Pretend

by Riley Hart

  “Always trying to bust my balls, funny man. Maybe that was my ploy. Feign guitar ignorance to hook a sexy music man.”

  It had worked.

  Gavin knew he had it right when his heart came alive at the sound of the notes. That’s what music did for him. Brought him alive.

  So, he kept it going. Let his fingers dance up and down the frets as he played the soft melody. It was the same song from the show. He’d been working on it since, and figured this was the right time to play it for Mason.

  He glanced up and could see the recognition in his lover’s green eyes. Damned if he didn’t feel like he saw something else, too—respect? Awe? Passion? Maybe a mixture of all of them, but it made his pulse beat harder and his fingers more nimble. It was as though they had a mind of their own, emotions of their own, as though they thought that at this moment, he was introducing music to Mason for the first time.

  His music? He didn’t know.

  Gavin’s throat was scratchy, the urge to open his mouth and let the words fall hitting him, but he swallowed them down. He didn’t sing in front of people. Hell, it wasn’t something he did often at all, but only in a closed room during the times he’d be alone with his music.

  The bed shifted and he looked up to see Mason move closer to him. Their legs touched as they both sat cross-legged in the middle of the comforter. He closed his eyes and felt the music vibrating around them. The heat from Mason’s body. The hairs on his legs against Gavin’s. The air smelled like sex, and Mason, and he realized maybe that was living, having things that meant the world to you and enjoying them.

  He didn’t need anything more than this.

  “You bare your soul when you’re playing…”

  He opened his eyes at Mason’s words. Looked and his lover as he continued to speak. “That’s really the only time. Not even when you’re talking or fucking do you open yourself up the way you do when you play.” Mason shrugged. “This is the real Gavin. The person I’m seeing right now. I’m a selfish bastard because I want to be the only one to see him, but I can’t do that. This is who you need to show to the world.”

  Gavin didn’t know how to respond to that, so he didn’t. He just continued to play.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  “We need to talk.” Isaac slammed the door and then went straight for the office. Mason didn’t have much choice but to follow him. He’d come off a great few days with Gavin to get an urgent call from his ex. Those never went well, and he had no doubt this would be the same.

  Since their argument, they hadn’t talked at all unless it was work-related. By the hard set of Isaac’s body, Mason could tell that though this had to do with Alexander’s, the tension was still there.

  Isaac collapsed in one of the chairs and Mason the other one. “What happened?” Mason asked, his body feeling set in cement. It wasn’t as if they all didn’t already have too much shit on their plates. The last thing they needed was another pile added on. Isaac didn’t make a big deal out of things. He saw everything as easy, like when it came to buying a new restaurant. Timing didn’t matter because he felt invincible. Regardless of what was going on, he let it roll off his shoulders because he thought he could handle anything.

  One look at Isaac, and Mason knew whatever he had to say would seriously fuck things up for them all.

  “We have major problems in Durango. The numbers are all wrong. We’re missing a shit ton of revenue—gone, unaccounted for. Oh, and Bryce is MIA.”

  Mason went rigid. He knew it, fucking knew they had too much going on to pay attention the way they should. “What do you mean, MIA? How do we lose a manager?”

  “He decides not to open the restaurant one day and no one has seen him since. I got a call this morning. I’d just pulled out the numbers you gave me and started to go over them. I could tell something major was wrong, and then I got a call from employees who were waiting outside the restaurant. The doors were locked and Bryce is nowhere to be found.”

  “Motherfucker!” Mason fisted his hands, tried to keep from hitting or breaking something. They were fucked and it was all his fault. He’d pulled Durango’s monthly paperwork. He’d been the one who was supposed to go over everything, yet he put it off, before finally leaving it for Isaac. Between Creekside and here, he just hadn’t made it the priority he should have.

  “Shit!” This time he didn’t have the strength to hold himself back. Mason pushed to his feet. With one sweep of his hands, he shoved everything from the desk to the floor. Missing money was big. His parents had never had a problem like this before. He’d been the one to hire Bryce, and now the man had stolen from them.

