You May Have Met Him

by Sebastian Carter

  “Are you sure you can’t at least think about it?” Anderson whispered, his voice small.

  Jason looked down at his interlocked hands uncertainly. “I… I don’t know.”

  Something about Jason’s tone seemed to invigorate Anderson, and he looked up, hope filling his expression. “It’s not just about me, you know. I’m mentioning this for your own sake, too. You have to understand, being gay isn’t some sort of disgusting crime. All of the pain is worth it, in the end. There was a time when I denied, ignored, and smothered my feelings, too. I tried to avoid it all and keep myself locked in the closet, but it was horrible. I was always doubting myself and the truthfulness of my actions, and… Sorry, I don’t know why I’m going on this huge tangent, I just want you to understand what I’m saying and really think, Jason.”

  Then he stood, taking the nearly empty cup from the table and walking over to the kitchenette, refilling the cup once more before pausing and pouring a second cup, carrying them both back to where Jason was sitting. Jason took the cup gratefully into his hands, raising his eyebrow at Anderson, who took one anxious swallow of the coffee and grimaced, setting it aside.

  “I’m sorry, Anderson, but I don’t really understand what you’re implying here. I mean, thanks for sharing something important about yourself with me, but it doesn’t really relate to the kiss or anything…” Jason trailed off, taking a quick sip of his drink before adding, “and I’m sorry for that, by the way. I was drunk, and I really regret leading you on like that.”

  Anderson let out a frustrated half-shriek at his response to Jason’s words, lifting his arms above his head in an exasperated manner before taking a deep breath and seemingly reigning his emotions back in. “I’m not looking for an apology. Is that what you think I want from you?”

  “What do you want from me, then?” Jason fixed Anderson with a pointed stare. “Do you want me to admit that I’m gay or something? I can’t, because that’d be lying. Maybe it’s just you who’s having these delusions… or maybe you’re the only one that I react to like this–but either way, I’m not what you want me to be.”

  “No–I, that’s not what I want!” Anderson insisted fiercely, his hands clenched and eyes flashing vehemently. Jason shook his head and drained his second cup of coffee, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second.

  “One date.”

  Jason deadpanned. “What?”

  “I said, one date,” he repeated, leaning so far forward that his chest was almost resting on the surface of the table, and Jason unconsciously scooted back to himself a little bit more room to breathe. “Please give me that, at least. Maybe I can prove to you that what we have is something, and not just a mistake that we can move on from by pretending it never happened.”

  “But–”

  “Just one. If you’re still not convinced by the end of it all, I promise I’ll leave you alone. Heck, I’ll even move out. Please,” Anderson pleaded, and when their eyes met and Jason saw how much this meant to the man, he knew that he would say yes, no matter how much wanted to deny this, as well.

  “Okay. I’ll do it,” Jason mumbled, hoping that he wouldn’t regret this decision after it was all over. “Just one, though.”

  Anderson’s eyes widened and a wide grin split across his face, and suddenly all the droopy sadness that was weighing him down seemed to disappear, leaving behind only the dazzling creation that had captured Jason’s attention in the first place. He gulped.

  If agreeing to what Anderson wanted made him look like this, then perhaps sacrificing his dignity was worth it, after all. Besides, it was just one date. How bad could it be?

  Chapter Twelve

  Pretty bad, as it turned out. Not “bad” in the sense of an awful date, but the moment Jason laid his eyes on Anderson’s flawless figure, he knew he was fucked.

  They’d agreed to meet up for a simple lunch date, leaving a little bit of room to relax that wouldn’t have been there if they’d chosen to go for a stuffy dinner date, instead. However, that didn’t mean Anderson wouldn’t go all out with his appearance; he was more impeccable than usual, from his perfectly styled raven black hair all the way down the pressed green collared shirt and black slacks.

  It almost made Jason feel embarrassed that he had come in a simple pair of jeans and his usual varsity jacket, barely sparing an extra glance in the mirror to make himself look at least a little bit more presentable than usual.

