The Walls We Built

by Kassandra Garrison

  Oh, alright.

  He smiled and pulled me back toward him. Carefully, he placed his hands on my waist and watched as I placed mine on his shoulders. At first, I refused to meet eye contact, my cheeks flushed from the lack of distance between us.

  See? This isn’t so bad.

  Glancing up at him, he was looking around the room at the other dancers. Yet, when he realized I was studying him, his eyes met mine, intensely focused on me.

  As the melodic tune of the song continued and our eyes searched one another’s, I could feel the tension in Ezra. He seemed to be debating something internally, his muscles taut under my hands.

  My heart beat hard in my throat as I helplessly stared into his eyes, those dark blue oceans that led to the depth of his soul. His hands suddenly pulled me closer to him, the light scent of his cologne filling my nose.

  But I didn’t pull away. I didn’t step back and tell him he was crossing a line into boyfriend territory. No, I let him pull me into him, never losing eye contact.

  Charlotte…

  Yes?

  Tell me if I’m crossing a line.

  He searched my face as words failed to be one of my current abilities. Our faces were inching closer to one another, the heat of the moment nearly too much to take. With only a small distance left between our lips, the song ended and made way for another upbeat song.

  Breaking from our trance, Ezra and I stepped back and looked at one another. Disappointment sat heavy in my stomach as Sophie walked over to us, her eyebrows high in disbelief.

  Hey, guys. How’s it going?

  Ezra dropped his gaze to his loafers and put his hands in his pockets as I looked over at Sophie, still struggling to find words.

  Good. I think I need some water.

  Yeah, I bet you do.

  She grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the refreshment table as quickly as her feet would allow.

  Oh, my gosh! What just happened? Did I just see you and Ezra about to kiss?

  No. We were just talking.

  Honey, talking requires words and movement of your mouth. There was no talking going on there.

  Bringing the chilled water to my lips, I looked back at Ezra who was now intently talking to Nathan. He glanced over my way in the midst of his gestures, causing me to snap my head back around.

  No, Charlotte, don’t do this. Your parents fell in love too young in college and now look where they are. Don’t do the same thing they did.

  But I couldn’t get Ezra out of my head, the blue of his eyes, his firm shoulders, his warm waist as I hugged him. Every detail and image of him since we met continually flashed through my mind like a slideshow.

  Maybe it was best we go our separate ways for three weeks. Call it a cool down period. Whatever I called it, I doubted it would help.

  Sixteen

  You’ve been on your phone an awful lot lately, Lottie. May I ask who you’ve been texting so much?

  Cara’s curious eyes looked across the table where I sat snapping the green beans for dinner. She raised her eyebrows as I shrugged off her suspicion of me.

  Just some friends from school. We miss hanging out.

  She glanced down at the handful of bread she was tearing and throwing into a bowl for dressing. Her hands were nimble from years of cooking, her actions nearly automatic.

  There isn’t a boy that has been texting you all day?

  I do have a friend that is a boy.

  Uh huh, I see the way you smile when you read your messages. Are you sure you’re just friends?

  So, Cara, what’s going on with you and my dad?

  Cara’s expression showed the sensitivity of the topic as she stood from the dining table and walked into the kitchen. Without a word, she began placing the sautéed onions and celery in the bowl of torn bread. She looked up at me as she sprinkled dried sage over the mixture, her eyes palpable with poorly hidden excitement.

  I have no idea what you’re talking about. And you didn’t fool me by changing the subject like you did.

  I stood up from the table with the bowl of green beans in my hand and set them down on the counter beside her, watching her quick hand movements over the bowl.

  No, but I see the way you both have been looking at one another. What’s going on?

  She sighed and looked out the window toward the driveway, making sure my father hadn’t returned from the neighbor’s house.

  I don’t know, darlin’. We haven’t had you to focus on lately so we’ve been forced to interact more. At first, he seemed so uncomfortable that I mentioned not coming around as much. But then he admitted he appreciated my company and wanted me to stay.

  Wow, that’s a big step for Dad. He usually only shares his feelings with me.

  Yeah, I was shocked. Since then, we’ve been getting along so well and he’s been so sweet…

  Awww, gross.

  She giggled as I playfully nudged her on the arm and smiled. Cara seemed so happy now. And so did my dad.

  I used to think we had both been hurt so badly in the past that we could never love again. But life has a way of giving you a second chance.

  Aren’t you afraid of getting hurt again?

