Love Delayed

by Love Belvin

  “My plans are to support her as well. All the way. I plan on taking care of her and the baby.”

  “Well, when did this happen? Why hasn’t she come home yet?” Sarah cried.

  “She called me with the news yesterday. I would have to let her tell you the rest of the details,” I answered her then turned back to Michael. “I flew in right away to speak with you. I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot, and considering the circumstances, I have a lot to prove.”

  “Son, I know what you do for a living. I know women love throwing themselves at basketball players.” At the mention of that, Sarah’s shoulders straightened and she grabbed her chest with an audible gasp, I’d guessed she’d just pieced together who I was. “I appreciate you being a man. I just hope you mean what you say about supporting her. Babies are lots of responsibility.”

  “Is this like Angela’s situation with that other basketball player? Are you going to drag her through court and sue us?” Sarah asked with tears running down her face.

  My eyes hit the floor and I shook my head. “No. I’m here to take full responsibility. I know time is of the essence, so to speak, so I wanted to talk to you right away.”

  Sarah abruptly stood then paused. “Can I call my baby?”

  My eyes shot up and mouth opened and closed. “By all means. She’s your daughter. She needs you. I just didn’t want her to have to break the news alone,” I tried to explain.

  Sarah damn near ran out of the room, I’d assumed to the phone to call her oldest child. I was right; within seconds I heard her call out her daughter’s name as though she was in pain. I heard the barrage of questions that followed, but what I heard loudest was relief. I guess my presence here instead of Zoey’s was frightening for her. I couldn’t lie and say it didn’t please me that Zoey listened when I told her to hang tight. It also made me feel a sliver of guilt for having the trust of someone I betrayed.

  I didn’t realize Michael was staring me down.

  “You came here to offset the lashing,” his knowing tone brought my attention back into the living room. He was now sitting with his elbows on his knees staring right in my face.

  “I did.”

  “Now, I respect the man in you to come tell me about this, but I hope you’re being up front with me. Zoey has a promising future ahead of her. This is gonna set her back. I don’t have time for no shuckin’ and jivin’ with my baby girl.” He gave me a pointed gaze.

  I swallowed hard, and not because I didn’t plan on taking care of Zoey and the baby, but because there was some shucking and jiving going on to some degree. I’d dishonored his daughter. At that reminder, I started feeling lightheaded.

  I stood and extended my hand again, this time to leave. I needed sleep.

  “Sir, you have my word, we’ll be in touch,” I guaranteed.

  He waited until I was tall on my feet to reciprocate. His grip was tight and firm, communicating his desire of control. I didn’t flex. I couldn’t; I’d put myself in this situation. I waited until he was done and withdrew my hand.

  When I turned for the door, Sarah came out into the living room. “Wait! You’re leaving?” There were still tears in her voice. She looked wrecked. “Zoey’s on her way home. Do you want to wait for her?” She and Michael both looked at me expectantly.

  I took a deep breath. “No, ma’am. I just got off the plane from L.A. I have my staff in the truck waiting on me. I need to get some sleep. Zoey knows how to get a hold of me. She’ll contact me when she’s ready. Right now she needs you two to love on her.”

  They didn’t verbally commit to anything, but I knew they would. Zoey always spoke highly of her close-knit family, specifically how tight she was with her moms. I felt like a damn wolf in sheep’s clothing. I didn’t want to be any more of an imposter than I was.

  I walked out and to the car thinking my next move would be calling Chesney to let him know it was time to roll out the plan, starting with his office reaching out to Zoey’s family.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  October 2007 Zoey

  “Do you understand what this means, Elizabeth?”

  I broke my trance and glanced up at the tall sandy blond man across the long conference table from me. I must have zoned out again, something I’d been doing since the start of the semester. He wasn’t alone. His team outnumbered my parents and me. This man, however, Stenton’s attorney, Chesney, was a true spectacle. He was extremely animated with his presentation and communication, effeminate even. I hated the way he stared at me from the time we walked in his New York City office. He used too many inflections when he spoke and thoroughly enunciated words for dramatic flair. Chesney used the word honesty and trust way too much. That’s likely where he lost me.