  But when Anderson sidled up to him and gave him one of his reassuring, brilliant smiles and said, “You look great,” Jason found all of his worries about his own appearance shoved to the back of his mind, suddenly replaced by worries of how he was going to get through this date in one piece.

  “You, too,” he mumbled under his breath, following Anderson into the friendly family restaurant they had chosen for their date’s location. They were quickly ushered to one of the empty booths in the corner, the waitress giving Anderson a familiar smile and a wiggle of her eyebrows, which he returned with a slight laugh. Jason looked around taking in his surroundings. It was a cozy place, and although he’d never been there before, Anderson had insisted that this was one if his favorite places to eat and relax, and he was beginning to see why.

  It was friendly and welcoming in a quiet sort of way, all neutral colors and hushed voices, everyone wanting to maintain a certain level of privacy, even in a public place. The sound of whatever love song was popular on the radio right now mixing in with a wave of other everyday noises almost unnoticeably calmed Jason’s frazzled nerves, and he resisted tapping his fingers against the table’s wooden surface and reveal to Anderson how anxious really felt.

  “You going to look at the menu or just stare off into space all day?” Anderson said, his tone amused. Jason jolted out of his daze and flushed involuntarily, mumbling and incoherent apology under his breath before pulling a menu towards himself and burying his face in it.

  They sat in silence until the waitress approached them, and after putting in their orders and the menus were taken away, Anderson folded his hands together and rested his chin on them, smiling at Jason in a distinctly intimate way that made the room feel at least ten degrees warmer.

  “So…” he began stiffly, “What do you even talk about on these… dates?”

  Anderson blinked and then stifled a laugh in the back of his hand. “Oh my god, have you never been on a real date before or something?”

  “What? No! Of course I have!” Jason spluttered hastily, his cheeks burning pink. He felt like his ears were probably turning red too, and that thought only made him blush harder.

  “Well then, what do you talk about on your dates?”

  Jason looked down at his lap, wishing he could simply melt into a puddle on the ground from embarrassment. “I don’t, usually,” he muttered, “we kind of just… look at each other?”

  At that, Anderson burst into laughter, and Jason bristled at the sharp sound, glancing around before hissing at the other, “What’s so funny about that? Stop laughing so loud, everyone is staring!”

  Thankfully, Anderson’s laughter quieted down a little after that and he hiccupped, “I’m sorry, I just–” he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, “that’s just so you. Of course you’d be the type to avoid having an actual, decent human conversation with the person you’re with.”

  “Hey! That’s not true! I can totally have a normal conversation on a date!” he protested, pouting slightly.

  “Oh yeah?” Anderson cocked an eyebrow, leaning forward, resting his head on one of his hands and whispering, “Prove it.”

  He swallowed audibly, tensing as the previous awkwardness was replaced with a new, unfamiliar tension between them. He felt pinned under the other’s gaze, and he barely noticed as his breath caught and his palms began to sweat. He didn’t want to admit defeat just yet, but Anderson was making it very difficult for him to convince himself that he didn’t like him.

  After a moment, Anderson chuckled and leaned back. “Just kidding,” he
said dismissively, and the spell broke, leaving Jason confused and more than a little bit turned on. Shit. Luckily, that was the moment that their food arrived, and they broke apart to focus on eating their food, only occasionally inserting a light comment to fill the silence.

  If this were a date with one of Jason’s many previous girlfriends, this would be the point in which the quiet would become stifling and uncomfortable, but for some reason, that moment didn’t come with Anderson.

  They finished up their food without a hitch, and afterwards, Anderson led him out by the hand, insisting that because this was their date, he was allowed at least this much. Jason thought about protesting but decided against it; the warmth of the other man’s hand in his was too much of a guilty pleasure.

  Following their lunch, they took a walk in the local park, not talking as much as simply enjoying being in touch with nature and with one another. Slowly, Jason found himself getting sucked into their date, thinking that maybe, if only just this once, he could let himself like Anderson. It was scary and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to admit it out loud, but he liked it.

