Defect

by Danielle James

  “It needs sugar. Lots of sugar.”

  “No. White sugar is like crack. I’ll give you a little raw honey but by the time I’m done with you, you’ll be drinking that tea straight.”

  “Yeah…okay.”

  “I’m serious, Ezra. It’s good for you.” She dipped a spoon coated with creamy honey into my mug and stirred it. I locked eyes with her and she fought off the smile dying to light up her face.

  “I’m eighteen,” I told her.

  “Jesus you’re young. Wait, why are you telling me how old you are? We’ve already established this is a friendship because you’re too damn young for anything else.”

  “I’m telling you because I see the way you’re looking at me.” Once again, my brain wouldn’t let me keep thoughts inside my head.

  “Ezra,” she laughed. “We’re going to be great friends.”

  “Good because I need a friend so fucking bad. You have no idea.” I was dead serious about that. Everett was my only friend and now he was gone. I had a gaping hole in my heart.

  “I have an idea,” she nodded. “I need a friend too.” When I stared at her, I couldn’t imagine any real man putting his hands on her. How could anyone ball up their fist and swing it in a rage at someone as sweet and kind as Solana? She was sunshine and fresh air personified.

  “So…friends?” I asked even though I’d never be able to stop my mind from thinking about how gorgeous she was or the way her clothes fit and how her smile lit up a room.

  “Friends,” she nodded. I held out my hand for a handshake but she opted for a hug instead.

  Yeah.

  This friendship was going to be hard as fuck.

  …

  SOLANA

  Eighteen.

  He was eight-fucking-teen years old.

  Finding out how old Ezra was hit my chest like a ton of bricks. The energy between us was insane. I’d never experienced anything like it before. I’d been in love before. I’d had moments where I thought I was head over heels but even in those instances with those relationships, the energy exchange had never been as vivid and in my face as what happened between me and Ezra in my studio. That kind of vibe wasn’t a friendship vibe. It wasn’t the undeniable click of two people meant to be friends. It was the undeniable click of two people meant to explore so much more.

  How could I ever do that knowing how young he was? I was ten years older than him. Ten. There was no way energy lied but it was definitely confused right then.

  Still…I couldn’t push him away. Being around him made me feel balanced even though he was sad and something angry raged inside of him. I still saw his light through it all. It spoke to the light in me.

  We’d have to just be friends. I didn’t know what kind of test the universe had devised for me but I was up for the challenge. But why the hell did Ezra have to be so fine and so…big?

  I mean he was six-foot-six inches of purse brown sugar and he had the prettiest eyes. I could stare at him all day. I could listen to his deep gravelly voice and watch him fight off dozens of smiles for as long as the sun stayed in the sky.

  Basically, I could look but I couldn’t touch.

  He was technically legal though so…

  “What did you want to show me?” He asked after he choked down the tea I made for him. I almost forgot I wanted to show him something after the revelation of who he was came out. My soul wept for his immense loss and while it helped me understand him better, I hated what was ripped from him.

  “Oh, yeah.” I smiled and motioned for him to stand up. Seeing Ezra up close was something monumental. He was huge and he eclipsed me with ease. When he was standing tall, the top of my head reached his collarbones. Maybe.

  Without thinking, I grabbed hold of his hand. His swallowed mine. We walked toward the back of the studio where I’d started to lay out my Reiki room. My all black massage table was in the middle of the floor sitting on top of a yellow rug decorated with little tiny suns all over it. Bowls of glittering crystals sat in every corner of the mid-sized room and off to the left was a table with a huge sage bundle and different homemade incenses and candles that I planned to sell in my studio once I perfected my recipes.

  “So, this is my Reiki room,” I told him with a proud smile. I rocked forward on the balls of my feet and he nodded, taking everything in.

  “I’d be very impressed if I knew what the fuck Reiki was,” he said.

  “It’s energy work. Like how you mentioned being able to feel something when I put my hands on you to help you breathe. I was purposefully pushing energy to you.”

