Lead Me Home

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  “How’s the life of a busy world traveler?”

  “Great,” Jessica said. “How’s the life of Florence Brady, minus the maid and the stepchildren, with a little Mother Teresa thrown in?”

  Shiloh paused from her kitchen cleanup and smiled in spite of herself. She usually bristled at Jessica’s biting wit, but over the past eight weeks she had honed her ability to deliver comebacks that left the instigator speechless. Had she known that’s what working at a high school could do for you, she might have tried her hand at it sooner.

  “Careful,” Shiloh said. “The man upstairs has my back. After all, I’m one of his First Ladies.”

  Jessica was silent for a few seconds. “Shiloh?”

  “Yes?”

  “Okay … I’m just checking to make sure it’s really you. Doesn’t sound like the meek and mild sister I know.”

  That’s because we don’t talk often enough to really “know” one another.

  Shiloh bit her tongue. What good would it do to alienate her sister further? At least Jessica was calling.

  “I’ve been working in a high school for two months, and let’s just say the kids there have helped me find some swagger I didn’t know I had.”

  Another lengthy silence was followed by a simple reply: “Wow.”

  Shiloh smiled. “You okay?”

  “The question is, are you? Do Mama and Daddy know you’ve been working? And on top of that, have a whole new attitude?”

  “Alright, alright,” Shiloh said. She was doing her best not to let latent resentments surface. She had never said anything all of these years, but Shiloh wasn’t blind or dumb; she knew her sisters talked about her behind her back for quitting college to get married, and for starting a family before taking time to really live her life.

  She knew they judged her for following in Mama’s footsteps and marrying a preacher—Randy at that, rather than someone she met on her own. They whispered about her being too kind and too soft, and for trying to please her husband and let him lead. Shiloh knew it all. Even when she didn’t have details about what was specifically said or how they were ridiculing her, she felt their disdain. For all of these years, it had hurt.

  It stung to now hear Jessica all but admit some of her unwarranted opinions. Yet she felt ready with a comeback, grateful that her recent experiences had equipped her with a little more confidence, and a stronger sense of herself.

  “What led you to call me, Miss Superstar? And how is my brother-in-law?”

  “Keith is doing well,” Jessica said. “He just got a promotion that keeps him pretty busy, which is good since I’m traveling quite a bit these days.”

  Shiloh wondered how they managed to have a solid relationship with Jessica’s increasingly hectic speaking schedule, which had her crisscrossing the United States at least twice a week, and visiting foreign countries twice a year. They’d been married for several years, but Jessica had never hinted at wanting to start a family. This seemed to be working for them, but it was another sign of just how different the three Wilson sisters were: Dayna seemed to want the career and the stable family life; Shiloh had opted for family life instead of a career; and for Jessica, the career seemed her be-all and end-all. It made sense to Shiloh that she and Mama had the closest relationship of her three siblings; she was the one to whom Mama could most comfortably relate.

  Surprisingly, Jessica said she was calling tonight with Mama and Daddy on her mind. “Dayna told me we are all confirmed for Thanksgiving at her new place, and that’s great,” Jessica said. “I thought it would be nice while we’re all together to present Mama and Daddy with a joint gift for their upcoming wedding anniversary—a cruise, which is something they’ve never done before.”

  And something they probably had no desire to do. Mama hated water, and Daddy had to be in control. Didn’t Jessica know that? Shiloh caught herself before the question crossed her lips.

  “Well, what a nice idea,” she said instead, employing the diplomacy she’d honed all these years as a preacher’s wife. “Do you think we can convince them to get on a boat and stay for more than a two-hour dinner cruise? Mama acts like she gets seasick from that brief excursion alone.”

  Jessica chuckled. “You make a good point. I was trying to think of something special and different for them to do. And what I didn’t finish saying was, I was thinking that as part of the gift, we could send them on the cruise, but also go ourselves, to make it a family vacation they’ll always remember.”

