Defect

by Danielle James

  We worked so well together. I hated that he was so young.

  I never believed in love at first sight but…god. The way my heart reacted when he was around was unmistakable. I knew I’d end up getting hurt when he came out of his depression and realized that there were other beautiful girls in the world. Girls his age who wanted him just the way he was because he was beautiful.

  The thought stung my eyes with tears. I snuggled closer to his warm body and he held me against him. His full lips found the back of my neck and I trembled at how close he was to me. How close his lips were to my skin. My heart thumped in my fingertips.

  Ezra wasn’t something I could have. No matter how happy he made me. No matter how much I clicked with him. He was too young. He wasn’t in the right place in his life and neither was I.

  My ultimate goal was to get custody of Malachi. To adopt him as my own. My dreams were to grow Sun Goddess and watch it flourish. Ezra was only eighteen. He wasn’t ready to be a stepfather. He wasn’t ready to deal with all the dedication and trials that came with owning a business either.

  We would have to wait until next lifetime. It made my stomach flop. I hated how cruel it all was. I knew in the depths of me that he was special. He was the one but he was here too soon. Nothing was right and everything was chaotic for both of us.

  “Shit. What time is it?” Ezra’s sleepy voice rumbled against my back, touching the shells of my ears.

  “Seven,” I said sliding to the other side of the bed. He sat up and rubbed his beautifully drowsy eyes. He looked so damn perfect right then. High cheekbones and thick lashes. I wanted to kiss him so badly. I wanted to get up and make breakfast for him. I wanted to make love to him until it was time for us to open the studio. I wanted his fingers in my hair. I wanted his laugh against my mouth while he cracked jokes.

  “I gotta sneak back across the street.” See? That was why we couldn’t be together. He was still at home. We’d have to sneak around. I was too old for shit like that. Honestly, so was he but he couldn’t see it yet. He couldn’t see that his mother had no real power over him beyond her mind control.

  “Okay,” I nodded. I stared at him and he reached over, curling his fingers around the back of my neck. Flames licked my skin wherever he touched me. I knelt up and made my way to my new favorite place. Being settled in his lap made me feel safe.

  I straddled him and pretended not to feel his impressive dick stabbing into me from below. “Come by the studio later,” I told him pressing my lips against his forehead.

  “I will.” He tugged at my ponytail and I bit my bottom lip. “You smell so fucking good.” His voice was rough enough to slough away all my logic. He pressed my body against his without much effort at all and my hips rocked against his hard dick involuntarily.

  “Thank you,” I said breathlessly.

  “Tell me to go home, Solana,” he begged. His voice was too weak to hold onto resolve.

  “Go home,” I muttered, my eyes falling shut. He drew in a long breath through his nose and I rocked forward slowly, angling his cock right against my aching pussy. I was so full of desire that it hurt. My nipples turned to pebbles, pointing straight at Ezra. They knew what they wanted.

  “Yeah, that’s not working.” His hands slid under my shirt and up my spine.

  “Friends…remember?” I said.

  “Yeah, friends.” I pulled my chin down so that our lips were level and only breaths away from each other. “Fuck, I can’t do this shit,” he said. I knew he was right and I wasn’t making things any easier. I was supposed to be the older more mature one but I was sitting on top of him, grinding like a horny teenager.

  “I know. This is so wrong,” I breathed. Ezra’s grip tightened on me as he slid his hands down to my waist.

  “It is and if you keep moving like that I’m going to come in my shorts.”

  “Okay…I’m gonna get up,” I told him, resting my forehead against his.

  “Please hurry up before I can’t take back what I do to you.”

  I wanted him to do it. Whatever it was. I was ready. My body was ready as fuck.

  As hard as it was, I got up and went into the bathroom. I heard Ezra let out a frustrated growl from my bedroom and I couldn’t have agreed more. I felt the same damn way.

  How was it that out of all the men I’d been with, Ezra was the best sex I’d never had?

  “Yo, Solo. I’m out. I’ll see you later today.” He said from the other side of the bathroom door.