  “So is that why your hands started heating up?” He asked.

  “Exactly. Everyone carries energy inside of them. It’s why we’re alive. Energy is our life force. Every time someone touches you, there’s a transference of trace amounts of energy. Every time you’re around someone you absorb some of their energy. Reiki uses that for healing.”

  “So you help people with low energy?”

  “Kind of. I move energy inside of them that might be blocked and unable to flow properly. I can also transfer energy to them if they have low energy. I can give them a jumpstart so that their natural energy comes back full-force. You think I’m crazy don’t you?” I laughed. I was used to people giving me the side eye when I told them I was a yogi or that I was into spiritual practices. Most people thought I was the devil incarnate.

  “No. Why would I think you’re crazy? It’s not like you just told me you believe in talking animals or zombies. You work with energy. What’s crazy about that?”

  Oh…my heart.

  It squeezed so hard I thought it would pop and rain confetti in my chest.

  “Seriously? You don’t want to run out the door?” I laughed.

  “Nah. I want to hear more. Tell me about what you do back here in your happy ending room,” he smirked at me and I hit his chest playfully. Why the fuck was his chest so hard? Did he bench press buildings? Jesus.

  “I help people heal by channeling energy where they need it most. It’s not really that mystical. It’s rare to find a Reiki practitioner that knows what they’re doing though.”

  “But you know what you’re doing?” Ezra asked, folding his arms.

  “You felt it when I put my hands on you, right?” I countered, folding my arms too. He cracked a small smile and nodded. “Exactly. Don’t play with me, little boy.” I motioned for him to sit on the table and he eyed it skeptically. “It’s not going to bite you, Ezra. It’s just a massage table.”

  “I know. How many other people have been on this table?”

  “You’re the first,” I told him. Our eyes locked and the charge I was quickly becoming used to crackled through the air.

  “You’re not going to do any black magic on me are you?” He sat his huge frame on the table. His feet scraped the hardwood even though he was three feet off the floor.

  “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Cast a black magic spell on you to make you come to my yoga studio every day.” I wiggled my fingers at him and made spooky noises.

  “You don’t have to cast a spell on me for that.” The way he looked at me set my insides on fire. He had to stop doing that shit.

  “So you’ll come keep me company every day?” It was selfish of me to ask him to do that but after having a taste of his presence I could see I’d become addicted. I wanted to become addicted. I was playing with fire because he was so young but I was strong enough to maintain a friendship with Ezra.

  “Absolutely. I don’t have anything better to do,” he said.

  “Well, you have school right?” I walked over to the table on the left side of the room and lit my sage bundle.

  “Not anymore. I got expelled for fighting.” His brows furled together and frustration took over him. I could feel him tensing up. I waved the sage around making sure the smoke reached the corners of the room both high and low.

  “Fighting?” I quizzed.

  “Yeah. My brother’s best friend. He always hated
me because I guess he wanted to be the only one close to Everett. The minute he saw me, I could tell he still hated me. We exchanged words and he ended up spitting in my face.”

  “Oh fuck no,” I blurted with a scowl.

  “You curse a lot for someone who’s supposed to be all spiritual and shit,” he said, looking at me.

  “Yeah. Cursing clears my throat chakra. Sue me.” I shrugged and he laughed. “Plus just because I’m centered and everything doesn’t mean I won’t fuck some shit up. If someone spat in my face I would lose my mind.”

  “That’s what happened.” Ezra looked down at his knuckles and made fists then released them, stretching his fingers out.

  “Is that how you ended up moving to Radcliff?” I asked, extinguishing the sage. Earthy smoke filled the air and I waved my hands, spreading it around.

  “No. My mother decided we were moving after I got jumped. I had to go back to the hospital and she freaked out. We’re not even finished cleaning out our old house. She moved so fast. I think it’s because she can’t stand to be in the old house anymore after Ev died.”

  “I bet. That has to be tough for her.”

