Carnage

by Lesley Jones

  As much as I would love to. “I’d never be with him knowing he was shagging about, it would kill me, like you say, you’ve bought me up to be better than that. I hope that one day, I will be able to find someone that will love and take care of me but I will always have to be honest and up front with them, they will have to know from the very beginning that I will only ever love Sean, I can’t change that, it is what it is. Please don’t worry about me and you’re right in what you said about this little episode, it needed to happen, it should’ve happened four years ago but it’s happened now, I’ve finally managed to shed some tears over it and I am ready to move on, I’m ready to listen to music again.” I smile at her.

  “Hmmm, well that will be a feat in itself George, every other song seems to be one of the bands and most of them are about you.”

  WHAT??

  “What dya mean they’re about me?”

  “Well they aren’t called ‘This Song Is About Georgia’ but seeing as Sean writes most of them and I know him like I know my own children, I know they’re about you. When you’re feeling ready, listen to some of their music, listen to the words and you’ll understand, especially I got it wrong and the other one, the one they got all the awards for.” I shrug, I have no idea, I know nothing of the band and their achievements, other than that they are now very famous.

  “With me… it’s called ‘With me’ George, it’s one of the few ballads they sing, it’s beautiful, Sean’s voice…” she trails off. “Anyway, when you’re ready, give them a listen.”

  My head is spinning by the time my Mum drops me home with orders to take the rest of the week off and to have a quiet weekend. The first thing I plan on doing is confronting Cam, I have had this horrible little thought going around in my head and before I decide where my feelings are going with this man, I need to find out if he’s just playing a game. Is he using me to get at my Dad? Is he trying to find out my secrets so that he can use them as leverage in some way?

  I change into a pair of jeans and my Chucks that I bought in America on a business trip with my Mum, she hates them, and I love them and the fact that no one else wears them. I pull on a sweatshirt as it’s a bit cold outside and put a bit of makeup on, a whole morning of not crying has improved my puffy eyes but my face is still a bit blotchy.

  I head back down the stairs and have a look at my car, I had to ignore it when my Mum dropped it off, she has no idea it was damaged, or why and that Cam has had the repairs done. This is what I don’t understand, why would he do that, if he was just using me to get at my Dad, wouldn’t he find it amusing to let my Dad know that his daughter is a two timing whore and got her car smashed up because of it? I have all of this going through my head as I make the ten minute walk up the high street to the wine bar.

  Cam’s car is in its usual spot but the bar is locked, it’s only four in the afternoon. Shit I hadn’t thought about that. I knock on the door and it’s opened by one of the bouncers, he looks surprised to see me. “Alright love? Come in, he’s in the office, just give the door a knock before you go in would ya, he’s been on the phone for the last couple of hours.”

  I smile up at the giant of a man, he’s about the same height as Cam but a whole lot wider, he’s bloody huge. The bar is empty apart from one barman restocking the shelves, Mr Big and another bouncer who are in the middle of eating something up at the bar, they all watch me as I come through the door but smile nicely and then carry on with their conversation as I head to the office at the back, as I get closer I can hear Cam talking and he doesn’t sound happy.

  “I don’t care; he’s a piss taking cunt… No, he’s been given more than enough chances and more than enough time… No Eddie, people will think I’m going soft, I’ve tried to be fair but I want my money and I want it by Friday… Well take his fuckin’ car then and whatever else he’s got that adds up to thirty grand, and tell him he’s arsehole and he’s fuckin’ lucky I haven’t charged him interest and that I’m leaving him with his balls still intact.”

  Shit, angry Cam is scary and so fucking sexy, I knock on the slightly open door. “Hang on,” he says to whoever is on the phone. “Come in.”

  I push the door open slowly and his mouth drops open slightly as he takes me in, I ache instantly, right down low in my belly and my face flushes as I look at him. He’s sitting in the big twirly chair, wearing grey suit trousers and a light blue shirt, the sleeves are rolled up to the elbows and his grey tie has been loosened and his top button is undone, his long legs are crossed at the ankles as his feet rest up on the desk. He was rocking back in the chair when I opened the door but he’s now stopped and is still, without saying another word or taking his eyes off me, he hangs up the phone.

