Finding Hannah

by Fiona McCallum

  She tried to think if she had a box to put out for them and uselessly looked around her. She raced into the garage and tipped the Christmas decorations out onto the floor and placed the towel inside the box. She hoped they would still be there when she got back.

  Now the mother cat was sprawled out limp on the tessellated tiles panting, with the kittens searching her belly for sustenance. Hannah didn’t know much about cats but shouldn’t the mother be nudging the kittens into position? And then the cat let out a moan.

  Without a second thought, Hannah scooped her up, placed her carefully in the box, put the kittens in beside her and took them inside. I can’t just leave them there. It’s Christmas, after all.

  She opened a can of tuna and placed some on a plate and put it under the mother cat’s nose. But while the cat appeared interested, she didn’t seem to have the energy to get up out of the box. Hannah sat cross-legged on the floor and took a sliver of tuna from the spoon with her fingers and held it near the cat’s tongue.

  After shrinking back in fear and then taking a sniff, and then after a few moments’ hesitation, the cat carefully took the first sliver from her, and the second, and then the third …

  Up close, Hannah saw the terrified look in the mother cat’s eyes, the way it tried to shrink warily from her. She felt sure now that it was a stray or feral, but was dealing with her fear of humans in order to save her babies. Her two remaining babies. Hannah didn’t know anything about kittens, but wasn’t two a very small litter? The poor thing. Bless her, she thought, choking back the lump in her throat. No doubt they’d been safely hidden in one of the drains before the rain had come. The dear little things. The poor cat had most likely lost several kittens and then used the last of its nine lives to save her remaining babies. The thought struck Hannah forcefully.

  And to think I almost ignored you.

  She was careful not to feed the cat too much too quickly – she’d offer her some more again a little later. She put out another bowl of water, spread out a few layers of newspaper in the far corner of the kitchen, added some from the shredder in the office for a makeshift litter area, lay a towel over half the box, and then reluctantly left the room. She wanted to sit and keep watch, but knew the cats needed their rest.

  She probably should have put them in a room where they could be confined, but they were there now and had been through enough of an ordeal to be moved again. The laundry was the obvious choice, but it wasn’t quiet and calm with the washing machine churning away – and there was still another load to do.

  She’d just put on the last of washing and was carrying the clothes rack up the hall to the lounge room to hang the first lot up to dry when she heard a voice at the screen door. She’d left the main door open so the house could air after being shut up for a week.

  ‘Hello? Anyone there?’ It was Sam.

  ‘Sam! Merry Christmas,’ she said, careful to keep her voice low. She opened the door to her friend.

  ‘Merry Christmas. What the hell are you doing here?’

  ‘I could ask you the same question.’

  ‘I just popped by to make sure your houses weren’t getting flooded …’

  ‘That’s so lovely of you. I wasn’t sure if I should ring Beth or not. I didn’t want to worry her. I’ve checked the drain and cleared it, and will again before dark. All’s fine here, too.’

  ‘But you’re meant to be in New York.’

  ‘I came back early.’

  ‘I can see that. I’m just waiting for the explanation. And why are we whispering?’

  ‘I’ve taken in a cat with kittens. They’re in the kitchen resting.’

  ‘You’ve done what?’

  ‘You heard.’

  ‘Yes, but since when does Hannah Ainsley have pets inside the house?’

  ‘Since now, apparently. They turned up at the door and I took pity on them – as it’s Christmas. I know, I’m as stunned as you are. But you should have seen their sad little faces. And the weather’s so bad. They were drenched.’

  ‘I need to sit down.’

  ‘Sorry, come through to the lounge – I don’t want to disturb them.’

  ‘You’ve lost your mind.’

  ‘You could be right.’

  ‘Come on, I’m dying to know why you’re back a week early. Didn’t you enjoy it?’

  ‘It’s not that, I did. It was great. I really enjoyed it. And I think just what I needed.’

  ‘That’s wonderful, but stop dodging the question.’

