Hidden Depths

by Ally Rose

  Julia could see her sister felt she was part of a family again and the signs were there that Lotte was looking forward to returning to a full and prosperous life. For Julia, helping Lotte achieve a positive outcome was worth making a temporary sacrifice for the next six months or so. As yet unbeknown to her sister, though, Julia had other plans for her own future for she had fallen in love with Dr Roth and he with her.

  On a Sunday afternoon in the middle of April, Frank and Tomas were playing football in the garden. Julia asked Lotte to keep an eye on them whilst she popped into town on the pretext of arranging a surprise for Tomas’s birthday the following weekend. In truth she was eager to see Jonas.

  Their rendezvous was at a coffee shop in town where they kissed warmly and held hands.

  ‘I miss you but it won’t be for long,’ Julia reassured him. ‘I’d like to have a weekend with you but at the moment it’s not possible.’

  ‘Have the boys said anything about me to Lotte?’ Jonas asked.

  ‘That we’re together? No, not yet, but I’m not going to ask them to keep it a secret. If they let it slip, Lotte will ask me straight away, you can be sure of that!’ Julia said.

  At the house in Wannsee, Frank and Tomas stopped playing their game of football when a tall stranger with a pale face and brown hair came into the garden. It was Wolfgang Feuer.

  Wolfgang smiled and spoke in a relaxed manner. ‘Hi, I rang the bell, but no one answered. I’m here to see Lotte.’

  Frank was a streetwise kid and crime was around every corner in his usual city neighbourhood. He looked at the smartly dressed man and didn’t feel too worried. ‘OK, I’ll go and get Tante Lotte for you,’ he told the stranger.

  ‘Thank you,’ Wolfgang replied.

  Tomas didn’t take any interest in the man and accidentally kicked his ball into the pond.

  ‘Damn it!’ Tomas cried.

  Wolfgang realised these boys were Lotte’s nephews and thought it was a shame he was about to change their lives, too. ‘I’ll help you get the ball out,’ he said.

  ‘Danke ,’ Tomas said, pleased.

  It started to rain. Lotte came out into the garden looking a bit perturbed, Frank following her. The nurse had gone off duty and her housekeeper was running late. Who was this strange man, in her garden? Wolfgang turned to face her. The last time he’d seen her was when he was a 15-year-old boy at Torgau. She was exactly as he remembered.

  ‘Go inside boys, you’ll get wet,’ Lotte told her nephews and waited until the boys had gone inside to speak to the stranger. ‘And you, sir, are trespassing.’

  ‘Let me introduce myself,’ he said. ‘I’m Wolfgang, I used to be a Torgau boy. You used to call me the “Magic Flute”.’

  Lotte immediately recalled his name. ‘Get out of my garden!’ she said, through gritted teeth.

  ‘So, Fraulein Holler, you do remember me.’

  ‘I’ll call the police. They’ll be here in a shot. Get out!’ Lotte barked.

  Wolfgang was fearless. ‘Let’s talk in front of the police.’

  Lotte froze. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘The truth.’

  ‘Are you the one… Did you attack me?’ Lotte said, her voice trembling.

  Wolfgang shook his head. ‘That’s not my style. The Torgau boy that attacked you, he left fingerprints on a knife found at the scene of the crime. The police know the fingerprints are not mine and I’m in the clear.’

  Lotte felt suspicious. ‘Do you know who attacked me?’

  ‘If I did, I’d buy him a drink.’

  Wolfgang was deadly serious and Lotte knew he meant business. It was clear he had no sympathy for the years she had spent in a coma. She didn’t react to his acerbic remark, just asking, ‘How did you find me?’

  ‘I’m a property developer with many contacts. Nice house. I believe you’ve come into a lot of money.’

  ‘So, you’re after my money,’ Lotte guessed.

  ‘Blackmail is not my style,’ Wolfgang told her.

  The clouds grew very dark and the rain started to fall heavily.

  It was at this moment that Julia arrived home with shopping, entering the house from the front. She called out for her boys. ‘Frank, Tomas, help me unpack the shopping. Where’s Lotte?’

  Tomas appeared, somewhat bemused. ‘Tante Lotte’s in the garden, talking to a man in the rain. Why don’t they come inside?’