  “Yeah. So tough she suffocates me as a result.” Ezra’s voice was quiet and deep. It was soothing.

  “You feel suffocated?” I picked up an amethyst stone and a rose quartz. I placed both stones in his palms and he looked down.

  “There’s no feeling suffocated. I am.” He paused and looked at me. “Solana, what the hell are these?”

  “They’re stones. Oh, I know another one you need.” I raced around the room and found a piece of morganite.

  “And they do…what?”

  “They’re excellent tools for meditation. The stones themselves don’t hold power even though they do vibrate on a frequency. You hold the power. They help you feel grounded and when you focus on the attributes given to each stone, you hone your thoughts.”

  “So what does this one do?” He picked up the pink and white rose quartz and I smiled.

  “That one represents love and emotional healing. So does this one.” I pointed to the morganite. “This one is good for protection and growth.”

  “Protection?” He quizzed.

  “Yeah. I always wear one.” I held up my amethyst necklace and he stared at it.

  “Can I hold them while you do Reiki?”

  “Yes.” I stood between his long legs and tried to concentrate on the task at hand and not how good he smelled or the warmth radiating from him like golden waves. “I’m going to touch you here,” I placed my palm over his heart. “Is that okay?”

  “Go for it. I don’t know if it still works or not. Feels pretty fucking empty in there.”

  “Ezra…” I sighed, shaking my head.

  “It’s true,” he said. I wanted to touch his handsome face and tell him that nothing was wrong with his heart. That it was broken and it had to heal. I kept quiet though because if I started talking, then I’d also start touching him because there was something insanely irresistible about him.

  “I’m going to move up and down your body, touching you in different places and I don’t want you to be alarmed.”

  “Alarmed by you touching me? Okay,” he laughed.

  “Shut up and let me go through my script.”

  “Do your thing, Solo.”

  “What did you call me?” I smiled.

  “Solo. Seems like a fitting nickname or are you one of those people who don’t do nicknames?”

  “You can call me Solo. My ex’s son calls me that. I think it’s so cute.”

  “Are you close to his son?” Ezra asked.

  “Very. I still sneak to see him when he needs me. His dad is a bad guy and I hate that he has to be alone with him every day.” I shook the thought out of my head and put my hands on his knees. “Let’s not talk about me. This is your Reiki session.”

  “I like hearing about you. I could listen to you talk all day.” He rolled the stones around in his hands and they clicked against each other. Ezra looked at me for a few beats, rendering me silent.

  “So, I need you to lie down on the table. Make sure you’re comfortable.” He stretched out on the table and his legs hung partially off the bottom because he was a giant. “Close your eyes and let me go to work,” I said.

  “Go for it.” When his eyes closed, I stole so many glances at him I felt like a damn stalker. His thick dark lashes rested against his cheeks and his full lips were perfectly relaxed. I wanted to steal a kiss.

  You’re really thinking about stealing a kiss from an eighteen-year-old child you met yesterday, Solana? Get a fucking grip.

  I sighed and pressed my hands against his chest until my palms heated up. I mouthed a quiet affirmation for his sanity and peace and for my own. I moved up and down his body laying my hands on him. I could feel how stiff and blocked off he was along every chakra I came in contact with.

  I worked with him for at least an hour. I worked on him so long that he fell asleep and his breathing became rhythmic. He needed a lot of energy work but I was up for the task. Ezra was special.

  When I was done, I watched him sleep for a few extra seconds while I stood at the head of the table. I had no idea why he came into my world but now that he was there, I wasn’t going to let him go. So what we had to be friends? I didn’t have a lot of friends because I didn’t trust a lot of people around me but I trusted him almost instantly.

  I leaned down and placed my lips next to his ear. His warm golden skin smelled like Irish Spring soap, clean and fresh. I wanted to bury my nose in the crook of his neck. “Ezra, wake up,” I said quietly. His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. His thick brows crashed together as he sat up on the table.

