The Widow's Friend

by Dave Stone; Callii Wilson

  Well, I am glad we were able to renew our friendship, and I would still consider you a friend if you are up to it. I would really like that, but don’t feel pressured either way. I will understand.

  Good night to you now, from Granny. (I guess you have figured out that the name fits me now.)

  Chapter 29

  “Thwap!”

  Well, there it was, right in front of my eyes. My worst fears had come to fruition. She’d feigned a head fake by telling me it took a lot to offend her, but then she’d thrown a left hook and knocked me right to my knees. Though I’d kind of suspected something like this, the harshness, the directness, and the finality that she’d laid out in front of me was overwhelming. But I had no choice really. She’d laid down the law and I knew there was no trying to convince her otherwise. I needed to man up and go in the direction that she wanted to, as tough as it seemed to be.

  I had been dumped dozens of times in my less than illustrious dating career, but that was many, many years ago, and I couldn’t remember anything hurting as much as this did. I couldn’t explain, even to myself, exactly what it was between Callii and I that made things so heartfelt, but I had been taken over body and soul. My heart had been captured, and my feelings for Callii were not only true, but as strong a love as I’d ever felt for anyone. And now—this! I felt numb. I forced myself to reach for my laptop and type something out. Somehow I made myself go through the motions, because I knew she was on the other end, waiting for my reply.

  From Levi Stone (Two hours later)

  Good evening to you Callii, the Black Widow. I will send you a few songs over the next few days, just lingering tunes that I’d picked out and was holding for you. I have also written you my goodbyes in a little note. I typed it up for you just this evening. I will finalize it over the next few days and send it off to you then.

  Love ya, (I’m sorry but I can’t help it.) Levi

  I sent her a Youtube link of the final scenes of “The Heiress”, an old movie where Olivia de Havilland locks Montgomery Clift out of her life in a final act of revenge. I at least had enough humor left in me to do that.

  ***

  From Levi Stone

  Jan 18th

  Apologies Callii, I know you’re up to your ankles in water and workers right now, but you only have to put up with me for a couple of more days, and then I’ll be gone for a very long time. I’ll miss you.

  ***

  And then, beginning that evening and continuing on over the next few nights, I proceeded to send her about a dozen music links. They were all about love and romance. A few were about breaking up, but most were tender and sincere.

  In the meantime, on each of the following evenings, I reviewed my goodbye letter to make sure it was the best it could be. I’d already screwed things up entirely with one bad and tasteless bit of writing. I didn’t want to do it again.

  ***

  From Levi Stone

  Jan 20th

  Hello again, Calliijo, three dots in a row. (And no, granny still doesn’t fit you.) Here is the goodbye note that I promised you, because it seems that I’ve finally received my Dear John. This January gets increasingly colder. It’s unfortunate that one sarcastic little note can create this kind of damage, but that’s the way life goes, I guess. You told me recently that you don’t get offended easily, but it seems that I have managed to find a way. Do you know anyone who would like to buy some cowboy boots? And now Callii, even though I’ve been kicked to the curb, I know that you’ve done it for all of the right reasons. Following is as sweet a little note as you’ve ever sent me, on January the sixth if I remember correctly. It calmed me right down. But this time seems to be different somehow.

  So Friend, you have let your imagination run overtime. I am not dogging you nor will I ever. You are my good friend and always will be. I have to remind myself of what part I play in all of this and have to cool myself down a bit sometimes. I’m just trying to protect myself. It is really hard to write and tell you how I feel. I’m scared for you and your marriage and I don’t want to be part of the problem. I know I have told you that before. I tell you that but then I keep flirting with you and that makes me exactly that—part of the problem. It’s because I really like you, and I like that you pay attention to me and make me feel like someone special.

  I would love to see you again and talk to you face to face. But don’t think, even for a minute, that I am trying to get rid of you. I am ready for bed so tonight is not so good. Write me and let’s see if we can figure out another time. I hope this makes you feel better about us. I look forward to hearing from you.

  Callii, you really are someone special and I hope you will always feel that way, and I’m glad that you really like me. That means a lot to me. And trust me; I have no problem with you flirting with me. I can’t imagine you being single for the next thirty years though, that is totally beyond my scope, but I wish you well. I hate, under these circumstances, to openly admit this, but I think it’s just obvious that I have strong feelings for you. Maybe it’s a stupid thing to say, at this point in the game, but emotion is a hard thing to understand and under the conditions we’ve worked under it’s even harder still. As you know, I have no problem expressing my emotions, and you have been at the center of them over the last several months. I still don’t know why this all started. I know how but I don’t know why, I probably never will. But the pleasure has been mine, of that I’m sure.

  I don’t want our friendship to end this way, precisely because of those feelings that I hold for you, but I don’t know that it can go on like this, with no end in sight. You have made me feel like a teenager again, and you know that I tend to think young anyway. You, little girl, are a lovely person and a beautiful woman, and life hasn’t always been that kind to you. And me, I’m afraid we’re totally opposites. You are the grasshopper and I am the ant. You are the party girl and I lead a quiet little life. It’s clear that we don’t fit together, yet I’m certain that we do. (Call me crazy.) But I think I’m a little more fun than some may think, and I think you’re a little softer and more laid back than you sometimes present.

