Bean's Heart (Hearts of ICARUS Book 7)

by Phillips, Laura Jo

  “This is all supposition on our parts, Bean. There’s no sense in getting upset about it.”

  “You’re right Iffon. But there are a few things that aren’t supposition.”

  “Which are?”

  “I’m their berezi. That’s fact. I’m experiencing a gradual increase in my ability to sense Zander and Zach, which is also fact, as is my total lack of response to Zain. Whatever it is they’ve done; Zander and Zach are no longer doing it. Zain is.”

  “Why would he do that, though? From what you’ve told me, it’s clear that two brothers cannot claim their berezi.”

  “That is, I believe, the point. He has no intention of claiming me, which will prevent his brothers from claiming me. If my suppositions are correct, they can probably have sex with whomever they want, whenever they want. Maybe Zain isn’t willing to give that up. Maybe he’s in love with someone else. Maybe he isn’t ready to be mated.” She turned away from Iffon to hide the hurt she was sure showed in her eyes. “I think the most likely answer is that he simply doesn’t like me.”

  ***

  Bean got very little sleep that night. The next morning she ordered breakfast for herself and Iffon to be delivered to their room, buying herself a little time to decide what she wanted to do.

  On the one hand, today’s meeting would be the final one. She just needed to tell them a little bit more about the first expedition. She’d considered telling them a few things that were above their security level, but it would take significantly more time to do so. If she stuck to their security level, it wouldn’t take more than an hour to finish up, and that was just too tempting to resist.

  On the other hand, she didn’t want to get within a hundred feet of them, let alone ten. She had no idea how much more intense her feelings would be today, and she didn’t want to find out. There was simply no point to it.

  Besides, she had other responsibilities and these past few days had been so stressful that her concentration was off. She’d made no progress with the telekinesis since three days before the Falcorans boarded the Askara, and as slow as her progress had been already, that wasn’t acceptable.

  “You need to stop worrying about this, Bean,” Iffon said half way through breakfast.

  “Do I?” she asked a little testily.

  “Since you already know what you have to do, I see no reason for it.”

  “What is it I already know I have to do?”

  “You told them you’d give them information to their current security level. Since we both know perfectly well that you’d never go back on your word, worrying about it is a waste of energy.”

  Bean spent several seconds trying to imagine herself breaking her word to the Falcorans, but Iffon was right. She could lie. She’d spent nearly her entire life lying, just as Ria had, though in a different way. But once she gave her word, even if it wasn’t an outright promise, she couldn’t break it. Not unless, like Ria, her life depended on it.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” she said, setting her cup down on the table.

  “Then we’ll be going to the meeting?”

  “Yes,” she said tiredly. “Then we’ll go to the meeting, and I’ll tell them the rest of what I said I’d tell them. Hopefully they’ll leave me alone afterward so I can get back to what I have to do.”

  Half an hour later, with Iffon melded to her forearm, she entered the conference room. The shiver down her spine was about the same, which was an enormous relief, but she sensed Zander and Zach more strongly. She thought she did a good job of hiding it, though.

  As she moved to take her seat at the table, she suddenly realized how lucky she was that she didn’t have a physical response to them yet. Hiding her feelings was one thing, but there was no way that she knew of to hide her scent.

  Following a list in her mind item by item, she told them all that their security level allowed. When she was finished, she released a slow, silent breath of relief and started to excuse herself from the room, but Zander spoke first.

  “There’s a lot you haven’t told us.”

  “Yes, there is.”

  “Why?” he asked, careful to keep any hint of demand out of his tone.

  “Some things are irrelevant to you or anything you have to do. Others are above your security level.”

  “I’m actually quite curious about that,” Zander said, leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Curious about what, Commander?” she asked, though she really didn’t want to know. She just wanted to leave.

  “The security level issue.” Keeping her face expressionless, she wondered what he was getting at. “It just makes no sense to me that we’d be sent on a life and death mission to the far side of the galaxy, tens of thousands of lightyears away from the possibility of aid, and not be told what it is we’re supposed to be doing.”

  “You know precisely what you’re supposed to be doing, Commander.”

  “Let me rephrase that. It makes no sense that we haven’t been told what dangers we will more than likely encounter, or how to overcome them.”

  Bean tensed when she realized where he was going with this. Rather than accept what she’d spent four days telling them, they’d already decided to press her for more.

  “Our Princes wouldn’t have sent us out here blind,” he continued. “They would have put something in place for us to either sidestep the security issue, or have our level raised.”

  Bean looked up and straight into Zander’s red eyes without flinching. “You’re right, they didn’t.”

  “Which is it?”

  “The second one.”

  “And how do we go about making that happen?”

  “You don’t.”

  “Meaning it’s an impossibility, or meaning it’s out of our hands?”

  “Meaning she has to decide whether or not she can trust us,” Zain said, his yellow eyes fixed on her. She returned his gaze unwaveringly and couldn’t help the tiny bit of satisfaction she felt when his eyes flared in surprise.

