“You mean your fanclub?”
“I wouldn’t call them that.”
“I would because that’s exactly what they are.” Tonya smirked and leaned forward, propped up on her elbow to listen.
“Okay, okay, I see your point, but that sounds so—”
“Arrogant?”
“Yes! That.”
“And that’s not you at all?”
Haley glared, but she smiled too. “Shut up.”
Tonya chuckled. “Go on.”
“Why, thank you. I was gonna say they’re pissed at me because I’m datin’ someone.”
“Really?” Tonya asked.
“Yeah, that’s not juvenile at all.”
“Well, it is, but it’s to be expected. I think. They don’t know you any other way.”
“I guess, but still.”
“Is it strange for you to be dating only one person?”
Haley held Tonya’s gaze. She looked for apprehension and hesitation and found both; it made her stomach slither. Regardless, Haley pushed on. It wouldn’t be good to hedge about the issue. “You know that’s not what I was doin’ with them, but it is what I’m doin’ with you.”
Tonya smiled softly. “That’s sweet.” She paused. “You don’t miss living like that?”
Haley wasn’t surprised by the question. “No, I thought it was gonna be hard, to walk away from all that since I’d been doin’ it for so long. But that lifestyle was getting old. For a while, it was good stress relief, a diversion, I guess. But here recently, I was getting more outta talkin’ to Nate, Jen, and my mom. I’d rather spend my free time with you anyway.” Haley paused, but Tonya didn’t comment. That was good, because Haley had more to say.
“I think I was tired of splittin’ myself into fifty pieces. There was party Haley, cop Haley, and best friend Haley. I mean, I know I have to keep work separate from my personal life, but with everythin’ else, some of those pieces weren’t worth keepin’. I’m more myself around the people I care about, and that means you too.”
“Maybe that was the point. You needed to be somebody else. I think I can understand that.”
“Well, I don’t want it that way anymore. So, speakin’ of people I actually care about. Is it too early for you to meet Nate and Jen, you think?”
Tonya’s eyebrows rose. “You’re asking me? I’m no expert. This relationship seems to have a mind of its own.”
Haley stared at her and smiled. “I kinda knew that already, but that’s what this is. Isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Tonya grinned as well.
“Okay.”
Haley brushed her fingertips against Tonya’s. She opened her hand, palm out, and Haley traced each line before threading their fingers together.
“Okay,” Tonya whispered. “So where are we going on our next date?”
“I don’t know. Isn’t it your turn to pick?”
Tonya squeezed Haley’s hand, and her gaze darkened. “I thought you liked being in charge.”
Lordy. Was it just her or did the air around them really just catch fire? She couldn’t feel her face anymore, but it didn’t seem to matter. Haley decided to draw things out a little. She wanted to know what else Tonya was going to say. “Maybe.”
“I’m okay with that. Sometimes. I’m no pillow princess.”
Images flashed through Haley’s mind. She could practically feel Tonya’s hands sliding up the inside of her thighs as she knelt between them. Surprisingly, she was so okay with that. She trusted Tonya enough to give her at least that much. Haley’s stomach dropped to her knees. It didn’t matter that she was sitting.
“Where did you just go?” Tonya’s voice was kind of breathy.
Had it been that long? “Someplace dirty but really nice.”
Tonya laughed, but when she lifted the cup of coffee that had to be ice-cold by now, her hand was shaking. She put her drink back on the table and licked her lips. “Behave.”
“You started it.” It would probably be completely inappropriate to tackle Tonya to the floor, no matter how much Haley wanted to.
“Mm.”
“You could meet Nate and Jen at my place. I’ll cook dinner. Or we could hang out somewhere neutral.”
Tonya stared at her for a few seconds. That intensity was still there, but her lips quirked into a smile. “Well then, it would be only fair to formally introduce you to my sister and Stephanie uncut soon.”
“My mom, when we get around to that, will probably like you too.”
“You’re lucky to have that kind of support.”
