Secrets & Surrender

by L. G. Castillo

  It was too much. I couldn’t take this anymore. It seemed like the entire world was against us. It would never stop unless I put an end to it.

  I nodded numbly. “Just tell me one thing.”

  She arched a delicate eyebrow.

  “Please, just tell me who told you about Julian?”

  She gave me a slow, evil smile, sending shivers down my spine.

  “Why Kristie, of course.”

  chapter 28

  Mandi

  Kristie Stanton was a dead woman.

  I flung open the auditorium door. The place was filled with students running around, excitedly anticipating tomorrow’s performance. I marched up the aisle, scanning the place for Kristie. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for that clueless, airhead preppie girl persona she put on. It was all an act from day one. And she had Mrs. Marcelli’s blessing.

  Ugh! I couldn’t believe I’d actually been her friend. I’d spent all that time teaching her the steps to my dance number with Julian too. Yep, she was stealing all my moves. I bet that’s what she had been planning to do with Nic if I hadn’t shown up that night—seduce him by rolling her hips and dancing provocatively they way he liked so much.

  “Hey! Watch it!” A girl dressed in a brightly colored costume bumped into me. It was Carla, one of the members of the Ballet Folklorico dance troupe.

  “Sorry. I’m running late,” she said breathlessly, pointing to the dancers on stage.

  I loved watching the troupe during rehearsals. The girls wore colorful ruffled skirts, and matching hair ribbons were woven into their hair and then it was put up in a bun. Because each girl wore a unique color, the stage looked like a rainbow. My favorite part was when they twirled around, creating waves with their skirts. It was so beautiful.

  Too bad that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy watching them today.

  “Mandi, you’re here.” Julian walked up the aisle with Chela behind him. “The AV crew needs us to run through some steps so that they can get the lighting right.”

  “Here.” I slapped my earrings onto the palm of his hand.

  “What’s this?”

  “Earrings, pendejo.” Chela slapped him upside the head. “Who you gonna take down?”

  “Where’s Kristie?” I asked Julian, ignoring Chela’s question. She’d find out soon enough.

  “She’s backstage.” I marched to the stage, shrugging off Julian’s voice. “Mandi, wait! What happened?”

  “It’s about time.” Chela ran past me, yelling, “Cat fight!” at the top of her lungs.

  I so did not want an audience for this, but at this point, I really didn’t care. Maybe it was a good thing because when I was done with Kristie, someone had to be around to call 911.

  I elbowed my way through the growing crowd backstage. Everyone was dressed in costumes for the final stage rehearsal for tomorrow’s performance. I scanned the crowd, looking for the red grasshopper until I found her. She was wearing yellow shorts over red stockings and a red hoodie with yellow antennae attached to the hood. And of course, that stupid plastic hammer was in her hand.

  “Kristie!”

  She whirled around, her face beaming. “Mandi, I’m so glad you came. I wanted to explain about the other night. You’re probably wondering why you haven’t seen me. Yes, I was scared to tell you, and I was on the low down. Or is it down low? Or laying low? Anyway, I wanted to explain to you what happened.

  “I called you, and then I hung up, and I tried calling you again, and then hung up again. I called my shrink and she said to give you some time. And did you know that shrinks only talk to you for fifty minutes, but charge you for an entire hour? I didn’t know that. Anyway, I was so worried. But then I ran into Nic and he said that he explained it to you and—”

  “Will you just shut the fuck up! You never stop talking.”

  My voice echoed through the auditorium and the crowd grew silent. From the corner of my eye, I could see Chela snapping her gum, her eyes darting from me to Kristie.

  Kristie paled. “I-I-I thought you weren’t mad anymore. We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

  Those big blue eyes of hers glistened. It was almost as if I had hurt her feelings. Yeah, right. Not falling for that one again.

  “We were never friends, you bitch!”

  “Ooh,” the crowd murmured.

  “Mandi,” Kristie’s voice cracked. “How can you say that?”

  “Don’t give me that fake sad face. You’re such a two-faced liar.”

