Skin Deep

by Helen Libby

  Suddenly, Leo is striding back towards me. Two strong arms envelop me. ‘I’m going to miss seeing that smile every day. I love you.’ He’s smiling but his eyes are bright with unshed tears, much like my own.

  ‘I love you.’ Amazingly I can still smile despite the tears forming. A few more lovely kisses and then he really is gone. I wait for ages in the hall, propped up against the wall, in the vain hope he’ll come back for another quick kiss and cuddle. Will it all work out? Will our relationship last? I only know that we’re going to give it a damn good try.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I’ve always fancied going on the London Eye at dusk, and so Leo pre-booked a “flight” for us both. We cuddle whilst waiting to board a capsule.

  ‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’ Leo nuzzles my nose.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Wait and see, Miss Impatient.’ He laughs.

  When we’re in our gondola and have begun making our ascent, Leo pulls out a small bottle of champagne from his inside pocket, along with two plastic champagne flutes from his other pocket. I let out a squeak. ‘Leo!’ He grins.

  Minutes later I’m sipping champagne whilst overlooking the twinkling lights of London, my boyfriend beside me. It couldn’t be more romantic, and I savour every moment. It’s something else I’ve achieved on my list.

  We head to Leicester Square afterwards where we have a meal in Garfunkel’s. We then make our way back to Leo’s place via the tube. He’s renting a room in a colleague’s flat. I’m not sure I’d want to use the Underground every day as even at 8pm it’s busy. We can’t get seats and so hang on to each other near the door.

  ‘God! I hate this,’ Leo says through gritted teeth.

  I make a sympathetic noise, and snuggle closer into him. ‘This isn’t so bad though.’

  ‘I mean it, Gemma, I hate it down here.’

  ‘You haven’t given it enough time,’ I say soothingly. Suddenly the mood has turned negative. I listen to the rattle of the train.

  ‘Are you happy, Gemma?’

  I look round at all the people squashed around us. ‘Leo, this isn’t the place for a conversation like this.’

  Mind the gap.

  ‘Well, I’m not happy. I’m bloody miserable. I hate being so far away from you. I’m moving back.’

  I look up. ‘What? You can’t, not yet. You haven’t been here long. And I don’t want to be the reason you give your dream up.’

  ‘You’re my dream, Gemma.’

  I go weak at the knees, but there’s still a stubborn voice inside me saying I must persuade Leo to stay in London. Why? I shake my head. ‘You need to give it a bit more time.’

  ‘Why are you so insistent I stay here? Don’t you want to see more of me?’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘You’ve got a funny way of showing it!’

  We’re silent for the remainder of the journey. I’m wondering now just how successful this weekend is going to be. Not very, at this rate. I don’t want Leo to be unhappy, of course I don’t, but I feel he needs to give this job – and London – more of a chance. On the way home we call a truce; we want to make the most of our time together after all, but it’s a fragile one and I feel uneasy.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I sigh deeply over a cappuccino in Costa.

  Kate is on alert. ‘What’s the matter?

  ‘It’s Leo,’ I say flatly.

  ‘He’s okay isn’t he?’ Kate’s voice rises an octave.

  ‘Oh, he’s fine,’ I say, for Kate is no doubt imagining all sorts.

  ‘Have you two had a row?’ She frowns.

  ‘No, nothing like that. It’s just – I miss him so much.’ I definitely would not recommend a long distance relationship. Even though the time Leo and I spend together is precious, it’s so fleeting. And when we’re together it’s always with the knowledge that we’ve got to part again soon. It’s tough.

  ‘Have you told him how you feel?’

  I shake my head. ‘No, he doesn’t need any more encouragement to move back.’

  ‘I don’t understand you, Gemma. If Leo wants to come back, then let him.’

  ‘I don’t understand myself.’ I sometimes wonder whether I’m punishing myself (and Leo by default) because of what I did to Will.

  ‘I think we need cake.’ Kate rises and heads towards the counter. She gets served surprisingly quickly and returns with two scrumptious pieces of caramel shortbread.

  ‘You know what you have to do, don’t you?’ Kate licks a crumb from her bottom lip.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Move down there.’ Has Kate taken a chill pill? She’s blossomed since New York.

  I’m not so relaxed. ‘What? You can’t be serious. I don’t want to live in London.’

  ‘But it’s where Leo is.’ She smiles.

  I shouldn’t dismiss the idea I suppose. It would be hard to leave Mold; my family and friends are here. Yet my heart is with Leo and so perhaps I should move to London. They need florists in London right? Maybe Leo would settle then.

  I broach the subject of me moving to London to Leo the following day on the phone.

  Silence from Leo, then; ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Gemma.’

  I’m a bit taken aback. ‘Don’t you?’

  ‘You wouldn’t like living here. It’s not your sort of place.’

  I can’t help but feel indignant at his know-it-all tone. ‘But you’d be there.’ And that of course would be the big draw for me.

  ‘Put the idea out of your head, Gemma. There’s no point in you moving to London. I won’t be here forever.’