“I know. At least you and your father are talkin’ now. That’s somethin’.”
“True. I still have to pull everything out of him, but it’s better than nothing. Progress is progress.”
“Yeah, it is.” Haley glanced at the clock on the far wall. She groaned. “I need to get home. I still have to get showered and changed.”
“I’m not important enough to shower for?”
“Not this mornin’, but I brushed my teeth for you.”
Tonya stood. “I guess that will have to do.”
After tossing their trash, Haley met Tonya at the door. She walked Tonya to her car, shoulders touching. Instead of getting in, Tonya leaned against the driver’s side door. She reached out and tugged on the string of Haley’s shorts, pulling her close.
Haley wasn’t surprised by the stab of arousal. She was in a constant state of simmer around Tonya. Something in her expression must have given her away. Tonya’s breathing hitched. Haley was painfully aware that it was broad daylight. People were milling about in the parking lot, and traffic had increased. There couldn’t…wouldn’t be a repeat of last Saturday night. Haley dipped her head anyway and curved her arm around Tonya. She brushed her mouth teasingly against Tonya’s soft, full lips and ended the kiss with a swipe of her tongue. Tonya’s grip on Haley’s shorts tightened and so did Haley’s stomach.
It was a miracle Haley was able step away, but Tonya wouldn’t let go. She slid her free hand over Haley’s cheek, behind her neck, and into her hair.
Haley groaned. “Stop.”
Tonya sucked in a shaky breath, and her eyes were all fire. “You make it hard.”
She just bet it was. Jesus, her mind was so wallowing in the gutter.
A second later, Tonya laughed. “That’s not what I meant.”
Talk about written all over her face.
“I know. Obviously, you’ve turned me into a teenage boy.”
“I’m not complaining. So, later?”
Haley nodded. “Yeah, later.” She backed away completely, and this time, Tonya let her go. Haley watched Tonya until she drove away.
* * *
As Tang drove them through Hollygrove, Haley hung on to the passenger-assist handle. The car was bucking like a bronco thanks to the potholes. Some of the roads were so fucked up that orange caution cones were placed there in warning. Dead power lines swayed in the wind, and the poles they hung from looked like they could topple over if someone blew on them. Regardless, a lot of the residents took pride in their area. It was usually the criminals who didn’t give a damn. Their lawns were overgrown, and trash was everywhere. There were mattresses, tires, even clothing peppering the yards. These were the people who gathered on the corners blaring loud music and smoking their own shit while they sold the rest. Daytime was a bit different, but sometimes the sun just made things starker.
Haley was always on a razor’s edge when they came through here, but that point wasn’t sharp enough to make her trigger-happy. Almost all her arrests and shootings had been here, but she did her best to treat everyone she came across with respect. It probably would have been a lot easier to use the power behind the uniform. It could be intoxicating to see fear or even hate in people’s eyes, but she refused to let herself get drunk or even buzzed on that kind of power.
Tang drove over a particularly deep pothole, and Haley nearly slammed her head on the roof of the car.
The more marginalized the peo
ple, the worse the area seemed, at least in greater New Orleans. Haley wished she could wave a magic wand, but this was real life, and patterns of behavior were ingrained deep in the infrastructure.
None of that was going to keep her from trying.
Haley rolled down the window as they passed a group of young kids. They still had their school uniforms on. She smiled and waved. A couple of them returned the gesture, but the rest just stared. She didn’t blame them. Once upon a time, the NOPD was the most corrupt police department in the country. Then there was that shit that happened after Katrina. The police had a long, long way to go to earn trust or even have people believe in them. There was a huge chance that that gap was insurmountable.
Haley felt Tang’s gaze on her and she turned to glance at him. His expression was flat and watchful. He didn’t say a word. There was a shitton for him to be miserable about, but at least the black smudges under his eyes were gone. Haley missed his jokes. Tang still talked, but he wasn’t himself. Haley had even tried to gross him out. It hadn’t worked all that well. Nothing really had.