  Honey, you can’t live your life expecting pain. Because even after the pain, the years of happiness and love you had make it worth it. In the end, love is worth any amount of pain.

  Love, you say? Are you saying you love my dad?

  Suddenly, we both looked up at the sound of a car door closing outside. Cara smiled as she finished mixing the remaining ingredients for the dressing, grabbing a baking dish from next to the sink.

  Lottie, will you go open the front door for your father? It’s freezing cold out there.

  Yes, ma’am.

  A smile stretched across my face as I made my way to the front door. When I turned the corner from the kitchen, I heard the sound of my dad’s heavy boots on the porch outside. I opened the door just as he was reaching for the handle with his key, surprise painted across his face.

  Lottie. I thought you were helping Cara in the kitchen.

  I am but she told me to come open the door for you.

  Oh, that was nice of her.

  It was, wasn’t it?

  My father looked at me from the corner of his eye before hanging his coat on the wall and walking into the kitchen. A grin spread across my face as I followed him back toward the aroma of sage and cinnamon.

  Mmm… smells good in here.

  Thank you, Henry. Did the neighbors like the cookies and fudge I sent them?

  Yes, they were very appreciative. Mentioned bringing a pot of ham and beans down for New Year’s.

  Oh, that would be nice. I haven’t spoken with Sarah in a while.

  My dad rolled up his sleeves and went to the sink to wash his hands. He looked over at Cara as she mixed the freshly toasted pecans into the cranberry relish, the nutty smell wafting in the air.

  Now, where is this ham I need to carve?

  Over there on the stove. Be careful though; it might still be too hot.

  Sitting at the counter, I watched the two of them prepare our Christmas dinner. They smiled as they worked around one another, Cara making sure to sass him about his technique every now and then.

  Now, listen here. I’ve been carving ham for years. I know what I’m doing. Go back to your side of the kitchen.

  She smiled as he playfully jabbed back at her with his gruff demeanor. Anyone who was close to my dad knew he was only surly on the outside. When he loved someone, his protective, caring nature was unrivaled.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling my focus away from the two new lovebirds. As I looked at the screen and smiled, Cara’s words echoed in my head. I glanced up to ensure she hadn’t been watching me, but she was preoccupied with my father as he attempted to steal a finger full of whipped cream.

  EZRA: My sister ended up making it home for Christmas.

  ME: Oh, that’s great!

  EZRA: Yeah, she’s the only sane person here I th
ink. Just wait until she spends the next week with my dad. That will change.

  ME: Is it really that bad?

  EZRA: You tell me.

  Suddenly, a picture appeared underneath our texts. It was a picture of Ezra with his sister, an older, feminine version of him. She had his deep blue eyes and long lashes but her hair was a lighter brown.

  Ezra’s dark brown hair contrasted against the blonde streaks through his sister’s hair. I wondered if she dyed it or if she inherited a different family trait. While she was smiling, his eyes were wide under the cover of his hand in exaggerated exasperation. Even miles away from one another, Ezra still managed to make me laugh.

  As I studied the picture closely, I noticed Ezra’s hair had been cut much shorter. Instead of the longer waves around his face I had grown familiar with, he now wore it short on the side with his waves more tamed on the top.

  ME: New haircut?

  EZRA: Yeah, my dad did not appreciate the length of my previous haircut so he took me to the barber.

  ME: Oh. It looks good.

  EZRA: Thanks.

  I turned the screen of my phone off and looked up at my dad. Never had I been more thankful to have a dad like mine, one who didn’t choose a career or haircut for me but supported the choices I made for myself.

  The hold Ezra’s father had on him made me sick to my stomach. Yet, on the other hand, I had to admit his new haircut was very becoming. His blue eyes seemed brighter than before and the sharp edges of his face were more prominent. He no longer looked like a teenage boy but more like a man. A very handsome man.

  Lottie, will you set the table, please? I think we will be eating within the next hour or so.

  I sat my phone down on the dining table and retrieved three of everything: plates, forks, knives, spoons, and cups. As I arranged them on the table, I heard my phone buzz repeatedly. Cara looked over from the stove to where my phone laid on the table.

  It’s Christmas day and your friends are spending it texting you all day? They must really miss you whoever HE is.

  She raised her eyebrows and winked before looking back down at the pot of gravy she was stirring. My dad finished carving the ham and washed his hands, looking over at me.

  A boy?

  Don’t worry, Dad. He’s just a friend. Cara thinks she’s funny.

  I know how boys think.

