anything—why do you fucking care now?”

  “Where is this coming from?” Riley asked, blinking in surprise at Finley’s venom.

  “It’s coming from the truth, Mom. Face it, you’ve never really given a shit about what I did as soon as I quit doing the beauty pageants, acting classes, and dance classes—when you realized I wasn’t going to be your perfect little doll.”

  “You were a beautiful child. I wanted you to know that.”

  “You could have told me that. You didn’t have to shove me in every director’s face, every stupid pageant judge’s face.”

  “Your mother is supposed to think you’re beautiful—I wanted you to know that other people thought you were beautiful too. What does this have to do with Kai?”

  “I never trust people,” Finley said. “I never trusted you.”

  “Trust me to do what?” Riley asked, still reeling.

  “Not to fuck things up!”

  “What are you talking about?” Riley asked, aghast that Finley was being so nasty.

  “Do you even remember Evan?” Finley asked, her voice softening on the man’s name.

  Riley looked confused. “Evan?”

  Evan Keely had the kindest smile she’d ever seen, and he was smiling at her for a change, not her mother. He’d taken the time to come sit with her in her room, asking what she was reading.

  “It’s a medical journal,” Finley said, showing him the copy of Dr. Seuss’s One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. “I’m going to be a doctor,” she informed him proudly.

  “Oh, I see,” he said, smiling and nodding. “And is this your patient here?” He gestured to the stuffed bear lying on his back with a washcloth covering his lower half.

  “Yes. I’m going to need to do surgery, and I need to make sure I know where to cut.”

  “Oh, there’s going to be cutting?” he asked, looking slightly alarmed.

  “Yep,” Finley replied, holding up the butter knife she’d absconded from the kitchen with when the cook wasn’t looking.

  “Oh, yes, I see,” he said, touching the edge of the knife. “Very sharp scalpel there, Doctor.”

  Finley nodded, smiling up at him.

  By the time Riley located Evan, he and Finley were “performing surgery” on the little bear. They both wore paper towels over their mouths like surgical masks, with shoe laces tying them to their faces.

  “Evan,
we’re going to be late,” Riley had said, tapping her expensive diamond watch.

  Evan glanced down at Finley, who looked up at him expectantly. “I think we can sew him up pretty quickly, can’t we, Doctor Taylor?”

  “Yep!” she said, smiling broadly.

  “Oh my God, I haven’t thought of Evan in years,” Riley said, shaking her head.

  “I think about him all the time,” Finley said. “I really thought he was going to last. But none of them ever did, Mom… none of them.”

  Riley looked back at her daughter. “Are you saying that you are mad at me because men I dated never worked out?”

  “I’m saying it was a shit childhood, when I could never count on anything, not you, not them, no one—nothing.”

  “What happened with Kai?” Riley asked, sensing this was all somehow related.

  Finley shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Riley reached out, touching her daughter’s hand. “It does matter, Finley. Your heart is broken.”

  Finley felt tears clog her throat as she shook her head.

  “What happened?” Riley asked again.

  “She told me she loved me.”

  “Why is that a bad thing?”

  “Because I had no idea how to respond, Mom.”

  “The commonly accepted response is ‘I love you too,’ dear,” Riley said drily.

  “I was afraid to say that to her.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she’s so… You can’t just say stuff like that to Kai—she takes it very seriously.”

  “What more are you looking for in a woman, Finley? Why are you letting her go?”

  “Because I’m afraid I can’t commit to her, Mom, like you never committed to anyone!” Finley snapped, tired of the thoughts going around and around in her head. “I need to get back to work,” she said, getting up and walking blindly out of the restaurant, tears already starting in her eyes.

  She made her way back to the hospital and threw herself into her work. She’d volunteered for every extra shift available. Exhaustion had already set in, but when she got a head cold she insisted on working through it, refusing to think of the time she’d been sick and Kai had taken such good care of her. Part of her knew she’d never have that again.

  Meanwhile, Kai got into the routine of working and then going to the gym. She refused to stop and think of Finley and what she’d lost. Two weekends later she reported to Camp Pendleton for her monthly reserve drill weekend. There, under the guise of training plebes, she spent all of her time beating the hell out of any Marine foolhardy enough to test her.

  Finley was working herself to death, so Jackie had arranged to get some time off and told Finley she wanted to do a girl’s weekend with her. Finley had agreed, but only on the condition that they wouldn’t talk about Kai at all. Jackie agreed begrudgingly. They drove down to San Diego and went to the beach and to some local restaurants. They had a good time, and Finley finally felt like she might be getting back to her old self.

  On Sunday they drove back to Los Angeles. Jackie said she needed to go to the bathroom when they were just on the north side of Oceanside. She pulled off on the Vandegrift Boulevard exit. Finley was busy looking at some of the pictures she’d taken on her phone, so she wasn’t paying attention. When Jackie pulled over into a parking lot and turned off the engine, Finley waited for her to get out to go to the bathroom. When Jackie didn’t get out of the car, she looked up.

  The first thing she saw was the sign for the Camp Pendleton main gate.

  “Jackie…” Finley said, even as she saw soldiers walking out of the gate and coming toward the parking lot.

  Finley’s eyes tracked over to Jackie, and then she caught a glimpse of a car that was a very familiar shade of green.

  “Jackie, what are you…” she began, and then she saw her.