  He’d failed. He thought he could handle it all and he couldn’t. He let himself down. He let his family down. “I’ll go. I’ll fix it.”

  “Mason.” The emotion in Isaac’s voice surprised him. The man was cutthroat. If someone fucked up, he had no problem telling them. Mason had fucked up.

  “This was on me. I was so pissed at you guys for wanting this new restaurant and so busy trying to keep things going at the bar that I let the Durango worries go. I didn’t pay attention and I need to fix it.” He’d known for a while someone needed to make the trip to Durango, yet he’d put it off, figured everything was fine because he knew it would fall on him, or he’d be left with Denver and Boulder.

  Isaac sighed. “How are you supposed to do that? You have your bar and shit going on here. I’ll handle it.”

  Mason fell back into the chair again. He set his elbows on the table, his head bowed, and his hands latched behind his head. After exhaling a deep breath, he asked, “Does Dad know yet?” That’s what hurt. He’d failed his father. The man who built Alexander’s from nothing. The man who wanted nothing more than the son who didn’t even have his own blood to have his legacy.

  “No. I wanted to talk to you first. You know as well as I do he’s not going to take this well.”

  Durango was his baby. He’d worked all hours of the day there when Mason was an infant. He grew Alexander’s from the ground up from that establishment, for his family.

  “I’ll talk to him. And I’ll go. Everything else can wait. I’m going to fix this.” Mason stood. “I need to go to Blackcreek. I have to talk with Gavin, and then I’ll be back. Don’t talk to Dad without me.” Without another word, he walked out.

  ***

  Gavin knocked on Braden’s door. His friend had called him over a little while before. Apparently he had something he wanted to run past Gavin, which knowing Braden, could mean just about anything.

  When his friend didn’t answer, he knocked again. Finally, the knob twisted and Braden pulled the door open. “Hey, man. How are things going?” Braden stood aside for Gavin to walk in.

  “Good. How about you?” When Braden closed the door, Gavin followed him to their kitchen table and sat down.

  “Keeping busy. Jess is playing with her cousins today and Wes is at work. I don’t really know what to do with myself.”

  Gavin chuckled, not sure when he’d ever seen the man so grounded. Actually, that wasn’t true. He’d never seen it before Braden met Wes.

  “Do you want a beer?” Braden asked.

  “Nah. I’m good.” The fact that his friend continued to stall didn’t escape his attention. “Spit it out, Braden. What’s going on?”

  “I hear the skepticism in your voice. I called you here for a good thing. Don’t start stressing out on me.”

  It was then that Gavin realized his body was tense. He fought to relax, which pretty much became impossible when he realized something else about himself. He always assumed the worst. He’d automatically expected the worst when he got here.

  “I’m not stressing out.”

  Braden didn’t respond to that. “Listen, I had a conversation sort of fall into my lap. I was speaking with one of Jessie’s friend’s moms. She works for the school district, and she was telling me about this new music program they’ve been planning to start at the beginning of the new school year. It wouldn’
t be at only one school. You’d spend certain days at the elementary school, middle school and high school, but it’s supposed to be a really great program. They didn’t have music before because of budget cuts, so now they’re starting over.”

  Gavin got a pain in his chest thinking about the fact that they hadn’t had music. It was always one of the first things to go. Didn’t people realize how important music was?

  “The woman who they’d hired unfortunately had a family member need her help. She’s moving out of state, which means now they have the position open. I talked to her about you, told her your experience and everything, and she said that you should apply. They’re having a hard time finding someone in the area with experience. It’d be a great opportunity for you to get back to teaching, and would give you the chance to stay local.” Braden leaned back. “If you get your ass in gear, I can pretty much promise you’ll get the job.”

  Gavin scratched the lobe of his right ear. Teaching. It’s what he’d always done. What he loved…he thought. No, that wasn’t true, he knew he loved it. It had been his own mistakes that messed it up for him before, because he’d let it become the only thing he allowed himself to love—music and teaching, and nothing else.

