You May Have Met Him

by Sebastian Carter

  He still felt a little hurt that his friends had forgotten about him, though. Stop being such a baby.

  He cringed inwardly, wondering where that unwanted thought had come from. So what if his friends forgot? He had plenty of other options. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t know how to have fun all on his own.

  Yeah, that’s right. Movies were always more fun to watch in the comfort of your own home, anyway. He could eat whatever he wanted for free, sit however he wanted, laugh as loud as he pleased… who was he kidding. Of course he was upset about being left all alone. Going home now would be pathetic; it’d be a waste to leave without seeing a movie now that he was already here. He shook his head and began walking towards the theater’s entrance, determined to have a good time all by himself.

  “Jason?” Hearing a familiar voice, he tensed and turned slowly on the balls of his feet, filling with dread. He came face to face with the exact person he hoped it wasn’t going to be.

  “Anderson,” he breathed, grimacing at the way his voice cracked. Jason had been avoiding the man before him so much lately that hed finally started to have an easier time forgetting about the fact that they lived in the same space, shared the same friends, and even went to the same college. It’d been getting easier, but seeing Anderson standing in front of him looking like some sort of lost puppy was like a punch in the gut.

  “What are you doing here?” Anderson asked, looking off to the side and awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Jason stared, unable to speak. He was still recovering from the man’s unexpected appearance.

  “I, uh… I came to see a movie?” He phrased it like a question, his mind stalling. Fear churned uncomfortably in his gut, and for a second he considered turning and booking it all the way back home. Maybe he could hide in his room for the rest of the year?

  “You came to see a movie,” Anderson repeated back, finally looking at him. His lips were curled into an amused grin, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Suddenly Jason felt cold. “I see.”

  There was a pregnant pause in which neither of them spoke. Jason could feel the tension thrumming through the air between them thickly enough to be cut with a knife, and he shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what he could do to dispel it. Anderson kept his gaze fixed on Jason’s face, eyes still blank and endless, even with the polite smile plastered on his lips. Jason cleared his throat. “You get stood up too?”

  Anderson twitched, as if he didn't expect Jason to actually speak. Jason didn't blame him. “Yeah, it seems like I was,” he replied, his voice revealing nothing of how he felt.

  Jason let out an involuntarily chuckle and then quickly looked away, embarrassed. He heard Anderson step closer and turned his head back towards him, relieved when he saw the other was still looking away from him. He didn’t know if he could handle looking into Anderson’s eyes and seeing nothing. Even hurt would’ve been better. At least then Jason wouldn’t have been so terrified to apologize.

  He took a deep breath, and went for it. “I'm sorry.”

  Anderson looked at him, his eyes flashing with something. Jason couldn't tell what it was, but it was better than the emotionless mask he had been faced with before. “For what?” he said, phrasing it as a question even though it was clear that both of them already knew.

  “For everything. For kissing you. For blaming you. For ignoring you. Everything.”

  Jason waited for a reply with bated breath, afraid that he had crossed a line by diving into it all at once. Maybe now wasn't the time for this sort of discussion. Finally, Anderson blinked and shook his head, a small smile painting his lips. “I forgive you, Jason. I probably overstepped some boundaries too, after all. You're not the only one who’s been doing some hard core avoiding.”

  Jason let out a relieved laugh and ran a hand through his hair, feeling a weight he hadn't even known was there lift off of his shoulders. “Let's just not talk about it anymore, okay?”

  Anderson nodded in reply and glanced towards the theater display, which had changed since the last time they looked, revealing a new double feature for several action films they'd both been looking forward to seeing. Giving Jason a toothy-grinned sideways glance, he asked, “Wanna see a movie, then?” He pointed towards the display. “That one, I mean. It's a double feature and it runs kind of late, but…”

  He looked down, shuffling his feet and looking way too much like some sort of oversized teddy bear for Jason to refuse. “Yeah, yeah, sure,” he said hurriedly, feeling a little off balance from the sudden shift in the atmosphere.