  “Shit. I didn’t even know I was asleep. You’re good.” He rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck then looked down at the stones in his hands.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Like I’m buzzing.” He handed me the crystals I gave him and I set them on my candle and incense table.

  “Don’t try to get up right away. Sit there for a minute.”

  “I really feel…different.”

  “That’s good,” I smiled, rubbing the back of his hand. “Different good or bad?”

  “Good. Definitely good. I feel normal.”

  “That’s great to hear, Ezra.” I stood between his legs and gave him a hug. His strong arms wrapped around me like he was scared he’d break me. Neither one of us wanted to let go of the other one. His hands slid down to my hips and he held me there for a moment. I wasn’t complaining but I had no business letting him put his hands there.

  “See? Reiki isn’t bad, right?”

  “Not bad at all. Thank you, Solana.” I moved away from his touch and smiled.

  “You’re welcome. Thank you for letting me try it out on you.”

  “How much does it cost to get regular sessions?” He asked. I looked at him and had a brilliant idea. “Wow, what’s making you smile like that? You’re lighting up.”

  “Hear me out,” I said, holding my hands up. “You don’t go to school during the day currently, right?”

  “Right,” he nodded.

  “You want regular sessions daily?”

  “I do.” He nodded his head and wet his lips with his tongue, throwing my train of thought completely off. Dammit, he was sexy.

  “Well um…” I squeezed my eyes shut to remember what I was going to say. “I need some help here in the studio. Just help cleaning up after classes and registering new clients. Nothing serious. I’ll pay you and give you free Reiki.”

  “Done.” He nodded.

  “You’ll work here?” I clasped my hands together and grinned.

  “Of course. I get to get out of the fucking house every day and I get to see you…my new friend.” He threw that last part in there to be slick but I let it slide because he was doing me a huge favor and because he was cute as hell.

  “Thank you, Ezra. You have no idea how much you’re helping me out. It takes me ho
urs to get out of the studio in the evenings. With you helping, I can cut that in half.” Logic told me not to hug him but the rush of happiness coursing through me pushed me against his hard body.

  “You’re a hugger,” he said, patting my back.

  “I am. I’m sorry. I’ll back off.”

  “Nah. Don’t.” He stared at me and my heart sped up. I licked my lips and he honed in on me. His narrowed gaze made it hard to breathe. Did he have to stare at my lips that way? It made me dizzy. “So can you show me exactly what I’ll be doing around here?”

  “Yes. Come with me.” I showed him around the studio first then I showed him how to register new classes, and new one-on-one clients. I also showed him how to check emails and the proper way to clean the studio after sessions.

  “I can’t pay you much but I’ll definitely pay you weekly,” I told him.

  “Anything is fine, Solana. I’m so stuck at home that I’d take five dollars an hour if it meant I got to do something other than stare at my wall.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re stuck in the house. You just moved somewhere new. Get out and explore. Drive around. Come up to the community college and take some classes. Radcliff is small but there’s a ton of stuff to do.”

  “One day when you have a bunch of time to do nothing, I’ll tell you about my mother. Long story short though, I’m not allowed to leave the house while she’s at work. Do I listen? No.”

  “Wait…what?” I laughed. I had to be hearing him wrong. “You’re eighteen, right? You don’t even have to live at home. I mean, you’re still in school but…”

  “I’m not in school anymore.”

  “Right but you know what I mean. Besides school, there’s no reason for you to live at home unless you want to.”

  “Because of my brain trauma I won’t be able to live alone, drive, or do any of the shit I used to do before,” he said. I shook my head in disbelief.

  “Ezra, maybe I’m not understanding the depth of your injury but I’ve been with you most of the day and you seem fine. You actually seem more mature than ninety percent of boys your age.”

  “Not according to my brain.”

  “That’s insane. I can’t wrap my head around that. You seem perfectly capable of handling yourself like anyone else. I know you’re grieving and I know you’re in pain but…”