  *

  ‘Wow,’ was all Sam said when Hannah had finished telling her about the trip, the lovely, random strangers she’d met along the way, and how she came to be back early.

  ‘It’s weird that I had to go all that way to find out that I need to be here.’

  ‘It makes sense to me. It’s the forest for the trees factor – sometimes you can’t see what’s right in front of you and you have to take a step back before you can. I’m so glad you’re home. And I bet mamma-cat in there is too.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘At least I guess travel insurance will take care of the accommodation you didn’t use. You did take out travel insurance, didn’t you?’

  ‘Of course. But no, it doesn’t cover me for changing my mind. Don’t worry, before I left Jasmine suggested I book directly with the hotel and spend a bit extra on having a refundable room. She really should be writing a blog on travel tips or something … But, hang on, shouldn’t you be off at Rob’s brother’s recovering from stuffing yourself too full of Christmas fare? What’s going on?’

  ‘I told you, I just popped by to check yours and Beth’s places were okay. I’d better get back. Do you want to come with me?’

  ‘Thanks, but I’m exhausted and, anyway, I need to keep an eye on the cats and deal with all the washing and unpacking. Speaking of which, I got you something – a souvenir.’

  ‘You didn’t need to do that.’

  ‘Of course I did – I know how you love presents. Just wait there.’

  Hannah raced to her bedroom.

  ‘Now, close your eyes and hold out your hand,’ she said when she’d returned with the gift hidden behind her back.

  Sam grinned expectantly as she did as requested.

  ‘Okay. You can open them now.’

  Sam opened the box and unwrapped the tissue paper to reveal the lady beetle.

  ‘Oh my god, I love it! It’s gorgeous, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Oh wow, Hann. Thank you so much. I’ll treasure it always,’ she said.

  Hannah beamed at her friend.

  ‘I got one for me too, I couldn’t resist.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. It’s incredible, and really is the perfect souvenir. You know, though, it could be said that two ladybugs are officially the start of a collection,’ she said with a laugh, nodding at Hannah’s charm bracelet.

  ‘Haha. I hadn’t thought about that, but you might be right. So, what do you think of these? This is what I got for the girls – all the same so there’ll be no fighting. Each is a little different, though, because they’re handmade. They’re puzzle boxes.’

  ‘I can see that. They’re gorgeous,’ Sam said, picking the first one up and examining it.

  ‘They’re meant to depict New York as the big apple.’

  ‘I got that too. I love the little worms.’

  ‘Yes, aren’t they cute? I had so much trouble finding something that wasn’t tacky.’

  ‘I love them, but I love my ladybug more. Thank you so much,’ she said, pulling Hannah to her.

  ‘I’m glad. And it’s my pleasure. I have presents for Rob and the boys, too, but they are still packed up. I had so much fun shopping. Went a little overboard, but, hey, it’s not every day you go to New York,’ she said. ‘God, it’s so good to see you,’ she said, hugging Sam.

  ‘I missed you too – though goodness knows why when you were emailing nearly every day,’ she said, laughing. ‘I’d better go back and then get the boys home and into bed.’
<
br />   ‘Yes, and I’d better hang the washing up before it goes mouldy.’

  ‘Good idea. Hopefully the worst of this weather’s over. Now, before I leave, I have to take a little peek at your new friends.’

  ‘Okay. Just a quick one.’

  Hannah felt like a proud mother herself carefully pulling back the towel to reveal the cat and her kittens, who were all snoozing soundly. The mother cat stirred and looked at them warily before laying back down again.

  ‘Oh, the poor little things. They’re all tiny. And she’s so thin. I wonder if she’s lost some kittens. What have you got to feed her?’

  ‘Tinned tuna. And I’ll defrost some steak and chicken. Is that okay, do you think? Should I just take them to a vet?’

  ‘A vet will cost a fortune on Christmas Day. No, I think just try and feed the mother up for a few days. She’ll take care of the kittens. Fresh meat should be okay and I’m sure the corner shop will have some tinned food. Don’t give her store-bought dry food, though, I’ve read some terrible things about it online. Don’t forget you’re also going to need some proper cat litter and a tray and scoop. If you’re not sure of anything, just Google. Welcome to the world of pet ownership!’

