Hidden Depths

by Ally Rose

  Please don’t define me by my shame at Torgau. Think of me kindly, once in a while. Remember the days when it was just you and me against the world. Forgive me. I love you, my sweet, darling sister. I’ve been lucky to have your love.

  Your devoted sister, Lotte.

  Hanne folded the letter carefully and placed it on the coffee table.

  ‘Pretty strong stuff,’ Julia said, stonily.

  Hanne sighed. ‘Indeed. I guess we never really know anyone.’

  ‘What are you going to do with this letter? Don’t you need it for evidence, to help Wolfgang or any other Torgau victim that comes forward to get justice and compensation?’ Julia asked.

  ‘Possibly,’ Hanne said. ‘I’ll take it with me but the truth is, we’ve known for a while Lotte was involved with the paedophiles at Torgau as a go-between.’

  Julia looked surprised. ‘I see. So, Lotte would have been questioned at some point and charged.’

  Hanne nodded. ‘We decided we’d question her when she was well enough to give evidence and face trial.’

  ‘Please tell me the truth and don’t spare me any details,’ Julia demanded.

  ‘OK. Lotte was involved with the three men found in the lake at Muggelsee. Evidence suggests that these men – who called themselves Musketeers – were involved in paedophilia at Torgau. They were named in a paedophile ring that the police broke 12 years ago, only we thought they’d disappeared and escaped justice. Little did we know they were murdered, drowned in their cars and hidden in the depths of the lake.’

  ‘So, the motive of Lotte’s attacker was simply revenge?’ Julia asked.

  ‘Yes, the Musketeers were copycat murders of each other, but he didn’t go through with killing Lotte. When we catch him, we’ll find out why,’ Hanne replied.

  ‘Maybe you think this abused Torgau boy did you all a favour, getting rid of the Musketeers,’ Julia said.

  ‘In a way he did, but we can’t excuse him even if he does turn out to be a paranoid schizophrenic. You can’t take the law into your own hands, so if he’s alive and we catch him he’ll be assessed and sentenced accordingly.’

  ‘Do you think he’s still alive?’

  Hanne nodded. ‘I have a feeling that he is.’

  ‘Now I understand his motives I can’t blame him any more for what he did to Lotte,’ said Julia, quietly. ‘If I were in his shoes I’d take the law into my own hands. I think most people would, especially if it were their child that was abused.’

  Hanne concurred but couldn’t admit that she sympathised with Marine Boy. She felt great compassion for Julia. Every time she reads her sister’s confessional letter it will be a reminder of everyone’s pain, thought Hanne, and had an overriding desire to tell Julia to burn the letter.

  ‘By the way, I was pleased to read that you and Dr Roth are together now,’ she added.

  ‘Yes. Lotte was observant enough to know Jonas and I had fallen in love,’ smiled Julia. ‘Funny isn’t it? All that time she was in a coma, Jonas and I had separate lives. I guess if we hadn’t admitted our feelings before Lotte was discharged as his patient, we’d have missed our chance.’

  Hanne thought about how she had prolonged letting go of her past regarding Claudia but when she’d finally summoned up the courage, she had met Brigitte.

  ‘I guess love happens when you’re least expecting it. Isn’t that the old adage? I’m glad for you,’ Hanne told her.

  ‘Thank you. You know, it’s weird how long it took Jonas and me to get together. I guess it was all down to timing. I’ve lost Lotte but gained Jonas. I feel so unbalanced.’

  ‘Buddhists believe that to feel unbalanced is to have a balanced life,’ Hanne said.

  Julia smiled. ‘It would be nice to keep in touch with you if it’s not too painful.’

  ‘I’d like to think it’s possible,’ Hanne replied. ‘One last question, did Lotte ever mention anyone called Witzig? He was possibly an ex-colleague from Torgau.’

  ‘No, sorry. I’ve never heard that name before.’

  Chapter Forty-one: Martha

  AT THE END OF April, Martha Baum was nearly five months pregnant and knowing she could afford a longer maternity leave than most, didn’t intend to work past six months of the pregnancy. With only another 25 working days to go at her Berlin law firm, she marked each day off on the calendar. She was looking forward to putting her feet up and relaxing for the rest of her pregnancy at the lake. She’d been thinking that Peonie would benefit from some exclusive nurturing time, just mother and daughter, before the new baby came along in September.