  “Whoa, little sis,” Shiloh said, putting away pots and pans while she talked. “You’ve forgotten I have four sons. That’s six tickets for my household. Plus chipping in on the fee for Mama and Daddy. It sounds exciting, but unrealistic, with Lem going into his senior year next year and the expenses that will entail.”

  “That’s even more of a reason to do it,” Jessica said. Shiloh heard the familiar intensity in her voice that surfaced when Jessica became a bulldog about an idea and refused to let it go. It was the same intensity Shiloh had seen her use to inspire her audiences and leave them convinced that they could achieve whatever goal they set.

  “Again, you didn’t let me finish,” Jessica said. “I know it would be asking a lot of your family, and truthfully, Dayna’s too, having just built the new house. Keith and I have discussed it, and if you guys would be willing to pay for Mama and Daddy’s airline tickets to the cruise port in Florida, Keith and I will pay for everyone else.”

  Shiloh pulled her phone away from her ear and stared at it. “Come again?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Did Publishers Clearing House coming knocking at your door?”

  “No, but Oprah did.”

  Shiloh loved and hated how Jessica trickled out information. “Jessica, you’re killing me. Just tell me everything, okay? Save the dramatic effects for later.”

  “I’ve been selected to cohost a talk show on the OWN network, based on my work with college students, designed to help them successfully navigate young adult life—job hunting, success in the corporate world, and work-life balance. Oprah hosted a national contest about a year ago, looking for people with ideas for shows on her network. I kept it to myself when LifeBound was chosen as a finalist because I didn’t want to jinx myself. We signed the contract last week, and it included a signing bonus—a very nice one. I’m making a donation to Daddy’s church, but outside of that, I want to use this windfall to bring us together. I thought you and Dayna would feel better helping with the tickets for Mama and Daddy’s flights to Miami, where we’ll board the cruise, and the rest can be a gift from me. A gift for our family, to our family.”

  Shiloh was stunned. First, because her baby sister was about to become a national TV star, and second, because she was unselfish enough to surround herself with family before she began this amazing ride. This wasn’t the Jessica Shiloh knew; God must be working on her, too.

  twenty-nine

  Shiloh was still marveling over Jessica’s generosity when she sauntered into the family room to find Omari and Raphael leaning forward on the sofa, ogling the flat-screen TV—or rather what was on the TV.

  Shiloh was about to ask which action flick had captured their attention when she heard Jade’s high-pitched voice. She trotted deeper into the room and paused behind the sofa, which floated in the middle of the room. Her ears hadn’t fooled her; there was “Second Lady” Jade, doing a TV interview on the local Fox news station.

  “It’s an honor to represent Milwaukee in this manner, and I’m glad our citizens will have an opportunity to see and understand that beauty doesn’t end in your twenties. We are seasoned women, some mothers, ranging in age from twenty-something to forty-something, and we are all representing our state well. I hope to walk away with the title of Mrs. Wisconsin next month, but mostly I want to make my husband and children proud.”

  The boys were transfixed. Shiloh shook her head at their unrepentant drooling. She had to grudgingly admit, though, that Jade was actually pretty good at public sp
eaking, and as usual, she looked stunning. She wondered how and when Jade had landed the interview, and why she hadn’t bragged about it.

  Jade had shown up on Monday as usual to bring Naima for her private lesson, but as had been her practice lately, she disappeared to run errands rather than linger. Shiloh took in the fabulous teal dress Jade wore and wondered if a shopping spree had been one of her tasks that day. The color looked great on her.

  Shiloh went to the computer desk in the family room and plugged in her cell phone to charge it, before texting Jade.

  Good job. You are pageant ready. :)

  She had been feeling smug about Jade’s recent spotty attendance at Bible study, certain that Jade had decided to cop out rather than do what was needed to deepen her knowledge and teach effectively. It was clear that Jade had given up and moved on to something that felt more comfortable, and at which she could succeed. However, Shiloh knew she’d be wrong if she didn’t pray about how Jade was feeling and keep encouraging her to return to the study. The few times she’d seen Jade at church and invited her back to the study, Jade promised to come in one breath while making an excuse in the next—no childcare (something she’d never had an issue with before), feeling under the weather (which seemed all too convenient lately), or a conflict due to the looming pageant.