  ‘She’s just visiting, Sam. And only because it’s Christmas. I still don’t do pets.’

  ‘Yeah, right, famous last words. She looks pretty settled to me. And calm about being inside for a stray. You’d better take her to a vet in a few days, anyway, and make sure she isn’t microchipped – and not full of fleas and worms.’

  ‘They’ll do all that when I deliver her to a shelter when she’s a bit stronger.’

  ‘Whatever you say, Hann. I’d really better go. Thanks so much again for my ladybird – I’ll treasure it always,’ she said.

  They walked out together.

  ‘And, again, merry Christmas,’ Sam said, pausing before she got in her car.

  ‘Thanks, you too. You know, I never thought it would be again, but, yes, it is a merry Christmas,’ Hannah said.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Hannah set about defrosting a piece of steak and a chicken thigh fillet to share with the mother cat. She was standing beside the microwave waiting, when she was startled to feel something brush against her leg. She looked down to find the mother cat rubbing against her.

  ‘Hello. I’m getting us some dinner,’ Hannah said. ‘We have chicken and beef and of course there’s still some of the tuna. You can have some of each, if you like.’

  The cat let out the cutest squeaky meow, which Hannah took to be approval and thanks, before sitting on her bottom and wrapping her tail around herself neatly.

  ‘Look at you, sitting down to wait patiently. What a good kitty.’ Hannah squatted down to stroke the cat who began purring and rubbing against her hand. ‘You really are a little sweetie, aren’t you?’

  Without thinking Hannah tentatively picked the cat up and held her to her chest. She didn’t struggle and didn’t seem particularly afraid. Hannah felt her heart swell when the cat climbed a little higher and snuggled into her shoulder. She could feel the gentle vibrations of the cat’s purring against her chest through her t-shirt.

  ‘Oh, darling thing,’ she murmured as she let out a long breath. Is that possibly the most comforting, relaxing feeling in the world? Hannah knew at that moment that Sam had been right. She was hooked. The cats – all of them – would be staying. There was now no way she could send the mother cat away or part her from her kittens.

  ‘What do you think about staying?’

  The cat snuggled in closer.

  ‘And how do you feel about being called Holly – since it’s Christmas? Oh, you like that, do you,’ she said and giggled as the cat licked her ear.

  The microwave dinged and Hannah reluctantly put Holly the cat down and got up.

  *

  Hannah lay in bed unable to get to sleep. Her body clock was all over the place. She itched to get up and check on Holly and the kittens, but resisted. As lovely as they were, they needed to be left alone to rest. It was early morning. Hannah knew she could get up and go for a walk or make herself a coffee, but she didn’t want to disturb her new family. Despite knowing she was being completely ridiculous, she stayed in bed, keeping quiet and listening out for them. It was actually nice to feel needed, to have such a worthwhile responsibility.

  She found her gaze drawn to the wardrobe that was still full of Tristan’s things. Should I? Could I? Her heart rate picked up slightly. She got up and went over. Taking a few deep breaths, she opened the door. Tristan’s scent was still there – not as strongly as before, but still detectable. Or was her mind playing tricks on her? She took a deep whiff.

  Oh Tris. But she was surprised to find herself remaining calm and her eyes dry. I’m okay. I can do this. Or at least try, she thought, pulling a plastic bag from the roll she’d left in the wardrobe and shaking it open.

  She carefully eased the first of his suit jackets from its hanger and checked its pockets. She wasn’t expecting to find anything – he’d always been careful to empty his pockets.

  Next she moved onto the pants and then the second suit. She paused when she’d finished his work clothes and took stock of how she was feeling. A few tears fell as an answer. She was disappointed at the depth of pain gripping her. She cursed being brought down when she’d finally been feeling so positive. She buried her head in her hands and let the tears fall.

