Secrets & Surrender

by L. G. Castillo

  Why in the hell did he have to be so gorgeous? My eyes drifted from his stunning hazel eyes to his lips. My stomach fluttered as I remembered how it felt being pressed against his muscular chest and how those lips kissed mine, making me come alive. And that tongue. Oh my God, that tongue. The craving to have him kiss me again beat against me like a wild woman.

  I inched back, getting as far away from him as I could in the small car. Those sexy lips of his cannot touch mine again. Ever. If they did, there would be no going back. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from him. I just had to hold on through this one movie.

  “So how long is this movie?”

  “Two hours.”

  That long? Crap!

  Okay, I can do this. Feet forward, hands in lap, and eyes on the screen. Two hours and I’m outta here.

  I shifted a little more and winced when the door handle stabbed my side.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to sit in your Pinto? If you get any closer to the door, you’ll fall out.”

  “No, this is fine.” Ignoring how his sexy laugh made my stomach do wild flip flops, I glued my eyes to the movie screen. I groaned. The movie hadn’t even started. They were just showing the previews for the new releases. This was going to take forever.

  My heart pounded hard against my chest with each minute that passed. Although he didn’t say a word, I felt his eyes on me. From the corner of my eye, I saw his hand slowly drift to mine. I held my breath as it hesitated just inches away. Then the movie finally started, and the energy shifted as he pulled his hand back into his lap.

  I let out a breath, settling into the lush leather seat, smiling, and feeling relieved that he wasn’t going to make this hard for me.

  Everything was going to be fine. All he had to do was keep to himself in his seat, so I could focus on the movie. How hard could that be? I mean, come on. It was Bruce Willis in all his glory on that screen. No problem, right?

  No matter how much my brain demanded that my eyes keep looking forward at the cool explosions and a hot and sweaty Bruce Willis, I couldn’t do it. My stupid eyes went totally rogue and kept sneaking glances at Nic.

  Damn him! Why did he have to be so good looking? His profile was gorgeous with that perfect nose and those sensuous lips. And then there was the chiseled jaw. I clenched my hands, digging my nails into my palms and fighting the urge to run my tongue along his jaw. I could almost feel the rough stubble under my tongue. I was slowly melting into a puddle of goo, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

  Then hazel eyes suddenly locked with mine.

  Oh, shit! Look at the screen! Look at the screen!

  Eww, Bruce Willis is pulling glass out of his foot.

  Nic chuckled. “It’s okay, Mandi.”

  “What’s okay?”

  “I know you like me.”

  I balked. Taking a deep breath, I turned, determined not to be thrown off by how sexy he looked . . . and how his dark hair was brushed back off his gorgeous face . . . and how his perfect lips were smiling at me, flashing perfect teeth.

  My heart was about to leap out of my chest if I didn’t think of something to distract me.

  Bruce Willis’s feet! Bruce Willis’s feet!

  “Pompous much?” I asked when my heart finally slowed down.

  He reached out, cupping my cheek with his hand. My breath hitched as my stomach went into a free fall with that one simple touch.

  “Don’t fight it.” His face drifted closer to mine. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to—and I didn’t want to. His lips were a whisper away as his hot breath hit against my lips. “Relax.”

  I froze at the sound of his words. It was a phrase I’d heard in every teen movie I’d ever seen—typical stud athlete making the moves on the innocent girl. Ha! Well, this girl wasn’t falling for it.

  “Bite me, Marcelli! You’re just like the rest of them.” I slapped my palms against his chest, shoving him away. I jumped out of the car before I changed my mind and decided to jump his bones.

  “What did I do? Mandi!” He got out of the car and ran over to me, placing a hand over the Pinto’s door handle when I reached to open it. “Tell me. What did I do wrong?”

  “I know what you’re up to.”

  “I’m not up to anything. I just wanted to kiss you.”

  “Uh-huh, yeah. And then after that?” I folded my arms across my chest.

