Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  “Thank-you,” he said when he released me from the kiss. “No one has ever given me something that meant so much. I promise you,” he whispered in my ear, “that I will live worthy of those gifts and more importantly of your love. I will always treasure you.” My whole body filled with warmth. The way he looked at me afterwards, was exactly the way my father used to look at my mother. It was a look that said that not only did he love me, but that I was the most important person in the world to him. That he’d always be there for me. And when he looked at me that way, I felt beautiful.

  It was hard to deny him anything, with a look like that. And there was a part of me that was already considering changing my opinion on having kids. But the more rational part of me knew, that I was right and besides we were young, it wasn’t like my biological clock was ticking or anything. If it was meant to be, we’d find a way. And I wanted to find a way, because I knew it was something he wanted so badly and maybe if I thought about it enough, I might get there too.

  That night’s watch duty was the most difficult I’d ever been on. When it was Seth’s turn for watch, I tossed and turned thinking about how badly I wanted to take him to the R.V, to show him just how much he meant to me. And when it was my turn for watch, Seth tossed and turned, and I caught him watching me several times. I knew he was thinking the same thoughts about me, mostly because he kept mouthing something about going to the other side of the store for five minutes. That would never have worked for me. I would have been way too worried about someone catching us, especially Matthew. Besides, five minutes would never be enough.

  With everyone sleeping, it would have been all too easy just to sneak off into the loading bay, but we were too responsible for that. I just kept reminding myself that we only had a few more days and then we’d be at our new home. And while the large cabin wasn’t finished, there was the old original one room cabin on the island. We could always sneak off there to be with each other.

  When the morning came and it was finally time for us to all pack up, Seth and I looked just as exhausted as we had when we first came here. I tried to talk Seth into allowing someone else to drive the big truck, but he insisted on it just being the two of us. Besides, he couldn’t risk falling asleep seeing as he was leading the way.

  Our third day on the road was the longest. We used every bit of daylight we could spare to get as far as we could. And before night fell, we found an old airplane hanger off in the country to park our vehicles and ourselves for the night.

  With the long drive and the previous night’s lack of rest, there really wasn’t an opportunity to find an intimate moment to be with each other. Still it was nice cozying up to Seth in the cab of the truck, to sleep away the night. Most of the others were cramped in the van and the R.V. We were lucky that it was just the two of us. I felt bad for those who took watch that night. The hanger wasn’t very warm, and we couldn’t risk the infected finding us, so no heaters could be used in the actual hanger. They were stuck seeking warmth from extra layers of clothing and lots of blankets.

  The next morning, Jane tried to talk Seth into staying in that place one more night. She felt like we were wearing ourselves thin and putting our group in unnecessary harm. While I didn’t like her questioning Seth’s plan, I did at least appreciate that she did it in private. Seth took it all in stride, though I could see just how worn he was. He said we needed to keep moving. The longer we stayed on the road, the more vulnerable we’d be. He was right. We needed to get to our new home quickly. We still had another day and half according to him. And if we hit any bad weather, that would only slow us down.

  It was a good thing he insisted that we move along. If we hadn’t, we never would have found the Taylor family wondering the open road. We’d only been driving for a couple of hours when we spotted them looking very weak and worn. We thought we were exhausted, but they looked like they’d just survived a tornado.

  Of course, as it was with every new encounter, each side was eyeing up the other. Looking to see if they were a threat. The father shakily held his gun at Seth as Seth tried to calmly introduce himself. Kyle was behind him with an assault rifle aimed straight at the man, just in case he made a move. From what we could tell, the father was the only one with a weapon. All of them looked exhausted. The mom looked like she’d recently been crying and the toddler in her arms wouldn’t stop crying. It was a cry I knew all too well. I remembered Molly making that same sound the year winter came too early and we had to conserve our food. She’d go to bed, every night making that same sound.

  “For heaven’s sake,” I blurted out hopping out of the truck with my backpack full of the days meals Seth and I had packed for ourselves, “Everyone just put their guns away, so we can feed the poor kid already.”