  “Kitten,” he sighs my name. I think I just had a mini orgasm, I smile at him, yes, this man definitely affects me, I really hope he’s not using me; I pull gobby George from somewhere.

  “How the fuck are you Tiger, miss me?”

  “Georgia, really, language.”

  “Errrm pot calling the kettle black there I think, after what I just heard you saying on the phone.”

  His whole demeanour changes in a split second and he sits up straight in his chair. “And what exactly do you think you heard me say on the phone?”

  Shit, I do not like this Cam… well maybe I do, a bit.

  “I heard you swear, a lot, that was all.”

  He leans back in his chair as his eyes look me up and down. “You look skinny kitten, are you feeling better?”

  “I know, I’ve lost some weight this week but I’m feeling much better now; were you worried?”

  He doesn’t answer my question but instead says, “Come here.” I think about it for a second, he raises his eyebrows, daring me to disobey.

  “Yay, are we gonna twirl?” He lets out the biggest laugh as he pulls me into his lap and sniffs my skin, right below my ear, my nipples are instantly hard and my skin is covered in goose bumps. The phone rings, he reaches around me, picks up, then puts it down again, waits a few seconds then takes it back off the hook and lays it on its side. He holds me at arm’s length and looks over my face.

  “Are you sure you’re okay, you look tired and very sad.” His words make my insides melt; I let out a long sigh as I remember why I’m here.

  “Why did you take me out Saturday night Cam? Why have you bought me champagne in the past? Why did you get my car fixed?” He holds me around the waist with his right arm, his big hand is splayed over my belly as I sit sideways on to him, still in his lap, I can smell him, I actually blink to try and remain focused.

  “I like you George, I’ve liked you since that very first night that you walked in here, I’ve told you this; why, why are you asking?”

  “Are you using me?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, in what possible way could I be using ya? You ain’t even let me fuck ya.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about your business relationship with my family?” He puffs his cheeks and blows out a big puff of air that makes his hair move. I can’t take my eyes off those full soft lips.

  “Kitten.” he says very quietly, and then pauses for a second as he rubs his index finger backwards and forwards over his bottom lip and I almost sigh out loud… Focus Georgia!

  “I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t know what you knew about your Dad’s business dealings, I didn’t want to be causing any trouble.”

  “Why would it cause trouble?”

  “Georgia, your Dad’s a very private person and I respect that, any information concerning his business affairs are up to him to divulge, not me.” And here it is again, that posh words, common accent of his again.

  “But I’m his daughter.”

  “Well yes, I fuckin’ know that now don’t I, but I had no idea who you were when I first bought you drinks. I only realised that the night you came over here for a drink with me, that’s why I, that’s why.”

  “That’s why you ignored me, that night, that’s why you went all weird
on me?” Fuck and I thought it was because of something he might have read, shit, I threw a drink in his face for thinking that as well, oops.

  “When you told me that night who you were, I… I just thought it would be better to walk away. I know your Dad George, he’s private and very, very possessive of his family, I had no idea he had a daughter, knew he had boys but I’ve only ever met Bailey and he’s exactly like your Dad. I take it your other two brothers don’t work for the fam… Oh shit sorry, fuck, you don’t like talking about them do ya, sorry.”

  I feel weirdly happy that, that thought had popped into his head. “Anyway, I couldn’t get you out of my head but decided to stay away, I like my head being attached to my shoulders and knowing your Dad and brother the way I do I decided that the best way to keep it there was to stay away from you.”

  He strokes his knuckle over my cheek bone and I can’t help but lean into it. “But I couldn’t, every couple of weeks you would parade in here with a different idiot all fucking over you and it was all I could do to not knock them the fuck out, but I didn’t want to cause trouble I didn’t want to cause trouble with you and I didn’t want there to be trouble between me and the Layton’s and then last week, when you turned up with no dick, shit shag, I couldn’t keep a lid on it anymore.”