  “Well, let's go then,” Anderson breathed out, smiling. They traded glances and headed inside, and for the first time since the incident, Jason let himself relax and enjoy the moment.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Dude, that was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen,” gushed Anderson, pulling his jacket on as they stepped out of the theater. “Absolutely no regrets.”

  “Haha, yeah, it was pretty great, wasn’t it?” Jason agreed, grinning tiredly. “The first one wasn’t bad, either,” he added, yawning into his hand as they walked down the street towards the bus stop. Anderson smiled and bumped their shoulders together, laughing airily. “Tired?”

  Jason flushed. “No,” he muttered, looking down. He stifled another yawn. Anderson hummed disbelievingly, then teased, “Sure you aren’t.”

  After a moment of silent walking, he said in a light tone, “Maybe we should call a cab? The walk back to the apartment is a little bit too tiring for this late at night…”

  Jason shrugged and glanced around, only now noticing the lack of activity around them. The street was almost completely empty save for a couple people walking in the opposite direction, clearly in a hurry to get home after a long day, or maybe just to get somewhere more populated; the darkness of the closed shops was a little bit unsettling, now that Jason thought about it.

  He glanced up at Anderson out of the corner of his eye, examining the other’s neutral expression. What could it hurt? Anderson wasn’t wrong about the walk being far, and he was tired… “Yeah, you might be right,” he said slowly, with uncertainty in his voice.

  They walked a little while longer before managing to flag down on a taxi on the livelier side of town. By that time, Jason was tired enough to feel the weight of his eyelids dragging his eyes closed every few seconds, and he had started walking closer to Anderson to make sure someone would be able to catch him if he fell asleep on his feet. Of course, if Anderson was going to be doing any catching, it was definitely going to be platonic.

  Even tired, Jason was aware enough of his surroundings to remind himself that Anderson was his friend, and the reason they had needed to make up was to maintain that friendship.

  He wasn't gay.

  That's what he kept telling himself, albeit sleepily, as they fell into the taxi and Anderson wrapped an arm protectively around him and whispered “Sleep,” and he complied without another word, his face pressed into the other man’s shoulder.

  He really wasn't.

  “Hey, we’re here. You gotta get up, Jace,” Anderson’s voice broke through Jason’s subconscious, a hand shaking him gently from his sleep. “Don't wanna,” Jason grumbled, and attempted to swat the invasive appendage away, curling in on himself a little more." Jason, come on. You're an adult, I'm not gonna carry you inside.”

  “Why can't you?” he mumbled grumpily, opening his eyes and letting them adjust to darkness. Slowly, he came to his senses. Oh yeah. They were in a taxi. They went to the movies. Just the two of them.

  At any other time, those thoughts would've probably freaked Jason out, but at the moment he was just too tired to care. Groaning and dragging himself into a sitting position, he thanked the cab driver and let himself be supported by Anderson as they stumbled to their front door and into the apartment.

  At any other time, Jason probably wouldn't have let Anderson help him all the way to his bed, especially up to the point of tucking him in. He didn't have any justifiable explanation fo
r his actions, but if someone asked later why he'd caught the other’s wrist just as he turned to go to his own bedroom and said, “You can stay here tonight, if you want,” he would have simply told them that it was his relief talking. He'd just made up with the guy; he missed him. It was a poor excuse, but it was the one that Jason convinced himself was the truth, the one that allowed him to act so out of character.

  When Anderson stared at him through the darkness and nodded, whispering a quiet “okay” and settling into his side, one arm curled around his waist, Jason told himself that this was perfectly okay for him to do. He told himself that friends did this sometimes, too.

  And when Anderson snuggled into his back, burying his nose in Jason’s hair in such an intimate and personal and totally not “just friendly” way, he still ignored it, because he was tired in more ways than one, and quite frankly, it felt pretty good. Even if it was strange and terrifying and Jason would probably regret it in the morning, he pressed back into Anderson’s hold, closing the space between them completely. He sighed and closed his eyes. In seconds, he found himself giving into the call of sleep once more.