  “I don’t understand,” Zach said. “Why does anything depend on whether or not you trust us? It makes the whole thing seem personal.”

  Bean shifted her gaze to his and held it. It took him longer than she expected for him to get it.

  “It’s personal,” he said softly. “How is that possible? How is saving Kinahns, or other survivors on scattered worlds, or mines or tachyons or any of this personal to you? You have no training, no skills, no experience. Nothing whatsoever to recommend you to an endeavor such as this.”

  Bean immediately dropped her gaze to hide the hurt his words caused. She thought carefully before speaking. “I don’t understand why you seem to think insulting me is supposed to make me want to tell you whatever you want to know,” she said, her voice soft and as lacking in inflection as she could make it. “I’ve briefed you to your security level, as agreed. I have nothing further to say.” Then she pushed her chair back and stood up. Before she could take a step, Zach growled impatiently.

  Iffon moved so fast it surprised even her. In less than a blink he hovered upright before her, his body six feet tall, his motionless wings spread wide, shielding her. He was in the form of a snow-white raptor with a curved, razor sharp silver beak and long, silver shod talons. His silver eyes were fixed unblinkingly on Zach as he awaited the Falcoran’s first move.

  “Don’t do it, Zach,” Bean said softly, sensing his intent to leap up to defend himself. “Please, just don’t move for a moment. Please.”

  Zach looked at her, his bright blue eyes unmistakably surprised. “I won’t move,” he said in a soft, soothing tone she’d never heard from him before, and which sent a shock wave through her. “I promise.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered with undisguised relief. “Iffon, back off, please.”

  “He threatened you,” Iffon growled, angrier than she’d ever seen him before. “It’s my duty to eliminate them to keep you safe.”

  “No, he didn’t threaten me,” Bean said, k
nowing it was true. “He was only expressing his impatience.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked doubtfully, his beak opening and closing with indecision.

  “I’m sure. Take a moment and focus, Iffon. You’ll see.”

  The giant raptor studied the Falcorans intently for a long moment. “Very well. I overreacted, it seems. But I don’t like how edgy they are, or how foully they treat you whenever they don’t get what they want.”

  “I know, I agree, and I understand,” she said, wishing she couldn’t feel Zach’s regret, or Zander’s. “I’d like to leave now.”

  Iffon turned toward Bean, sensed her fear, and instantly shrank to a more reasonable size. He flew up to her shoulder, careful not to scratch her with his talons. Then he rubbed the top of his feathered head against her cheek in apology before diving straight down to her forearm and melding into her skin.

  Bean watched as he settled into position, then lowered her arm. She thought of, and discarded, several parting words. “We’re done,” she said finally. Then she walked to the door and left before any of them could think of a single word to say.

  The door slid shut behind her and she hurried toward the elevator, arms wrapped tightly around herself as though she could physically restrain the whirlpool of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. She pressed the call button on the elevator, then glanced at the stairwell door, too impatient to wait. Before she could step toward it, the elevator doors opened.

  “Why are you so tense, Bean?” Iffon asked after she stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the rec deck. "Is it because of what I did?”

  “No, it’s not that,” Bean replied. “You let them hear what you said, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I did,” he admitted. “I thought they should understand just how close they’d come to being obliterated.”

  Bean shuddered at the thought. She’d never once in all her life wondered how powerful Iffon was but, in that moment, she was absolutely certain that he was more than capable of backing his threat up. “I’m sorry, Bean, I didn’t mean to upset you further.”

  “I know that, Iffon. I won’t lie and tell you that I don’t care if you destroy them, because I do. Just the thought of it makes me ill.”

  “I know it does,” Iffon said. “I promise that I would never do such a thing unless they attempted to cause you real physical harm. Does that help?”

  “It does, thank you,” Bean replied, profoundly relieved. “I also have to thank you for coming to my defense. It really means a lot to me.”

  “You’re not angry?”

  “No, I’m not angry. I didn’t want you to hurt Zach, and that worried me for a few moments, but I’m not angry that you defended me. I’d never be angry at you for that, I promise.”

  “I’m glad, Bean.” He said nothing for a few moments, then, “Would you like to tell me what has you so upset?”

  “I just made a big mistake in there, and I know at least one of them caught it.”

  “What mistake?”

  “I knew what Zach was going to do, and I warned him not to do it.”

  “How did you know?”

  “I didn’t read his mind, I just felt his tension, and then his moment of decision.”

  “Well, you can pass that off as seeing it on his face. I’ve heard people say that before.”

  “I suppose. I’m not sure they’d believe it, though.”

  “What difference does that make? What they do or do not believe is not your problem.”

  “That’s true. Now that I think about it, I don’t owe them an explanation anyway.”

  “Exactly,” Iffon said. “I’m very pleased to hear you come to that conclusion.”

  ***

  Zander watched Bean leave the conference room with regret. “I should not have pushed her so hard.”