  Kai was wearing her Battle Dress Uniform, complete with boots and hat, her gold eagle insignia on her cap and collar, her dark hair tucked under the cap. Finley felt her insides tremble.

  “Finley, you are in love with that woman,” Jackie said. “And you need to go and tell her that right now.”

  “I can’t…” Finley said, tears in her eyes as she shook her head.

  “You can. And you need to, right now.”

  As Kai started toward her car, Finley noticed the cuts on her cheek, the bruise at her mouth. She thought about what Remington had said about Kai beating the hell out of her every time she asked Kai about her. Was she getting into fights with others now?

  “She looks like she’s hurting,” Jackie pointed out.

  Finley noticed then how stiffly Kai was moving. Concern for Kai’s health and well-being kicked in, making Finley get out of the car. Kai was five feet from her. Their eyes connected instantly—it was obvious that Kai was shocked to see Finley there.

  “What…” Kai began, her eyes trailing from Finley to Jackie, then back to Finley. “What are you doing here?” she asked, going to her car and opening her trunk to drop in her gear bag.

  Finley walked over to Kai, looking up at her face, taking in the cuts and bruises. “What happened?”

  Kai looked back at her coolly. “Training.”

  “Kai…” Finley began softly, even as she reached up to touch the bruise at Kai’s mouth.

  Kai yanked her head away, backing up against her car, a look of pain crossing her face.

  “You’re hurt,” Finley said, reaching out to touch Kai’s side.

  “Don’t!” Kai snapped.

  Finley jumped, but touched Kai’s side gently. She felt Kai jump at the contact; regardless, she carefully unbuttoned her jacket and untucked the T-shirt from the BDU pants, gathering the shirt to look at the vicious bruise on Kai’s side.

  “Oh my God… Kai,” Finley said. “What have you done to yourself?” When she looked up, she caught the look of complete anguish in Kai’s eyes.

  Finley stared up at her. “Kai, I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice full of the tears she was trying to hold in. “I love you. I’m so sorry—please, I love you…” She reached up to touch Kai’s face, desperate to take that look out of her eyes.

  Kai’s lips were on hers then, and Finley felt Kai’s hand on her back, her other at the back of her neck as she kissed her deeply, pouring all of the pain and sorrow of the last two weeks into it. Finley slid her arms up around Kai’s neck, holding on to her desperately, afraid that letting go would mean losing her again.

  In her car, Jackie smiled. “About damned time, you two,” she muttered happily.

  Two weeks later, Finley was living with Kai and Cassiana and her condo was up for sale. She had never been so happy in her life, and she couldn’t even fathom why she had ever thought it would be different with Kai.

  She stood in the kitchen early one morning as the sun was just coming up, watching through the window as Kai played with the boys, throwing them tennis balls. She could hear Kai laughing as one of the dogs did something silly. The sound warmed her heart. They’d had a long conversation about why Finley had been so slow to return Kai’s admission of love, and Kai understood that it stemmed from years and years of not counting on anyone or anything. Finley understood now how much it had hurt Kai that she hadn’t been able to commit to her. It had reminded Kai of Kathy and her game playing, which was why Kai had gone so cold. She’d felt played again.

  Finley went outside and handed Kai a coffee, leaning up to kiss her.

  “Good morning,” Kai said, smiling down at her.

  “Hi,” Finley said, smiling back.

  Kai sat on one of the chaises longues and gently pulled Finley down with her. They lay together, watching the sun rise through the canyon, Kai holding Finley against her, her lips against Finley’s temple.

  A few minutes after the sun rose, Kai’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked down at the display with a grimace. It was Cassiana’s mother. Finley tensed, knowing this was the call Kai had been waiting for.

  Kai hit the speaker phon
e, wanting Finley to hear the conversation too. “Hello,” she said.

  “Is this Kai?” asked Terra McGinnt tentatively.

  “Yes,” Kai said, her tone businesslike. “Thank you for calling me back.”

  “When are you sending Cassiana?”

  “I’m not. She’s staying here with me, where she belongs.”

  “I don’t think you fully grasp the situation here, Kai,” Terra began officiously.

  “Oh, I think I grasp it pretty well.”

  “Then you should know that I’m more than willing to involve the authorities if you—”

  “How much?” Kai asked, interrupting whatever threat Terra had been about to make.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “I asked how much,” Kai said, her tone not reflecting the disgust in her eyes.

  “How much, what?”

  “How much is it going to cost me to get rid of you for good?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Terra said, doing her best to sound offended.

  “Oh, I think you do,” Kai said. “I figure my father’s going to pay you two thousand a month until Cass is eighteen—that’s eighteen months, so thirty-six thousand dollars. I’ll give you fifty thousand if you’ll sign over your parental rights to me.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line. Kai narrowed her eyes slightly, glancing at Finley, who was watching with concern clear on her face. They’d discussed this and Kai knew she was taking a chance approaching Terra this way; she could be charged with attempting to traffic Cassiana. Both Lyric and Cody had assured her that not too many judges would see it that way, but not before they had both offered to help Kai with however much money she needed to buy Cassiana out of Terra’s clutches.

  “I don’t think you know how much I love my daughter,” Terra said, her tone all greed now.

  “Sixty,” Kai said immediately.

  Once again there was silence. Kai had to swallow against the bile that was rising in her throat at having to deal with this sleazy woman.

  “When can you get me the money?”

  “As soon as you sign the documents I’m emailing you.”

  “Okay. Send them.”