  But if all that it takes to end this, that I write one distasteful thing that ticks you off that much, then I’m afraid that the stuff our relationship is based on is not strong enough to stand. I can’t help but feel that I’m invested in this a little more than you are.

  I’m sorry that I hurt you. I just intended it to be a sarcastic little slam to get back at you, but I obviously went too far. I really don’t see you as a cold and shuttered haunted house. I actually see you as the loving and affectionate little woman that you are; otherwise I would have no interest. Again, I’m sorry. It was only meant in a type of fun. And if it makes you feel any better, I may have given you a slap across the face, but you responded with a two by four to the side of my head. It’s you who really knows how to hurt a guy.

  And remember the good things that I wrote about you? A couple of times you couldn’t sleep because of them. I have to think I’ve delivered some good along the way. I remember the description I wrote of you last month. I think it was an apt depiction. You are a beautiful woman, you know, and I felt you needed to hear it.

  I want you to know that it has been very hard on me being duplicitous over the last few months. I have always been a straight shooter. Yes, I have had a few crushes over the years, but nothing of substance, just workplace fantasies, nothing more. Again girl, you have been my only rodeo. It is not like me to hide things from others and live a double life, and I hope I haven’t made a fool of myself along the way. I also hope you won’t trash me around your friends if my name ever comes up. I have been sincere in all that I’ve said about you and I will always speak of you with the respect you deserve; because, after all, that’s the way I truly feel about you.

  And Callii, you know full well the story of how this all started. It happened. I reacted, and here we are. When it started I didn’t have any idea why. You jumped into my mind from that yearbook like e
lectricity, and like 220 volts you wouldn’t let go. Then two weeks later Julie Davies told me you were widowed. I had no idea. I hope you understand that that’s what happened and that’s why it all began. I didn’t know if I was supposed to help you or if you were supposed to help me, or if we were to support one another, which seems to have been somewhat the case.

  I had no idea, as a married man, that I would fall head over heels for you. No matter the conditions, that’s not what I had in mind. So please don’t think I came after you intentionally, it just developed, and it developed rather quickly, I think. And I do admit that I was much the aggressor. You always did dig in your heels a bit. But I want you to know it was a lot of fun and I have no regrets. And just so you know, you have been very supportive of me and have been a great help. I hope I have helped you overall as well. And now, it seems, I’m required to tuck you back in the pages of the yearbook and wait another thirty-something years before I talk to you again. You may be around that long, but I won’t.

  I will say, dear friend, that you have a full and active life, with family nearby and a network of friends. I admire that, and God bless that it continues for you. Also, I know that you want to stay single, and I’m sure that you do. But I also know that you’re torn between that and remarrying at some point, because you’re a good woman, made of flesh and blood, with hopes and desires. And I’ve heard you mention hopelessness more than once. If I wasn’t married I would continue to fight for you, try to convince you, and we might live happily ever after. There are some things I would like to share with you, some things that you need to know, that might even make a difference, but I can’t at this point. Hopefully it will happen and things will change, sometime in the future….

  I find it quite sad that you or anyone else has to make choices between money and affection. I’m in a similar fix, though—many people in our age group get trapped in business arrangements. But loneliness is a terrible thing, it ravages folks over time. I saw my own mother go through it. She was widowed for fifteen years before passing, and even though she had a boyfriend for the last ten years, the loneliness was still stark, persistent, and relentless. I say this not to burden you, but because I know how it all works and I worry for you. Kids and a network of friends aren’t always enough, especially as we get older. God bless you always as you go. And yes, I will always be your friend, dear Jo.

  So I have sent you a string of music videos that mean what they mean, they each stand on their own – the final fun. They’re just a few things that I’ve stowed away in your behalf. As I’ve told you earlier, I had always wanted to write some romantic tale with old tunes as part of the storyline. I think that’s where the songs all originated from. The whole song thing was natural and a lot of fun for me. I hope it was for you as well. I felt a little nerdy sending them all out in bunches over these last few days, but I still wanted to share. Forgive me.

  And finally, I will need some time to dry out from you as this all ends, to unwrap you from around my heart, to extricate you from my mind, and to somehow cleanse you from my soul. It will take some time.

  You previously alluded to the fact that men and women have a hard time just being friends. I partially agree with that, but I believe that I can be “just friends” with most women out there, just not with you. You and romance are intertwined in my DNA. You are special and unique in my mind and heart, so when I considered being ‘just your friend’, I had some serious doubts, but having said that, as I’ve further considered it, I think it will work, and I would love to give it a try good friend. As the next few months go by, we will contact each other and chat again on a friendship basis. It actually kind of liberates me in some ways, and it’s the way it should have been right from the start.