  I saw Seth smile from the corner of my eye. He’d probably been two seconds away, from saying the very same thing. When I opened the bag full of preserves, showing the man that I was unarmed, he put his gun away. I could see tears forming in his eyes. I didn’t know how long it had been since they’d had anything to eat, but I could tell just by the ragged way they held themselves up, it had been awhile.

  Seth and I approached the family cautiously and I handed the bag over to the man. He nodded and passed the bag back to his oldest teenage son. “Make sure Jenny gets food first. We eat last.”

  “We have more,” Seth replied. “How about you join us on the side of the road, for an early lunch and we’ll talk.” The man nodded, then signalled to his wife that it was safe to move forward. When she did, I found myself staring at her intently. Her thick, long brown hair and large green eyes looked so familiar to me. To my surprise she looked at me, the exact same way.

  Her mouth dropped open as she handed her little girl off to her oldest son. “Elizabeth Jensen?” she asked me. I was stunned to hear my mother’s name. Seth was staring at me. He knew that was my mother’s name also. He was the only one in the group who knew that.

  “Who?” her husband asked.

  The woman shook her head. “No you can’t be. She would be in her forties by now…you’re Paige, aren’t you?” I nodded.

  She rushed up to me, scaring half the group. I thought I saw Kyle start to bring his gun back up, but Seth waved him back as the woman embraced me. I just stood there stunned, unable to react. “You don’t remember me?” she said, when she finally pulled away. She looked a little embarrassed. She turned to her husband. “This is Elizabeth’s little girl, from the Jensen farm. You remember, I delivered her and her sister.”

  I stared back at her and as I studied her features, I finally remembered her. She’d been there the day my sister was born and apparently the day I was born as well. My dad hadn’t wanted to involve ourselves with anyone else. We’d been shut off from the world for nearly a year and then my mom was in labour and she made him drive to the Porter house to get Leah to help deliver Molly.

  “Leah?” I questioned hoping that I had it right. She smiled as a couple of tears fell from her face.

  “The last time I saw you, you were only seven. Wow do you ever look like your mother,” she said gently touching my wavy red hair.

  “I’m sorry, how did you say you know Paige?” Seth asked. I looked at him and I knew he’d clicked on to something, I wasn’t sure I wanted him to. We needed to get to our new home; before we ended up having any of these discussions again. And I was positive that if he knew what Leah was, that he would not drop the subject for the rest of the drive.

  “Leah and her family are old family friends of ours,” I replied trying to change the subject. “You guys look exhausted, let’s sit down and eat.”

  “Cletus still needs to bring out the provisions,” Seth insisted with a mischievous smile that told me he’d heard exactly what I’d hoped he’d missed, “while we wait, we might as well get to know each other better. I was just curious, you said you delivered Paige. Are you a doctor?”

  “Oh no, I’m actually a midwife or I was. I specialized in home births. Well I did. The last on
e I delivered was my own,” she replied.

  “But if someone were to need your services, you’d still know what to do?”

  “Seth the woman’s exhausted and hungry, let’s just eat.”

  “It’s okay Paige, I don’t mind answering. He just wants to get to know us. That’s smart. And yes, I could. My husband has also picked up some skills in that department out of necessity. Our youngest two, were both born after the virus spread.” She pointed to her two little girls. The one looked to be a little younger than Matthew and then of course the toddler was maybe two and half.

  Seth was smiling at me, in that annoying way, that made me really want to reach out and smack the grin right off his face. After Seth got his answer, he insisted that our new company come join us for a meal.

  Our group hadn’t seen such an increase to their ranks, in more than three years. This family of six was the biggest intact family unit, I’d ever seen and the others in our group agreed on that point. They’d never seen anything like it. Their two teenage sons had been born before the virus and then their two daughters born after. They’d chosen to do what my parents had done. They kept to themselves until they no longer could…which was a week prior to finding us. They’d managed fine for all those years on her parents’ farm, away from other people, surviving off the land. Then suddenly, in the middle of the night they’d been forced to leave their home because of a wildfire. It took out their home, their gardens, and their livestock. They’d left with nothing more than a few backpacks filled with back-up provisions and their truck with a tank full of gas.