  “I would like to say we’re a family, but I won’t give you the illusion of that. We are however, an organization and keep things neat in our camp. I know you are in your fourth year at Princeton, and understand what girls your age do socially, but admonish you: your life is no longer just your own. What you do can affect an entire organization. You must practice discretion.”

  Those words were followed by a long gaze deep enough to intimidate me. And it did. Chesney sat with his long index finger and thumb at an “L” shape against his jaw. My timid eyes fell towards the table where there were stacks of papers and pens for signatures.

  “Now, with that being said, Mr. Rogers has laid out a list of provisions for you, so I’ll just get started.” He slowly inclined in his chair and gathered a bundle of papers in his hands. “We’ll start with the home at 88 Wilson Street in New Brunswick, NJ with the amount of $289,586.68 being owed on the mortgage, including delinquent payments.” In my peripheral, I saw my Dad twist uncomfortably in his seat. “Said amount will be paid by the end of tomorrow’s business day to Chase Bank. That is what…” Chesney located a document and pushed it towards my parents. “…this form is for. Fill it out completely.”

  What? Stenton is paying off my parents’ home? I was so numb, I didn’t know if I should be relieved or offended, but I could sense one thing: My Dad is going to kill me!

  Then he went back to the papers in his hand and pushed up his spectacles. “Once all the paperwork has been cleared, there will also be $75,000 deposited into your personal account to pay for any repairs needed on the house. There will also be an additional $5,000 deposited into this account every thirty days for food, room and board for Elizabeth and the unborn fetus.”

  “Now, wait just a minute!” My dad nearly leaped from his chair. “This girl is my child and I don’t need help from Rogers to care for her. She’s my responsibility!”

  “Michael,” my mother cried out as she tapped his arm to calm him. My heart was ready to leave my chest, it beat so hard.

  Hesitantly, he sat back in his seat, issuing Chesney a deathly glare.

  Chesney appeared unruffled as he returned an impassive one. There was silence for seconds long.

  “Now, for you Ms. Barrett: Mr. Rogers understands you are in the middle of your academic pursuits. He also understands that you are in a very competitive program and scholarship agreement. Given that, should you decide to complete the academic year, that is your prerogative. If you decide to take time off to give birth, that is completely at your discretion. However, understanding that you are there on a full scholarship and if you take time off, you lose it, my client will pay not only for the remainder of your academic studies when you’re ready to return to school, but also any academic endeavors beyond your undergraduate tenure. And because you’re not expected to work throughout your pregnancy and you will likely—by his estimation—finish out this current fall semester, you will be given a $10,000 monthly stipend for personal expenditures. This does not include the provisions for the unborn baby. That will be taken care of separately by Mr. Rogers.”

  I heard my mother’s sharp gasp. It was something I would have done if I didn’t decide to play possum, somehow thinking it was the only way I’d make it through this humiliating conference.


  “Also…,” Chesney didn’t stop, “…Mr. Rogers hopes that you will agree to driving the 2008 BMW 3 class series. The paperwork is…” he shuffled through the countless documents on the table again. “…here. You are now the owner of the vehicle and the insurance will be paid for through the year. You are being asked to get rid of your Kia Rio—”

  “Wait!” my mother spoke up. I heard the alarm in her tone. “What BMW are we talking about here?”

  I further shrank in my seat, desperately wishing to disappear from this room. The earth. Maybe Mars had vacancy.

  Chesney’s eyes squinted. “Oh, I guess you were not aware that Mr. Rogers purchased Elizabeth a vehicle for her birthday this past February. It is a 2008 BMW. I don’t know where it is, but I do know there was an agreement between the two that she would drive it everywhere with the exception of home and church as to not alert you to it.” Then he looked at me again and murmured real snark-like. “You can drive it everywhere now that it’s all been disclosed.” If I wasn’t decided before that moment, I knew then I didn’t like Chesney.

