Defect

by Danielle James

  “We’re both finding ourselves after fucked up situations put us on our ass. He thinks he’s the only broken one.” A dry laugh fell from my lips. “He doesn’t realize how much he’s helped me fix myself after Vince.”

  “Oh my god, Solana,” Amaris whined tipping her head back. “You don’t care about him.”

  “I do,” I said.

  “No, you don’t. You’re in love.” She shut her eyes and muttered a prayer before looking at me again. “Now I have to adjust my thinking to accommodate the fact that love knows no boundaries and as long as he’s legal there’s nothing wrong with you loving him. I hate having my thinking challenged.” She took a long drink and sighed. I nibbled on my bottom lip and slid closer to her, laying my head on her shoulder.

  “I love you, sissy.”

  “I know. You’re still a pain in my ass but I can’t do anything about you being in love. I tried to talk some sense into you but now you’ve jumped head first into it. There’s no pulling you back.” That was Amaris, in a nutshell, she was a hard ass but she always meant well and she was never rigid in her beliefs. I guess having a flower child for a little sister will make you constantly change the way you think.

  “So…was he a virgin?” She asked me with raised eyebrows. I poured more mimosas and laughed.

  “Absolutely not. He blew my back out and broke my bed.”

  “He did what?”

  “You heard me,” I laughed. “He was far from a virgin and the way he uses his tongue…” I waved my hand in the air and sighed. “That’s all I’m going to say about it.”

  “Well, shit. I was sure he was going to be a virgin. Now that I think about it though…”

  “He’s too fine to be a virgin.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t want you to bite my head off for saying it,” she chuckled.

  “Those little high school girls taught him something because he’s not lacking anywhere.” I pressed my thighs together thinking about how expertly he handled my body. I already wanted more.

  Amaris stayed and talked with me for a few hours before she left. I had to make sure she was sober first though. Once she left, I went to Sun Goddess and found Ezra already there. He was busy in the tea corner with several different cups in a line on the tea table. He looked over his shoulder when I walked in.

  “What’s up?”

  “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming up here.” I wrapped my arms around his middle and he turned around to hug me back. The hug between us was so different now that we’d crossed the line. It was full of unspoken words that didn’t need translation anymore. He picked me up and I giggled happily against his neck. He smelled like Irish Spring and I wanted to lick him.

  So I did.

  “You better keep your fucking tongue in your mouth unless you want me to take you in that back room.” I locked my legs around his waist and he pulled back to look at me. He looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world and it made my head spin. He leaned in to kiss me softly and I nibbled on his tongue.

  I wasn’t going to get any fucking work done today.

  “What are you working on?” I asked, forcing myself to stop kissing him.

  “Tea mixes. I think I have them perfected. They’ll be ready to sell tomorrow.”

  “Good. Figure out a name.”

  “For the teas?”

  “For the teas and for your business. Ezra, can I gift you something?” I asked, toying with his long fingers. I loved his hands. His palms were so wide and his fingers were thick and long and the way they felt inside of me was euphoric.

  “Business?” He quizzed.

  “I want to gift you an LLC. I’ll pay for it you promise you’ll keep growing your business. That’s if you want to work on tea. If that’s not your thing then let me know what is your thing. I’ll buy you an LLC.”

  “You’re serious?” He quizzed. His face brightened and his eyes twinkled like they did whenever he was happy. I could feel energy buzzing around him.

  “I’m serious. Amaris purchased my first LLC for me and she helped me get Sun Goddess. I didn’t do it on my own. After I fled from Vince I went to her house. I was a mess, Ezra.” I shook my head at the memory. “I was broken and not just physically. My mind was broken. I thought something was wrong with me. I’d never been in an abusive relationship. I didn’t understand why someone I thought I loved would do something like that to me…to his own son. He eviscerated my self-image.” I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at Ezra.

  “I…can’t picture you broken and defeated, Solo. You’re so resilient and smart and always happy. You’re my sunflower.” He kissed the back of my hand and my heart exploded with warmth and love.