  The truck ran out of gas halfway through the second day and they ran out of food two days earlier. To say they were grateful for the food we gave them, would have been a gross understatement. Leah wouldn’t stop thanking us. And when Seth told them, despite Nina’s protests, about our new home, naturally they wanted to come with us. Leah’s husband, Clark, was particularly interested when Seth told him about the cabin that wasn’t finished. It turned out, he used to be in the construction business.

  If it hadn’t been for Leah and I remembering each other, I doubt everything would have gone so smoothly. We certainly would have been more cautious and I could tell Clark was a cautious man as well. He’d been mighty bold holding up his empty gun. He’d run out of bullets the day before, when he’d tried to kill a cat for dinner. He’d missed and no one had been happy about that.

  Though Ginger didn’t say anything, I could tell she was enjoying the addition to our group. After all, she was sixteen which was just the perfect age to be sandwiched in between the two sons Ethan and Jake. For a girl who’d never had an opportunity to flirt before, she sure was a natural. Every once and awhile I’d see Helen shake her head at some silly thing her niece had said or at an over exaggerated giggle.

  It certainly felt like they were meant to be a part of our group. They clicked instantly. Even so, we still took precautions and they understood that. That night, when it was time to choose shifts, Clark tried to offer up his services. Nina looked ready to snap. She’d bit her tongue all day. She hadn’t shown the same restraint with me when I’d joined the group. Maybe she was developing some people skills after all.

  Seth spoke up before she caused trouble. He thanked Clark for his offer but said it was their policy not to place newcomers in charge of watch before they had been fully trained on how our group ran watch. I’d never been trained, so I was pretty sure that was a made-up thing. But Clark wasn’t offended and was grateful to be able to sleep. He hadn’t slept in days.

  That last night, before we reached the shoreline of the lake, we settled in at an abandoned fire station. It was only slightly warmer than the airplane hanger. But at least I had Seth to snuggle into for watch, to help keep me warm. With the newcomers, it was policy to have two people on watch, just in case. Not that we thought there was a chance of anything bad happening. It was beyond strange how easily we trusted this new family, but for the most part we did. We only kept up with the precautions; because we knew we couldn’t risk being wrong. We’d already lost three members of our group due to mistakes. We wouldn’t lose anyone else.

  Seth and I cozied up on an old sofa we’d found inside the fire hall. We had at least three blankets to keep us warm as well as a fresh pot of tea, which Jane had made just after finishing her watch with Kyle. It wasn’t as strong as coffee, but it sure tasted a hell of a lot better.

  Seth had been surprisingly quiet most of the day, unlike what I’d anticipated. I thought for sure he would have talked my ear off about Leah’s profession and the opportunities it now presented for our group and for us in particular. While I was grateful, he hadn’t brought the subject up. I was curious as to what else could possibly have occupied his mind so intently, that he’d kept silent all this time.

  “Are you worried?” I finally asked after the hours of silence had driven me practically mad.

  He looked at me curiously and shook his head. “No, why?” He whispered back to me. I saw a couple people stirring at the edge of the room.

  “Well then are you mad at me?” I asked more quietly

  He smiled. “No. Why do you ask that?”

  “Because you’ve been way too quiet. Do you trust the newcomers?”

  He smiled again and nodded. “Do you?” I nodded in return. “They seem like good people. I have a sort of sixth sense about people. That’s how I knew you were good people.”

  “I was planning to steal weapons from you and go on a murderous revenge trip,” I replied with a smile.

  He nearly laughed hot tea out of his nose. He put his teacup down. “But you didn’t because you’re good people…and I locked you in a room. But you were still good people.”