  Shiloh couldn’t stop asking, though. She felt compelled to keep the door open, for reasons she couldn’t articulate.

  When she didn’t receive an immediate reply to her text, she wondered if Jade was sitting somewhere, feeling smug. Wherever she was, Shiloh prayed that God would give her peace and an interest in studying the Bible more often, like she had indicated she would. Shiloh couldn’t see a change in her through the brief television interview; but she had detected subtle changes in her attitude when she dropped off Naima for practice—no more scanning the house to gauge its cleanliness, nor chatting loudly on her cell about social events or impressive activities the everyday person didn’t know existed. She’d even taken on some extra nursery duties at church lately, an indication that she was trying to do some things differently.

  “Is Mrs. Smith famous?”

  Shiloh leveled her eyes at Omari. “If she is, what are your plans?”

  Omari gazed at the TV and shrugged. “I was just asking. I wonder how many people from church will actually go to the pageant to support her. We should go, you know? Her husband works with Dad; it’s the right thing to do.”

  Shiloh raised an eyebrow.

  “And I suppose the ‘right thing to do’ would include taking you and your brothers along, for support?”

  David, who had gone unnoticed on the bean bag in the corner of the room, where he sat comfortably playing with his hand-held video device, piped up without looking Shiloh’s way.

  “Yeah—our family needs to support their family!”

  “Which one of you bribed your brother to make that pitch?”

  Shiloh put a hand on her hip, not wanting to believe her two middle sons had a crush on the married mother, with one of them routinely trying to nab the attention of Jade’s daughter. Where did that leave Lem?

  The silent question brought him top of mind. “Where is Lem?” Shiloh asked Omari and Raphael.

  Raphael shrugged. “He was here a few minutes ago, until his phone rang. I think that girl from Alabama was calling. He always leaves the room when she calls.”

  Shiloh leaned over to rub the top of his head. “You just wait, Mr. Seventh Grader,” she said. “I’m going to remind you of this complaint when you are sixteen and girls are calling you.”

  Shiloh stayed a few minutes longer to catch the weather report for tomorrow, and decided not to tell the boys yet about their aunt Jessica’s grand plans for the family, or her talk show gig. None of them would get any sleep if she revealed all of that exciting news at this hour. Plus, she needed to discuss the cruise suggestion with Randy, to see if he would even go for it.

  For now, she would prepare for her last day at Sherman Park High tomorrow, then call it a night. Bidding her students goodbye wasn’t going to be easy. She hoped Mrs. Helmsley knew how fortunate she was. This first taste of a newfound passion wouldn’t be her last.

  thirty

  Shiloh would remember this day forever.

  Her jazz band students started her waterworks by ending their first-period class with an instrumental serenade of a song they had been secretly practicing to play just for her: “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” by Boys II Men. Students in her full band class showed up with balloons and a giant greeting card that one of the drummers, who happened to be artistic, had created so everyone could sign. Her seniors wrote personal notes of thanks in which each student shared at least one way she had helped that person grow as a musician. By the end of the day, Shiloh had emptied a box of tissues.

  Kris and Eva strutted into the band room after the final bell rang that afternoon with three surprises: a red velvet cake, Sherman Park’s principal, and Dr. Carter.

  “I’ll see you at church on Sunday, but I wanted to come out today and personally thank you for all you’ve done to help our students get through the start of school without missing a beat—no pun intended,” Dr. Carter said. He was beaming. “I’ve received nothing but high praise about your teaching style and your professionalism, and you’ve been an asset to Sherman Park and to our school district.”

  Shiloh smiled in gratitude, because she had no words to convey how much this experience had meant to her. She wanted to hug him, but decided to save it for Sunday, when they’d be in a less formal environment, outside of their colleagues’ watchful presence.