  “It happens when someone is constantly telling you that you’re nothing. That you need them because you couldn’t survive on your own without them.” I hoped Ezra realized how familiar everything sounded. He narrowed his eyes and nodded at me. “Amaris let me crash with her but she wouldn’t let me wallow in self-pity. I got a job teaching yoga classes at the college and the dean told me my sessions were so popular that I should open up my own studio.

  When I talked to Amaris about it, she agreed and told me she’d match whatever I made teaching classes at the college. We put every single penny into opening Sun Goddess. My point is, Ezra, I wouldn’t have any of this without her help. Now I want to pay it forward to you.”

  “Damn. I had no idea, Solana. Here I was thinking you got all this on your own and pulled yourself up after your fucked up relationship.”

  “Nope. That’s why when I hear you talk about being broken I feel so close to you. I told you, if you have irreversible brain trauma, so do I. I used to have nightmares about Vince coming to find me or killing Malachi. I watched the news religiously, looking to hear a story about a man losing his shit and killing himself and his son. You pulled me out of that. I’ll never stop worrying about Malachi but with you around, I’m at peace.”

  He reached over and curled his fingers around the back of my neck. Whenever he did that, I tingled all over.

  “You’re too good for me,” he said before kissing my lips. “I have this fear…” He swallowed and his Adam’s apple wobbled a bit in his throat. I didn’t know what he was about to say but I could feel its weight hovering over us. “That you’re too good for me and that I’ll break you because I’m so fucked up.” He lowered his head and looked down at our fingers intertwined. “That’s why I was so good at staying away from you because I was scared I’d stain you with my dirty hands.”

  “Oh my god, Ezra. No.” I cupped his face in my hands and shook my head. “The only reason I didn’t want our relationship to change was because you’re so young. You have so much life to live and we’re in different places.”

  “Too different to make it work?” His voice was full of hope and sadness at the same time. I sucked in a deep breath and quieted every raging thought inside of myself. I had to give some thought to what was happening between us.

  “There’s only one way to find out, Ezra. I’m, going to be honest with you. If we’re going to be together, it’s going to be hard as fuck. I think we should put everything on the table and make a decision based on that. Our two biggest things to reconcile are your mother and Malachi.”

  “I don’t mind Malachi. I want you to adopt him. I think it would be fucking fantastic. Every kid should get the chance to grow up with someone like you, Solana. You’re like a burst of fresh air and positivity.” I smiled at his words. He was so sweet sometimes. I didn’t want to imagine what life would be like without him. I wanted us to work no matter how hard it would be. Nothing worth having came easy.

  “You know, if I adopt him eventually and we’re together that…”

  “I’m going to have to step up in his life too. I get it. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about that.”

  “What if we survive everything, Ezra? That means I’ll be Malachi’s mom. It means you’ll be…”

  “His dad? His step-dad? Whatev
er the situation is, Solana as long as it comes with you I’ll take it.”

  “It’s easy to say that now, but when you have a little person that needs attention in the middle of the night or new shoes and clothes every three months when you want to buy yourself things…” I paused and took a deep breath. “Ezra, there’s a reason why it’s not smart for teenagers to become parents. And even if you were a phenomenal father figure to him I’d feel like you missed out on getting to be care-free.”

  “I was care-free for a long time. My whole fucking life, Solana.” I hated feeling like I was tearing him away from life just because I wanted him. Was I that selfish?

  “Let’s ride this out right now. Let’s cross our bridges when we get to them.”

  “That’s fine but I want to know what you feel about my brain injury. Right now, my mother is taking care of me and I know that doesn’t sit well with you.” He was right but I didn’t know how far to push that topic before he got defensive.

  I walked to the main yoga area and unrolled a mat quietly. Ezra followed me and unrolled a mat next to mine. We sat quietly while I pulled strength from the universe to talk to him about his mother.

  “Solo,” he called out to me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. “What’s going through your mind?”

