The Walls We Built

by Kassandra Garrison

  You keep telling yourself that. And in the meanwhile, they are on their way.

  Sophie watched me for any signs of excitement before standing up from her bed and answering the door. Man, I guess with only three or four doors between us, it was a quick commute to our dorm.

  Who is it?

  She looked through the peephole and playfully cracked the door before swinging it open. Nathan was the first to walk through the doorway, plopping on the bed next to me. He laid on his side with his elbow propped under his head.

  Nathan, has anyone ever told you that you’re weird?

  Charlotte, has anyone ever told you that you’re observant?

  I stuck my tongue out and wrinkled my nose playfully while he crossed his eyes and smiled up at me. Looking up at the sound of the door shutting, I noticed Ezra standing in the doorway unsure of where to sit. Sophie had since reclaimed her bed, her pillow bunched in her lap as she listened to the banter between Nathan and me.

  So, you and Ezra are getting along now, huh? What changed?

  We have a shared hatred for you. Figured we are more powerful if we plot your demise together.

  Woah, woah, woah. Easy there, Char.

  I smiled at Nathan as he playfully acted suspicious of me. He chuckled and got up from the bed, joining Sophie on hers.

  Well, don’t let me get in the way of your planning. Let me help you out though. I’m allergic to peanuts, deathly afraid of spiders, and if anything happened to my mommy, I would absolute freak out.

  Ezra chuckled at his friend’s sarcastic remarks, slowly crossing the room to my bed. He sat on the floor with his back against the mattress, facing Sophie and Nathan.

  We’ll keep that in mind. But our meetings are sort of top secret so we will be discussing it later.

  Oh, is that what you two do when you’re alone? You plan to kill me? Is that all you do?

  Nathan wiggled his eyebrows as he looked between Ezra and me. I grabbed one of my throw pillows and threw it across the room at his face. But his reflexes were quick as he caught it and threw it at Ezra.

  Before I knew it, both Sophie’s and my pillows were scattered across the room and all four of us were breathless from an epic pillow fight. Nathan and Sophie eventually laid on their stomachs with their heads at the foot of her bed and watched a movie on her laptop.

  Ezra sat on the floor beside my bed, looking at my math textbook in his lap. I leaned over his shoulder with my notebook and pen in hand, listening to him as he explained the complicated math problem with ease.

  You should be a teacher. You’re really good at explaining complicated concepts. And you are patient with people who don’t understand them.

  Well, I don’t see that happening but that could be pretty cool.

  Why not? Because your dad won’t let you be anything but a lawyer or doctor?

  Ezra looked over at Sophie and Nathan who had apparently fallen asleep during one of their romantic comedy movies. The sound of the two love interests on the screen provided enough noise in that half of the room to muffle his voice.

  Yes, that’s exactly why.

  It’s your life and career, not his. Tell him you don’t want him making decisions for you.

  If only it were that easy…

  It is that easy. Explain your feelings to him. I’m sure he would understand.

  Look, you don’t know my dad. He’s a no-nonsense type of guy. He doesn’t just take “no” for an answer.

  You never know until you try.

  Ezra nodded in thought before he looked back down at the textbook. When he pointed to the page and began explaining again, I knew he didn’t want to talk about his dad anymore and I let the conversation come to an end.

  After another hour of exhausting math problems, I rolled over on my side and threw my notebook beside me on the bed.

  Ugh, I can’t take anymore. Math should be considered torture and be illegal.

  It’s not that bad.

  Do you mind putting on a wig and taking my quiz tomorrow for me?

  Um, while I wouldn’t mind doing that favor for you, I think they would notice that you grew a foot, lost your curves, and look like a man.

  Well, maybe with flats, a little makeup, and balloons in your shirt, we could make it work.

  Ha. Ha. No, thank you. That’s where I draw the line.

  Darn it. I thought I had found the solution to my problem. Oh, well, who needs a 4.0 GPA anyway?

  You’re going to do great. Just take your time and move on to the next one if you get stuck. You can always go back later and focus on it last.

  Thank you for all the help, Ezra.

  What else are friends for?

  He smiled up at me from his seat on the floor and chuckled as he noticed Nathan and Sophie, their mouths hung open in sleep. Quietly, he crawled to my bookshelf and started scanning over the titles.

  On my stomach, I wiggled to the end of the bed where my bookcase was situated and looked proudly at my small collection.

  This is only a fraction of the books I own. The rest are at home in my room. My dad built an entire wall of bookshelves for me.

  That’s really cool. Have you read all of them?

  Not yet but that’s my goal.

  And when you’ve reached your goal?

  Build another shelf and fill it with more books.

  He chuckled and picked up one of the novels from my shelf and flipped it to the back-cover’s description. After scanning over a handful of books and their descriptions, he looked up at my searching eyes.

  A big fan of romance, huh?

  Yeah, but I dip my toe in other genres, too. I’m just always drawn to romance novels for some reason.

  Do your mom and dad enjoy reading, too?

  My stomach dropped as he mentioned my mom. I sat up and folded my legs under me, grabbing the book I was currently reading and flipping through its pages.

  Don’t tell me your mom is dead. Oh my gosh, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.