  “That’s it. And maybe get to know you better.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean by that.”

  “Come on, Mandi. That’s not what I meant at all. I’m not like that, and I think you know it too. It’s like you’re making this all up just so you can—”

  Realization filled his handsome face. “You are making this up. You’re still fighting it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Then why can’t you look at me?”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Mandi, look at me. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t like me.”

  I couldn’t do it. If I looked at him, he’d know. If I didn’t look at him, he’d still know. I was going to have to make up something.

  Slowly, my eyes drifted up, and what I saw crushed me. Hazel eyes gazed down at me with confused hurt, and I was the one who put that look there.

  Damn it! Why did he have to look like that, all vulnerable and honest? Why couldn’t he be a self-centered ass?

  “Okay, I admit it. I like you. But this,” I waved my hand between us, “can’t go anywhere beyond this one date. Okay?”

  “No, it’s not okay. I want to know why.”

  “Man, you’re stubborn.”

  “I’m stubborn?” He gave me a sexy, lopsided grin. I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Alright, alright. You’ve got me there. But, seriously, this can’t go beyond one date. You don’t know the kind of pressure I’m under. I study all the time, and when I’m not studying, I’m babysitting my brother and sister. I don’t have time for this dating stuff.”

  “Is that all? I’m busy too. AP calculus is not the easiest subject for me, you know. And football practice eats up a lot of time. We’ll find the time.”

  “You don’t get it, Nic. I have to get straight A’s. The only way I can go to college is on a full ride. Not everyone has a rich daddy to foot their bill.”

  He jerked his head back, stunned. It was as if I’d slapped him. “Just because my family has money doesn’t mean I don’t have it hard.”

  “Really?” My eyes drifted down, taking in his designer clothes. I hated it when rich people said things like that. They don’t know what it means to worry about paying their rent or having enough money for groceries at the end of the month. “If I’m able to get a scholarship, I’ll be the first in my family to go to college. Hell, if I survive senior year, I’ll be the first in my family to graduate high school. What about you, son of a university president?”

  His face reddened. “Okay, so I won’t be the first.”

  “And your father’s a university president.” I jabbed his chest. “I bet he even has a Ph.D.”

  “He does but—”

  “I bet even your grandparents are college graduates.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Must be nice not have to worry about how you’re going to pay for college. Some people aren’t as lucky as—”

  “Stop it, Mandi!”

  I blinked with shock as he roared my name. I’d crossed a line with him. I’d never seen him so mad. His eyes blazed, staring into mine. His breath came out fast and hard, and his nostrils flared.

  Letting out a growl, he snatched his hand off the door handle. I gulped, not saying a word, as I watched him pace, mumbling under his breath.

  He finally stopped, his back to me. I took in the strength of his broad shoulders. They were the same shoulders that had plowed through the football field for the winning touchdown, the shoulders that held an aura of confidence as he
walked down the halls of Koppe high with dozens of girls watching him. Those shoulders sank as he spoke.

  “You think I don’t know pressure because my family has money? I know pressure. I feel it every day of my life. I felt it when I was in private school and was called ‘average’ by my high school counselor. I felt it when Bianca made honor roll every semester and my mother avoided me whenever I brought my report cards home. I felt it the day I asked my father to get me a tutor just so I wouldn’t look like an idiot in AP calculus. I felt it when I bribed Bianca not to tell anyone where I was going during lunch.”

  Wait. What? He’d hired a tutor? Why didn’t he just take regular calculus—oh my God!

  “Nic, I didn’t—”

  He spun around, his face raw with emotion. “I know pressure, Mandi. The pressure to be the perfect son. The pressure to win at all costs because that’s the Marcelli way. Because I have to be number one. My father reminds me every day. ‘You’re a Marcelli. You were born to be number one!’”

  His voice shook with the intensity of his words. I stepped closer to him, wanting to take away the pain that was written all over his face.