  Aside from a couple of strange looks and rude catcalls that they got from several bystanders when they noticed Jason’s and Anderson’s interlocked hands, the date went off without a hitch, and soon they returned to their shared apartment. Living together made it difficult for the date to have a sense of closure, considering they were coming home to the same place, but… it was alright, somehow.

  Jason made to reach for the door, feeling satisfied with the ending of the date, but when Anderson cleared his throat and tugged on his arm, he turned around to face the other feeling oddly giddy for what he thought was about to happen.

  Their close proximity forced Jason to look up slightly to meet the slightly taller man’s eyes, and he breathed shallowly, suddenly nervous. Sure, he had done more than this drunk, but it was a completely different experience doing this sort of thing sober, especially now that he had acknowledged his feelings, of only to himself.

  Slowly, they gravitated towards one another, Anderson’s hands clenched around both of Jason’s wrists as if he was afraid he would run away. His eyes darted across Jason’s face searchingly, as if he was trying to find any traces of regret or disgust in his expression. Jason only blinked and smiled hesitantly, trying to reassure Anderson that this was alright, and that even though he hadn’t said anything yet, he was going to let this happen. Anderson leaned up until his lips brushed Jason’s cheek gently, and he tried not to flinch away from the contact, not wanting to ruin the moment.

  “I had fun today,” Anderson whispered against his skin, the words barely reaching his ears they were so faint.

  Jason nodded slightly, feeling the tickle of Anderson’s hair against his nose. “Yeah, me too.”

  Anderson let out a relieved, breathy laugh. “I thought you wouldn’t– I’m glad,” and then he unclasped one hand from Jason’s wrist, reaching up to gently brush a stray lock of hair behind his ears, his gaze as intense as his voice when he said, “I want to try something, and if you don’t like it, I’ll stop, but–” his breath hitched, and he placed his hand gently on Jason’s shoulder, squeezing, “Please let me do this.”

  And for the millionth time over the course of their friendship Jason said, “Okay,” but this time it was different, because it wasn’t a plain request like washing the dishes or watching a movie together––it wasn’t joking or unsure or unhappy. It was a clear-cut yes, one that held more meaning behind it than either of them could ever express in a manner more pure than with one simple word.

  Anderson closed the gap between them, and the moment their lips touched, Jason felt a bubble of warmth burst in his chest and spread throughout his body, sending a pleasant tingling sensation all the way to his fingers and toes. It was an innocent, close-mouthed kiss, and although there were no metaphorical sparks flying, Jason laced his hands into Anderson’s hair and pulled him closer, reveling in the sweet tang of strawberry and citrus on his lips.

  It was Anderson who pulled away first, and Jason’s eyes followed his tongue as it darted out of his mouth and ran across his lips, almost disappointed that the moment had ended so quickly. “Thanks,” he whispered hoarsely, a sad smile gracing his features. It felt too much like a goodbye for Jason’s comfort, and he disentangled himself from the other man’s hands and stepped back, trying to assess the situation with a clear mind.

  He had just kissed Anderson and enjoyed it. He wasn’t drunk, and it was completely of his own volition, so he couldn’t blame it on anyone else. He opened his mouth to say something intelligent, but nothing of the sort came out. In fact, quite the opposite, really. “I think I like you, Anderson,” he chuckled awkwardly as the man’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I guess you were right, huh?”

  Anderson stared at him dumbly, his arms hanging limply at his side and mouth slightly agape. Jason cringed and waved a hand in front of the other’s face, trying to bring him back to his senses. Anderson shook his head and met Jason’s eyes with a slightly dazed look of his own and asked, “Are you serious? Because if you’re joking, I’m just going to leave right now and–”

  “No! I would never do that. Not now, at least,” Jason cut him off, shaking his head frantically. “I mean it.”

  Another tense moment passes, and Jason almost considers taking back everything he just said, afraid that it was the wrong thing to say, and that Anderson was upset somehow, but when clear, beautiful laughter echoed through the air around him, he knew he had succeeded.