  “Now that we’re done with prenatal matters, as far as your postnatal care, Mr. Rogers will provide Ms. Barrett housing that is separate from her parents to ensure adequate accessibility to the baby. A place Mr. Rogers would have free rein to visit the child. This will be arranged at a later date by Mr. Rogers himself. There will also be a yearly stipend paid by Mr. Rogers for childcare in the form of a nanny from the time the child is born until it has been decided by both parents that the child will attend school. Any immediate needs Ms. Barrett and/or the child may have from today, moving forward will go through my office.”

  He reached for another bonded document. “Here is a list of instructions as to how your requests will be made. Mr. Rogers is open to anything, from clothes, to car repairs.” He waved his finger in the air as he scanned the document in his hand. “…he’s basically giving you a wide range of items you may desire or need, down to vacation requests.” That inflection expressed his displeasure. Then it came. “Something I don’t agree with, but have to adhere to my client’s wishes.”

  Screw you!

  I was in hell and he wanted to cry about his preference to control his heartless clients!

  “I-I…I don’t understand this gibberish. I hear all of this he’s giving…he’s giving…he’s giving, I don’t understand what he’s taking?”

  “Yeah, that’s my point, too,” Chesney drawled out, barely underneath his breath. “…but I’m here to service my client.” He rolled his eyes. Then in seconds, he straightened in his seat. “He’s taking responsibility. Mr. Rogers is saying this child Elizabeth, here, is carrying is his and he will take care of the child and Elizabeth.” Chesney started pushing more papers towards us. “And as soon as these agreements are filled out with social security numbers, bank account information and nondisclosure agreements are signed, we can implement his wishes.”

  “Nondisclosure agreements?” I shrieked. That mention reminded me of Alton’s handling of Angela.

  “Yes, Ms. Barrett. It is very key that we adhere to my mentions earlier about discretion and honesty. These details are of a private matter that we do not want made available to the public. Your business with Mr. Rogers’ provisions is not for public consumption. Is that understood?” His tone was the most intimidating it had been since the top of this meeting.

  My father grunted. My mother grabbed her chest. And I sulked.

  “Now, Ms. Barrett, do you have any questions, objections, or amendments here?” Chesney asked me, appearing bored with this whole ordeal.

  I simply sat there, trying not to cry. I felt reduced to a child and embarrassed for me and my parents. I couldn’t believe I brought my parents this trouble. This mess. My parent were by no means incompetent, but I knew this “mediation” was over their heads. Heck, with my Ivy League status, I was confused by it all. It was well over their class placement, over their educational levels and realm of life experience. And not because of Ruth this time. No, the culpability of this blunder belonged to me.

  Even in all of my self-debasement while there, I wondered where Stenton was. What was he thinking, bringing me and my family into this legal and sterile situation? Why couldn’t we have just spoken privately? Why humiliate me like this? I felt even more abandoned.

  “I do have to get on a plane to my California office soon,” Chesney abruptly informed while checking his watch. “My associate, Whaler here, will assist in explaining terms of any of the agreements. You can take your time and read over some that cause reluctance on your part. We can discuss amending others. My strong advice to you is to get it all signed as soon as possible. It is my understanding that the foreclosure procedure is progressing. The sooner we take care of that, the sooner you’ll be relieved of that hassle. Mr. Rogers himself would like to have that settled for peace of mind.”

  Chesney swiftly left the room without any pleasantries. We sat there in silence deciding to sign away our lives as we once knew them. I secretly questioned if we should have had a lawyer of our own to assist, but didn’t speak it. Deep in my heart I believed Stenton would never do anything shady to me or my parents. However, when I glanced down at my still flat belly, I wanted to rebel and refuse to sign anything for his negligence.

  I could only imagine what my parents were battling individually. I’d disappointed them. One day their oldest child was enrolled in one of the most competitive and prestigious academic programs in the country and the next, they were sitting in a swanky New York City office with a half a dozen strangers, contemplating signing away their dignity.