  Still, he thought about everything that he’d given his previous job. How he’d dedicated his life to it, and how easily he’d been asked to leave, and all because he helped a kid who was just like himself.

  For the first time in his life, Gavin was living his life for himself. He wanted to hold onto that. Plus, what about Mason? He needed Gavin right now. Gavin hadn’t had a whole lot of people in his life who were there for him no matter what, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t that person for Mason.

  “I don’t know if now’s the right time. I need to get my Colorado license, which I guess I could work on regardless. We don’t know how things are going to go for Mason. He’s running back and forth between Blackcreek and Denver, and he’s counting on me to help here when he’s gone. I’m not sure if he’ll still need my help at the bar by the time I applied for everything necessary for me to start the job.” If he even got it.

  Braden stalled for a moment, and then shook his head. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

  Gavin’s defenses reared up. “What is that supposed to mean? Are you telling me that you wouldn’t be there for Wes if he needed you?”

  “No, I’m telling you that Wes would never let me sacrifice myself for him, the same way I wouldn’t do with Wes. If that’s what Mason expects—”

  “Fuck you, Braden. That’s not the way it is.”

  “You love teaching, man.”

  Did he? He thought so. He missed it. But he was also happier right now than he’d ever been. “How do you know that? I’m happy.”

  “You’re a bartender—”

  “Hey now—”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Braden shook his head. “What I’m saying is that you’ve always taught. You’ve loved music for your whole life, and right now you’re working as a bartender. There is nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want. Is it really what you want, Gav?”

  What he wanted was to be happy. What he wanted was to be there for the man he loved.

  “This is the perfect opportunity for you. Don’t say no. Put some thought into it. Talk to Mason, apply for everything you need to apply for. Don’t just say no because you’re scared.”

  Gavin shook his head at that. “I have nothing to be scared of.”

  “Are you sure about that?” Braden asked.

  Yeah, yeah he was. Am I? “Thank you. No matter what, I appreciate you looking out for me. I just can’t make any promises right now. Not when I don’t know how often my parents might need me, and not when things are so up in the air for Mason.” Mason needed him. He wasn’t sure anyone ever needed him like that before.

  They said their goodbyes and Gavin jumped in his car and drove home. The whole time his brain wouldn’t shut down, thinking about Braden’s offer and his accusations.

  He wasn’t scared. He couldn’t be. He was being responsible, thinking about the people in his life that mattered. It was the honorable thing to do.

  He took a quick shower, and had just pulled his white boxer briefs on when he heard the front door. The only person who should be walking into his house right now would be Mason, but Mason should be in Denver.

  He stuck his head out of the door to see his lover coming down the hallway.

  “What are you doing here?” Gavin asked.

  “I need a reason now?” he said teasingly, but Gavin heard the tension in his voice.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Mason kissed his forehead. “It will be. Just work stuff, which I’ll talk to you about in a second. I rushed out without a shower this morning, and I really need to get cleaned up, clear my head for a second, and then I’ll be out.”

  The muscles in Gavin’s body seized up. Mason could pretend all he wanted, but something was wrong. He could feel it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Showers were one of the best ways to clear your head. Orgasms were the first, so Mason decided today called for both. He finished his shower with the purpose of letting Gavin fuck his brains out, and then he would sit down and talk to his lover. There had to be a reasonable explanation. He trusted Gavin’s opinion, and he knew Gavin would do whatever he could to help. It’s the kind of man he was. The kind Mason wanted to be, and part of the reason Mason loved him so damn much.

  He pulled on a pair of underwear. The soft sound of his phone vibrating in his jeans grabbed his attention, so Mason pulled it from the pocket.

  Braden.

  It wasn’t often the man called him, and he wasn’t sure why he would be now. He almost ignored it, but something made him hit answer. “Hello.”

  “Hey, man. How’s it going?”

  Shitty. “Alright, and you?”

