The Smudger

by Angeline Trevena

  “Saji!” I called out.

  “You’d be doing the best for her, and you’d be able to take comfort in that knowledge.”

  “Saji!” I screamed. I saw his head emerge from the guest lounge past Mrs Rido. “Liberation!” I shouted.

  Mrs Rido grabbed hold of my wrist, her grip like that of a gorilla.

  “You know it’s the only choice.” Her face was up into mine, her eyes ablaze with intensity. “I have officers on their way to collect her, you won’t get away. They’re already outside.”

  “Let go!” I screamed, wrenching my arm free. I shoved her, hard, as I ran past, and I didn’t look back. I grabbed the bags I’d filled earlier from inside the door of the guest lounge, and followed Saji and Omori out of the front door.

  “We need to go, now!” I yelled.

  Saji lifted Omori into his arms and ran. I followed, with both bags bouncing against my back. I didn’t know if there really were officers on their way, but we weren’t going to be here to find out.

  19

  KIOTO

  “I’ve never seen her sleep so soundly,” I said.

  Tian grinned. “I slipped her a couple of sleeping pills.”

  “Good thinking. Bless her, I can’t even imagine how awful an existence that must be.”

  “Yeah, right. It’s bad enough living with your own bad memories, let alone everyone else’s.” He was quiet for a moment. “What do you want her for anyway?”

  “That’s none of your business,” I snapped.

  He held his hands up defensively.

  “You’re right, it’s none of my business. I was just curious.”

  “Where did you learn to do that, anyway?” I asked, gesturing towards Malia.

  “My dad’s a doctor, well, a consultant,” Tian replied. “That’s why I was at the hospital yesterday. I was going to be a doctor too. Did a few years of medical school before dropping out.”

  “And becoming a memory merchant? Bet your dad was really proud of you.”

  Tian smiled grimly. “Practically disowned me. I mean, I still live in his house, but we barely speak, and when we do, it’s more like forced politeness.”

  “How on earth does someone go from training to be a doctor, following in their father’s footsteps, to dropping out of society’s approval to become a merchant?”

  “Well, you may not believe it, but my mum was actually a colony trader.”

  I turned around on the bed to face him. “Really?”

  He nodded. “Yep. My grandparents still are. They tried to teach me all the old, traditional stuff, but I wasn’t a very good student. I was too interested in modern life. Modern life, friends, going out. Girls. But they must have inspired me somehow.”

  “What about your mum? Is she still a trader?”

  “She’s dead.”

  I felt my face flush. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged. “It’s ok, it happened when I was really young. She’d already left the colony, and was practising as a merchant, but her scars,” he raised his hand to his eye, “marked her out. She was beaten to death on the streets one night. I was four years old. My father and grandparents raised me.”

  I laid my hand over my heart. “My heart aches for you.” The standard response was out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I’m sorry. Old habits...”

  “That’s ok.”

  “It’s not though. I really mean it, I’m sorry, and spouting some canned response doesn’t convey any kind of sorrow or sincerity.”

  “Why do you guys do that?”

  “Make up standard responses to things?” I thought for a moment. “I dunno. Maybe so many bad things have happened to traders over the centuries that it just became an easier way to deal with it.”

  Tian nodded and looked down at his hands in his lap.

  “So what made you take on a job like this?” I asked. “Or is this all in a day’s work for you?”

  “Wow, no. I guess... I just couldn’t turn it down. I really needed the money.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, sure.”

  “No, really. Remember I said my father practically disowned me? He tolerates my presence out of a sense of duty, but I really need to get a place of my own. Trouble is, they don’t come cheap. I don’t want to rely on him for anything. And the last thing I want is to end up like him; bitter, alone, miserable. If I stay living with him, I’m afraid that’s the inevitable outcome. I’d die before I ended up like him.”

  “I can’t understand how he can treat you with such flippancy, after he raised you alone, after he lost his wife—”

  “They weren’t married, my mum and dad. They weren’t really even a couple. Their relationship was on and off for years. Sometimes mum actually lived with dad, but, according to my grandparents, she could never stand it for too long, and kept running back to the colony. I get the feeling that it was never particularly serious between them. Just familiar and comfortable, I guess.”

  I nodded slowly, not sure what to say next. The silence hung between us for a moment, angular and uncomfortable.

  “What made you take the job?” Tian finally asked.

  I glanced over at Malia. “I needed the money.”

  “How much did you pay for her?”

  I rolled my eyes. “500.”

  “Wow, someone saw you coming.”

  I shrugged. “I think she’ll be worth it.”

  “But you’re not going to tell me what for.”

  I shook my head. It wasn’t something I dared to say out loud, in case I’d been mistaken, in case I, somehow, made it untrue simply by telling someone else.

  “So how would your brood mother deal with you taking on ripped jobs like this?”

  “I don’t have a brood mother.”

  “Which colony do you belong to?”

  I shook my head. “None.”

  “A rogue?”

  “Definitely not,” I snapped.

  Tian held his hands up. “Ok, touchy subject. Is there a subject with you that isn’t touchy or clandestine?”

