Interim Goddess of Love

by Mina V. Esguerra

  And it was clear to Kathy, right then, that he did indeed care, and Jake realized that he shouldn't have been so afraid of letting her know.

  I heard Diego's voice. He liked to start with some stupid, juvenile thing like "What the fuck was that about?" and throw a punch that would take three people down all at once, and when I heard that again, my heart sank. I had put Kathy in his care, damn it! He couldn't have restrained himself for just one stupid night?

  I was right in the middle of what passed for the dance floor at Basement right then, halfway to the rest room until I saw that it was out of order. When I heard Diego, I wasn't even scared. I was just annoyed. But then I got elbowed just above my left boob by one of my literature classmates -- running right at me -- and realized that this was not the time for goddess of love stuff.

  It was time for getting the hell out of there.

  The jab had me reeling back in pain, and I thought I was going to fall until another running person jolted me back upright. My eyes immediately searched for Quin, and I knew where to look because I just saw him by the door, fighting with Vida. I yelled, lifting an arm to grab his attention, but he was already halfway to the center of the fight. Because he was always babysitting Diego.

  I did think about heading for the closest exit but needed to steady my feet before I got hit again. I yelled his name even though he probably couldn't hear me, and then I felt someone lift me by the waist. It was like I was flown out of there.

  Saved by Robbie.

  Chapter 23

  Basement was trashed. Shards of glass, broken chairs, and trampled nachos added to the layer of litter. As things began to settle down, Robbie and I were adopted temporarily by one of the wet market's poultry vendors (no joke) who wiped her plastic chair with an oily rag before offering it to me. He didn't want to leave me, but he wanted to make sure his friends at the fight were okay too, so waiting it out with Aling Idang at stall #54 was a suitable compromise.

  Local cops were swarming around but none of the perpetrators got hauled away in handcuffs. I didn't see any ambulances either, and it looked like the hurt and injured were being driven off in various RK private vehicles.

  "It's always like this, every week," Aling Idang was saying. "The police just have coffee down the corner and wait now. Drunk rich kids always getting into a brawl. No offense -- you two look like you're rich."

  "I'm not," we both said, and I must have done a bad job at hiding my surprise.

  "Half scholarship," Robbie explained, as he probably did more than once already. "And it's not for basketball."

  I had to laugh at that, despite everything. Of course our school didn't offer basketball scholarships. If they did, they'd have to ask for their money back from the spectacularly lousy team. "I'm on full scholarship for psychology," I shared.

  "Yeah I know," he said.

  We watched from our poultry station as Quin spoke to everyone who claimed to take charge of the situation -- from Basement's manager to barangay officials to local cops. Each time, a short talk and a handshake seemed to suffice, and they would be on their way. Eventually only Quin, Diego, and a few other guys who took their own cars to the Bash remained.

  "I think the worst is over," Robbie said. "Can I just go check? Wait for me here."

  "It's not safe out for a girl this hour," Aling Idang, my self-appointed new guardian, said. "I'll make sure she stays here. With me."

  She was checking out my rescuer as he left her stall, though. "Is he your boyfriend?"

  "No," I said. "He's just a friend."

  "How old are you, dear?"

  "Eighteen."

  "You're very young. Boys who take care of you like this aren't just friends."

  Maybe Aling Idang would do a better job at goddess of love than me. "I know," I said instead, sighing.

  I didn't get to talk to Quin for the rest of that night, and by the time Robbie took me home past midnight, I had numbed myself to the idea.

  The lights were out at home. Tita Carmen was either in bed or not home yet, but even if she were home she didn't fuss over me. I actually liked that I was living with someone who had a life.

  "Thank you," I told Robbie, when we got to the front door. I said that because I wanted to start the goodbyes outside. It didn't feel right to invite him in.

  "It's not a problem," he said. "So… yeah. That was the Bash."

  "My first."

  "It's always this horrible."

  "Why do they keep having it then?"

  "I don't know. People forget easily."

  We paused, both looking at the door.

  "What did you think it was going to be like?" he asked.

  I thought I was going to be there with Quin.