  “Good. Listen, I’m about to overstep my bounds, and I want you to know that I get that. Tell me to shut the fuck up. I’m used to it. But knowing that I should keep my mouth shut has never made me do it in the past, and I don’t plan on starting now. If you’re the kind of man I think you are, you’ll be damn glad I spoke up.”

  Mason leaned against the counter, feeling a tightness in his chest. “What’s going on with Gavin?”

  What else could it be?

  “He has a job opportunity, running a music program through the school district. It’s not a guarantee. He needs to get his licensing and a few other things taken care of ASAP, but I wanted you to know about it. Like I said, tell me to shut the fuck up and mind my own business. I probably deserve it, but whether you know it or not, you were there for me when shit hit the fan with Wes, so I thought I would return the favor. I think he needs to do this but I don’t think he will. Not if he doesn’t know you’re on board. He’s thinking about his parents and the bar and, fuck, no offense man, but he needs to be thinking about himself. I just don’t want to see him pass something up and regret it later. That shit will eat a hole through your relationship faster than anything else.”

  Mason closed his eyes. Shook his head. Motherfucker. Braden was right. Gavin missed teaching. He was sure of that. But even if Gavin didn’t, it was a decision he needed to make for himself—not because of Mason or his parents or anything else.

  From the day he hired Gavin, he knew the man wouldn’t be working with him forever. It wasn’t where his heart lay. The closer they’d gotten, he let himself forget that. Forget it because he liked having Gavin around. Forget it because he needed Gavin in more ways than just their relationship.

  “Fuck,” Mason groaned. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll take care of it,” and then he hung up the phone.

  Gavin had walked away from his job and regretted it. He hadn’t fought for it. He’d accepted the loss just like he’d accepted the loss of any real kind of life, using his family and his job as an excuse. Mason wouldn’t be an excuse for him. He wouldn’t be the reason Gavin let life pass him by. From the begi
nning that hadn’t been what they were about, yet he planned on asking Gavin to take over his bar so he could go to Durango for who knew how long? It could be months.

  And Gavin would have done it. Would have done it because that’s the kind of guy he was, giving. Would have done it because Mason was now to him the same as his job had been before. He still wasn’t living for Gavin. He lived for Mason, for his parents, letting his own desires fall to the wayside.

  And Mason would have let him because that’s who he’d always been as well. Selfish. Because he wanted it all; in a way, like Isaac. He wanted his bar to flourish, and to fix the shit with his family and their business. It was time to realize that he couldn’t do it all. Sometimes a man had to make sacrifices for those he loved. He wouldn’t hold Gavin back.

  ***

  Mason walked into the bedroom in nothing except his underwear, just as Gavin put his guitar away. Gavin watched as he paced the room for a minute before sitting on the edge of the bed.

  Gavin waited for him to speak, seeing that his lover had something to say. It took a minute, but then he said, “We need to talk.”

  Crossing his arms, Gavin leaned against the wall. “I can tell.” Anger suddenly teased him. He wasn’t totally sure why he was mad, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t like what Mason was about to say.

  Mason looked up at him from where he sat on the bed. His features were hard, his eyes detached. The look made Gavin’s gut roll.

  “We have a major problem in Durango. Money is missing and a manager MIA. We’ve been having problems there for a while but I kept ignoring it, hoping it would get better. That obviously isn’t the case. I need to go there for a few months to clean up and get things back on level ground. I’m going to close Creekside while I’m gone. I—”

  “Fuck that.” Gavin shoved off the wall. “You have no reason to close the bar. Why are you really doing it? Let me guess, you know about the job and you’re trying to make my decisions for me? Fuck you for that, Mason. I’m an adult. I can handle my own shit. Even if I did want to take the job, that wouldn’t stop me from working at the bar now. Don’t be like everyone else in my life. Don’t think you know who I am or what I want better than I do.” Damn Mason for that. He’d never treated Gavin that way before. Gavin’s family told him he wasn’t gay, and Braden had always thought he’d known what was best for Gavin. And maybe when they were younger, he had, but not anymore.