  He held a hand up, shaking his head. He was on the edge. He was showing me a side of him I’d never seen, and he looked...scared.

  “You’re right. I don’t have to worry about paying for college. I don’t have the kind of pressure you have. But you don’t know what it’s like trying all your life to be the kind of son my father expects me to be, or to know that I’ve disappointed him again and again because I’m not like him. And knowing that no matter how much money I have or how hard I try, I could never be him.”

  “I didn’t know,” I whispered, tears stinging my eyes as he struggled to say those last words.

  “That’s why I wanted you to go out with me, Mandi. I wanted you to see the real me. I’m more than all this.” He gestured to his clothes and the car. He cleared his throat and forced a smile. “Well, maybe the alligator on my shirt. I know how much you like that.”

  I studied the sad eyes he wore behind the smile. It was then I realized that he was hiding behind that smile, hiding just like me. We were the same. I hid my anxiety about the future by plowing through everyone and everything that got in my way, including myself.

  Something inside me stirred. I gazed deep into his eyes, wanting so badly to be a part of his life, to show him, that in my eyes, he was special. Screw his father! How could anyone not see how amazing Nic was?

  I went to him, desperately wanting to feel like a normal teenage girl, wanting to give into him and get lost in his kisses. I placed my hand on his chest, ignoring the little voice in my head saying that if I let him in, I’d never be able to let go.

  “You don’t have to pretend with me. I see you now, Nic. The real Nic.”

  Hopeful eyes gazed into mine. “And?”

  I took a deep breath, stepped up on my toes, and tilted my head up. He ducked his head in response. My lips brushed against his as I spoke. “I like the real Nic Marcelli.”

  His kiss was a hesitant at first, so light I hardly felt it. My hand slid up his chest and into his hair, drawing him closer to me. Instantly, he deepened the kiss. And at that moment, I finally released the real me, the girl who longed to be loved, to be touched, to be kissed.

  And he kissed, just like I longed for. Slowly, he seeped into my heart, but I was careful not to let him overtake it. As I surrendered to his kiss, there was a small part of me that was afraid of awakening the true feelings I had for him. It was something I’d never felt before.

  I could feel its power rumbling deep inside, threatening to burst out if I let it. I thought I was strong enough to hold it back. We’d only be together for a few months. Once we graduated, he’d go off to some Ivy League college and I’d go to whatever state university gave me a full scholarship. He’d be sweet memory of my senior year.

  I tightened my hold on him, confident that I could keep that little piece of myself back. I had to . . . for my family’s sake.

  chapter 13

  Mandi

  I was an idiot.

  No matter how many times I repeated that thought, it didn’t change the fact that I was still driving on the outskirts of Koppe, heading to the Marcelli ranch.

  How stupid could I get? I actually agreed to brunch with his family. And to make it worse, the invitation said business causal. What the hell was that? Seriously, who dresses up for a late breakfast?

  My plan to casually date Nic and not get serious was obviously not working, or I wouldn’t be forcing my Pinto to drive so far out of town. Nic, that sneaky little bastard, if I didn’t like him so much, I’d seriously consider breaking up with him. I didn’t know how he’d done it, but over the past few months, somewhere between our first date and Cody finally getting a pair and asking Cassie to go steady with him, Nic managed to weasel his way into my life more than I had anticipated.

  One date with Nic turned to the next and before I knew it, there wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t see him. And to make matters worse, I was starting to have Nic withdrawals whenever we were apart for more than a few hours. Man oh man, those times were tough. I must’ve I gained ten pounds from all the candy bars I was eating when Nic wasn’t around.

  I probably could’ve handled it a lot easier is he wasn’t so damn considerate. It was so easy for me to open up to him. And that was a dangerous thing, especially since I had promised myself not to let him know anything about my family. But it was so fun having someone to talk with. Cassie was awesome, but she tended to be on the quiet side. Nic was a talker, no doubt about it. But he always let me have my say too. No matter what the subject, he’d patiently hear me out, and then he’d give his own opinion, even if it differed from mine.