  “Zoey, dear, are you okay with all of this?” My dad swung his head towards the mountain of papers on the desk. “Is there anything we should know? Anything that you’re uncomfortable with? Are there any more secrets?”

  I swallowed hard. It was time for me to give an answer for my indiscretions. That was the least I could do. Breaking the news to my sister, Ruth, was difficult—extremely painful. That event was met with an astounding admittance of how much she looked up to me. The memory of her walking away from me with her shoulders slumped toward the ground, weighted with disappoint, will forever be etched in my head.

  Now, I had to address it again with my parents. I sat up in my chair, pulled off the wideband ring I wore almost every day while in public since the Cayman Islands, and bared my tattoo, such a reflection of my soul sketched into my skin. Immediately, my mother grabbed her chest and my father mumbled something expressing pure astonishment.

  “The only thing missing from this paperwork is this baby was conceived in love. It was not as scandalous as it’s becoming or appears. My child was made from love. He loved me. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what went wrong, but I can promise you I’m not that type of girl. I’m still the Zoey that you raised. I’m still a young woman of Christ. I still have morals. I still have values.”

  I felt the tears building in my throat. “I would have never ever had sex with this man if he did not love me. He. Loved. Me. You have to believe me. He loved me. It was not something foolish or haphazard. It was not an infatuation. It was not my imagination. He. Loved. Me!”

  That’s when I lost the battle with my tears. I broke down in loud sobs and uncontrollable shakes. Another new low for me.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  I didn’t speak to Stenton as much as we used to after meeting with his attorney. I didn’t know how to categorize our relationship after that act of betrayal. So, unless he reached out to me, I didn’t contact him.

  Stenton arranged for a practitioner that wasn’t exactly around the corner from me. Apparently, one that had experience handling celebrity pregnancies and understood the need for discretion. Several times he attended doctor’s visits with me. He left with printouts of the ultrasound.

  The first time he heard the baby’s heartbeat, he seemed amazed. The first time he saw the baby’s image on the monitor and we learned I was carrying a boy, Stenton’s head collapsed into
his open hands as his elbows rested on his knees. The doctor offered to give us a minute because of Stenton’s emotional response. I lay on the examine table with my body so tense. It was the first time I saw a smidge of emotion from him since he broke it off with me. I didn’t know how to respond. My eyes would occasionally swing over to him, trying to find my voice and then my heart to speak from. But nothing.

  Minutes into his silence, with his head still buried, he freed his right hand to find and clench my left arm and traveled down to clutch my palm. He held it for a while; still having no appropriate words, I didn’t utter any. I couldn’t.

  Stenton raised his head and I immediately saw that his marbled orbs were glazed. The rims of his heavy eyes were red and moist. I felt my bottom lip drop.

  “I don’t deserve this opportunity,” he croaked out. “I don’t deserve this gift from you.”

  I bit my quivering lips to keep my tears at bay. Elated that he viewed this thing with me as a gift, my chest lightened for the first time in months. The earnest beam in his eyes was sketched in my brain and heart. In that moment, I could see the loneliness in Stenton. I could feel the concept of this baby being an opportunity for him to extend his almost nonexistent family. I felt like a creditor, granting him a favor so rare. This I didn’t quite understand because I knew there were droves of women who’d donate their limbs just to have a piece of his essence growing inside of them. Why did I feel so revered for doing something as unwise as getting pregnant by him so prematurely?

  The look in his solemn eyes told me what I was doing was something good for him. Something that he’d coveted. From that moment on, all condemnation of my careless actions vaporized. The guilt was mitigated. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would’ve avoided this pregnancy, but I could no longer carry the weight of the onus that consumed me because of it. Stenton had just extinguished that.

  After that day, our frequency of communication didn’t improve, but Stenton did attend several appointments with me. I had to adjust to life in this new place. I was able to finish out the semester, but it was no small feat. I sobbed like a baby the day I filled out my leave papers. Although I knew there were provisions for me to return, I couldn’t shake the mentality of failing my family, my parents. Myself. It was a depressing ride home that day.