  The first thing he became aware of when he came to the next morning was warmth. It enveloped him completely, radiating from all sides, and for a second he wasn't sure if he was still dreaming or if it was part of reality. He shifted and opened his eyes, almost reeling back in shock from coming face to face with another blindingly bright grey orbs. Anderson.

  For a moment, no one spoke, no one even breathed. Jason could feel the horror slowly seeping into his veins, and suddenly the warmth was too much, and every open patch of skin burned with embarrassment. He wanted to create space between them, because maybe distance would make it easier for him to think, or speak, or do something other than stare into Anderson’s face and feel all hopes of returning to how their relationship was before evaporate in the air between them.

  “We need to talk.”

  Of course Anderson would be the first to break the spell; he probably didn't feel like he was going out of his mind like Jason was. He broke eye contact and propped himself up on his elbows, unsure of how to reply to Anderson’s statement. He threaded his hands into the sheets, tugging at them anxiously. After a minute of running his hands over the fabric, he felt calm enough to give a firm response or at least a less shaky one. “Yeah. We do.”

  He kept his head down, not trusting himself to maintain his unruffled facade in front of Anderson. He heard the bed shift as the man stood, moving towards the door. “I'll be waiting for you in the other room when you're ready,” his voice drifted from the doorway, followed by the sound of his footsteps fading away.

  Alone in his bedroom, Jason let out a shaky sigh and buried his head in his hands. He vaguely recalled thinking that he would regret letting Anderson stay in his bed overnight, and he was right. He groaned and flopped back onto the bed, listlessly staring at his blank white ceiling. If only his mind were as blank as the unblemished surface above him, then maybe he wouldn’t have to face the inevitable conversation that was waiting for him right outside his bedroom door. He turned his head to look out the window; it was a dreary, dark morning, one that promised clouds with rain showers that persisted longer than even rain lovers could pretend to enjoy. He sighed. There was no running from Anderson this time.

  In one decisive motion, he slid to his feet and flung the door open, heading out into neutral territory. Maybe their friendship could still be salvaged if Jason tried to hard enough. He might not be able to see the other man the way he had when they had first become friends, but he would do his best to bring back whatever comfortable flow they had had before.

  Just as he had promised, Anderson was waiting for him. He sat quietly at the kitchen table, his gaze fixed on the steaming mug of coffee in his clenched tightly in his hands. He’d changed into an oversized green sweater that gave Jason the impression that he was drowning in fabric, making him look a lot smaller than he really was.

  Jason paused at the room’s threshold, suddenly afraid to intrude on the man’s thoughts. He stood in silent observation for another moment before tentatively stepping into the room. “Your coffee’s gonna get cold if you just stare at it like that, you know,” he said softly, trying to keep his tone light.

  Anderson looked up and gave Jason a slow half-smile before replying, “Well then I guess it’s a good thing I don’t like coffee very much, isn’t it?” He gestured to the chair across from him, sliding the cup of still hot coffee towards Jason. “I made it for you.”

  “Oh, uh, thanks…” Jason replied lamely, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the seat and taking the cup in his hands. When Anderson didn’t say anything, Jason gave him a small nod and gingerly took a sip of the warm liquid, instantly feeling a bit more awake and ready to deal with the situation as soon as it’s bitter flavor hit his tongue.

  “Better?” Anderson asked, smiling and relaxing in his seat, arms stretched out palms down on the table between them. He looked down for a moment, collecting himself, and then lifted his eyes to capture Jason’s. Jason nodded slightly, taking another slow swallow of coffee. Jason tensed his hold on the mug, unconsciously keeping it close to himself as a form of comfort.