  “Okay,” I said. I pulled the door open and stood on my tiptoes to hug him. He kissed the top of my head and squeezed my ass, making me gasp.

  “I’m sorry,” he smirked. “It was too soft not to. I’m on my best behavior after this as long as you are too.”

  “I am. We had a moment but we’re back. We’re good.”

  “We’re good.” He took a step back and looked at me like he could see every inch of my skin beneath my t-shirt and shorts. My cheeks burned with a hungry smile.

  Get a fucking grip Solana.

  After Ezra left, I called Amaris. I needed an emergency kick-some-sense-into-Solana session. “Why are you calling me this early? Is everything okay?” Amaris asked when she answered the phone.

  “Bitch. Get over here now. Bring stuff for mimosas. I’ll make eggs.”

  “Solana, I don’t want your nasty vegan tofu eggs.”

  “They’re good!” I squeaked.

  “They’re not, sissy. I love you too much to lie to you. I’ll be there in a little while.” I laughed and ended the call then I looked out of the window just in time to see Ezra’s huge body climbing up the side of his house like a goddamn superhero. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned to look over his shoulder. When he saw me, he waved before disappearing into his room.

  God, that boy was going to ruin me.

  I was used to teenagers being obnoxious and shallow but Ezra was deep. He was quiet and thoughtful. He’d experienced life hard and fast and it turned him into a different person.

  I showered and washed my hair while I waited for Amaris to show up. I knew I’d probably see Ezra and his warden of a mother at the studio later today so I got dressed in something nice and simple. I chose a white sundress.

  “Ooh, look at you. Must be dressed for your teenage lover,” Amaris said when I opened the door for her.

  “I can’t look cute for myself?”

  “No. Not this cute. So how did it go last night? What time did he leave? Because I know that’s why you called me over here. I could tell by the way you said bitch.” I hid my face in my hands hoping to find some relief from the burning of my cheeks.

  “He left an hour ago.”

  “Oh my god, Solana please tell me you didn’t have sex with that boy!” Amaris yanked my hands away from my face.

  “I didn’t but we were close. I swear I came at least once from dry humping the fuck out of him.”

  “Dry humping? Are you twelve?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Okay. Let me pour these mimosas.” She cracked open the champagne and the most delicious strawberry orange juice. I couldn’t wait to knock like five of those things back. I didn’t even need the fancy flute. I just wanted the liquor to hit my system.

  Amaris shoved a red Solo cup in my hand and I drank.

  “Details, please and thank you.”

  “Why? You’re going to judge me and tell me I’m ridiculous.”

  “Normally, you’d be right but I saw the way y’all looked at each other last night and at this point I’m waiting for the inevitable.”

  “The inevitable? Amaris, I can’t sleep with Ezra. I mean I absolutely could because he’s really fucking hot but I shouldn’t because he’s only a kid and things are messed up in both of our lives right now.”

  “I know, but you like to live life to the beat of your own drum, Solana. That’s one of the most beautiful and frustrating things about you. Now, what the hell happened between you and Ezra?” After finishing off my first mimosa
, I told her how we stayed up all night long and ended up falling asleep in my bed. I told her how I woke up to his hard dick and how things went left from there.

  “Oh my god. I’m not even mad at you. That’s hot as fuck.”

  “It was. We came to our senses but I should have never gotten that close.”

  “In a perfect world, I’d be rooting for you two but I don’t want you to get hurt Solana. You have to get your shit together. I know it’s hard because if I’m being honest, Ezra is a sweetheart and anyone with eyes can see the boy is fine but trying to be with him isn’t smart.”

  “It’s not. I don’t get why he was put in my life and why he’s so perfect when I can’t have him,” I pouted.

  “Because that’s how shit works out sometimes. He’s going to find someone his age and you’re going to find someone your age. You two will still be friends. I don’t think anyone could keep you away from each other.”

  “Me either,” I chuckled into my nearly empty cup.