On the mornings they didn’t have coffee, she and Tonya still talked. At night, it was getting harder and harder to hang up. There had been several times this week where they would stay on the line until one of them fell asleep. Haley wasn’t ashamed to admit that she lay in bed listening to Tonya breathe more than once. She made these cute little noises in her sleep. Haley’s insides knotted. This was getting ridiculous. Everything about Tonya seemed to turn her on in some way.
Haley heard music and then felt the bass before the SUV turned in front of them. It was enough to pull her from her thoughts. She glanced at Tang just as he was flipping the switch to activate the lights.
Haley swallowed as dread filled her stomach and spilled out everywhere. Thank God he didn’t turn on the siren.
“What the hell are you doin’?”
“What does it look like?” Tang glared at her. His eyes were hard, voice gravely.
“There’s no reason to pull them over.” She couldn’t see through the tinted windows, but she didn’t need to. The SUV veered to the side. Tang eased behind it.
“Plates look expired. No sticker.”
“Then run them first to check.” Haley reached over and turned off the lights. “Don’t be such a fuckin’ cliché. Look where we are. Harassin’ somebody and stirrin’ shit up isn’t gonna fix anythin’, and it’s sure as hell not gonna make you feel better.”
“Who gives a purple fuck?”
“I do, and if you turn those lights on again, I’ll report you for misconduct my damn self.”
Tang froze and his lips thinned. “We’re partners. You’d rat me out just like that?”
Haley held his gaze. She wasn’t going to let him keep spiraling downward. Not if she could help it. Why couldn’t he see that? “Bet your ass I would.”
Tang looked away and kept one hand on the steering wheel while the other fisted. “Good to know,” he mumbled under his breath.
He drove around the SUV and back onto the street. It suddenly felt like they were in the Arctic. Haley couldn’t remember it ever being this cold between them, even at the beginning. This wasn’t the way to reach him, but Haley was glad she’d kept him from doing something stupid. “Look, you don’t need to do shit like that. Talk to me. I know I can’t fix it, but it’s gotta be better than keepin’ things bottled in.”
He was quiet for a long time.
“What else is there to say about it?”
“Hell if I know.”
Tang sighed. “My life is so far down the shit hole I can’t even smell fresh air anymore.”
“Yeah, it must feel like that right now.” Haley glanced at him. He looked back and started talking.
Haley felt a very small sliver of relief.
* * *
Tonya was in the process of powering down her laptop when her office door opened. She smiled as Stephanie walked in and sat down.
“I’m a little wired.”
“Why?” Tonya asked.
“It’s been a slow day, very quiet. We haven’t had that in a while.”
“True, but you should probably look at it as a good thing after what we went through last month during the anniversary of Katrina.”
Stephanie shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right.”
They both went quiet as Tonya continued to gather her things, but she could feel Stephanie’s eyes on her.
“You’re burning a hole in my head, and I can practically hear your wheels creaking.”
Stephanie laughed. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“Careful. You might hurt yourself after such a light day.”
“Funny. No, but really, can I be you when I grow up?”
Tonya sat her purse on the desk and stared. What was going on in her head? “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you. After everything you’ve been through, things are finally working for you.”
Tonya leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I hope so, but I don’t want to jinx it.”
Stephanie snorted. “I don’t think it works that way.”
“Maybe.” Since they were on the subject, somewhat, Tonya decided to add, “Haley wants me to meet her friends soon. I was thinking I should do the same.”
Stephanie’s smile was big enough to fill the whole office. “We’ve already met. Maybe you just forgot I was there since you were staring at each other the whole time.”
“That didn’t really count for you.”
“Okay. I’ll try not to scare her away. Anything else you want to tell me?” Stephanie gave her a pointed look, and her grin turned lascivious.
“No, nothing that I want to.”
“Aww, c’mon. If I can’t live vicariously through you—”
“You have other friends.”
