Being Jolene

by Caitlin Kerry

  “No,” I told Ty. “Leave me here for the animals.”

  Ty sighed and tried to hide the laughter in his voice. “Jo, I promise this is almost over.”

  “I don’t believe you.” Because right now, this spot was perfect and I couldn’t move my body anyways because it had met its match and it was the dirt path that looked like a fun time but was really hills and rough terrain and kicked my ass. Yeah, this spot? This cool grassy spot was perfect. No reason to move. I would just eat the grass around me and make friends with the squirrel eyeing the dandelion currently tickling my nose.

  “If you get up I will give you a present when we get back.”

  I was tempted. I did like presents. I only grunted in response though. Next thing I know I was being picked up under my arms and set on my feet. Ty’s warm hands held me on my upper arms. My legs killed and my feet felt like led. I missed the grass, even if things were crawling on me.

  “I’m not going to carry you Jo. This isn’t a chick flick.”

  I frowned because the idea of being carried did sound kind of nice right now. Ty gave me a small laugh and moved his arms up to my shoulders, slightly rubbing them. It felt so nice and took away the thoughts from my tired legs.

  “Remember what I said?” he said softly to me, whispering in my ear. His voice was as calm and serene as the landscape. I felt it sweep through me, soft and soothing like honey, as it cleared my head.

  “One foot in front of the other,” I replied.

  He tucked a piece of hair that had stuck to my sweaty forehead. “Exactly.” He turned around and slowly started jogging. I followed. I always did.

  Over the hill we went, to only find out that was the last hill. Mother Fucker. I was literally only about a hundred feet from the trailhead.

  “I told you. Look how close you were,” Ty said.

  He was right. So close. I was out of breath, sweaty and thinking I never wanted to do that again.

  “Where’s my present?” I asked Ty. Damnit, I went over that hill and I wanted my present.

  Ty chuckled as he started to walk up the porch.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” I asked him.

  “To get your present.” In my cabin? Was it a shower? With him in it?

  Oh hell, I didn’t need those thoughts right now.

  I followed him in my small cabin. It was an A-frame with the front of it the small living room and to the right an open kitchen. The back wall was my bedroom, the bathroom and washer dryer, a wall separating each section. Ty moved to the kitchen and started to pull out pots and pans.

  “My kitchen is already clean, so that can’t be my present.”

  “Good observation.” Ty replied. Was that sarcasm I detected? I did respond to that like it was my second language. Most days it was my first.

  “I’m making you breakfast. Is that cool?” he asked me. I was slightly taken back. Why? Because I never had a man make me breakfast. I had either already left the morning after or made sure they left before that. Though, thinking back, no one had ever offered to make breakfast. Ty was not only offering, but also asking if it was okay and this wasn’t even a morning after deal.

  “Yeah. It’s cool,” I said quietly. I was out of my element in so many ways I had lost count. I was at the point where I was about to give up on relying on what I knew and going with the flow.

  Ty was busy putting a bunch of veggies into whipped up eggs and pouring the egg mixture in a pan. “Do you like it here so far?” he asked me.

  I was in a cabin in the woods underneath these tremendous mountains, and there was a handsome guy cooking me breakfast with no pressure for sex or a relationship. It was different, but not bad. I smiled. “I do. It’s nice.”

  He nodded and went back to the eggs. “What’s the one thing you want to do this summer?”

  I hadn’t really thought of that. “I don’t know.”

  He stopped and turned around to face me. “What do you mean you don’t know? Everyone that’s a seasonal worker comes up here with some kind of idea of what they want to do.”

  “Nope, not me. This was kind of a last minute thing for me. I didn’t have a lot of time for research.”

  “Huh,” Ty said, giving me a perplexed look.

  “I’m also not really an ‘outdoor’ person. That’s more of my best friend’s gig.”

  Ty stood there.

  “Um, I think the eggs are burning,” I told him.

  My words took him out of his daze and he turned around to the pan.