  I dropped back onto the bed and laced my hands behind my head. “What would you like to talk about? My tragic past? My hellish childhood? My abandonment issues?”

  “Alright, alright, we’ll avoid talking about anything to do with you then.”

  I rolled over onto my side and looked up at him. “Have you ever thought about joining a colony?”

  He laughed. “I like my creature comforts too much. I’m just not designed for roughing it.”

  “I guess it’s all I’ve ever known.”

  “Have you ever thought about leaving it all behind?”

  “For what? What else is there for me?” I pushed back my hair to show my scars. “The world will only ever see these three lines. I’ll never be anything else. You know that well enough.”

  Tian nodded. “I guess I do.”

  20

  KIOTO

  We left Miyakata at first light, stopping off for supplies, and then walking out through the suburbs before the rest of the world woke up. It was the only time to do it; a trader with a carrier and a merchant trailing behind them would have brought far too much attention.

  I turned around as we left the last few buildings of Miyakata behind us.

  “Aren’t you going to catch a bus, or something?” I called to Tian.

  “Nope. It’s a nice day, I fancy the walk.”

  I looked up at the heavy clouds above us. The wind was already damp, and rain wasn’t far off.

  “Yeah, lovely,” I said. “If you’re going to walk, can you at least come and walk with us, instead of trailing behind like you’re stalking us?”

  “No can do,” he replied with a grin. “We’re not meant to travel together, remember?”

  “I can’t have you walking behind us like that. It’s making me nervous.”

  “Me too,” said Malia with a giggle. I looked at her. It was the first time I’d seen her smile.

  “How’s your head feeling today?” I asked her. />
  She touched the bandages with her fingertips. “Much better. He did a good job.”

  “He did, didn’t he?”

  “I’d almost forgotten what kindness was like.”

  I nodded. “I know. But you’re never going to be used like that again, and we’re going to find a way to get all those memories out of you too.”

  “They get heavy,” she said. “It’s not too bad when I first wake up, I can push them to one side. But they get louder, and bigger, and heavier through the day, and then I don’t know which are mine and which aren’t anymore.”

  “I know.” As I nodded, I could feel the scratch moving up and down. “I’m really sorry this has happened to you. To all of your people. It’s so unfair.”

  “I guess you know what it’s like too.”

  I shrugged. “To a much lesser degree. I hope you don’t mind walking, by the way.”

  “Believe me, it’s a million times preferable to being cooped up in that wagon all day.”

  I turned round and looked back at Tian. “Seriously, just come and walk with us.”

  He jogged to catch up. “If you insist.”

  I shook my head. “You’re an idiot.”

  He grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile back. And it was nice to have his company. He didn’t take anything seriously, and it felt like I’d taken my whole life seriously. It was a nice change to be laughing and joking around.

  Malia’s shivers started to show as her arms began twitching.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I think I’ll be gone again soon.”

  “You have nothing to apologise for,” I said, taking hold of her hand.

  “What’s that?” said Tian, pointing at the road ahead.

  “Maybe we should cut across country,” I said quickly. “We probably shouldn’t be out in the open, especially with Malia like this.”

  Tian cupped his hands over his eyes and squinted. “I think it’s a person.”

  I looked. There was a hump at the side of the road; possibly a crouched figure. Another dark patch lay in the road. Was it someone lying down? I tugged Tian’s sleeve.

  “Let’s get off the road.”

  “They might need help,” said Malia.

  “They might be waiting for someone to rob,” I replied.

  Tian frowned at me. “Is it your heritage that makes you so suspicious?”

  “Is it yours that makes you so naive?”

  “Let’s just go and check on them. That looks like someone in the road. They might have been attacked themselves, or hit by a car.”

  “They might need help,” Malia said again.

  “Then I guess common sense loses this vote,” I said with a sigh.

  “You’d better get used to not being in control anymore,” said Tian. “Looks like me and Malia are in tune with one another.”

  As we got closer, we could see that the figure crouched on the verge was a child, and the body in the road was some kind of animal. A dog perhaps. We could also see the boy’s close cropped hair, his muddied clothing, the feather attached to his shirt. A rogue. I stopped, and grabbed both Tian and Malia by the arm.

  “We need to get off the road. Now.”

  “It’s just a child,” said Tian. “What’s he going to do?”

  “It’s probably a trap,” I replied. “If you didn’t know, people like him like to kill people like me.”

  “Not all rogues are bloodthirsty murderers. Some of them just want to live a quiet life on the fringes of society. Doesn’t that sound a bit familiar?”

  “And how do we find out what kind he is? Because I’m not too keen to test out your theory with me as bait, thank you very much.”

  Tian shook his head. “Always thinking of yourself.”

  “That’s kind of the only reason I’m still alive. We’re in rogue country now. There could be hundreds of them just waiting to ambush us once our guard is down.”

  “Listen to yourself. Rogues have bikes and guns. If they were wanting to kill you, they’d have done it already. Like flicking the cherry off the top of the pie.” He demonstrated the motion in case I hadn’t understood.