  During her last scan Martha and Felix had discovered the baby would be a boy. The happy, expectant parents told the family and there was much enthusiasm although Martha noticed that after the initial excitement her husband quickly returned to seeming ill at ease and troubled. They usually spoke honestly with each other but they hadn’t found the time for a heart-to-heart for a while now. Martha felt Felix, who was usually quite open and frank, had become emotionally secretive and closed to her recently.

  When her parents took Peonie to Kopenick that weekend, Martha thought it would be the perfect opportunity to have a discussion and a snuggle-up time with her husband. Felix came out of the shower and grabbed a beer. He was looking forward to spending the weekend alone with his wife. They had something to celebrate, not that Martha knew it. Lotte Holler was dead. He’d seen it reported on the news and it meant she could no longer help the police with their enquiries. Maybe he could relax a little and pamper his wife as she deserved. He had been so preoccupied since Lotte Holler had awoken from her coma and it was time he put it to the back of his mind.

  After long discussions with Klaus and Ingrid, Felix had decided to tell Martha the truth. For moral support he would have his Onkel and Tante present when he did. If they still loved him after all they’d discovered, Felix felt confident his wife would also come round and take his side. However, because Martha was pregnant it was decided with Klaus and Ingrid that his secrets should remain hidden until after the baby was born.

  Martha came out of the bathroom to be greeted with a kiss from her husband and served with a simple meal of spaghetti bolognaise.

  ‘Delicious,’ she said, tasting a mouthful.

  ‘I can’t remember when I last cooked for you. Tante Ingrid always sends me home with a meal for the three of us,’ Felix confessed.

  ‘She knows you! After a long day at the boathouse you don’t want to come home and cook and after a day in Berlin, neither do I.’

  ‘Martha, this time next month you can put your feet up. I’ve been a bit lazy of late and I haven’t looked after you as well as I could but I’ll make it up to you.’

  Martha was curious. ‘Why haven’t you been extra attentive when your wife is carrying your son?’ she asked, a little mischief in her eyes and voice.

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe I got complacent. I hit 30 and realised I had everything I ever wanted – a beautiful wife, children, money, a loving family. But I know now I never want to lose that.’

  ‘You won’t lose it, sweetheart.’

  ‘So, any more ideas on what we should call our son?’ Felix asked.

  ‘Well, didn’t we say we’ll call him Oskar or Guido and let Peonie decide which one of the two she likes best? And you, my dear husband, are changing the subject. Is that what you’ve been feeling since I told you I was pregnant: fear?’

  ‘No man wants to admit to his wife he’s afraid.’

  ‘Do you feel under pressure? Has my pregnancy added to your worries?’

  ‘I want this baby, my son.’ Felix said softly, sudden tears in his eyes.

  Martha was shocked. The last time Felix had cried in front of her was when Peonie was born. She knew suddenly that there was something serious wrong, something more than he was admitting to. Martha suspected Felix confided in Klaus and Ingrid, especially Tante Ingrid. In the last few months the two of them often stopped their sotto voce conversations in mid-sentence when anyone else walked i
nto the room.

  ‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong? I’m worried, please tell me.’

  Felix threw his arms around her and broke down.

  ‘Look at me, a grown man crying,’ he said. ‘I’m so selfish, and there’s you, carrying our son. You’re the brave one out of the two of us.’

  Martha was deeply concerned. Without discussion, she picked up the phone and called Klaus and Ingrid and told them to come over straight away. Felix tried to compose himself but he couldn’t stop shaking or crying.

  Klaus and Ingrid arrived within five minutes. Along with Martha, they too thought Felix was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

  ‘I think I should call a doctor, maybe papa,’ Martha told them.

  ‘I don’t need a doctor!’ Felix shouted, suddenly furious.

  ‘Come on, lad,’ Klaus encouraged Felix. ‘Think of Martha, she’s having a baby. You don’t want to go upsetting her but we can all see you’re not well.’

  Felix screamed. ‘I’m not cracking up. I just can’t lie to my wife any more!’