  It seems I’m more serious about Leo than he is about me. He’s obviously happy with a long distance relationship. Does he even want to be with me any more? I feel rejected, not to mention embarrassed. I have one last try. ‘Don’t you want us to spend more time together?’ I say quietly, trying to suppress a sob.

  ‘Yes, but…hang on a minute, Gem.’ I can hear him talking to someone.

  There’s a ‘but’ - that’s not good. I wish I could see his face. I should have put this to him face-to-face, not over the telephone. Stupid, stupid. I certainly shouldn’t have called him at work, but I was excited and I thought he’d love the idea. Silly old me eh?

  ‘Listen, Gemma, I’m going to have to go. My editor wants to see me. I’ll call you later.’ He hangs up. I can’t believe it. The sound of a dialling tone, followed by the out-of-order tone, is rather sad. Leo’s busy and is getting on with his life, whereas I, what am I doing? Waiting to see if I’ve got the ‘all clear’ or not.

  I sink down onto the hall floor, tears streaming down my cheeks. I’m absolutely gutted. My world’s crashing down around me. I’ve tried so hard to be positive. The skin cancer, leaving Will, falling in love with Leo – I think it’s all catching up with me. I make a decision; I’m going to break up with Leo. A long distance relationship just isn’t for me. I want a boyfriend who I can see most days, who lives locally. Just like Leo did before you convinced him to give London a try, a treacherous voice whispers. Touché. With my head in my hands, I groan aloud. Leo was happy to stay in Mold, but I told him to go. What was I thinking? But it could have worked. I’m prepared to move to London, but Leo doesn’t want me there.

  Gathering all my strength I ring his mobile; it goes to voicemail. I tell Leo that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and that I think it’s best if we don’t see each other any more, my heart breaking a little more with every word. And then it really is over as before my voices cracks I end the call and unplug the phone. I also switch off my mobile. I think what I’ve done is for the best, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the moment.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I’ve just had the best news. I’m cancer free. Cancer free! I can’t begin to describe how relieved I feel, as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I had no reason to think that the cancer had returned, but the fear was always lurking at the back of my mind. Mum and Dad came with me to se
e Mr Davison. I was crying, Mum was crying, and even Dad looked a bit tearful. Happy tears of course. They’re satisfied they’ve removed enough skin - the melanoma was only in the surface layers. I’ll need to have check-ups every three months for three years, and then every six months for another two years, but no matter.

  To mark the occasion we go to the Glasfryn for lunch. There’s an ache in my heart over Leo not being with us, but today needs marking.

  Back home I can’t wait to share my news. The phone is red hot.

  Marie says, ‘That’s brilliant, kiddo.’

  Will says, ‘That’s the best news I’ve had in ages.’ Will also tells me he’s started dating again. He’s getting on with his life, and I’m glad about that. He deserves to be happy.

  I save Kate ‘til last. She says, ‘That’s really good news, Gemma, but what about your scars?’ Cue my spirits plummeting, but only for a second. So I have scars, so what? They’ll improve in time, and hey, I’m alive! I have to smile. Kate can’t help herself.

  I hesitate over Leo. Despite the fact it’s over between us, I think he’d like to know I’ve got the all clear. We haven’t spoken, not since I rang him to tell him it was over. It’s not for the want of trying on Leo’s part. He’s left messages for me on my home phone and my mobile and he’s emailed me, but I haven’t replied. What’s the point?

  Two hours later I’m still dithering over whether it would be okay to tell him by text, when the doorbell rings. I consider ignoring whoever it is, but then I hear a familiar voice calling my name through the letterbox. It’s Leo. My heart sings, I can’t help it. Then I groan as I realise what I’m wearing - faded leggings and a baggy t-shirt. I know we’re not together any more, but I still have my pride. There’s no time to change though. Smoothing my hair I open the door. ‘Leo, what are you doing here?’

  He has dark circles under his eyes. He doesn’t speak, simply pulls me to him and enfolds me in the biggest hug ever. He smells of the city, and he warms my chilled heart. He then pulls away from me, and I can’t help a small whimper of protest escaping. ‘Now, what’s this about it being over between us?’ he says gruffly. ‘You haven’t given me a chance to say anything. You wouldn’t answer any of my calls.’

  I look down, feeling guilty, but he lifts my chin up. ‘Is that fair?’

  ‘No,’ I whisper. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Why, Gemma?’

  ‘You know why.’

  Leo shakes his head. ‘No, I honestly don’t.’

  ‘You don’t want to be with me any more.’

  ‘Oh, Gemma. Is that what you thought? Nothing could be further from the truth.’ A tear trickles down my cheek, and he pulls me close once more. ‘It was killing me, not being able to talk to you.’

  I can’t help but feel some hope at his words. ‘But when you wouldn’t even consider me moving to London . . .’

  He pulls away from me again, but this time takes hold of my hands. ‘What you didn’t know was that at that point I’d already decided to move back to Mold. I wanted to give my notice in before I told you.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ I say in a squeaky voice.

  He nods. ‘Never been more serious in my life. I’ve missed you so much. I love you, Gemma. This is for keeps as far as I’m concerned.’