  I looked up at the boy, and saw that Malia was already approaching him.

  “Do you need help?” I heard her say.

  “Looks like you’ve not got a choice anyway,” said Tian.

  “Yeah, brilliant.”

  As we approached the boy, I kept my eyes on the trees and rocks that surrounded us. The spaces between the cities were little more than wastelands, broken only by small, remote towns and farms. The rogues ruled these places; gangs that ignored the accepted norms and rules of society, and thought of themselves as beyond the reach of the law. Although their number was partly made up of traders who had abandoned colony life, they were well known for hunting down traders, sometimes wiping out whole colonies in one go. Just like Okaporo.

  While Malia wrapped her arm around the boy’s shoulders, Tian crouched down to the animal in the road. It was a dog, I could see that now, and it had clearly been hit by something. It was breathing fast, panting, and there was blood everywhere. It wasn’t going to survive.

  “We were just walking,” the boy was saying. “I didn’t even hear the car.”

  He was used to the noise of the rogue bikes. Despite being officially unavailable for several decades, the rogues got hold of petrol from somewhere to fuel their hybrid vehicles. But the auto cars ran on either electric or hydrogen, and achieved high speeds with nothing more than a gentle hum. If you had your back to them, you didn’t stand a chance of knowing they were there.

  “He knows his way home,” the boy continued between sobs. “I’m completely lost without him. He’s my best friend.”

  My fingers twitched, my hand trying to lift itself to my heart. But I did genuinely feel sorrow for him. Even for him. Even a rogue.

  Tian had moved from the dog, and was crouched next to the boy with Malia. He was shaking his head. “It’s best to put him out of his misery. He’s suffering, and you don’t want him to hurt anymore, do you?”

  It was a tough lesson to learn when you were so young, but this was a rogue child, he was probably used to death already.

  The boy sniffed and nodded. He pulled a small gun from his bag, and I instinctively stepped back. “I don’t even know how to use it,” he said.

  Everyone turned away as Tian put the bullet into the animal’s skull. The sound of it seemed to ring on for ages, echoing around our heads and our hearts. I looked back at the boy. His lips were pressed tightly together, his red eyes roving around as he tried to be brave. My heart truly did ache for him. I knew what it was like to be suddenly alone in the world.

  Malia helped the boy to his feet. “You can come with us now. We’ll help you find your family.”

  “Hold on,” I said, jogging over to them. “I don’t think we can do that.”

  “Why not?” asked Malia.

  I pulled Tian to one side. “What are we going to do? Walk up to the next rogue camp we find and ask them if they’ve lost a kid? I’m not suicidal.”

  “And what do you propose, we just leave him here to fend for himself?”

  “He’s armed, seeing as you handed him his gun back, so I think he’ll be fine.”

  “He’s just a child.”

  “Yes, that belongs to a band of rogues that will probably kill me on sight.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  I threw my hands into the air. How did no one understand this? “Haven’t we covered this already? What will it take for you to believe me? A bullet between my eyes? I didn’t actually plan on dying today.”

  “They’re hardly going to open fire when we’re walking up to them with their lost child, are they?”

  “And what if he turns on us?”

  “He’s just a child.”

  “With a gun.”

  Tian sighed and laid his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

  “I’m not saying we have to walk into a rogue camp,” he said, �
��but we can at least find him somewhere safe. We could leave him at a nearby farm or village, let them find out where he’s come from. Just… we can’t leave him sat at the side of the road staring at his dead dog.”

  I looked back at Malia. She was holding hands with the boy and watching me intently.

  “Fine.” I said.

  “What’s your name?” she asked the boy.

  “Shrike.”

  I rolled my eyes. It was a joke among the rogues, to give their children bird names to mock us. Traders had used those terms for generations; the brood mothers, the rooks. Belittle people for long enough, and they become less than people to you. That’s when you can fire a bullet into them and walk away without remorse.

  “Fine, Shrike,” I said. “Welcome to the gang. You better keep up.”

  And so we continued along the road. A trader, a carrier, a merchant, and now a rogue. Sworn enemies of one another. The whole time, I kept an eye on Shrike’s bag where his gun jumped against his hip with every step.

  As we walked, Malia chatted with Shrike. They played spotting games, and word games, and it seemed to keep Malia’s shivers at bay. She’d never remained lucid this late in the day before. She laughed and sang and skipped, and you would never guess that she was a smudger.

  Tian nudged me. “You see, it was a good idea after all.”

  “Well, I’m still withholding judgement on that one.”

  “Can’t you just admit when you’re wrong?”

  I looked at him. “If we survive this experience, it still doesn’t prove me wrong. Rogues are dangerous. That’s an undeniable truth.”

  “But this one is not.”

  “Yet.”

  Tian sighed. “Have you ever trusted anyone in your entire life?”

  “Yes, thank you. I’ve trusted lots of people. And they all either died or let me down. Any other questions?”

  “Yes. Who’s that?”

  Tian pointed at the road ahead of us where a small group of rogues were stood on the verge. I stopped.

  Tian turned round and looked at Shrike. “Do you recognise any of them?” he asked.