  “No, I should not have been so insulting,” Zach argued. “What bothers me is that I had no intention of speaking to her that way. I can barely believe I did it, and I certainly can’t blame Iffon for his reaction.”

  Zain sat quietly while his brothers talked, making no comment since he wasn’t truly listening. He was, in fact, fighting a strange, silent, and confusing battle. It was on the tip of his tongue to suggest that Lady BreeAnna and her guardian be destroyed. But the very thought of such a thing made his blood run cold. He had no idea why he wanted to say it, or why the idea had even entered his head. That he had to struggle so hard not to say it was both frightening and mysterious.

  He breathed in deeply, catching the light floral scent that always lingered behind Lady BreeAnna. It was faint, just enough to conjure up images of her in his mind. She was so beautiful it always surprised him a little whenever he saw her. He had dreams about her nearly every night, and caught himself fantasizing about her every day. His favorite past time was imagining what her long, silky hair would feel like against his skin.

  A sharp spike of pain shot through his head, nearly causing him to gasp. He raised his fingers, pressing against his temples, trying to remember what he’d been thinking about. Something pleasant, he was sure, but the harder he tried to remember it, the further away it went.

  “Zain?”

  Zain looked up, a little startled to realize his brother had called his name a few times. “Yes?”

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes, I’m fine,” he said. “I suddenly have a terrible headache though.”

  “You seem to be having a lot of those lately,” Zander said worriedly.

  “It’s just tension,” he said, lowering his hands, pushing his chair back and standing up. “I believe we’re due on the bridge about now.”

  “Yes, we are,” Zander agreed, standing as well. They left the conference room and headed up the corridor, all three of them forgetting all about their turmoil over Bean.

  Chapter 14

  27 days to deadline…

  Bean spent several days after concluding her meetings with the Falcorans in her room. She had all of their meals delivered, and spent her days staring at entertainment vids that she paid no attention to.

  At night, when the ship was quiet, and after Iffon had checked to be sure no one was around for her to run into, she went down to the rec deck and ran on the treadmill. After that she went to her training room and worked on the telekinesis until she was too tired to stay awake any longer. She made no other excursions, neither saw nor spoke to anyone other than Iffon, and barely spoke to him.

  Iffon was a little worried, but not surprised. Bean had suffered bouts of depression off and on for years, though he was the only one who knew about them. That she left her room at all was, in his view, a good sign. Usually when she got depressed she holed up at home and didn’t go out unless she had no choice.

  In light of all that had happened since leaving Jasan, he realized he should have seen it coming. Especially after she’d concluded that one of her three destined Rami had chosen to reject her, and intended to force his brothers to do the same. Every time he thought about that it made him angry enough to confront the Falcorans himself. But he couldn’t do that without betraying Bean’s confidence, and that he would never do.

  On the fifth day, she got up early and dressed in workout clothes. “You’re going out today?” Iffon asked, mildly surprised. It usually took about two weeks for her to pull herself out of a funk.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I really can’t afford to waste any more time sitting around here moping. It was selfish of me to take as much time as I did.”

  “You took the time you needed, Bean, that’s all there is to it,” he said. “There’s no sense in beating yourself up for it. Besides, you still practiced every night.”

  “Not for as long as I should have,” she said quietly. “Ready?”

  “Yes,” he replied, flying to her shoulder. “What’s the plan?”

  “Run, breakfast, then weights and targets,” she replied, stepping out of their room and locking the door.

  After a five mile run and a quick shower, she en
tered the cafeteria, spotted a small table outside of Hera’s usual section and headed for it. From the moment she’d stepped inside she’d felt Zach and Zander strongly enough that she knew exactly where they were, though she was very careful not to look in their direction.

  Doing her best to return the smiles and greetings she got from nearly everyone she passed, she worked her way toward the table she’d spotted on the far side of the cafeteria. She was enormously relieved when she reached the table and sat down, and fervently hoped she’d be allowed to eat her breakfast in peace.

  A young, freckle faced waiter she knew only vaguely approached with a smile on his face. “Good morning Lady BreeAnna, Iffon.”

  “Good morning Teven,” she replied, the young man’s name coming to her at the last moment.

  “Would you like some coffee?”

  “I’d love some coffee, thank you. A glass of water, no ice would also be welcome.”

  “Interesting,” Iffon said after the waiter had gone.

  “What’s interesting?”

  “It looks as though the Falcorans are no longer on the crew’s good side.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that they’re getting angry looks from just about everyone in the cafeteria.”

  Bean glanced around, confirming that Iffon wasn’t exaggerating in the slightest. “What’s going on, I wonder.”

  “That’s easy,” Iffon said. “They’re upset on your behalf.”

  “What?” she asked, startled. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because it’s true. Once you started smiling a little, back on Jasan I mean, people started making the effort to get to know you. That gave you incentive to get to know them in return. You’re a nice person, Bean. You’re reserved, not cold, and you have a generous and compassionate heart that shows through even though you don’t say much. These people know that about you now, and they like you. You’ve come a long way since spring break, and I don’t mean in lightyears.”