  “I’m trying to figure out how to talk to you about your mother. We can go back and forth all day about figuring out how to handle things with Malachi but your mother is a different beast.”

  “I know having to help someone with brain damage isn’t what you signed up for. This is what I meant about breaking you. Do you know how much time and patience it takes to deal with me when I have an outburst?”

  I put my hand on his and shook my head. There was so much he still didn’t see. “Ezra, you’ve never had an outburst with me. Even when you get angry, you don’t have outbursts. You’re not violent and you’re not incapable of doing normal things. I lived with someone who had violent outbursts. You’re nothing like him. You have such a gentle soul. You have the most beautiful energy I’ve ever experienced. Getting angry is normal. Don’t let your mother convince you otherwise.”

  “But I’ve snapped at you before. I felt like shit for it too.”

  “You snapped at me. Okay?” I shrugged my shoulders and moved over to him to sit in his lap. Sometimes I got through to him better when I was right on top of him. It didn’t have anything to do with sex but when I could make him focus on nothing but my eyes, he heard me.

  “Ezra, that wasn’t a violent outburst. A violent outburst is when you get home from work and the house is a mess so you break my jaw. A violent outburst is when you get irritated with a child for crying so you hit him then you hit me for protecting him and break three of my ribs. A violent outburst is chasing me through the house threatening to kill me.” I let the tears fall as I relived my most terrifying moments with Vince. Ezra wiped them away and kissed my cheeks. “I’d take you snapping over all of that any day, okay? You’re not a monster. Don’t try to fit into that box. It’s not made for you.”

  “Then why do I feel like such a monster? Why do I feel like I’m not capable of making a woman like you happy?”

  “Because you live with someone who constantly pumps toxic thoughts into your head. How are you supposed to ever grow beyond what your mother says you can’t do? Ezra, I wish you could see all the beauty in yourself that you see in me. It’s there. I’d do anything to bring it out and lay it flat for you to look at. You should fall in love with yourself the same way I’m falling for you.”

  “You’re falling for me?” The corners of his mouth lifted in a gentle smile that warmed me from the core. The feeling blossomed in my belly and I savored every bit of it.

  “I am. I can’t help it. You don’t see what I see and sometimes it makes me sad, but you’re amazing.”

  “If you say it then it must be true.” He squeezed my sides and my thighs pulsed.

  “I’m not incapable of lying but I know what I feel.” I touched his ear and then brought my nails down his neck. The noise he made turned everything between my legs wet. “You have to get away from your mother so you can spread your wings, Ezra. She’s keeping you from reaching your full potential. You know I’m not trying to drive a wedge between you and her but…”

  “You know what you feel,” he chuckled. I nodded my head and then kissed his throat. “I’ll figure out how to put distance between me and my mother.” His breathing grew shallow and his cock turned to steel beneath me.

  I kissed his neck more, sliding down to his collarbones. His skin was so smooth and soft and he tasted so fresh. I couldn’t get enough of him. I knew I shouldn’t have been on him like that. Not in the middle of my studio with so many windows around but Ezra was my drug of choice and now that I finally let him into my veins, nothing was going to keep me from him. With my hands on his chest, I felt his heart chakra pulsing to life. It fed me unlike any food ever could.

  “Ezra, do I make you happy?” I asked against his mouth.

  “You make me feel at peace. You make me feel normal. You take away the pain.” He kissed me and I shut my eyes, pressing my palms against his chest harder. My hands heated and I felt his chest warm beneath my touch.

  I wanted to take all his pain away even if it was only for a little while. I pulled away from his soft lips to press a kiss against his forehead. “Let’s not show Radcliff how nasty we can get.” I pointed to the windows and he laughed with a nod.

  “I do have condoms, by the way.”

  “Oh?” I stood up and looked at Ezra’s rock hard cock stretching from his sweatpants. How was I supposed to concentrate with that thing pointed at me?

  “Yeah.” He stood up then grabbed my hips, pressing his erection against me.

  “I think I need your help with something in the Reiki room.”

