Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  “So basically you’re saying if we had the proper safety precautions, the right people, then you’d consider it,” he said with a smile that said he was positive he could win this argument.

  I put my face in my hands and just shook my head. This was not the conversation I thought we’d be having so soon and certainly not at this moment. I wanted to drop the whole topic and get back to just enjoying each other, so I said what I thought would effectively end the subject for the moment. “Fine,” I finally responded, pulling my face out of my hands to look him in the eyes. “If you can make me feel like childbirth would be safe, then I will consider opening the topic up for discussion. But as for now,” I said moving over to the nightstand pulling out a condom, “you wear one of these or you’re not getting any.”

  He laughed taking the condom out of my hand as he kissed me. Slowly he coaxed me back into our previous position. It didn’t take much. I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me. And if making him think he’d won the argument was what it took to get back to what we’d started, then I was okay with that.

  Our pleasure only increased with experience, so much so, that I had to actively work at being quiet. The loading bay wasn’t exactly soundproof and though we were having a lot of fun it wasn’t worth bringing the infected to our location. Afterwards, Seth promised me that once we moved to the island, I’d never have to be quiet again. I reminded him that we wouldn’t exactly be living alone, to which he replied, “They’ll just have to get used to it.”

  It didn’t take long after that, for us to fall asleep. I don’t know how it was for him. As for me, if I had any dreams, they were peaceful ones because I couldn’t remember any of them. One moment I was drifting off to sleep and the next thing I knew, there was a loud banging on the window of the bedroom.

  “Rise and shine sleep heads,” Cletus’s voice boomed. I sat up sleepily, Seth lay on his pillow looking at me. His hand gently caressed my bare arm. It was clear he’d been awake for a little while, doing what he liked to do, watch me sleep.

  “We let you sleep in as long as we could,” Kyle’s voice joined in. “But Matthew’s driving us crazy. He’s ready to start.”

  “Give us five minutes,” Seth yelled back. We heard the two men muttering something about young love as they walked away. Seth shook his head. “Well, guess we need to get back to the others, at least for a few hours…then we can sneak away again,” he said kissing my hand.

  “What did they mean?” I asked. “What are we supposed to be doing and why would Matthew be anxious? He hates chores.”

  Seth laughed. “That he does. But this isn’t a chore. Don’t you know what day it is?” I shook my head. It wasn’t like I had a calendar on hand and I hadn’t ever really paid much attention to the date in years. All I cared about, was what season we were in. He sat up beside me, “It’s Christmas. Merry Christmas,” he said kissing my lips

  ◆◆◆

  The last Christmas I’d celebrated, was six months before I’d lost my parents. After that, we just never paid attention to what time of year it was and if we had, I doubt Molly and I would have celebrated it anyway. Christmas with our parents, had always been wonderful. My mom made us feel like we had something to celebrate. She always said that Christmas was all about hope. We’d make Christmas treats; made out of the ingredients we’d grown in our garden. It wasn’t like the treats we made before the world went haywire, but they were still a welcome decadence. Then we’d sing carols around the piano and in the evening we’d give each other the special gifts we’d made.

  This group was the first group I’d been with, that not only recognized Christmas as a day on the calendar, but they actively celebrated it. Seth told me that it was their tradition on Christmas morning, to find a shopping centre that hadn’t been too badly raided and then they’d each shop for every other member of the group. It was something Doc had started after Seth lost his mother and brother. It was the first pleasant memory he had after his loss. And ever since that, they’d kept up the tradition. This was the first year Nina and I would be participating. Apparently, Nina had always refused to join in, but this year she’d come around.

  Matthew could barely contain his excitement as he stood by the open doors to the mall. Everyone was lined up like participants in a race. I felt a little nervous about the whole thing. With the exception of a few members of our group, I had no idea what to get for most. Seth said it didn’t really matter. Half the time the presents were useless trinkets, just meant to make the person laugh. For those who knew the person a little better, they might be able to find something more meaningful. But really, the whole point of the event was to feel normal for a day. So much had been taken from us, by the war and the infection. This was their little way of taking some of it back.

  Seth called out, “On your marks, get set, go!” Matthew was first out of the doors, followed closely behind by Jane who huffed after him yelling at him to slow down. Most others just meandered out of the doors. But there were a couple of others, who were nearly as excited as Matthew, who took off running. Ginger and her Uncle Austin took turns pushing each other, nearly knocking one another over, in order to get to the best stuff first.

  “They do this every year,” Helen said shaking her head as she walked out after them. I laughed. It was nice seeing everyone like this, so excited for once, especially after everything thing we’d been through.

  I thought Seth would want to go with me, but he wanted to keep what he got for me a secret. Clara was kind enough to offer to go shopping with me. She knew these people better than I did, so I was hopeful that she could help me find something at least semi-useful for each person.

  Her first stop was the jewellery store. She dragged me in excitedly. All the jewellery had been moved into a back room safe. Seth said he and Jane were the first ones who’d attempted to break into the large safe. The heavy metal door hung open, allowing us access to all the goods. There wasn’t much use for jewellery in our world, though I was sure there was a woman or two who wouldn’t mind something special.