  “You say you’re not an outdoor type person, but does that mean you haven’t had the opportunity or the idea of dirt and bugs freaks you out?”

  “I’m willing to try everything once. I don’t mind dirt. I usually take the hot tub in the cabin over the hike to the top of the mountain.”

  Ty expertly flipped the eggs. “But the great thing about that statement, is you can have the best of both worlds. You can hike and see amazing views only a fraction of the population get’s to see and then you get to come back and enjoy the hot tub. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Here in the great outdoors, in most cases, you can have your cake and eat it too.”

  I had never thought of it that way. I smiled, liking that outlook. “How would I go about that then? Making sure I experience everything this valley has to offer me?” I grabbed two plates and set them on the table.

  Ty took the eggs and put them on each plate as he said, “That’s the easy part, because lucky for you I happen to know this swell guy that is a great guide to everything in this valley.”

  “Oh really?” I said in a throaty tone, a slip of Sexy Jolene coming out. Crap, I needed her to stay away; she was way too frisky for Ty.

  I could tell what I said affected Ty as he tensed up but with a small smile on this face. “I do.” And then slowly his deep voice he said, “He is dashing, handsome and great with his hands.” Then it was my turn to feel tingles spread through my body, like his words were promises I couldn’t wait to cash in on.

  “I might have to take you up on that offer.” Stop it Sexy Jolene. Seriously, stop it.

  “I’ll count on it.” We sat at the table and ate our eggs. Our legs were touching underneath the table as we sat close to each other. I could feel our skin touching between us and honestly it was something I was used to, those first feelings of the unknown and the high it gave you. All the possibilities in front of you. Could this person rock your world with a simple smile or would it be a slow burn as your took your time discovering each other, usually with clothes off.

  It was all a game and one I liked to play.

  I felt the tension between Ty and I. It was potent and in your face, but I could tell there was something different because usually I was attracted to the unknown, the mystery behind what would happen with a guy. Once I found out I usually didn’t last long. With Ty, I simply enjoyed being around him; his company was nice and comforting. As long as I kept the boundaries clear and my hormones in check, I should be fine.

  Ty left shortly after eggs and I went into work, looking forward to another hellish run in the morning.

  ***

  There was a sound coming outside my window. I looked at my clock and saw it was one in the morning. Whatever was out there had woken me. I sat up in my bed and looked to my right out the window, slightly afraid at what I would find. This part of Idaho was known for many animals such as bears, elk, foxes and mountain cats. When I looked out the window instead I found something I was not expecting. A black cat, his head crocked, pawing my window. I opened the window and the cat jumped right in, landing in my bed. I sat in the bed staring at the cat, not sure what to make of it. Was this cabin the cat’s home? The cat slumped on the end of the bed and licked a paw and then closed his little kitty eyes. Odd.

  I closed the window and laid back down. Looks like the cat was going to stay. I quickly fell back asleep, the warm cat cuddly at the bottom of the bed.

  I woke later in the morning to something batting at my head. Repeatedl
y. I tried to push what ever it was away but ended up hitting soft fur. I opened my eyes to find the black cat from the night before looking at me, a paw raised, about to bat at me again.

  What the hell? I sleepily reached for my phone and snapped a pic of the cat, sending it to June. I laughed when she immediately texted me back

  June: Fucking Cats.

  June had had a bad experience with a cat awhile back and now hated the animals. It was understandable.

  Jolene: This cat is kind of an asshole.

  It was true. What cat bats someone’s head first thing in the morning? Didn’t cats know better to bat the hand that might feed you? The cat slowly put its paw down but continued with the stare down.

  My phone dinged again.

  June: All cats are assholes.

  Jolene: I’ve decided to name the cat Sir Cupcake. I bet in another cat life it was best friends with Mrs. Sprinkles.

  The only thing I got back from June was an angry face emoticon with fire coming out of its little yellow head.