  “Oh, burn,” snapped a voice in the crowd.

  “I’ve never lied to you, Mandi. I’ve always been nice to you and—”

  “And to Nic, my boyfriend. Yeah, I’m sure you’ve been very nice to him and would’ve been really nice to him if I hadn’t shown up.”

  “Ooh!” the crowd howled.

  Kristie’s mouth dropped, and for a moment, I felt of twinge of guilt. She looked so shocked. I had to remind myself that it was all an act. After all, she was the one who had told me about how she was in theater in high school.

  “Don’t give me that I’m-so-innocent look,” I barked. “You’ve been trying to get into Nic’s pants since the day you stepped foot on campus.”

  Voices in the crowd murmured their disapproval.

  “It’s not like that!” She stepped forward, reaching out to me. “Let me explain.”

  “Stay away from me,” I growled, clenching my hand into a fist. “You deserve what’s coming to you and more.”

  I pulled back and swung. To my surprise, she ducked.

  “Fight! Fight! Fight!” the crowd chanted.

  “Mandi, stop,” Kristie squealed, dropping the hammer to the ground.

  Picking up the hammer, I chased after her, swinging it wildly. With each swing, she squealed and leaped just out of my reach. Damn the girl was fast.

  Voices in the crowd echoed as we ran across the stage.

  “Get her, Mandi!”

  “Show her who’s da boss!”

  “Run Chapulín!

  “She’s gonna get squashed like a bug!”

  Kristie dodged in and out of a rainbow of skirts as the Ballet Folklorico danced across the stage.

  “Stop it, Mandi! Let me explain.”

  “Bitch, I’ve had it with your lies.”

  “I didn’t lie!”

  “Liar!” I swung, missing her again. “I know you talked to Nic’s mother about me.”

  “I did not.”

  “Did too.”

  “I swear, Mandi. I didn’t.” She dashed to the back of the stage. Just as Kristie was about to run passed Chela, she gave me a wink, and then stuck out her foot. Kristie tumbled forward, falling with a loud thud when her face hit the floor.

  Tossing the stupid hammer aside, I stood over her, panting. “She showed up at the Tutor Zone, you liar. She told me everything.”

  Placing my foot on her side, I yanked her shoulder, flipping her over. There was a ripping sound as one leg of her stockings tore.

  Her eyes were streaked with black tears as they looked up at me with bewilderment. I bent down, grabbing onto her hoodie. My fist pulled back. “Stay away from Nic, bitch.”

  “Manuela!”

  I froze at the sound of my mother’s voice. She pushed herself through the group of onlookers, her arms filled with costumes she was hemming. I blinked, suddenly aware of my surroundings. Everyone stared at me, shocked that I was actually going to hit Kristie.

  Kristie whimpered. Her lips were puffy and bleeding from her fall.

  Julian went to Kristie, offering her his hand as he helped her up. His eyes locked with mine for a moment. His head shook slightly as if he couldn’t believe what I was about to do.

  “What do you have to say for yourself?” Mom asked.

  I couldn’t tell her what was going on. She had enough worries of her own. And here I was, making it worse for her. What if I had really hurt Kristie? I was on-campus. I could’ve gotten kicked out of school or worse, arrested for assault.

  “I
’m sorry, Mom.”

  “I’m not the person you should be apologizing to.”

  I balked. There was no way in hell I was going to apologize to Kristie.

  “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re right. I don’t understand. Your father and I brought you up better than this. If you’re having a problem with someone, you talk it out with your minds and your hearts, not your fists. Especially to someone who has been a friend to you.”

  She went to Kristie and examined her lips. “Julian, get her some ice for that cut. Kristie, after you talk with Mandi, give me your stockings. I’ll take care of the rip for you.”

  “Gracias, Señora Ruiz.”

  “De nada, Mijita.”

  I burned at the Spanish endearment. If only Mom knew what she’d done.

  Mom came up to me and said softly, “You’re an educated college student now. Act your age. Be the young lady that I know you are. Talk it out with your friend.”