  Please excuse my romantic pursuit of you. My heart and my DNA drove me on. Feel free to write me anytime, though I would prefer it if you give me until at least late February so I can go through rehab for my Jo Jo addiction. I really don’t think you have any idea how involved I’ve been, though I’ve tried to tell you so many times. I will leave you on my e-mail list and shoot you a note now and again, but nothing personal and nothing at all until after February. I will think of you each time I shoot one off, just like I do all the others out there. I have roughly forty people on the e-mail list, but none of them are worth a nickel compared to you. I’m sorry that our little long distance romance has gone on for so long, but my offer still stands. If you ever need someone to talk to, just shoot me an e-mail or give me a phone call and I’ll be there as soon as I can—really.

  And a few final things, I think it’s terrible that your basement flooded, especially while you’re preparing to sell your house. I’ve been there and done that, just on a lesser level than what you’re dealing with. My heart goes out to you.

  You’ve tried to ditch me (so to speak) on a few previous occasions, but I wouldn’t let you, being a fairly persistent sort, but this time seems different—I don’t really have a choice. My philosophy many years ago was, if you want to forget one girl, just go out and find another one, and it always seemed to work. But things are different now, you know?

  I have often thought how much energy it must take to make a change at this stage of our lives. I don’t know about you, but I know I have little time and maybe even less energy, though I was willing to step off a cliff for you.

  I’ve often wondered why you refuse to call me Levi. You call me friend, or Brother Stone, or Mr. Stone, etc. but never Levi. Is it too personal? Or have you even thought about it?

  Also, I think it’s a riot thinking of you in the flannel pajamas in the flannel sheets. As always, you make me smile.

  And if you ever want to reconsider our romance, my door is always open, but like I’ve always said, “Don’t touch me unless you mean it!” And not until I’m single.

  Also, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see you again. I’ll miss you Calliijo, you’ve been my great friend.

  Now, if I’m so bold to ask, I have one final assignment for you Jo, independent girl that you are that does not like assignments. My birthday is on February the 22nd. If you can remember to send me an e-mail that day, then I will know I’ve meant something to you and we can start talking again as friends. And after one solid month of not hearing from you, what a nice little present that would be. And if not, that’s just the way my life has been going lately.

  And one more little thing, if you could reply to this rambling message with a short e-mail and end things on a positive note, it would mean a lot to me. And the quicker the better, I need to crawl in a mental cave and hibernate, so I can recover from my Callii obsession. Thank you, sweet gramma.

  Love, Levi (That’s right girlfriend—Levi. That is my name.)

  ***

  From Callii Wilson (One hour later)

  Oh, Levi, Levi, Levi! Dear sweet Levi! Thanks for all the music and the sweet farewell e-mail. You really are one of the nicest guys that I know. I will miss you. I would love to hear from you anytime. When I said I wanted to be friends forever I was sincere. Also, if your marital status ever changes look me up.

  I would like to remind you of what started this “fight”. It was you writing me off because I thought four o’clock in the morning was an interesting time for relations. You decided that by making that statement I was showing my true colors and you were glad you found out about me before you had done something stupid. Well Levi, I am kind of glad this has all happened. And yes, I guess that is my true color. Four in the morning would not be my favorite time for such things. After that e-mail I clued in that I was too invested in a married man and I knew that I was betraying everything I believe in. I was having an affair of the heart, and that is not the kind of person I am, or ever want to be. So, I am so sorry. I had no right to take things as far as I did. Please forgive me for my part in all of this. It just felt so good to have someone think I was special again. So Levi, my forever friend, I hope to hear from you in the future and I really truly hope you find happiness. I am don
e for now until 2-22, so I must bid you farewell.

  Your forever friend, Callii

  From Levi Stone

  Jan 22nd

  Sorry to bother you, but I am sharing a play list I had created on a music website. It contains most of the songs that I sent you along the way. This list is just for you, in remembrance of whatever it was that just happened. Please don’t respond, I won’t write again.

  Thanks, Levi

  ***

  From Callii Wilson

  Jan 24th

  Hello Levi, I know you don’t want me to write you but I want to thank you for the CD’s you just mailed me. You are so thoughtful. I love “Sting”—what a fun surprise, and “The Christmas Collection” by The Carpenters! How sweet of you to remember. It seems we have come full circle. When you walked away from me, those many years ago, you came and got your music from me, and this time you are sending me some.

  Thanks again! Your friend and Schmoe,

  Calliijo

  ***

  From Levi Stone (Three hours later)

  Hi again, girlfriend. I saw your e-mail and my heart skipped a beat. Yes, it’s true—I still love you, but I’m working on it. And yes it’s true that we’ve come full circle. The last time I walked away from you, and this time you have left me. I still have to scrub you from my heart, and trust me girl, that’s not an easy task.

  The CD’s were nothing. I’m just a good listener, that’s all.

  You make me smile in my heart, Calliijo.

  Your old squeeze, Levi

  P.S. This conversation just makes me miss you all the more, just as I’d suspected. I’m still under your spell. We’ll see what another thirty days brings, because we really can’t keep meeting like this grandma. Stay warm flannel girl, Levi