  "I thought there would be good food and nice music, and maybe I'd get to dance with someone," I said.

  Robbie smiled. "Like a prom?"

  I threw my hands up. "I'm sheltered."

  His next thought was transmitted straight into my mind: Ask her to dance. Right now. It was so quick that I didn't have time to form a response. By the time I thought about saying good night, he had already taken my hand in one of his, and lightly rested the other on my hip.

  She's not saying no was his next thought, transmitted again at the speed of light. I wanted to, I really did. But… it wasn't unpleasant, and it seemed to mean so much to him…

  I stepped a tiny bit closer, and raised myself up toward his ear. "Where's the music?" I said.

  He started to hum something, and it sent a nice and comfortable feeling from my ear down to my toes. I relaxed and closed my eyes even. As soon as I calmed down, his own heart started to race.

  I just might have a chance with her, he thought.

  You can have a chance with anyone, I thought, trying to project it into his head. But I wasn't letting him go either. I could see how he was remembering this moment and I didn't want to ruin it.

  Because, though I'd seen and felt just a fraction of all the love in the world, I knew that when people thought of love they thought of moments. Whether or not a marriage worked out, or if they stayed together after graduation, or if they did go to the big dance together, the story's end mattered less, and the highlights in between mattered more. Those are what lingered, and what people can go back to, even when they had nothing left.

  Robbie and I deserved this moment, regardless of how our story would end.

  After humming an entire song, he kissed my hand and said good night.

  Chapter 24

  I am balancing perfectly on a small square of a raft. It's made of bamboo and it's keeping me from sinking into the dark green water.

  I would normally freak out at this.

  But he and I are there together. He's holding me close, and somehow it feels right, and natural, and I am not hyperventilating from shock. We are again in the middle of a conversation and my voice is just as steady as the arms entwined around his neck.

  We are talking about going into hiding.

  Or rather, he is suggesting it, and I am telling him how ridiculous it is. Throughout this I am marveling at the freedom I have to touch him. I lightly tap his chest with fingers that are more slender and graceful than I remember mine being. His reaction is to tighten his embrace very slightly, but I feel it, and I barely pay attention to what is being said.

  If this is someone else's memory then I am thankful that it is at least interactive.

  "Then we agree?" he says.

  "Yes," I hear myself say, but I have no idea what I am agreeing to.

  "Don't be afraid."

  I don't feel that at all. "I just wish I knew how much time we have," I say.

  "Never worry about time," he says. "It's never enough anyway."

  "Even for us?"

  "Especially for us."

  I wish I understood what that meant, but he kisses me and I forget to ask. His lips are on mine but I feel the rush everywhere else, from my head to my chest to my toes. It's a kiss that goes on for very long, too long, and I am holding my
breath.

  I woke up gasping.

  That was my first kiss. In a dream. From a memory that wasn't mine. Does that count?

  Five things you might not know about Kathy Martin:

  1. I think Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie ever.

  2. I could eat mangoes all day, I love them that much.

  3. I collect photos of ancestral houses. One day I'd like to write a book about them.

  4. I have never had a boyfriend.

  5. Sometimes I think I'm invisible. I wish I weren't.

  Kathy found me at the Guidance Office the following Tuesday, and she brought turon.

  "How is Jake?" I said cheerfully.

  She looked sheepish. "Fine. Great. Excellent. We've been hanging out all weekend and he's just… well. I… wanted to say sorry. And thank you."

  "Free turon is thanks enough."

  "I'm so glad you weren't injured. Diego is kind of insane, isn't he?"

  Apparently no one was hurt that badly that night, which was surprising after all that mess. The school administration downplayed it too, because otherwise they would have banned the Bash from ever happening again, and there was no word of it this week so far. I suspected supernatural intervention on cuts, wounds, and memories, but I didn't get the memo about it. Maybe they did a number on me too.

  "He's special that way," I said, shrugging. "Did he apologize to you at least? He almost ruined your night!"