  I trudged to the back of the auditorium, walking down what felt like the aisle of shame as dozens of eyes watched. I’d acted like a crazy woman in front of future schoolteachers, lawyers, engineers, and physicians. Many of the students on stage were mentors and role models at Juan’s high school and what had I done? I’d run around stage with a big ass plastic hammer.

  I groaned, sinking into a seat. What the hell had I been thinking?

  Kristie was a mess. Her red hair was frizzed out like she’d stuck a finger in an electric socket. Black streaks lined her porcelain cheeks and rimmed her eyes, making her look like a raccoon.

  She twisted her hands, waiting. Now in my right mind, I could see that she was honestly clueless about what had happened.

  “Mandi,” her voice squeaked, “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to lose you as my friend.”

  “Kristie—”

  “Please, let me explain. You were right. I still have a thing for Nic.”

  Yes! I wasn’t crazy after all.

  “You admit it?”

  Her eyes drifted down. She bit her lip as if fighting off more tears. “I can’t help it. I didn’t know I still had feelings for him. He’s been so sweet to me. And then when he fought off that guy at the party for me and he held my hair back when I kept barfing that night, I thought maybe he still cared.”

  Her eyes shot up to me. “I made a mistake, Mandi. I never wanted to hurt you. I guess I feel so alone here. All the guys look at me like I’m a moron and only want to go out with me for a quick lay. Nic’s the only one who’s ever really took the time to get to know me.”

  Damn it! I wanted to hate her. I wanted to tell her off for trying to steal my man and getting his mother in on it too. How could I blame her for loving Nic? He was wonderful and sweet and sexy, and everything I loved about him, she did too.

  “What about Nic’s mother? She told me that you told her I had the hots for Julian.”

  “No,” she gasped. “Why would she say something like that?”

  “She’s never liked me. She wants me to stay away from Nic.”

  “I don’t know why she would—Oh my god!” Kristie’s hand flew to her mouth, blue eyes widening. “I think I know what happened. She was here a few weeks ago. I was running late to rehearsal and I saw here peeking inside the auditorium. You were dancing with Julian on stage and Nic was backstage helping with the setup crew. She made me promise not to say anything about being here because she was afraid Nic would get mad and think she was checking up on him.”

  “It sounds like she was,” I growled.

  She nodded. “She asked who you were dancing with and I told her. Maybe she thought you were into Julian because of the way you two were dancing. She doesn’t understand that it’s just an act. She didn’t know that you two were supposed to look like you’re totally hot for each other when you dance the Lambada.”

  Shoot me now! I groaned. Did everyone know about Julian and me? I’d never thought about what we looked like to others when we danced. Nic had never said a word. Though most of the time he was working backstage when we rehearsed.

  “Maybe I should explain it to her.”

  “No, don’t do that! She won’t listen to you anyway, and that’s not the problem.” I let out a breath. “She has a problem with me. I could never be who she wants me to be for Nic.”

  “Do you mean someone like me?”

  My eyes shot up with surprise. “Excuse me?”

  “Well, not me, exactly, but my family’s money. Despite what some people might think, I’m not totally clueless. I know Mrs. Marcelli wants Nic and I to get together again.” She twisted her hands nervously. “Now, please don’t get mad again, but over Christmas, when my family was at the Marcellis’ ranch, she kept trying to hook Nic up with me again. She kept reminding us how cute a couple we were when we were in junior high and how wonderful it would be if Bianca and I were true sisters.”

  “Figures.”

  “But I told her that you and Nic made the best couple and were my dearest friends. And I really meant it, Mandi.”

  I sighed as I stared into sincere baby blue eyes. I took a tissue out of my pocket and wiped the streaks off her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Kristie. I just jumped to conclusions without thinking.”

  “We’re still friends?” Her voice croaked.

  “You sure you want a friend that likes to squash red grasshoppers?”

  “You bet!”

  I laughed. She had every right to hate me. The girl had a big heart.

  “Sure. We’re still friends. Just don’t run around half naked in front of Nic, alright?” I smiled.