  “I could definitely use a session,” he smirked. I giggled and ran off toward the back room. When Ezra caught me, he closed the door, locked it, and pinned me with his deep brown gaze.

  “Show me where you need help,” I purred.

  “I feel really stiff right here.” He gripped his big dick and I felt my stomach flop looking at how thick it was. I lowered to my knees, unable to contain the need to feel him in my mouth. I looked up in time to see him treat my eyes by lifting his t-shirt. I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his sweats and tugged them down with his underwear until his dick bounced out heavily. I licked my lips and wrapped my fingers around it. I couldn’t close my hand around his girth if I wanted to.

  “Feels like your energy is flowing perfectly right here.” A smile lifted one side of my mouth.

  “Oh yeah? I can’t tell.”

  “I can help you feel it flow.” I stroked the head of his cock with my tongue before plunging as much of him in my mouth as I could. My lips stretched around him, easing more in.

  “Fuck, Solana…” he hissed between clenched teeth. I cupped his balls in my hand and stroked them gently while I bobbed up and down on his dick. He gathered my hair in a ponytail at the back of my head and I slurped while I licked my way down his shaft.

  “Fuck my mouth,” I moaned looking up at him. Saliva dripped from my lips and Ezra looked at me like he wanted to maul me.

  “You shouldn’t say shit like that,” he warned.

  “Why not?” I asked in between licks to his sensitive head.

  “Because I might lose control.”

  “Lose control, Ezra. I’m a big girl. Fuck my mouth.” I dragged my nails down his muscular thighs and he thrust into my mouth, making me gag. I loved it though. I loved the way my throat muscles contracted around him and made him groan then thrust harder.

  I wanted him to lose control to see how good it could feel. How it could do wonders for his energy to not be so guarded all the fucking time.

  When I felt his fingers in my hair, gripping and pulling while he fucked my mouth hard and fast, I was in heaven. My pussy was so wet I reached between my legs and massaged my aching clit to relieve s
ome of the pressure that had built up.

  “You look so fucking pretty on your knees, touching yourself.” His voice was rough and deep it sent chills down my spine. “Come here,” he pulled me up by my hair and I whimpered at the prickle of pain dancing across my scalp. He took my fingers in his mouth and stared in my eyes while he tasted how wet I was.

  “Is your pussy this wet from sucking my dick, Solana?” I nodded, tucking my bottom lip between my teeth. Nerves bounced around my stomach while I stared up at his impossible size. He made me feel so tiny. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. “I did that?” He shoved his huge hand between my legs and cupped my pussy letting two of his long fingers slip deep inside of me. I shut my eyes and my knees buckled. “I did this?” He asked, pulling his fingers away and stretching my wetness between his fingertips. It was clear and slippery. He marveled at it.

  “You did it all, Ezra. You make me so fucking wet.”

  “Bend that sexy ass over for me,” he instructed in a gruff voice. Timidly, I bent over the Reiki table. Ezra shoved my sundress up around my waist and slid his dick along my slit until I trembled with anticipation. I heard him tear into a condom and my stomach clenched.

  When he penetrated me, my toes curled in my sandals and my eyes rolled in the back of my head. “I almost came in your mouth but I can’t stay out of your pussy, Solo.”

  “I wanted to taste your cum though,” I pouted and gripped the edge of the Reiki table.

  “Later. I’ll fill your pretty mouth up, I promise.” I moaned and called on the lord because Ezra started pounding me like we didn’t spend all night fucking and it was our first time. All my thoughts became superfluous but one and that was how good he felt inside of me.

  I hated the barrier of the condom but I knew if he didn’t wear one I’d end up pregnant because our energy was that fucking potent. We’d bring a new life into this world with no problems. We weren’t ready for that yet.

  “Oh. My. God,” I whined. My voice bounced around in my chest from his punishing strokes. When I was on top of him, I was in control but when he fucked me from behind like that, he was in charge and he was wielding his dick like a goddamn scepter.