  Martha looked at Klaus and Ingrid. It seemed they knew what Felix was talking about. ‘Felix, what do you mean, you’ve been lying to me?’ she asked.

  Ingrid pulled Felix into an upright position. ‘Pull yourself together. We’ll help you tell her. Go on, tell your wife the truth. All of it.’

  ‘Ingrid!’ Klaus cried. ‘No, not now.’

  ‘Tell me what?’ Martha screamed.

  ‘If he doesn’t, he’ll go mad!’ Ingrid yelled back.

  ‘Felix! Please, you’re scaring me and I can feel my heartbeat racing,’ Martha pleaded.

  This jolted Felix into the present and he led Martha to a comfortable armchair and sat her down. ‘OK. Tante Ingrid and Onkel Klaus know because they found out.’

  Martha covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head. ‘You’re not having an affair are you?’

  Felix shook his head. ‘Never. I love you. But I’ve kept something from you, to protect you and protect your opinion of me because I’m afraid to lose your love.’

  ‘Whatever it is, tell me. You know I love you,’ Martha said.

  ‘But you’re pregnant! And my news isn’t good news.’

  ‘I’m tougher than you think,’ Martha insisted.

  ‘OK.’ He took a deep breath. ‘You know the three bodies pulled out of Muggelsee in February?’

  Martha nodded. ‘Yes?’

  Felix took a deep breath and blurted it out. ‘They were the men that abused me at Torgau. I put them there. I killed them! I drowned them in their cars and left them at the bottom of Muggelsee.’

  ‘No! You couldn’t have,’ Martha cried.

  Klaus intervened. ‘Felix was 17. One of them turned up at the golf club and threatened to go after Axel. Martha, please understand.’

  ‘Don’t reject him,’ Ingrid pleaded.

  Felix and Martha stared at one another, both with tears running down their cheeks. Felix reached out his hand to touch his wife but she recoiled. Martha felt strange sensations in her womb but ignored them, thinking her baby was merely as uncomfortable as herself.

  ‘Martha, please forgive me,’ Felix begged her.

  Martha was outraged. ‘Forgive you… for murder? And for lying to me all these years? Scheisse !’ she screamed at him.

  Ingrid was worried. ‘Martha, what are you going to do?’

  ‘I don’t know! But don’t worry, a wife can’t testify against her husband,’ she added, sarcastically.

  ‘We can keep it secret, Felix hasn’t been caught in all this time,’ Klaus began. ‘I’m so sorry, Martha, we’ve all lied to you.’

  ‘It’s a hell of a secret to keep!’ Martha shouted. ‘What else have you lied about?’

  ‘Only this, I swear,’ Felix said solemnly.

  ‘It’s not every day I hear my husband has killed three men.’

  ‘If I’d had an affair, would that be worse?’ Felix asked, pathetically.

  Martha did something out of character, something she’d never done before. She slapped her husband’s face hard on the cheek. ‘Don’t you dare joke about it!’ she barked.

  Felix was shocked. He rubbed his sore cheek and stayed silent.

  ‘Martha, Felix has been under a lot of pressure,’ Ingrid began. ‘Last month the police were asking questions at the golf club about one of the men who worked for us during a golf tournament in 1992. Felix didn’t want to tell anyone but I dragged it out of him.’

  ‘So now we all share his burden,’ Martha mocked.

  ‘Felix! Say something,’ Klaus told him.

  Felix was flummoxed. ‘Martha, do you want me to leave?’

  ‘NO! You stay here and explain yourself!’ she ordered.

  Haltingly, Felix told her all the details of how he had disposed of the three Musketeers. His wife listened intently and Klaus and Ingrid looked on. When his story was finished, Martha realised she couldn’t hate him because she loved him. She would never think of her husband as a murderer and knew she would eventually forgive him in time. He was a damaged Torgau boy, she’d always known that. He’d taken his revenge on his abusers and his reasons were apparently valid. But for now she was in shock, and Felix would have to wait until she calmed down for this unexpected and horrific news to sink in – and for her considered reaction.

  Instinctively, her legal brain kicked in. ‘Did you leave any clues at the crime scenes?’