“Not like you.”
Tonya was touched and amused at the same time. She smiled. “Uh-huh.”
Stephanie rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air. “Ugh, fine. Be that way.”
“Thank you, I will.”
“Bitch.”
Tonya chuckled.
“Anyway, my mom’s on my case again about finding Mr. Right.”
Tonya cringed. “Oh, sorry.”
“Yeah, I’m tired of trying to explain to her that it’s the twenty-first century and Mr. Right Now is where it’s at. Not that I’ve had a decent date in months. Maybe I should have given the guy with the dick pics a chance. He was impressive.”
“You probably would have ended up on video, splashed all over those free amateur porn sites.”
Stephanie gave her a strange look. “How do you know about those?”
Tonya shrugged. “Doesn’t everybody?”
“You’re probably right. You sure Haley doesn’t have a brother or a single male friend hiding somewhere? Because whatever magic she’s got has to run in the family.”
Tonya laughed. “No, and stop. You’re making it sound like you’re desperate.”
Stephanie shook her head. “No, I’m not there yet. Just lonely. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy, and I have a great life with lots of love in it.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Stephanie’s lips curled slightly. “I know that now, but a couple months ago, I wasn’t so sure. I love how the dynamic between us has changed. I feel like we’re equals now. Plus, I know you couldn’t go a day without me and my sunshine.”
“Whatever. I’m glad I got my head out of my ass.”
“It wasn’t up there. It was just ass-adjacent.”
Tonya glared. The things that came out of that woman’s mouth sometimes were very strange. “Is that even possible?”
Stephanie shrugged. “Don’t know. It’s your head and your ass. You tell me.”
Tonya sighed and stood. She glanced at her watch. If she didn’t leave now, she was going to be late. “I’m going to leave that up to the universe to decide. Walk me to my car?”
* * *
&
nbsp; As the elevator opened on the fifth floor, Tonya admitted to herself that she felt a little guilty about keeping her psychotherapy appointments a secret, especially after everything else she’d divulged. She walked down the hall toward Dr. Finn’s office and shook the feeling off. These sessions weren’t for her family. They weren’t for Stephanie or Haley. They were for her, and when she was ready—if she ever was—Tonya would let them know.
No sooner had she entered the waiting area than Dr. Finn was opening her office door. She nodded at Tonya.
“Restroom break. I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time.”
Dr. Finn smiled slightly as she breezed past.
A few minutes later, Tonya was taking a seat inside the office.
“Well, I have to say, you look more relaxed than I’ve ever seen you.”
Tonya smiled. “I was just telling Stephanie not too long ago that I didn’t want to jinx it, but yes, it feels like all the little pieces are starting to come together. Daddy is reluctant to talk about me being a lesbian, but he’s taking baby steps toward talking about Mama. That’s more important to me right now. As far as Tracy is concerned, given how things were, I never thought she’d be a person I could count on, but now I’m learning what it is to have a sister.”
“Excellent, and what about Haley?”
Taking her time to answer, Tonya chose her words carefully. “I used to feel invisible. I know part of that was my fault for not reaching out to people, and the rest is, well…my childhood. I don’t feel that way anymore. I mean, Haley sees through me, inside me, but it’s because I let her. It’s because she wants to.”
“I think it’s fair to say most areas of your life are in transition.”
“Yes, I agree. It’s a very different kind of snowball effect.”
“Do you feel like you’re using positive coping skills to keep from being overwhelmed?”
“At first, I was being fatalistic, waiting for things to just fall apart around me. Now I’d like to think I’m more open to going with the flow, especially since it’s moving forward.”
Dr. Finn gave Tonya one of her smiles. She’d seen them a lot the last few weeks.
An hour and a half later, Tonya walked through the house in bare feet after taking a long, hot shower. She traded her contacts for glasses and her work clothes for shorts with a matching lacy tank top. She even tamed her curls back into a ponytail.
Between the Lines Page 23