  As Clara sifted through one of the boxes, she started trying on the pieces herself. Again, I was grateful that Seth had asked for Jane’s help. Clara wasn’t really looking for the others. I pulled out a box of necklaces and started looking through them. I wasn’t sure who I would give them to, until I found one that looked like it might work for Jane.

  “Clara,” I asked, “Do you know when Jane’s children were born, what months I mean?” Clara’s fine-tuned nature for gossip came in handy. She was a stickler for every little detail about someone’s life. And she actually did know.

  “Well, April was born in April, which is kind of obvious, and Summer weirdly enough was born in December. I still don’t know why she named her that. And then Noah was born in January and Jared was born September.” I shook my head in disbelief. There was no way if I’d heard that information, I would have been able to retain any of it. But I was grateful she had. I sifted through the necklaces until I found one with the birthstones that actually matched. By some miracle there was an exact match, even though I was sure that normally you’d have to order something like this up ahead of time. Maybe it was a sample, or an order never picked up, but I wasn’t about to question it.

  I grabbed one more item for Clara while she wasn’t looking as well as her sister. With three down at one store, I was feeling pretty confident. Next, we hit up a games store, where I found something for Austin and Kyle.

  We shopped for at least two hours, searching for what we thought would be best for everyone. We ran into some of the others, from time to time, but kept to ourselves to keep our secrets. Our gifts we wrapped in articles of clothing that we found for the person, so it was basically two gifts in one.

  “Isn’t this the most fun you’ve ever had?” Clara asked, as we were just finishing up. We had so much stuff we had to pick up a couple of duffle bags to carry it all.

  My cheeks flushed. “Well maybe it comes in a close second.”


  She winked and giggled. “So it was that good. How did you like the set-up? Seth told me not to, but I couldn’t help it. I thought you might need a little push. You two have been looking ready to rip each other’s clothes off for ages, but you kept resisting. So…details.”

  “One, I’m glad you ignored his instructions. You made the room look beautiful. Two, it was very enjoyable. Three, none of your business,” I said taking off towards the grocery store. She rushed after me, begging me to give her info.

  “Come on, do you know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten any?” I laughed as I ignored her. She rushed after me. “I’ll tell you. It’s been, like never. I’m still a virgin. I’m dying here. I need to live vicariously through you. It’s not like I’m going to get laid anytime soon.”

  Kyle pulled out of the store we were walking past just as she said that. “Well if that’s all you want for Christmas; I’ll go put the earrings back and we can go off to the R.V if you want.”

  I watched as little blotchy patches of redness spread up Clara’s neck and face. She stood, there stumbling over words, trying to come up with something to say. Looking at Kyle I could see there was a little bit of sincerity in his offer. I decided to interfere a little with Clara’s love life, just like she had mine. I pretended to trip over my cast pushing her into Kyle’s arms.

  They both looked a little startled as they looked back at me. “Clumsy me,” I said with a cheeky smile. “Well I better get this stuff, back to the others. See you later.” I rushed off, before Clara had a chance to argue.

  Most of the others were already back, waiting anxiously to give their loot away. I found myself just as excited as Matthew was. He was practically hopping in his spot. We sat in a circle and the plan was to go one by one starting with Matthew. Each person would take the gifts they found for everyone else, pass them out and we’d go like that around the circle. Where I sat, I was actually last. I didn’t know how much I liked that. I tried switching with Seth, but he said there was no way he was going last.

  Once Clara and Kyle joined us, both looking rather flushed with semi-chapped lips, we got started. Clara winked at me as she took up her spot next to her sister. Seth gave me a questioning look, to which I responded that I’d fill him in later.

  Matthew’s gifts were pretty sweet actually, but I was pretty sure Jane had helped him pick them out. He gave me a Jane Austen novel, knowing they were my favourite and to Seth he gave him a Swiss Army knife. As we went around the circle the gifts turned from serious to downright hilarious, especially when we got to Cletus. Seth said Cletus never gave serious gifts. He preferred to make people laugh, which he succeeded at.

  Cletus gave Matthew a whoopie cushion. To Ginger he gave her the spice she was named after. Austin, he gave a map of Texas. But he saved the best for last. To me he gave a barely there, negligee. Of course, my cheeks flushed as did Seth’s, though I could tell Seth was imagining me in it. The rest of the group burst out laughing. And although I was horribly embarrassed, I found myself laughing along with them.

  Seth put things back on track to the serious in nature. Everything he gave had meaning to the person he gave it to. To Jane he gave an artist’s pad of paper and charcoal pencils to draw with. For Clara he gave a charm bracelet, with specific charms he’d hand picked out to represent her life. She’d broken down and cried giving him a hug after opening her gift. But when it came to me, he stopped me before I opened it, saying that my gift would require a little explaining.