  Julia dropped the shopping bag and ran outside. Lotte and Wolfgang were soaked and appeared frozen to the spot as they stared at one another.

  Julia felt afraid. ‘Lotte!’ she cried. ‘Who are you?’ she asked the intruder. ‘Lotte, come inside.’

  Wolfgang looked menacing. ‘We’re staying here.’

  Lotte’s hair and clothes were drenched. ‘It’s all right, Julia. I can handle this. Go inside and call the police.’

  ‘Your sister might be interested in what I have to say,’ Wolfgang suggested.

  ‘Will one of you tell me what’s going on?’ Julia bellowed.

  Lotte tried to take control of the situation. ‘Julia! Just do as I say!’

  Wolfgang suddenly moved to stand in front of Julia, blocking her path. ‘Your sister had a nickname at Torgau. Aren’t you curious to know why all the kids at Torgau named Fraulein Holler the go-between?’

  Glancing at Lotte, Julia saw fear in her eyes.

  ‘The go-between?’ Julia repeated. ‘Lotte, what’s he talking about?’

  ‘Don’t listen to him. He’s trying to blackmail me,’ Lotte cried.

  Wolfgang was outraged. ‘I wouldn’t touch your blood money, Holler. Go on, tell the truth for once in your life.’

  All three of them were so wet by this time that it was impossible to see that Lotte was crying.

  ‘What did my sister do to you at Torgau?’ Julia asked him.

  Wolfgang could see Lotte was dumbstruck and wasn’t going to admit the truth.

  ‘She collected us kids from our beds and took us to the Musketeers.’

  Julia was confused. ‘The Musketeers? I don’t understand.’

  ‘The three men found dead at the bottom of Muggelsee, they were paedophiles,’ Wolfgang explained. ‘Your sister helped them, she was their go-between. She led us to our abuse and when it was all over, when the Musketeers had finished raping us, your sister escorted us back to our beds and told us not to cry.’

  ‘No!’ Julia screamed. ‘Tell me it’s not true… Lotte?’

  Lotte lowered her head in shame.

  Suddenly the sound of police sirens could be heard and Frank came running outside.

  ‘I called the police, they’re here,’ Frank told them, trying to catch his breath.

  ‘That’s what I wanted from you, Fraulein Holler, a confession and your shame. I hope your sister shows you some mercy – mercy that was so lacking in you towards us Torgau kids,’ Wolfgang told her.

  Two armed police officers entered the garden and Wolfgang readily handed himself over to them for his crime of trespassing, It didn’t worry him. His mission was successful and complete.

  Julia looked at her sister. ‘Lotte! Why did you do it?’

  Lotte had no valid answer. ‘The wardens stuck together.’

  ‘Nein !’ Julia shouted. ‘Mein Gott ! What have you done?’

  Lotte saw the disgust and disappointment in Julia’s eyes. ‘Forgive me, please forgive me.’

  Julia shook her head and turned to go. ‘I thought I knew you.’

  Lotte tried to stop her sister leaving. ‘Julia! Don’t go.’

  Julia found it hard to look her sister in the eye. ‘I’m taking the boys home.’

  ‘But this is your home. Julia, please,’ Lotte cried.

  Julia was outraged. ‘If my sons had had the misfortune to be sent to Torgau, they’d have suffered the same fate. You would have taken my Frank and Tomas from their beds to those men, wouldn’t you? Lotte, how could you?’

  Lotte fell to her knees in the pouring rain. ‘Julia, you’re all I have. Please! Don’t lea
ve me!’

  Julia sobbed as she walked away but she didn’t turn around or answer her sister’s pleas. She had to get out of the house, away from Lotte. The boys gathered a few things and were hurried out of the house.

  ‘Mutti! What’s wrong?’ Frank asked.

  ‘Don’t ask! Play with your Nintendo with your earphones in and please don’t talk. I need time to think,’ Julia told them.

  The boys obeyed their distraught mother without question. They’d never seen her like this before.

  The police handcuffed Wolfgang and took him to the back of their police van where he watched Julia and her sons leaving the house. On his face was a satisfied smile.

  Safely in the car, Julia phoned Jonas on her mobile to tell him she was on her way and drove out of Wannsee back to the city with her sons, to the safety of Jonas’s arms and his home in Pankow.