  After that passive aggressive text I got another one from her saying,

  June: How’s it going up there?

  Jolene: Good.

  June: One word answer? Invasive Jo. What’s his name?

  Stupid best friend who knew me all to well. I called her on the phone and she picked up on the first ring.

  “Really, Jo? What’s his name and how long will this one last?”

  I sighed. Without June up here, I thought for just a second I could pretend I wasn’t a serial dater. That this was only a friend thing but she knew me better. June knew I enjoyed men in and out of bed, mostly in bed.

  I finally answered her. “Ty. His name is Ty. It’s the lumberjack from Caleb’s apartment.”

  “Small world.”

  “I know.” I wasn’t giving too much away. I wasn’t ready yet to talk it out yet. I still had to process it in my mind.

  June knew there was a sexy lumberjack I had ran into but at the time I didn’t have a name to go with the beard and the memorizing hazel eyes. SL was the code name for him, you know, Sexy Lumberjack but that was the day I decided to come up here to the sticks and SL was forgotten.

  “Caleb asked about you.” June said, changing the subject. I groaned as I put my hand over my eyes. I was sure Caleb had asked about me. He had also called me every few days and usually between calls I got texts from him asking me to call him. Part of the reason I had left was because I was trying to get away from him. He needed more than I could give, as shitty as that sounded. I wasn’t proud of myself. I knew that together we were dynamic in bed, but outside of it? We couldn’t save each other. Together we would only crash and burn. I hoped one day he saw that. I was not the girl for him.

  “What did you tell him?” I asked June.

  “That you would be gone all summer. We want to come up and visit but it’s hard with the store to have someone cover it. Right now we only have Reece and I, Hannah and a couple other girls I hired.”

  “No, don’t worry about it June. It’s only a summer. I’ll be back before the first snow flies in Boise.”

  “What happened between you and Caleb? Besides all the time you guys spent in bed.”

  I rolled my eyes at June, even if she couldn’t see me. “That about sums it up June. He wanted more. I left.”

  “Stop acting strong and callous Jo. It’s okay if you cared about him.” June was a hopeless romantic and thought everyone deserved their own fairy tale. That ideal had only increased since Reece had swept her off her feet.

  I, on the other hand, was more realistic.

  Have fun, life is short.

  Know that nothing lasts forever and usually in the end, it will screw you over. If you don’t take the time to get to that point, there is less heartbreak in life. So far, that had worked for me and I was sticking to it.

  June piped up again, “Listen, I don’t really know what the deal is between you and Caleb. And sounds like you will have company with Ty, the sexy lumberjack. Maybe you should keep your mind open on this one.”

  My response to June was cut short when I heard a loud kitty cry. I looked up and saw him again in his creepy stance staring at me.

  “Sir Cupcake needs me.”

  June laughed into the phone. “I’m sure that asshole cat needs you. Way to use the devil creature as an excuse. I love you, Jo. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  I hung up and went to feed my new friend.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Jolene

  “I was able to escape the barren land where I once was. Being up here though, reminded me the past always knew where to find you. Our demons followed us, hunting for it’s next victim.”- From the diary of Maggie Brown, July 1981

  We had two weddings this week and the bar needed to be stocked. My head was wrapped around inventory and how many bottles we needed of Merlot when I heard a tap behind me. I spun around in the empty bar, knowing we were closed and it could only be a server trying to get my attention.

  Except, when I spun around there was a man. A blonde man. I never trusted blondes. Dirty blondes? Those I made an exception for but this man with his white blonde hair instantly gave me the creep vibes.

  “Sorry, we’re closed,” I told the man. Sometimes this happened, people wondering in for a drink before noon.

  The man gave me a suave smile as he leaned on the bar with one arm. Yeah, I never really trusted blonde men. They seemed so smug.

  “I’m not looking for a drink,” he stated.