  When I unwrapped the hoodie, inside was a large blank canvas with some artists’ pencils and a variety of oil paints with paint brushes. I looked up at him curiously. I wasn’t the least bit artistic. “I didn’t have time to make your gift or rather have it made. Jane has promised to help me with it. I’m not much of an artist either. But I told her about your pictures in your locket and she said she could paint your family on this larger canvas for you.” I looked back from Seth to Jane, who was nodding in agreement. I threw my arms around Seth trying not to cry. It was the best gift I ever could have received. To be able to actually have a large visual reminder of the people who had meant the most to me, was something I never thought possible.

  “I take it, you like it,” he said after I finally released him. He wiped the tear that had run down my cheek. I simply nodded, trying to regain my composure. I knew that it was my turn and I needed to get a grip.

  I dragged my duffle bag from person to person, handing out the gifts I’d picked out for them and then sat back down beside Seth. I nervously rocked slightly in my spot as everyone opened their gifts. I’d tried to go serious. But it was hard to get them something meaningful like Seth had, when I barely knew them. Most of them appreciated what I got for them. Matthew loved the remote-control dinosaur I’d found him. I’d made sure to grab as many battery packs as I could, because I was sure he’d wear the batteries down in no time. And instead of putting his gift in an article of clothing, I gave him a dinosaur backpack to carry his stuff in. He gave me a big squishy hug to thank me.

  Clara and her sister opened their gifts together per my instructions. To each of them I gave a piece of a heart on a chain that when put together completed the heart. They absolutely loved it, which helped relax me a little. Next was Jane and I was most worried about her reaction. I hoped I wasn’t opening old wounds with my gift. As she slowly unwrapped her gift from the scarf, I saw her look at the tree pendant with its four branches. She gently rubbed her fingers over the birthstones, and it was on the third one that she realized what I had given her. She hopped off the floor, rushed towards me and then practically bowled me over with her hug.

  “Thank-you,” she whispered in my ear. I could feel moisture on my cheek. When she pulled away, I saw that she had tears flowing down her cheeks. “This is something I’ll treasure forever.” She gave me one last kiss on the cheek, before moving back to sit with Helen. Helen helped her put her new necklace on.

  Everyone’s attention turned to Seth now. “Wait,” I said, placing my hand over the shirt I’d wrapped his gift in. He looked at me curiously. “Would you guys mind if he opened it in private?” I asked hopefully. This one was very special, and I wasn’t sure I wanted everyone to watch him open it.

  “Now that you’ve said that…no,” Kyle replied instantly.

  “The rules are we open in front of everyone,” Cletus agreed.

  I reluctantly removed my hand from Seth’s gift. “Okay,” I said nervously. “Mine requires a little explaining too.” He looked up at me and I knew he could see just how nervous I was. He was looking at the others like he was about to argue their opening in front of everyone rule. I shook my head, telling him it was okay. Still I couldn’t help myself, from shaking a little.

  When I first started looking for something for him, I had no idea what I could possibly give him. Until I came across the first item and a very old memory of my father, came back to me.

  Seth opened the shirt slowly, unravelling the three items that lay inside. He looked at them curiously and then at me. “When I was five years old,” I began nervously trying to find my voice, “my dad told me the story of how he asked my grandfather’s permission to marry my mother. He said after giving him a hard time, my grandfather finally agreed, but he had something he wanted to give my dad. In order to ensure he lived up to his promise to love his daughter forever.

  “First he gave him a pocket watch, to remind him that while a woman can be late, a man should always be exactly on time.” Seth held up the silver pocket watch I’d found for him. It was designed just like the old-fashioned heirloom my father had received. “Second, he gave him a compass, so that he could always find his way back home to my mom. And third,” I said opening the golden box he held in his hand revealing a key shaped silver pendant I’d found, “he gave him a key, that he said represented the key his daughter’s heart. He said that he should always treasure it. That’s why it was in a treasure box. He said that so long as he took care of these items, he’d always remember to tre
asure his daughter and their love would last. If my dad were still alive, I know he’d be giving you these items. But he’s not, so I thought I should.”

  When I was finished, I dared to look back into Seth’s eyes. His eyes were moist. His lips wore the biggest smile. He laid the gifts gently down on top of the shirt and pulled me in for a good long kiss.

  Chapter Forty

  I wasn’t sure that any other Christmas could possibly top that one. After the gift giving, Cletus managed to find an old music player that played these old-fashioned disc things called CD’s. He and some of the older generation people were familiar with the music. For me it was all new and exciting. The only music I’d been exposed to, when I was a kid, was what we played on the piano or guitar at home. It was all old sheet music. And this was different from the music device, my old group had found. We’d been stuck listening to what someone else had chosen. This time, we had more than a hundred discs to choose from. Most of it was pretty good…all except for the rap. I begged Kyle to turn that stuff off.

  Jane rushed in when it was time to switch CD’s and put on what she called pop country. Seth took the change in rhythm as an opportunity to teach me how to dance. I pretended I’d never learned. In reality, my mom had been trained in several different forms of dance. But I let him think he was teaching me something new because I could see how happy it made him. And I also liked how close we were when we danced.

  Seth twirled me around the dance floor and off around a corner where he was able to properly thank me for the gifts, I’d already given him. The others were all busy laughing and dancing at the other end of the store. I doubted very much if they’d even noticed us wander off. His lips pressed against mine slowly and softly.