  Lotte stood in her garden, unable to move as the rain poured down around her. She was utterly alone.

  It was getting dark. It took a few frantic calls from Kruger to round up his team on a Sunday. Kruger was attending his wife’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary party and couldn’t possibly leave. It was down to Glockner and Drais. Stefan drove Hanne to Wannsee police station at breakneck speed.

  Wolfgang had been more than happy to spend the rest of the day in the police cells awaiting their questions. When they arrived he was sitting calmly in the interview room. His hair was still wet from his shower and pushed back behind his ears, revealing small, faded scars on the lobes. Hanne noticed Wolfgang’s ears and immediately had a feeling of déjà vu that she couldn’t quite place. She’d seen scarred ears like that before but couldn’t quite recall when and where.

  ‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’ Glockner yelled at him.

  ‘It was my right,’ Wolfgang replied calmly.

  ‘How the hell did you find her?’ Glockner demanded.

  Wolfgang smiled. ‘I have contacts. I don’t want to prosecute her or sue her for damages – she can choke on her money for all I care,’ Wolfgang told them. ‘I just wanted to confront her.’

  ‘What did you say to her?’ Hanne asked, trying to stay calm.

  Wolfgang was callous in his reply. ‘I told the truth, in front of her sister. I wanted that bitch to own up and feel the shame I’ve felt all these years.’

  Glockner’s mobile rang and he wondered off along the corridor to take the call.

  Hanne shook her head in disbelief. ‘Are you satisfied now?’

  ‘Don’t tell me you feel sorry for her? She helped scar me for life! Look at my ears. The Musketeers liked to brand their “boys” with cigar butts, like fucking cattle! It’s a permanent reminder every time I look in the mirror!’ Wolfgang shouted, and pulled his hair over his ears to hide the scars.

  ‘I’ll have to go and see Lotte Holler. Am I to tell her that you won’t be bringing a case against her?’ Hanne asked.

  Wolfgang nodded. ‘I’ve had my revenge. When other Torgau kids find out about her new found wealth they’ll go after her and her money and good luck to them.’

  Glockner came into the room. His face was pale and he looked stunned.

  Hanne was concerned. ‘Stefan, are you all right? What’s happened?’

  ‘That was the police, over at Lotte’s house. Lotte Holler’s been found dead. She walked into the River Wannsee and drowned.’

  Chapter Forty: The Letter

  LOTTE HOLLER’S FUNERAL WAS a sombre and quiet affair. To avoid any media circus, Julia and Jonas kept the arrangements quiet and had a private family cremation with just themselves, Tomas and Frank. The members of the press who had reported her death and mentioned it for several consecutive days on national television news were outwitted by the police telling them it would be at a certain place and time, before spiriting Julia and her boys and Jonas to a crematorium far away. A small number of disgruntled journalists camped outside the house in Wannsee hoping for an exclusive interview with Julia but she had abandoned the house and returned with her sons to her Berlin flat, hoping for obscurity.

  A few days later, Julia welcomed a visit from Hanne.

  ‘I’m so sorry for your loss,’ Hanne said, giving Julia some flowers.

  ‘Thank you. I’ll put these in water. Coffee?’

  Hanne nodded. ‘Thanks.’

  Hanne looked around the small living room. There were photos of Julia’s sons at various stages in their young lives, one of Lotte as a younger woman and a recent photo of Julia, Lotte and the boys at Wannsee. Hanne was staring at this photo when Julia returned with a tray of biscuits and freshly brewed coffee.

  ‘She loved that house,’ Julia remarked. ‘But it wasn’t meant to be.’

  ‘It must have been a shock, Wolfgang turning up.’

  Julia nodded. ‘The truth always comes out in the end. I would have tried to forgive my sister eventually but she didn’t give me the chance. I don’t know if I could have forgotten, though.’

  ‘The wardens hid the abuse at Torgau and stuck together to hide the truth,’ Hanne said.

  ‘Just like the Nazis, they stuck together – no one questioned or challenged them and like the Torgau wardens, they admitted nothing,’ Julia said bitterly.

  Hanne nodded in agreement. ‘Be prepared, more Torgau victims may come forward.’