  Hannah was surprised to hear a little squeaky meow. She looked up to find Holly sitting in front of her, peering up at her. She couldn’t help but smile when the cat pushed her way into Hannah’s lap.

  ‘Oh, Holly, girl, bless you,’ she said, gently gathering the cat to her. She loved the feeling of the cat’s purring against her chest. ‘I thought I could, but I can’t do it,’ she said. The cat responded by wriggling free with a little harrumph, lay on the carpet nearby and began licking her paws and then cleaning her face. Hannah found herself smiling.

  ‘Is that your get-on-with-it-I’ll-wait-right-here pose?’ Hannah said to the cat. ‘Great, so you’re ignoring me already. I’ve heard cats are contrary creatures. But I don’t mind, I think you’re lovely,’ she said, reaching over and scratching Holly under the chin. The cat answered with a lick to her hand and then continued her ablutions.

  Hannah wiped her eyes and gritted her teeth. I can do this. It’s time, she told herself firmly and returned to the task, the little cat toiling away quietly beside her.

  *

  Placing the bag of socks and jocks into the rubbish – no one wanted used underwear, did they? – and then seeing the five bulging garbage bags lined up in the hall threatened to bring Hannah undone again. But she was distracted by Holly who always seemed to appear just at the right time. A cuddle with the cat was a great distraction and made her feel better. When she put the cat back down, Hannah felt a little more detached from the bags beside her. I have my memories, holding onto his things would be selfish. She liked the thought that someone who was having a hard time might get a job and turn their life around wearing one of Tristan’s lovely suits.

  When she returned to the kitchen to get Holly some breakfast, she found herself feeling almost exhilarated at having got through such a big task without falling apart. Something she’d put off for a whole year. It was a major milestone. I’m so much stronger, I really am. It crossed her mind to phone and tell Sam, or send a text, but she thought better of it. I’ve done it. I’m proud of myself, end of story. I don’t need anyone else’s praise.

  *

  Hannah felt bad about bundling the cats up for a trip to the vet for a check-up, but knew it was the right thing to do. She was decidedly anxious about what would happen when the vet passed a scanner over Holly’s neck. Though, she kept telling herself, if the cat had another family then she would be consoled by knowing she’d done a good thing taking her in when she needed help, and she’d bring relief and joy to a family who had been devastated at the loss of their pet. Perhaps they might let her keep the kitt
ens. Only time would tell.

  It was out of her hands now, she told herself as she pushed open the glass door to the vet practice and carried in the cats in their new carry box. She had chatted to them quietly the whole way there in the car, trying to reassure them and herself that all would be fine. She felt jittery – she’d always hated medical waiting rooms and this place was just like those for humans.

  ‘Hello,’ the receptionist said. ‘Who do we have here?’

  ‘Hi, we have an appointment for three – at three. This is Holly, Lucky and Squeak.’ After getting to know the kittens a little better, Hannah had decided on these names. Not very original, but accurate nonetheless.

  ‘Lovely. Thanks, Mrs Ainsley. Take a seat and Doctor Walker will be with you shortly.’

  Hannah had just sat, placed the carry box on the chair beside her and picked up a magazine to read when she was startled to suddenly find a large German shepherd standing in front of her. It was staring up at her and wagging its tail. She recognised him straight away as Charlie, the dog from the park all those months ago.

  ‘Oh. Hello there,’ Hannah said, and was rewarded with a lick to her hand.

  At least you’re showing some restraint and manners and not trying to clamber into my lap this time, she thought with a smile. Now she was a pet person, she was better equipped to deal with such behaviour. Perhaps he detected this change in her.

  ‘Charlie. Please don’t harass the clients. Oh.’

  That voice was familiar, too. Hannah looked up.

  ‘Hello.’ She found herself blushing slightly.

  ‘Thank goodness you’re here,’ the handsome man said.

  Hannah frowned. ‘Sorry?’ I’m not late for my appointment, am I? She stood up and was about to pick up the cats when she was stunned to find herself being pulled into his chest. No wonder Charlie the dog’s a little too forward.