  “No more sleepovers,” Amaris said, aiming her finger at me.

  “No more sleepovers. They’re dangerous,” I agreed. I still couldn’t stop thinking about waking up next to Ezra and feeling how big his dick was. Lord. I was going to have to sage my brain because my thoughts were unholy.

  “Listen, Sis, I gotta go. Call me again if you need me to fuss at you and tell you that fucking your eighteen-year-old neighbor is a bad idea.”

  “Will do, Amaris. Please keep checking on that report from CPS.”

  “You know I will. Has Malachi sent you a text?”

  “No. I’m still worried. What if he comes to school on Monday with bruises? I won’t be able to forgive myself for not going over there.”

  “God forbid he comes to school with bruises but if he does he’ll get immediate attention and be temporarily removed from the house.”

  “I’m still waiting on my meeting with a social worker,” I told her.

  “It takes time. Wait on it. It’ll come through.” Amaris rubbed my back then gave me a hug before she left. I had to get ready to open up Sun Goddess anyway. I didn’t hold classes or sessions but I used the weekend as a chance to catch up on administrative work.

  …

  I walked into the yoga studio with Ezra on my mind. I shouldn’t have been concentrating on him while I lit incense and calmed my energy but he wouldn’t move out of my head. I counted down the minutes until I saw him again. I smiled when I saw little notes he left around the studio. I made sure to take them down before he arrived with his mother. I paused when I saw a few sticky notes he left at the tea station.

  It looked like he was coming up with his own recipes. He still hated my tea but from the looks of things, he was trying to improve on my original recipes. My heart leaped high in my chest and I put my hand over it to calm my heartbeat.

  I gathered the small yellow notes in my hand and took them over to the computer. I’d just stashed them in a drawer when I heard a car door close. I looked to the bay window and saw Ezra walking up to the shop with his mother in tow.

  Fuck he looked good.

  He had on a pair of gray sweat pants and a white t-shirt. I had to quickly force my lust down somewhere deep before I greeted him.

  Don’t hug him, Solana.

  I pushed open the glass door and smiled as big as I could at Ezra and Mrs. Fredericks. “Hey guys, I didn’t know you were coming by.” That was a lie. Ezra told me his mother wanted to stop by and check out the studio.

  “Hi, Miss Monroe. Is it Miss or Mrs.?” She asked, eyeing my ring finger. I held my left hand up and wiggled my fingers at her.

  “Miss. I’m single. No husband.”

  “I see. For someone your age, it seems like marriage should be on your mind. How old are you?”

  “Ma’am, I’m sorry what did you stop by for?” I quizzed. I wanted to kindly divert her away from asking probing questions that had nothing to do with Ezra working there.

  “I wanted to get a look at the space and see exactly what you’d have Ezra doing.” She walked around to the main yoga area where I held classes and turned her nose up at the smell of sage and incense.

  Must have been working its magic.

  Sage was notorious for keeping negative energy away. If Mrs. Fredericks felt offended, I considered the sage’s job done.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, why can’t Ezra check out the studio for himself?”

  “Because she’s controlling as hell,” Ezra blurted out with a frown. My eyes snapped to his and he shrugged at me.

  “This is the attitude that you’ll have to deal with, Miss Monroe. His brain won’t let him react like a normal person. Are you sure you want him in your business? I know it had to have taken a while to get this up and running. I’d hate for my son to make it crash and burn with horrible customer service.”

  “Mrs. Fredericks, this space is a space of peace and no judgment. The way you’re speaking isn’t conducive to that. If you want to talk down about Ezra, you’re welcome to step outside my shop to do so. Now, I wouldn’t have offered him a job if I didn’t think he was capable. It’s not rocket science because if it were, I wouldn’t be doing it. If you don’t mind, I’m going to ask you to wait in the car so I can interview Ezra alone.” I looked at her with an unwavering stare and she rolled her eyes at me like I cursed her out.

  “Do you understand that I’m his guardian?” She snapped.