  ‘Let them. It’s their right. I’ll not touch Lotte’s money, her victims can have it.’

  Hanne contradicted Julia. ‘I think you’re wrong. You sat by your sister’s bedside all those years until she woke up. Your sister made some terrible mistakes at Torgau but she was also a victim of a crime and you suffered greatly as a consequence of it.’

  Julia’s eyes welled with tears. ‘But when I think of all those children… Instead of helping them, Lotte betrayed them.’

  ‘Even if you don’t want to touch the money, I think some of it should go to your sons,’ Hanne said. ‘A bit of money in the bank might give them a few more options if they have to deal with Lotte’s ghost in the future.’

  Julia could see the sense of it. She got up, went over to a dresser and searched for a letter, then passed a small, white envelope to Hanne.

  ‘My sister walked into the river on Sunday night. She couldn’t swim. Here’s her confession: it doesn’t absolve her but in the end at least she was honest,’ Julia said.

  Hanne read the letter.

  My dearest Julia,

  I’ve been ringing your mobile all day and have left several messages. When you left and didn’t come back I realised you were ashamed of me. When we faced each other in the pouring rain, I saw the pain and disappointment in your eyes and how much I’d hurt you and let you down. I didn’t dare come and see you in Berlin because I knew you needed time away from me. Then dark clouds descended on me and I finally admitted my guilt to myself, realising what I had done to all those poor children. Was that really me? Why did I do it? I have no excuse; I did it because I could. No one questioned or challenged us at Torgau.

  At Torgau, we did what we liked to the children. We repeatedly physically, mentally and sexually abused them. Julia, you’ll probably doubt all I tell you now, but please believe me when I tell you I did not touch the children in a sexual way.

  My crimes were plenty. I was a persistent, cruel bully who belittled the kids, I didn’t care how I made them feel, and it was all about me. I was in control, I felt superior and I was always barking orders and unleashing my moods on them without mercy. It didn’t even occur to me to disobey orders from the male wardens, so I took the kids from their beds and led them to the paedophiles. I read somewhere that when a person is unable to show empathy, it’s an extreme form of narcissism. My inflated ego played a large part in the choices I made and the actions I took. Most normal people would wrap a crying child in their arms to protect them from such misery – but not me, I didn’t want to be an outsider and I enjoyed being part of a gang. Because I co-operated, it was as bad as joining in the abuse. ‘Do what you like, just don’t get caught’, that
was our motto. At Torgau it was similar to how mankind commits atrocities in wartime: it was about the total failure of the human spirit.

  It was the opposite when I came home from Torgau in the evenings and looked after you. I felt the maternal love that was so lacking in me there. How can anyone easily explain the dark side of themselves? I am doing my best to be honest with you now. When that young man attacked me on the banks of Muggelsee, did I tell you how I begged for my life and told him I was pregnant? He said I was unfit to be a mother. He quoted Latin to me – in loco parentis. I had to look it up in a dictionary to understand the meaning. He was right. I was unfit to be a mother.

  Julia, you’re so different to me. You’re a sweet and loving mother and your boys are a credit to you. They don’t deserve the stigma of being associated with me, their Tante. I’ve brought trouble into your life ever since I awoke from my coma. I feel I’ve been a ball and chain around your neck for too many years.

  I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to tell you the truth and it’s because I got caught that the truth came out. Tell Wolfgang I’m sorry, though I know they are futile words after all he went through. If I came face to face with my attacker I’d ask why the hell he changed his mind and showed empathy, and didn’t finish me off when he had the chance.

  I’m sorry to leave you such a mess and so much shame to deal with. I know you will forgive me in time, we’re sisters and we love each other. Do you realise, Julia, I’ve never known any other love but yours. I leave all I have to you.

  You know I can’t swim so I’ve weighted down my coat pockets with stones. Hopefully drowning won’t be too painful a death and it’ll be over quickly. I’m not afraid. Death will be a release from the torments that now haunt my mind. What I am afraid of is never feeling at peace with myself – even with my new-found wealth it would be more painful to stay alive. I think a part of me died that night on the Muggelsee. I wish I had died then but at least I got to have your love again and hold you in my arms. I hope Dr Roth will look after you, he loves you and I can see you love him.