  He looks me right in the eye and grinds his obvious hard on into my hip. “I’ve had a hard on for you Kitten, since the first time I laid eyes on you and when that little prick told me you was with him and then put his hands on you the way he did, I fuckin’ lost it. Good job Benny was there to hold me back, coz I was ready to kill the cunt, I wish I fuckin’ had now, seeing as what he did to your car just cost me two grand.”

  What?

  “My car cost you two grand? Cam, you can’t be paying that for me.”

  He totally ignores me; he seems to do that a lot when I say something he doesn’t like.

  “Why did you ask if I was using you? I still don’t understand where that came from?”

  I feel guilty now, should I tell him why I thought he was using me? I let out a deep breath.

  “I thought you were using me to get at my Dad; Bails told me that you weren’t happy about him owning a share of Kings, I thought perhaps you were trying to get at him through me, find out my secrets, tell them to him, tell him that you had fucked his daughter.”

  He throws his head back and laughs that big loud laugh of his “Kitten, do you seriously think I have a death wish? If I ever got to fuck Frankie Layton’s daughter, the last thing I would ever do is tell him about it, he would blow my fuckin’ balls off, and then feed them to me.”

  His big laugh is infectious and makes my giggle sound very girly. “Don’t be ridiculous Cam, Bailey would do it before my Dad could get to you, and he’s younger and faster.” I deadpan.

  He gives a small shake of his head. “Well I would rather one of them than that psycho uncle of yours.” He’s lost me now.

  “Who’s that, not Fin?”

  He looks at me wide eyed. “Yes Fin.” He stops whatever he was about to say and sighs deeply. “Kitten?”

  “Tiger?”

  “Where are we going with this?” he speaks into my neck, in that spot, right bellow my ear, my body reacts in an instant and I’m covered in goose bumps, my nipples harden and I shudder, and that ache between my legs, aches just a little bit more. God I need sex!

  “Where would you like to go with this Cam?”

  “Where I would like to go, is right over this desk, and then where I would like to go is upstairs to my bed but we’ll get there, eventually.”

  “You’re very sure of yourself Mr King.”

  “That’s because I generally get what I want Ms Layton and I have you in my sights.”

  For some reason that makes my belly do all sorts of acrobatics and I’m lost for words. We stare silently into each other’s eyes, I don’t know what I’m looking for, I don’t know what I hope to see, perhaps it’s myself I should be looking at, perhaps it’s my own eyes I should be looking into for some answers. This man leaves me so confused, he’s so alpha male, so dominating, so different to what I’ve been used to of late, I’m always the one in charge and with him, that’s just not going to happen and I’m beginning to wonder if that’s exactly what I need, instead of planning and scheming on how to get a man to fall in love with me, how to get them to the stage where they can’t live without me. Why not let all of that go? Why not just let go and see what happens, dare I take that chance, can I take that chance?

  Then there’s Sean, of course there is, there’s always Sean and as frustrating as it is, I know that there’ll always be Sean. I have just ten weeks until the wedding, ten weeks in which I have to get my head in a space where it can cope with being in the same room as him and I don’t know what to do for the best, whether to just to go with it on the day or to agree to see him beforehand so that we can talk. I know I’m making progress, I’ve proved today that I can now talk about him and I even listened to music but that’s today, I haven’t heard a Carnage song on the radio yet or seen his face on the telly, tomorrows another day and if either of those things were to happen, I have no idea how I will react. I know the majority of the population won’t understand any of this, I didn’t then and I still don’t think I completely do now and unless you have ever experienced that all-consuming, obsessive, takes over every second of your life, kind of love, then you never will.

  “Would you like to come over to my place tonight for dinner? I’ll cook, we can talk, because I have questions?” I ask him and feel absolutely gutted when he shakes his head no.

  “You’ve been sick, you come to my place, and I’ll feed you Kitten.” Oh good, that’s good then.