  “I promise. And just to let you know, he didn’t even notice. He’s totally into you, Mandi. You know, he’s always been a bit flirty, but since he’s been with you, it’s like he doesn’t even notice any other girls.”

  I swallowed thickly as I glanced toward the stage at Julian, hating that my eyes had betrayed me by just looking. “I know. Nic is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  I’m an idiot. He’s the best thing in my life.

  So why did I keep looking at Julian?

  “I haven’t seen Nic around the past couple of days. Will he be here for the performance?”

  “No, something came up.” I couldn’t wait until all this was over so I could stop with all the lies. And here I was calling her a liar.

  Pot meet kettle.

  “That’s too bad. He’s going to miss Julian’s and your performance. Did you see the program? You’re set to go last as the highlight of the show. Isn’t that great?”

  “Yeah, great.” I swallowed as Julian hopped off the stage and headed in our direction. My stomach fluttered. I wanted to say that I was nervous about the performance and that was why my body was reacting this way. Deep inside, I knew that wasn’t true, and my heart ached with its betrayal.

  chapter 29

  Mandi

  “I so wish that you could be here, Cassie. You’ve gotta check out the outfit I’m wearing. It’s totally rad. Like seriously, my boobs look so cool.”

  I gazed into the mirror, forcing myself to smile. I didn’t want to be in the short red skirt or the sexy red midriff. Normally, I’d totally rock this outfit. Today, it was just too much, especially knowing how the outfit barely covered my body and Julian’s hands would be all over me soon.

  I was so nervous and confused. I couldn’t take my mind off what Kristie had said. I mean, if she could tell there was an attraction between Julian and me, Nic had to have seen it. Did he know?

  I had wanted to talk to him about it yesterday, but every time I tried, either he or I would change the subject. What made it worse was that he’d gotten a phone call from his mother last night when we were in the middle of a study session. He was unusually quiet after the phone call. And I was too afraid to ask why. The worst part was that I knew he’d found out about me attacking Kristie yesterday. And I knew that he knew that I knew.

  Yep, totally messed up. Talking on the phone with Cassie was probably the only thing kee
ping me sane right now.

  “I’m not buying it,” Cassie said.

  “Buying what?” I growled at my reflection. A strand of hair kept falling in my face. My hair was piled onto my head and held with the same rhinestone bobby pins that I’d worn on prom night with Nic. I needed one more to keep that stupid strand in place.

  “Something’s wrong.”

  Damn, she’s good.

  “Nothing’s wrong.” I grunted as I dropped to the floor on my hands and knees. “Just a little nervous about the performance.”

  “So tell me again why Nic isn’t going to be there to watch your very first college dance performance.”

  “He’s studying for an exam on Monday.” I crawled around the floor, looking under the bed for the bobby pin. Was I crazy? I had sworn I had at least a dozen of them. All but one was on my head, stabbing my scalp.

  “He can’t take off an hour to watch you dance? That’s not right, Mandi.” She lowered her voice and said gently, “What’s going on with the two of you?”

  I sat up on my legs at the sound of her voice. She sounded so worried. I tilted my head back, blinking the tears that threatened to fall.

  “Nothing,” my voice squeaked. I quickly cleared it. “Uh, really, Nic and I are fine. We’re just a little stressed out with classes. And how’s Cody Jr., still giving you heartburn?” I forced my voice into a teasing tone.

  “Oh my God, yes. He just keeps wiggling around in there. There’s no more room for him to move. I really hope you’re right and that he’s a boy. Though I have an idea for what we’ll name him. I was thinking about naming him after Cody’s dad and mine.”

  I smiled at the thought of Cassie’s baby. When she’d first told me about being pregnant, I wasn’t too happy that she had hid it from me for so long. “You know, I’m still pissed at you for not telling me sooner so I could throw you a baby shower.”

  “I know, I know. It’s just that, things got a little . . . complicated.”

  “Yeah, uh-huh. And that’s another thing, you haven’t exactly been forthcoming with what’s going on between you and Cody either.”