  Thrilled, I fling my arms round his neck.

  ‘I take it this means you don’t want to break up with me?’ he says over my shoulder.

  I pull back slightly and cup his beloved face in my hands. ‘No, I never wanted to. I love you so much, Leo. But are you sure, about moving back here?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  Our kiss is long and deep. Afterwards Leo tells me that when he spoke to his editor he was offered freelance work. He’ll have to go to the office in London from time to time, but only for short trips, which means he’s home for good. It’s the best of both worlds. We also agree we’re going to look for a house to buy together. I’m so happy.

  I remember something on my list. I lean back so I can see Leo’s face. ‘How do you feel about us getting a dog?’

  ‘I would love to get a dog with you, Miss Jones.’ His eyes are warm and crinkly.

  There’s a lump in my throat and I haven’t even told Leo yet about me being cancer free. I will, just as soon as he’s stopped covering me in kisses. I can hardly believe it. Everything has worked out.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Today is my thirtieth birthday and to celebrate I’m having a meal at the Plas Hafod Hotel. I could have had a party but I decided I wanted something smaller, more intimate, a meal with the people closest to me. I’m wearing an amethyst-coloured satin prom dress, which Leo bought me. I love it. I can’t stop twirling around in it, it feels so girly.

  Leo enters the bedroom. He’s been ready for ages of course. ‘Hello, sexy.’ He kisses me until I’m breathless. We’ve booked a taxi and when we arrive at the hotel. Mum, Dad, Kate and Marie are waiting. I thought about inviting Will. This meal is as much to celebrate my beating skin cancer as it is to celebrate the big 3 0, and Will has been involved from the beginning, but I decided it wasn’t appropriate.

  Topiary trees lit with tiny white LED lights have been positioned along the walls of the conservatory. Flickering tea lights and small bunches of purple roses have been dotted around our table, and there’s a generous scattering of confetti. It all looks lovely. Then I notice the large helium-filled silver foil ‘3’ and ‘0’ balloons tied to what must be my chair. I grin and take a fluted glass of champagne from the waiter who has appeared. The bubbles go straight to my head, so I sit down quickly. Everyone else remains standing.

  ‘To Gemma,’ says Leo. I beam at him. I’m so glad he’s a part of my life.

  ‘To Gemma,’ everyone choruses. I can’t help but blush.

  We’re served pretty quickly with sirloin steak and chips at my request as starters aren’t for me. Dessert is a cake which my mum made. It’s beautiful, covered in ivory icing with pink and purple sugar flowers trailing from the top down the sides, complete with a ‘30’ candle.

  Our glasses are refilled with the pink fizzy stuff. ‘Happy Birthday, Gemma!’ Everyone clinks glasses. I asked them not to sing – way too embarrassing in public. I look around at everyone, at my parents, Kate, Marie, and Leo, my man. I can see the love in their eyes. Not for the first time I think how very lucky I am.

  The melanoma was caught early – it doesn’t bear thinking about what might have happened if I hadn’t had it checked out - so I won’t.

  I may not have done everything on my list yet, but I will; Leo and I have started planning our hike up Snowdon; my parents bought me roller blades for my birthday, whilst Kate gave me a beautiful leather-bound collection of Jane Austen’s novels. I mean to keep adding to the list. How about things to do before I’m forty? God! I can’t imagine being forty, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to today, to my thirtieth birthday. There have been some big changes in my life this past year and I’ve learnt not to take life for granted. I’ve been given a second chance and I mean to make the most of every precious moment life has to offer.

  The End

  “Malignant melanoma, the least common but most serious form of skin cancer, is disproportionately high in young people. In fact, it is the second most common cancer between the ages of 15 and 34. Luckily for Gemma, she was aware of the warning signs and caught the disease early. Others are not so lucky. Over 2,500 people lose their lives to malignant melanoma each year in the UK. Skin Deep tackles a young woman's struggle with the disease and the realisation that life, or our skin for that matter, must never be taken for granted.” British Skin Foundation

  For more information please go to: http://www.britishskinfoundation.org.uk/

  Acknowledgements

  First and foremost I would like to thank my friend and unofficial proofreader, Angela. Thanks also to Mary for reading this story prior to publication. Thanks to Alison Williams – my official proofreader. A special mention must go to Hermione Lawson and Lisa Bicker
staffe at the British Skin Foundation (Hermione has since left). They checked the medical facts for me and were a great source of information. Thank you!

  Thanks to all my friends and family. Thanks to my sister, Anne. Anne beat skin cancer, and whilst this isn’t her story, she inspired me to write Skin Deep. Thanks to my husband, Simon, for your continued support. x

  Helen was born in Wales, but she currently lives in Buckinghamshire with her husband, Simon, and her puppy, Archie. She’s always loved writing stories, ever since she wrote a short story collection in the style of Enid Blyton when she was 12. She loves the Scottish Highlands, crisps, and shoes. Find out more at www.helenlibbywriter.blogspot.co.uk or follow Helen on Twitter @helibedw

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