  “You cook?”

  “Fuck no, I never said anything about cooking, I said I’d feed you.”

  “So you’re going to feed me raw food?” He gives a toned down version of his usual laugh and a slight shake of his head.

  “No, I won’t feed you raw food, I have a perfectly good chef here, where we can order from the menu and have it sent up. If you have nothing to go home for, we can go up now.”

  “Well I’m not exactly dressed for dinner.”

  “You’re dressed perfectly. I’ve always wanted to have a twelve year old boy with great tits over for dinner.” He tries to keep a straight face as he speaks.

  “Do you realise how wrong, on so many levels, what you just said is?” He tilts his head back and considers what he said for a few seconds and I laugh when his eyes widen.

  “Shit, fuck yeah, no, no, I am not, in any way, attracted to twelve year old boys, even if they do have tits like yours, or look like you in any way. Fuck, I don’t like any boys, of any age, or men, blokes, I don’t find… ”

  “Okay, okay Cam, I get it, I was joking.” He rakes his hand through his hair and those dark eyes burn right into me.

  “Shall we go then, upstairs?” he asks, before I can answer the other phone on his desk rings, he picks it up. “Fuck off,” he says and puts it straight down again. He stands and I slide off his lap.

  “Sooo authorative,” I say to him, rubbing his chest as if I’m impressed with the power he exudes, which is actually turning me on no end. He pulls me to him and grinds the erection he still has going on into me, it presses the seam of my jeans, right into my clit and I fight to control my bottom jaw as it drops open, I clamp it shut and swallow hard.

  “Oh Kitten, you have no idea.”

  His breath is hot and right in my ear and on my neck. I grab his arse cheeks and pull him into me tighter, I am on absofuckinlute fire inside and I know that I’m getting wet, he pushes his fingers through my hair and holds onto the back of my head and looks down at me. “Don’t tease me Kitten, coz I will take you, right here, right now, right over this desk if it’s what you want but you are pushing me to stage where I won’t ask again, I will just take what I want.”

  My head swims with his words. How can just words have that kind of effect on me? I bite down on my
bottom lip, I do want him, now, on this desk but I need a clear head, I have some questions I need answering before I take this further, because being the sad little compulsive person that I am, I’m afraid I won’t care what the answers are once we have sex and I need to save myself from that fate.

  CHAPTER 13

  Cam led me out to the bar by my hand, the bouncers were still sitting at the bar talking and both turned to look at us, I watched as their eyes remained on my hand in Cam’s.

  “I’m taking the rest of the night off Ben, take any calls and keep an eye on things, I don’t want to be disturbed unless it’s an absolute emergency.”

  “What about the meet with Eddie?” Giant monster man asks… Ahh so this is Benny.

  “I’ve spoken to Eddie on the blower, I want my money Ben, I let it go because I didn’t want to see him lose his house but his Misses has left him now she’s found out about his other bird, so fuck him, I want my dough.” He looks at me, then brings my hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it, Benny just stares, and the other bloke’s eyes almost pop out of his head and I wonder why that is.

  “I’ll ring down in a bit for some food, I’ll call the bar phone.” He looks at me. “Let’s go.”

  “What, wait, you’re going upstairs?” Benny asks.

  “Na Ben, I’m going to fucking Mexico. Of course I’m going upstairs, I don’t expect someone to deliver me food elsewhere.” Benny’s eyebrows rise up, they would be hidden by the hair of anyone else but Benny doesn’t have any, he’s as bald as a babies arse and just as pink.

  “Okay,” he says with a shake of his head.

  Cam leads me to a door behind the bar, we go up a flight of stairs then he unlocks another door and we are in a hallway, this leads through into a large open planned living, dinning and kitchen area. Everything is white, except the sofas, which are black leather. The fireplace is huge, white marble Adams style, with a black marble hearth.

  He lets go of my hand and goes over and flicks a switch and it roars to life, he turns and looks at me. “See how good I am at turning things on,” he says with a wink and I cannot think of a single comeback.