  No, she’s not dead. Um… it’s been just my dad and me for a long time.

  Oh. Sorry.

  Nothing you can do about it. Nothing we could do about it.

  He was silent as he placed a book on the shelf where he found it, aware it was a sensitive topic he had stumbled upon. And for the first time, I felt like I could talk about it, like I wanted to lighten its burden.

  She left when I was eight. No explanation to me. All my dad will say is that it’s his fault. Which I know is a lie.

  Why do you think she left?

  It was a question I had asked myself countless times and refused to ask my father anymore. My mom had already broken his heart; I didn’t want to keep opening the wound.

  Now that I’m older, I realize she struggled with mental health issues. But to me, nothing could ever make me leave my child.

  Ezra’s eyes were soft as he listened intently to every detail I poured out to him. He nodded sympathetically and cleared his throat, checking that he hadn’t woken Sophie or Nathan.

  So, what about your dad? What’s he like?

  He’s a farmer, protective, loving, dependable. He’s the most hardworking, kind, and generous person I have ever met. When any father would have shied away from raising a daughter by themselves, he was there for me in the toughest times.

  Did he ever remarry?

  No. I don’t think he ever wanted to either. He couldn’t open himself up again after she left. He was content with just the two of us until Cara came along.

  Who’s Cara?

  She’s a family friend who comes over all the time. She’s warm, compassionate, and sassy. Gives my dad a run for his money. She’s been like a mom to me since I was in junior high.

  And they aren’t together?

  Sometimes, I think they want to be, but they’ve never made a move. She lost her husband, too, so I think they just appreciate the companionship.

  Oh. Well, that’s sweet. You all came together and formed a new family.

  Yeah, I gues
s we did… I miss them so much.

  My fingers ran along the worn spine of my book, manipulating the corner of the pages in my vulnerability.

  Well, Christmas break is coming soon. It’s already November. It will be here before you know it.

  Are you looking forward to break?

  Eh, you know, it will be good to see my dog.

  Your dog?

  Yeah, Teddy. He’s my boxer and pitbull rescue. Sweetest dog I’ve ever had.

  I laughed at the unexpected answer he provided as he ducked his head with a small grin.

  Well, I know how you feel about your dad but what about your mom?

  I love them both, but she supports any decision he makes. I don’t think she has it in her to stand up to him.

  Any brothers and sisters?

  One sister but she’s six years older than me. She moved away with her husband a few years back. He’s in the military so I’m not sure if they will be able to make it home for the holidays.

  Well, I hope they do.

  You don’t have any siblings then?

  The answer caught in my throat as I avoided eye contact with him. Why was I able to talk about my mom but not my brother? My anger with my mom made it possible to vent about her, but there was something about my brother I still couldn’t address.

  Ezra and I had agreed to no more lies so why was I contemplating not telling him the truth? Just tell him. Nothing will come of it except the truth and an awkward silence when I refused to talk about Mason. But the pain of acknowledging he left was too much.

  No, no siblings.

  Fifteen

  Is Ezra coming to the Christmas party tonight? It will be the last chance to see him before break.

  As I threw the last remaining items I would need over the break into my luggage, I glanced over at Sophie’s lack of packing.

  Yeah, he said he would be there.

  Oh, and is there anything you both are going to say to each other before the end of the night?

  What ever could you mean, Sophie? Maybe the only thing you’ve been saying for the last two months.

  What? You can’t hate me for trying. Both of you have been inseparable since after the Halloween party. I just figured it was the natural next step in your relationship.

  Like both of us have told you and Nathan, we are just friends. I like hanging out with him and he likes hanging out with me.

  Yeah, but didn’t he admit that he liked you? You think that just happened to go away after nearly two months of spending all his spare time with you?

  I’m sure he has changed his mind.

  Has he had a girlfriend or a cheerleader in his lap lately?

  No.

  Has he talked about any other girl in a sexual way?

  Of course not!

  Then, he is totally not over you.

  I sighed as I zipped up my luggage and pulled it onto the floor from the top of my bed.

  Sophie, just drop it. Frankly, it wouldn’t be your business even if we were breeding like rabbits.

  Oh my gosh, are you having sex?

  When I first spun around, I was intending to stop her from prying once and for all. Yet, when I saw her face, I realized she had been messing with me the entire time.

  Seriously? You’re messing with me?

  What else am I supposed to do? I’m not going to see you for three weeks. I have to make up for all those days we’ll be separated.

  Not funny.

  My artificial frown only made her smile widen as she turned to go into the bathroom. From outside of the closed door, I heard the shower start and Sophie yell for me to get ready.

  Charlotte, the party starts in an hour. Get ready! And wear a dress for goodness sakes!

  You know what? You’re bossy!

  I know. What would you do without me?

  I chuckled as I looked down at the only dress I brought with me to college. It was wine red with half sleeves, an A-line skirt, and a round collar. Though simple, it held an elegance that a shiny, sequined dress would lack.

  While Sophie was in the shower, I used her vanity to prepare my hair and makeup for the party. Within twenty minutes, my hair was flowing down my shoulders in long loose waves. For my makeup, I chose warm, neutral tones: light brown eyeshadow, simple mocha eyeliner, and rose-colored matte lipstick.