  And oh boy, did we argue, from politics to music, we talked nonstop. We had even stayed up late one night, sitting on the swing Cody had made and Nic had put on the tree for Miguelito and Selina, arguing who was the better guitarist: Slash or Eddie Van Halen. He had some silly idea that Slash was actually better than Eddie. Seriously, everyone knew that Eddie kicks Slash’s ass.

  No matter what we did, Nic was always supportive. When it came time to complete college applications, he was the one who brought me stacks of them. He even shared information with me about how to write my application essays. We spent hours going through the applications and university brochures. Because of his father’s job, Nic had already visited a lot of the campuses. He told me the pros and cons of each of them.

  He was the perfect boyfriend, and that pissed me off. It was totally ruining my plan that my time with him would be just having a bit of fun. And it was fun, but it was also scary because the more I learned about the real Nic, the more I liked him . . . a lot. Then he went and made it worse when he managed to meet my parents by inviting himself to dinner.

  The stinker didn’t blink an eye when he had stepped foot inside the little shack we called home. I was so ready for him to try to make a fast get-away once he got a look at the house and met my family. Cassie kept insisting that he wouldn’t and that he cared too much for me to do something like that. I had waved her away, bracing myself for the breakup that was sure to follow.

  Nic had the nerve to make me like him even more when he didn’t notice the worn out couch or the hand knitted blanket that lay over its back, covering the stuffing that was coming out of the top, or the stains on the armchair from when Miguelito spilled grape juice, or the hole in the cheap linoleum floor. Nic didn’t care about any of it, not even when Juan dissed Nic in Spanish and avoided him by staying outside for the entire dinner.

  Through the meal, Nic sat in the crowded kitchen, listening politely to Dad tell stories about me when I was little. It was so embarrassing! And to make matters worse, he thought it was charming that Mom pronounced his name “Neek.” When I corrected her pronunciation, he waved his hand, shushing me, saying he loved his new name.

  What totally killed me was what I saw him do after dinner. I was busy with Mom
washing the dishes, which he’d offered to help wash too! That brown noser! He was in the living room with Miguelito and Selina. I ran into the room when I heard a lot of grunting followed by high-pitched squeals. Nic was on his hands and knees crawling on the floor with Miguelito and Selina on his back, prancing around like a horse. It was at that moment that I knew I was totally screwed. Stupid Nic Marcelli was making me fall in love with him.

  As I approached the entrance gate to the Marcelli ranch, I rolled to a stop. Big mistake. Anytime I stopped the car for more than a minute, it died on me.

  Like right now.

  “Ugh! Stupid car.” I slapped the steering wheel. I either had to wait for the engine to cool down before I started it again or cool it down with the jug of water I carried around in the trunk of the car for such emergencies. I glanced down at my watch.

  Great. I’m late. Jug of water it is.

  Taking the used milk jug out of the trunk, I poured it over the engine. I yelped when the heat of the steam hit my arms, making me spill water all over my clothes.

  “Son of bitch!” I threw the now empty jug into the car and slammed the door shut. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.

  I glanced down at the pink ruffled blouse and skirt I had borrowed from Cassie, thankful that it was only water. I stared into my reflection in the car window, smoothing down my hair. I stared at a face that I didn’t recognize. I didn’t want to freak Nic’s parents, so I made myself look as normal as possible, straightening my hair instead of my usual big bunches of curls. I had replaced my hoop earrings with plain faux pearl ones, and the only makeup I had on was a touch of blush and lip gloss.

  I looked like a little old lady. I stuck my tongue out at my reflection. I was such a fake.

  “Now that’s an expression you should do more often.”

  I spun around at the sound of Nic’s voice. My stomach fluttered at how gorgeous he looked leaning against the car wearing a pale blue oxford shirt and khaki slacks. He had on a navy blazer with some strange crest on the front pocket.