  "This might sound weird, but I can't really be mad at him," Kathy said. "I mean, he was the perfect gentleman when he met my parents, and if it wasn't for the fight, I wouldn't even have gotten together with Jake, you know? We kind of saw each other in the middle of the drama and he just rushed to me like…"

  "It's meant to be," I said. "I told you."

  "Maybe we have Diego to thank," Kathy said. "I wouldn't even have been there if he hadn't asked me."

  Was it possible? Could Diego have recklessly risked everyone's lives just to hook up these two crazy kids?

  And should he take the credit for everything?

  "As you said, he's insane," I said, trying to be zen about this.

  "Oh, but I have you to thank too," she quickly added. "I feel like there's something different about me, and talking to you these past few weeks kind of got me to think about it."

  "I'm glad I could help."

  But Kathy wasn't done yet. She had the words at the tip of her tongue, and she was trying to get them out. "I… I don't feel invisible anymore. I used to be the girl everyone ignored, but recently I just realized…"

  It was true. Kathy was not the girl in the background anymore. It was obvious in the way Carson, and Ian, and Jake saw her. She had their attention without even trying.

  "You're very visible," I said, completing her thought. "I'm glad you know that now."

  She looked genuinely happy. "I just wish I knew when it happened. I was probably missing out on so much."

  "Don't regret anything. Things happen when they're supposed to," I said, and I sounded just like the guy I was still super annoyed with. Ugh.

  The words made Kathy feel better though.

  Just before I locked up the Guidance Office, I had another visitor.

  He came in, closed the door behind him, and sat on the across right across from me. I harrumphed loudly before I could stop myself, then I coughed in a more ladylike fashion. And continued to alphabetize the personality test results of the juniors.

  He didn't mind sitting there quietly.

  I went from filing last names Franco to Inciong, but eventually put the sheets down.

  "Is Diego all right?" I said.

  "He'll be okay," Quin answered.

  "He's very reckless."

  "It's the way someone acts when he cares for nothing. Now you see why I wanted you to be careful around him."

  I went through the motions of pulling sheets of paper from one folder into another, but I really was just waiting for him to bring it up.

  "What?" he went, as if I had said it aloud.

  "Robbie helped me out of Basement and took me home."

  "I know."

  He didn't look like he knew of my last dream. He didn't seem to know about that first one either. So it wasn't like we had shared a moment last night.

  Or it was just a dream and it doesn't mean anything. Maybe this was the only way that I could get what I wanted.

  "So is it always like this?" I asked. "Some people get what they want, and others don't?"

  How much of people's decisions were their own? Maybe Robbie got his own dash of supernatural intervention, at my expense.

  "Hannah, we're not granting wishes here. It's not possible to do it for everyone."

  "We make sure things happen as they should," I said.

  He smiled at me. "You're starting to see it."

  "Did you hear about Kathy and Jake?"

  "Yes. You jumped the gun on that one, but it worked out."

  "I don't get punished?"

  That look on his face, almost amused if he would only let himself, came back. I missed that. "It worked out. We can move on. There's always someone else you need to take care of."

  It was time to put the folders away. Quin offered to take my bag, and I gave it to him, dumping a pile of books in his arms too. He took it without a snappy comeback, and instead asked me about my day, and my mom, and Tita Carmen, and what we were having for dinner.

  It still stung, knowing that he would rather see me with someone else than give me my moment, but I had to be mature about this. It wasn't about me.

  The interim goddess of love had other people to worry about.

  Hannah's story continues in Queen of the Clueless (Interim Goddess of Love #2) due out in 2012. Visit http://facebook.com/interimgoddessoflove.

  Mina V. Esguerra writes contemporary romance and young adult novellas. She finds inspiration in the lives and experiences of other people, so the answer to "Is this story based on you?" is always, always "No." She lives in Metro Manila, Philippines, with her husband and daughter.

  More from Mina

  My Imaginary Ex

  Fairy Tale Fail

  No Strings Attached

  Love Your Frenemies

  Contact Mina

  http://minavesguerra.com

  minavesguerra@gmail.com

  http://twitter.com/minavesguerra

  http://facebook.com/minavesguerra