  As I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup, I heard the door to the bathroom open. Out of the steam, Sophie stepped out with her dry hair in a bun on top of her head and a towel around her.

  Dang, girl. You look amazing.

  Thanks, Soph.

  I just have to throw on some makeup, put my dress on, and let my hair down.

  Oh, is that all? Do you think we’ll make it for the end of the party?

  Funny. No, twenty minutes tops.

  Are you using that same philosophy in packing?

  Sophie looked around at the empty luggage scattered on her bed and shrugged her shoulders.

  Twenty minutes tops.

  I laughed and sat on the edge of the bed, knowing how long Sophie would take to walk out the door. Suddenly, my phone buzzed beside me on the bed.

  EZRA: Come into the hallway.

  ME: Why?

  EZRA: I’m going to kill you. LOL No, just come out here.

  Slipping on my flats, I walked over to the door and looked back at Sophie.

  I’m going outside for a second. Be right back.

  As I closed the door behind me, I nearly jumped out of my skin as I glanced up and found Ezra right in front of me.

  Oh, my gosh, Ezra! You weren’t kidding. You almost gave me a heart attack.

  He stood with his hands behind his back, studying my outfit.

  Wow. You look amazing, Char.

  Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.

  Ezra glanced down at his outfit, unconvinced by his dark green sweater and khakis. Slowly, he brought a box from behind his back. It was covered neatly with red wrapping paper and gold ribbon.

  I wanted to give you your present before the party.

  You didn’t have to do this. I didn’t get you anything!

  I wanted to.

  Ezra. That’s so nice. What is it?

  He handed me the box and watched as I gently shook it next to my ear.

  You think I’m going to tell you when you could just unwrap it and find out?

  True.

  I smiled as I ripped through the paper and threw it on the ground by my dorm room door to pick up later. Under the red paper was a simple white box. My fingers ran along the edge of lid and pulled it from its other half.

  Gasping at the contents of the box, I looked between the present and Ezra in amazement.

  It’s a first edition of Pride and Prejudice.

  My hands gently pulled the leather book from the box, careful not to damage the plastic cover protecting the gilded edges and gold accents.

  I can’t believe you got me a first edition of my favorite book! Ezra, this is amazing.

  I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, squeezing him in appreciation. His warm hands gently laid on my back as we stood embracing one another. Moving back toward my dorm, I released my hold of him and looked up into his intense blue eyes.

  Thank you. This is the best present I have ever received.

  I’m glad you like it.

  Do you mind if I go show it to Sophie?

  Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you at the party.

  See you there.

  Smiling, I looked down at my book and then reached for the doorknob to my room. Ezra began walking back to his dorm but looked at me as I stood in the open doorway. This eternal stare down was definitely not something friends do.

  Snapping out of it, I smiled and disappeared through the doorway and away from Ezra. Get a hold of yourself, Charlotte. The agreement was friends. That’s all you wanted. But is that all I wanted now?

  *****

  That was a nice gift you gave Charlotte, Ezra.

  Sophie’s wi
ggle of the eyebrows evoked a scrunch of the nose from Ezra as she approached where he and Nathan stood by the gym wall.

  Ezra stepped back from Nathan and Sophie’s overly friendly greeting and rolled his eyes as he walked toward me.

  Gross.

  Totally.

  Get a room! Preferably not one that either of us are in.

  Nathan separated himself from Sophie and called over to us, laughing at Ezra’s comment.

  We would if that was possible.

  It was my turn to roll my eyes at Nathan. Looking out at the dance floor, couples and groups jumped to the beat of the music.

  You want to dance?

  Um, I don’t know. The last time I danced, I passed out and then threw up.

  And you were totally plastered.

  Yeah, but it’s like trying to eat grapes after you threw them up. Just leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

  Ezra laughed and pulled me toward the dance floor by my hand.

  Well, you’ve never danced with me before.

  Fine, but if I throw up this time, I am never dancing again.

  Deal. And since it will be my fault, I will volunteer to hold your hair while you heave over the toilet or punch bowl. Whichever one you make it to first.

  The new song was more upbeat than the last one as the beat started to vibrate against the wooden gym floor.

  Whether it’s your fault or not, don’t you always hold my hair?

  Ezra stopped in his tracks, recognition of the events from Halloween flashing across his face. Before he could further investigate my question, I started jumping up and down to the music, calling for him to join me.

  He escaped his moment of surprise, seeming to put it on the back burner for now. Before I knew it, Sophie and Nathan had joined us in our goofy dance moves: the robot, horrible attempts at actual dance moves, and random gyrating of limbs. To those around us, we were quite a sight to behold.

  Then, a slow song began playing, causing Sophie and Nathan to part from the group in their own little world. As I started to walk from the dance floor, Ezra grabbed my hand and stopped me from leaving.

  May I have this dance?

  Friends don’t slow dance.

  Oh, come on. I promise to keep my hands on the waist and fit Jesus between us.

  I looked around at intimate dancing around us, unsure how to proceed. Slow dancing was just asking for a boyfriend.