  Sherman Park’s principal did offer Shiloh a hug, and gave her a lovely plant as a parting gift.

  “You have been a delight to have on staff, and Mrs. Helmsley is going to be so grateful for how you’ve kept the students on track,” she said. “From listening in this week, I can tell that they’ll be ready for the fall recital, and that’s an accomplishment. If you ever need a letter of reference, don’t hesitate to let me know.”

  Shiloh nodded her appreciation. Her thoughts immediately turned to the need for a recommendation for whatever university she applied to for her degree. She decided not to mention it now, but she’d soon be making that call.

  Kris stepped forward with her cake, and Eva produced the napkins, paper plates, and forks.

  “We thought we’d have a recap of dessert, since that went so well last night,” Eva said.

  Shiloh laughed. “You ladies are something else. Thank you—thank you so much.”

  She truly felt special, and almost undeserving. They didn’t know what a big favor they’d done for her, by welcoming her so warmly and letting her jump right in to help the students. In stepping outside of the wife, mom, and church roles she loved, Shiloh had awakened some long dormant hopes and dreams, along with a few doubts. Why had God given her this opportunity, at this time in her life? On the anniversary date of a choice she’d be forever ashamed of making? Maybe, her heart told her, he was trying to replace the ashes of that day with a beautiful memory. That possibility gave her chills.

  Kris passed her a hunk of cake and a fork and nudged her to dig in. Just as Shiloh took her first bite, Monica and Phaedra peeked into the room. They hesitated when they saw the other adults, but Shiloh motioned with her free hand for them to join her.

  “Come on in, girls. It’s okay,” Shiloh said. Then she turned to Kris. “This cake is more than okay. It is amazing. Did you bake this?”

  Kris grinned. “Stayed up half the night getting it ready for you, Miss Music Lady. A teacher’s work is never done.”

  “Well, I am thankful, my friend.” Shiloh took another bite and shook her head. “Something this good should be against the law.”

  Monica and Phaedra exchanged glances and giggles.

  “We love that Southern ‘foreign language’ you speak, Mrs. G,” Phaedra said.

  Shiloh gave them a mock frown. “Watch it. Let me see you try this cake and tal
k straight.”

  Monica laughed. “No, thank you. We just wanted to stop by and get a hug, and …” She glanced at the principal before continuing. “If it’s alright, find out how to get in touch with you when we learn whether we made it into the summer music program. Are we allowed to have your phone number?”

  The principal swallowed her cake and shook her head. “That’s not permitted, but you can come to me and ask me to relay a message to Mrs. Griffin for you. I’ll make sure she gets it,” she said.

  Shiloh peered at the girls. Had the principal not been standing there, she would have whipped out her cell phone and plugged in their numbers without hesitation.

  “All I know is that you better track me down when you get in,” Shiloh said, trying to sound stern, and remembering that she already had Monica’s email address, and had used it to forward her music for her audition. “The minute after you tell your parents and grandparents, I better be the next person you inform.”

  “You will, we promise!” Monica said.

  “Especially since you’re threatening us, and in front of other adults, too!” Phaedra laughed.

  Shiloh set the plate she had used for her cake on her nearby desk and walked over to the girls to gather them in her arms.

  “Group hug!” she said. “You two young ladies make me proud. Keep being who you are and living on your own terms, not someone else’s.”

  She raised her head and looked into Phaedra’s eyes. “For you, that may mean you choose to go to college to find your life’s path, rather than sit out. I don’t know. But don’t miss the forest for the trees, okay?”

  Phaedra half nodded and half frowned. “Okay … I think I know what you mean by that. I’ll give it some thought.”

  Shiloh wished she could say more, but she knew the girls had to make their own mistakes and with God’s help, create their own successes. It was hard not to lecture them, though. Who knew when she took this assignment in late summer that she’d leave this school with her heart walking around outside of her body, as it had with the birth of each of her sons, but this time for these two girls, and several other students. She had assumed that nerve-wracking feat only occurred in motherhood, but love didn’t have those kinds of parameters.