  “If you’re his medical caretaker, you can provide me with paperwork stating that you need to be present during his interview. Otherwise, you can step outside.” I held the front door open for her and she glared at me while she took stiff steps toward the sidewalk. I smiled as I let the door close in her face then I looked at Ezra.

  “I’m sorry. That shit was driving me nuts.”

  “How the fuck do you think I feel? This is every day for me.”

  “Well, you need to move out of that house. You can’t go through that all the time. No wonder your energy is muddled and stuck every time I do Reiki on you. She’s talking to you like you’re incompetent.” I shook my head and slid my fingers through my hair. Ezra watched me then looked over his shoulder at his mother on the sidewalk, peering inside.

  “Come here,” he motioned for me to follow him to the Reiki room. The minute we were completely alone, he bent down and hugged me. I stiffened in his arms but I still drank in his scent. He pulled away and looked at me sheepishly. “Sorry. I forgot. We’re playing things cool,” he said.

  “It’s fine, Ezra. I’d never turn down a hug from you.”

  “I think we should maybe keep the hugs at a minimum right now.”

  “Maybe.” I hated that though. I loved the way he hugged me. His hugs were so slow and deliberate like he wanted to savor every second. He hugged me like he couldn’t wait to sweep me off the ground and bury his face in my neck. For a few guilty seconds, I let the fantasy run through my mind of him kissing my neck while he held me in his big arms.

  “Well, Mr. Fredericks, if you want the job of assistant manager at Sun Goddess Yoga, it’s yours.”

  “Assistant manager?” He quizzed.

  “You heard me.”

  “I thought I was just helping out around here.”

  “You were until I saw your tea recipe ideas. You try those out and if they’re good, we can sell them. If you don’t mind, I’d like your help making them taste less like tree branches,” I laughed.

  “Okay. I got you.” He curled his fingers into his palm and I knew it was because he was resisting the urge to touch me.

  “Plus, if you’re the assistant manager, you’ll get paid more.”

  “Solo, I know you’re not rolling in cash. You don’t have to pay me more.”

  “Look at this.” I pulled up Sun Goddess emails on my phone and showed him where I had two more classes in the studio. “We’re getting a little more money and I’ll gladly pay for good help. Besides, if you can help me with my teas, we’ll bring in even more money.”

  “I
appreciate you. You really have no idea how much.” He said, his voice serious.

  “It’s nothing, Ezra. Just promise me you’ll start saving money to get away from your mother.”

  “Solo, you know I can’t do normal shit. As much as I’m starting to loathe her…I need her.”

  “No,” I said, turning to face him. “You don’t fucking need her. She wants you to think you need her. You don’t. I wish I knew what to do to get you to believe me.” I stood close enough to him to touch the side of his face but I knew better. I knew it would lead to something else. I wanted to kiss him too bad for it to be a simple touch.

  “I’ll save but…I don’t know about living on my own. I can’t even drive.”

  “You can’t drive?” I asked, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. I heard him wrong, right? “Wait, do you not have a license or…”

  “I have a license. After the accident, I can’t drive.”

  “Ezra that’s bullshit. Have you tried?”

  “No.” I felt fire ignite in my core. I had to prove to this beautiful soul that he was capable of so much. He had no idea the things he could do if he was nurtured and not stifled. I took a few deep breaths and looked into those coffee eyes.

  “Can you go tell your mother that I want you to start now and you won’t be needing a ride home?”

  “What? She’s not going to go for that shit.”

  “Okay, I’ll go tell her.” I walked out of the Reiki room with so much purpose and power that my white sundress billowed behind me like smoke at my heels. Ezra followed behind me and stood beside me when I walked outside to speak to his mother. I opened my mouth but he spoke instead.

  “Ma, she wants me to start now.” I looked up at him and smiled pleasantly.

  “Now? No. He can’t. I have to go to work. I’m working a lot of overtime and…”

  “It’s completely Ezra’s decision,” I told her. Ezra swallowed back nervously and then looked his mother in the eye.

  “I’m staying. You can go.”