  Felix nodded. ‘A size nine aqua shoe in Plaumann’s car and my Herbertz knife. I left that at the lake when I attempted to murder a woman, the one that fell into a coma. She drowned herself last month in the Wannsee.’

  Martha’s face crumpled. ‘No! Not Lotte Holler.’

  Felix nodded. ‘She was a warden at Torgau and helped the Musketeers.’

  Suddenly, Martha clasped her lower abdomen. The pain was instant and agonising. Then she felt fluid leak out of her.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Felix asked, suddenly anxious and concerned.

  ‘I don’t know… I don’t feel well,’ Martha cried as the room began to spin around her.

  Felix rushed his wife to the hospital in Zossen. Her blood pressure was high and she’d had a slight womb bleed. The baby was fine, which was a great relief to both of them, but as a precaution and on the doctor’s advice she stayed in hospital overnight. Felix phoned Klaus and Ingrid to tell them the good news and returned to his wife’s private room. Martha was on her mobile phone to her parents, reassuring them.

  ‘Yes… I’ll not go to work on Monday. I promise. Is she asleep? OK, Mutti, I’ll ring tomorrow at breakfast time to speak to Peonie. Night.’

  ‘The nurses said they’ll bring me a camp bed to sleep in here with you,’ Felix told her.

  ‘I’m fine. Go home and sleep in a proper bed,’ Martha said, curtly.

  ‘I don’t want to leave you.’

  ‘Felix, I need some space to get my head around all this.’

  ‘If you lose the baby, it will be my fault,’ Felix said.

  ‘Stop! The baby’s fine. Just go. I’ll see you in the morning.’

  Felix felt pushed away but he understood. ‘OK.’

  Relenting suddenly, Martha held out her arms and Felix hugged her gently.

  ‘I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,’ he said.

  ‘I know you are, but it doesn’t change the facts. Felix, you realise I’m now compromised by you: I’m committing a crime by keeping your secrets.’

  ‘Do you want me to give myself up?’

  Martha shook her head. ‘I know you’ll do what you think is right, no matter what I say.’

  Felix nodded. ‘You know me too well.’

  ‘Now you’ve unburdened yourself, maybe I’ll have my husband back again. I felt I was losing you. Never in a million years did I think your troubled mood of late was because you’d committed murder and you were worried your crimes were catching up with you!’

  ‘It’s not easy to tell your wife who you are and what you did,’ Felix confessed.


  Martha sighed. ‘I guess not. I believe it was Freud who said there are no coincidences. I’m going to break client confidentiality for the first time in my life. Felix, it was my legal firm that won Lotte Holler her compensation settlement.’

  What an incredible coincidence, thought Felix. ‘Did you ever meet her?’

  ‘No, but my colleagues said she was a tough and uncompromising character. Do you know why she walked into the Wannsee?’

  Felix shook his head. ‘The papers said she was depressed.’

  ‘Obviously! But as her legal team, we got to hear the truth from the police.’

  Felix was intrigued. ‘Go on.’

  ‘A man from Torgau turned up at her home, said he was one of the kids she’d abused. Apparently, she couldn’t live with the shame of her sister knowing the truth, and she couldn’t swim.’

  ‘So, she drowned herself, ‘Felix mused. ‘That’s what I wanted to do to her, drown her in the depths of Muggelsee.’

  ‘Why didn’t you drive her car into the lake like the others?’ Martha asked.

  ‘The car wouldn’t start. Had I known she couldn’t swim I could have thrown her into the lake from the end of the jetty.’

  ‘But you didn’t kill her. Why?’

  ‘She told me she was pregnant and I couldn’t knowingly harm an unborn child,’ Felix confessed. ‘Martha, I was 17 and I don’t think I was in my right mind after everything that had happened. Maybe I was paranoid or schizophrenic at the time but I felt I was entitled to choose revenge after everything I’d suffered at the hands of those monsters. It’s been hard living with the torment of having killed them and I don’t get much peace, but it would have been worse if I hadn’t done it. If they were still alive, the Musketeers would have haunted my dreams all my life, and they might have come after Axel, who was only a little boy then. The one good thing to come of it all, the one thing that justifies my actions, is that they will never rape another child again.’