  “So… There’s a couple things that I wanted to tell you about myself. I thought that maybe if you understood my side of things… it might help you figure out what’s being going on in your own head lately,” Anderson started, looking a little uncertain. “Not that I know exactly what’s going on, but I think I have a pretty good guess.”

  Jason nodded again, not trusting himself to say much without knowing where the conversation was going. He hesitated, then asked, “You mean… the kiss, right?”

  Anderson tugged on the sleeve of his sweater and bit his lip. “Kinda. I mean, partially, yes, but that’s not what I wanted to tell you. Not really.”

  “Then what is it?” Jason said confusedly, shifting farther back into his chair.

  Anderson took a deep breath. “You know I’m gay, right?” he said bluntly, his tone unwavering.

  Jason stared at him dumbly for a moment before he said, “And? So what? You’re gay. I get that. I already told you I’m not, though.”

  Anderson held up a finger and shook his head aggressively, leaning forward. “Listen to what I have to say before making statements like that, Jason.”

  “I never said I wasn’t.”

  “Don’t say anything until I’m done. I just… I want you to take this seriously.”

  Putting the half empty coffee mug down on the table with a resounding click, Jason pinched his lips shut and crossed his arms. If Anderson wanted him to listen, then he would. That didn’t necessarily mean he would agree, though.

  “I think that you’re gay, Jason, or at the least bisexual. I think you’re scared and you’re in denial because this isn’t what you wanted, or what you thought you wanted, so you’re trying to avoid accepting the truth head on by avoiding me, since you think I’m the source of your problems. But listen–I’m not the problem.”

  Jason spluttered, not expecting that sort of straightforward attack on his personal identity from a non-confrontational person like Anderson. It was exactly what Rebecca had said when she walked out on him. He opened his mouth to protest, but was quickly shushed by a wave of the other man’s hand.

  “You think being gay makes you abnormal, or broken somehow, but that’s not how it works. It’s hard, because a lot of people think that’s what it’s like, and they’ll call you names, and hurt you, and sometimes they’ll even feel sorry for you, and I can’t even put into words how much more the pity hurts than the punches.

  “My point is, after the kiss–no, who am I kidding–” Anderson made a frustrated sound and rubbed his temples with his hands, “Even before the kiss, I was attracted to you. I knew you weren’t into that sort of stuff, and I planned to keep my distance, but when you were the one who came onto me like that–I just couldn’t refuse, and–God, Jace, I’m so sorry,” he looked up, remorse spa
rkling behind his eyes and making Jason’s heart leap in his chest, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  “I– what?” Jason stuttered, his thoughts too jumbled to give a proper reaction. “You… like me? As in, like me in that sort of way?”

  “Yeah, Jason. I do.”

  “Oh,” he swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. He braced himself for the feelings of disgust that he was sure were to follow any second after Anderson’s bold confession, but when they didn’t, he found himself confused in their absence. Neither of them moved.

  The room was quiet save for the repetitive ticking of the clock on the kitchen counter and the gentle pitter-patter of rain against the window. Time seemed to slow between them.

  Then, Anderson stood abruptly, the chair screeching against the tile floor loudly. “I shouldn’t have said that–what was I thinking, ugh–I’m sorry,” he said in a panicky voice, a stricken expression on his face. He turned away from the table and made to walk away, but before Jason knew what he was doing, his arm shot out to loop around the other man’s wrist, holding him back. “Wait. Anderson, Wait,” he said pleadingly, wanting more than anything to sort things out between them once and for all.

  Pulling him back down into his seat, Jason settled back and ran a hand through his hair once again, making his already messy hair stand on end. It was nervous habit that seemed to be getting the better of him lately. “I don’t want to lose your friendship,” he started, thinking for a moment before continuing, “But I can’t accept your feelings.”

  Anderson deflated, curling in on himself with hurt even though he knew there was a great chance that he would be rejected. And even though Jason expected the reaction, he couldn’t stop the guilt that hooked itself into his insides.