  I paused. Wait. Was he hitting on me? I looked around and behind me to see if a server was standing by, maybe this was a prank. The girls were on me to find my “summer hook-up” and I wouldn’t put it past them to send this guy in to hit on their lonely boss.

  “Well, lunch is being served in the dinning room and the bar opens at four. Feel free to come back then.” I turned around and went back to counting wine bottles.

  “JoJo,” he said. I stopped, frozen in spot. For a second I felt like I couldn’t breathe. No one called me JoJo. Except for one person.

  I slowly turned around and sat down the clipboard. I put both hands on the bar and leaned over to the mysterious blonde. “Who are you?”

  He had to know something. This was no coincidence.

  His suave and smug smile never left his wide face. Some would say he was handsome with classic preppy looks. If it hadn’t been for the blonde hair, he would’ve been my type. Though, right now the chills running through my body and the bad vibe I could feel in the air made me rethink of what my type was.

  He stood up straight and put out his hand, “I’m Troy.”

  I didn’t take his hand, but repeated my question. “Who. Are. You?”

  He took his hand back and put it in his pocket. “I’m in need of your services. I would like to commission you for a few paintings. Oil paintings if at possible.”

  What the fuck.

  Each time he opened his mouth, I felt like I was drenched in ice. I didn’t do oil paintings anymore and there was no reason for this man to ask specifically for one.

  “You need to leave,” I told him. Now. He needed to leave now because I didn’t know if this was a sick joke but I was done.

  I turned away again, but his hand struck out and caught me by my arm. I snapped it away from him and looked him in the eye.

  “Leave. I don’t know who you are or what you want but you need to get out.”

  He sighed. “I wish I could, but I can’t. I need an oil painting. Whatever you want to paint. We would be pleased with anything, as long as it is a Jolene Hayes original.”

  “We?” I said so softly I wondered if he heard me. I continued, “Please tell me who you are.”

  “Hello sister,” he said, like it was no big deal.

  Shock. I was lightheaded and my hands clenched the bar top as they turned white. I was taking in shallow, quick breathes. This could only be shock. He didn’t let me speak though.

  “Your mother wants a painting. I’m her stepson. My
dad married your mother a while back and heard you were in the area.”

  I still couldn’t speak because none of this was real. The information he threw at me was not real. My mother left me when I was five and again when I was twelve. She was in Las Vegas, an anchor for the news channel there, but that was the last I had heard from her. She broke my heart twice and I wasn’t going to let her break it again.

  “In the area?” I said, repeating the last of his words. We were in the middle of Idaho and pretty isolated.

  “We live over the pass in Topaz.”

  Topaz was the rich and snooty part of the state, where there was high class skiing. Mostly those who lived there were from California or celebrities.

  “How long has my mother been married?” I asked Troy. I was on autopilot, spewing words, not really aware of what I was saying.

  “Oh, I would say for about ten years. We’ve lived in Topaz for almost eight years.”

  This situation was becoming too much, because if what Troy was saying was right, that meant my mother had only been a few hours away from me since I was in high school and never made any contact with me.

  “Jolene,” Troy started. “I know this comes to you as a shock. The reason she isn’t here is because we thought this would be easier to handle if I stopped by-”

  “No,” I stopped him, “the reason she isn’t here is because she’s a coward. She’s trying to fuck with my mind. Asking for an oil painting? That’s her playing head games. As much as you think she truly wants to reconnect with her long lost daughter? Well, it’s all bullshit. I won’t do it. She wants something from me? She better show her face rather than sending her stepson. And you’re not my brother. You’re a stranger and don’t ever forget it.”

  I promptly spun around and walked out of the bar. I had no idea if he left or not, but I was all sorts of done with that fucked up situation. The rest of the shift I was in a daze, trying to make it through. My mind was a million miles away, in the past as the memory of my mother was thrown at me, catching me off guard. I knew people were talking to me, but all I saw was mouths moving. Nothing was computing in my brain. I shook my head yes and no throughout the day but really had no idea what was going on.