  I shook my head at him. “Then if it’s not that, will you please tell me what’s bothering you? You’re worrying me.”

  He hesitated for a moment. Whatever it was that was consuming him, it was something he was sure I wouldn’t want to talk about. After a back and forth war within his mind he finally gave in and pulled a small piece of paper out of his pants pocket. “I’ve been trying to decide when or even if I should give this to you. I have no idea what’s written inside, only that Frank said it was for your eyes only.”

  I stared at the piece of paper, he held out for me. I’d done all I could over the past few days, to push all thoughts of Frank out of my head. Everyone needed to keep their wits about them at a time like this and I knew dwelling on Frank’s fate would only distract me.

  Seth held the paper out for me for a while, without me moving to grab it. He’d just decided to put it back in his pocket when I reached out and snatched it from his hand. “I need to read it.” Seth nodded but didn’t say anything as I unfolded the paper.

  The note was short, concise, direct, just like Frank was:

  Don’t blame yourself. I chose to fight him. I knew what he was and what would happen. The truth is, I think I wanted it to happen. I was just too scared to let it happen before. But I miss my wife. I’ve chosen to turn. Maybe she’s still out there and maybe she still loves me, like I love her.

  Take care of Seth and Matthew. They need you. Love them, hold onto them, treasure them. And never blame yourself for the past. You can’t change that. Thank you for being my friend,

  Frank

  I handed the note to Seth, not because I needed him to read it, but because I was positive he needed to see it. It had been bugging him not only all day, but for several days. After reading it, he handed it back to me. “Thanks for allowing me to read it.” I smiled and leaned into his shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I will be. I appreciate him taking the time to write that for me. It’s still going to take time…to let go of the blame.”

  “I know. I’m still working on it myself. The good news is, we’ll both have plenty of time to work through it.” He kissed my forehead. He was right. We’d finally have the time to truly deal with all the losses. When you were just living day to day, trying to survive, it was hard to actu
ally mourn. But now we were going to have the chance to do just that. And that was a blessing to be grateful for.

  Chapter Forty-One

  The last day of travel, was by far the longest for me. I was so excited to finally get to our new home, that the minutes just seemed to drag on. It didn’t help that we had to keep changing roads, because of the car pile ups. The back-country roads weren’t the safest to navigate during this time of year. With no traffic driving on them, they became snow logged and slick. We were the only vehicle with a snowplow attached, so we were stuck clearing the path and sometimes we had to go at a section a few times over, to clear enough room for the others to pass through.

  As we got closer to the lake, we could see old abandoned cabins with boats still parked in the driveway. I wondered if any of them had thought to go out on the lake. My biggest worry was that when we actually made it to the island, it would already be occupied. If my family had lived close to water, I know we would have surely thought about escaping that way. Of course there was always the downside of limited food resources out on the lake. We had the resources to grow our own food, as well as a healthy supply of canned and dried foods. Not everyone was so lucky.

  “How much further?” I asked for what must have been the fifteenth time.

  Seth just laughed. “It should be just through this forest. It looks like it clears out in a few miles and then we’ll be able to see the lake. The trick will be finding a boat large enough to haul our supplies and us.”

  “I don’t suppose Doc gave you any clues as to where to find such a boat?”

  “He said the main marina would be the best bet. The islands needed supplies delivered and they often used larger vessels to ship lumber and such. If we can’t find that kind of a boat, we’ll have to make do with what we can find and secure what we can’t bring with us for a future trip. I don’t want to spend too much time out here, exposed today.”

  Seth was looking more exhausted than I’d ever seen him before. When we finally got settled in, I was going to make him get in a full night’s sleep. He wasn’t alone in his fatigue. Everyone else looked like they were on their last legs. While we were getting in the proper nourishment, it had been days since we’d had a decent meal. I was looking forward to bringing out the fishing gear and testing out my old skills. My father had taught me to fish in an old river, not too far from our home. I could almost smell the fish cooking over an open flame.