  A pair of arms smothered him, and suddenly he found his face pressed into Anderson’s shoulder, so tightly it would’ve hurt if he hadn’t been too busy laughing and hugging the other man back. The force of the impact had sent them careening into the wall, but neither of them could bring themselves to care when things finally felt so right.

  Pulling away to open their front door, they stumbled in, still laughing and holding onto one another as tightly as possible, more out of relief than anything else. When they finally calmed down enough to separate, Anderson waited patiently for Jason to take off his shoes before grabbing his hand and leading him into the living room, flopping down onto the couch and pulling Jason down next to him.

  They looked at each other, almost for the very first time of really seeing each other for who and what they were. Jason had no more fear of giving in, of accepting the love given by another man. Anderson was not Tommy.

  Jason put his hand on Anderson's thigh as he said, "I think I'm ready." The voice was barely a whisper, filled with longing.

  Anderson buried his face in Jason's neck, not needing to be told twice. His lips found Jason's and he worked to strip both himself and Jason's shirt off.

  His hand wrapped around Jason's neck, pulling him close to him, so that he could feel his heartbeat on his skin. His eyes drew in the toned features of his chest, as he ran his fingertips down the taunt muscles.

  Jason let a small moan escape him, as Anderson smiled. His lips traced an invisible path from his neck down his chest, over his hips, and as his fingers worked to unbutton his button-fly jeans, he could already feel the tension of the bulge Jason had formed.

  In moments, Anderson had freed Jason from the denim confines of his jeans and licked the very tip of his cock. His back arched as Anderson continued to just tease him with the tip of his tongue tracing circles around his head.

  "Anderson, you're killing me here, please..." he whispered. This was it, he was begging a man to suck him, and he wasn't ashamed.

  "Alright, alright," Anderson teased, opening his mouth and allowing every inch of Jason inside the warm wetness of him.

  He worked Jason expertly, sucking him long and deep, only allowing himself to stop when Jason was just on the brink of orgasm. He had to admit, the torture in Jason's eyes was just too damn erotic.

  It wasn't too long before Anderson allowed Jason his release, spilling over Anderson's lips and dripping down onto the couch from the intensity. Jason had gaspe
d and held tight to the cushions, having never experienced that sensation with any of this former conquests.

  They allowed themselves to bask in the moment, letting the calm wash over them after a long, stressful couple of months.

  Then Anderson angled back so he was facing Jason, pecking him on the cheek lightly and then following it up with a hard punch to his shoulder. Jason made a pained sound of protest, wondering where the sudden hit had come from. “You asshole,” Anderson laughed, “I can’t believe I put up with your crap for months, when all I had to do was ask you out on a date to get you to confess your feelings for me,” he snorted and buried his head in Jason’s shoulder, and Jason nodded and laughed in agreement, “We were both kinda dumb, weren’t we.”

  “Yeah, a little.”

  They sat like that for a long time, long enough for tiredness to start pulling at Jason’s eyelids, the warmth of the room and the body sandwiched next to him on the couch lulling him into a comfortable half asleep state. He was almost ready to give in when Anderson spoke up, his voice light and playful. “So…when’s our second date?”

  Surprised by the randomness of the question, Jason chuckled and pulled their interlocked hands farther into his lap. “Whenever you want it to be, of course,” he replied, snuggling down against Anderson’s shoulder.

  “We have all the time in the world.”

  Jason lifted his head up from Anderson's body just long enough to look into his loving eyes and said, "I love you, Anderson." He was halfway back to snuggling into the warm body before he heard his friend choke back a sob as he replied, "I love you, too."

  Positive Reinforcement

  The Gay Inmates of Cell Block #1

  Debrah Deumont

  Positive Reinforcement

  The prison rang with sliding metal doors. Lamar flexed in the viewing window, his black skin bright under the harsh lights. Six new inmates lined up before him, stripped, cleaned, inspected. An officer had cuffed their hands in front of them. They covered themselves or glared at his shoes. One sneered at Lamar. He had just volunteered himself for example.