  It’s not like that. Females and males can have relationships without having sex, Dad.

  Well, still… make sure he knows I have a shotgun and acres of land to bury his body.

  Cara’s eyes shot up from the stove and her jaw dropped as she stood in shock of my father’s dark joke.

  Henry!

  Oh, I’m just kidding. A little.

  My dad walked over and squeezed me around my shoulders, his eyes crinkled at the corners in humor. Cara turned off the burner under the gravy and walked over to where we stood next to the prepared table.

  If you keep joking like that, she’ll never bring a boy around here.

  Are you trying to encourage him, Cara?

  We all laughed before Cara started ordering us to transfer the bowls of food over to the dining table. Once the tabletop was covered with the steaming dishes, I snapped a quick photo of the heavenly image and sent it to Ezra.

  ME: Jealous?

  EZRA: Oh, my gosh! That looks amazing! Save me some?

  ME: Nope. All mine.

  EZRA: Fine. But I will seek revenge.

  ME: Oh, yeah? Like what?

  EZRA: Do you think I’m going to tell you? It will come when you least expect it.

  ME: You won’t. You’re too nice.

  EZRA: To certain people.

  My cheeks blushed as I read Ezra’s last text. At the beginning of Christmas break, I had high hopes of cooling down our relationship. The line between friendship and dating had gotten fuzzy, not only from Ezra but from me, too.

  Now, as we continued to text, I was concerned the break would solve nothing. If anything, the time I spent away from him only made me realize how much I actually missed him.

  As I looked around the table at Cara and Dad smiling over our Christmas dinner, I realized Cara was right. Since my mom and brother left, I had been living my life with a constant fear of pain. At the end of my life, did I want to see the years of joy I had from love or did I want to see all the things fear prevented me from having?

  My stomach fluttered with the nervousness of the decision I had just made and with the anticipation of returning to school with an all-new mindset.

  Seventeen

  The bitter cold of winter arrived in time for January with temperatures below freezing for two consecutive weeks. Outside the trees were bare and the skies were gray.

  It was eerie being in the dorm by myself for the first day. Apparently, there was heavy snow up north in Chicago where Sophie and Ezra lived. Their travel would be delayed at least a day or two before they could make it back to the college.

  Cara and my dad had dropped me off at the dorms with tight hugs and tender kisses on my forehead. I stood on the sidewalk and watched as they drove away, waving through the windows of the truck. As soon as they were out of sight, I desperately ran up to the dorms to escape the bracing cold.

  I pondered how different I felt arriving at school now compared to when I started last August. Not only did I have friends who I was excited to see, but the new relationship between Cara and my dad reassured me neither would be lonely.

  The second night after I returned to the dorms, I finally finished unpacking the new books I brought back from my small library at home. My clothes had already been sorted and my bedding replaced.

  With the enticement of a hot shower, warm bed, and good book, I began to shed my clothes and head to the bathroom. By the time I stepped out from the scalding water, my skin was slightly red along my feet and back. If it didn’t sting a little, it wasn’t hot enough in my opinion.

  Humming to myself, I opened the door to the bedroom with my towel wrapped around me. Suddenly, the door to our dorm swung open and Sophie appeared on the other side.

  Charlotte! I missed you so much! Come here, girl!

  Sophie! You scared me to death. Couldn’t you have given a little warning before busting in?

  She squeezed me tighter and giggled. Same old Sophie. I just rolled my eyes and laughed, careful not to drop my towel as I returned the hug one-handed.

  I missed you, too, Soph. Hey, I thought you weren’t going to make it in until tomorrow?

  The roads were cleared quicker than expected so we were able to leave a day earlier.

  Oh, did your whole family bring you?

  No, I came with Ezra. He brought his Jeep from back home. He went to park it in the lot behind the dorms.

  Before I could say another word, Ezra appeared at the door, his eyes immediately falling on me and then my towel. I didn’t think my face had ever felt hotter than in that moment. He quickly raised his eyes to my face and I could swear his cheeks were flushed as well.

  Both Ezra and I were speechless as we stared at one another across the room. Sophie turned toward Ezra and attempted to block the view of my towel with her arms, wagging her finger at him.

  No, sir, this show ain’t free. Only for me. Scram.

  My mind scrambled for an answer as I spotted my pajamas on the corner of my bed. As to not drop the towel, I carefully stepped closer to my bed, grabbed the pajamas, and walked toward the bathroom.

  Ezra dropped his eyes to the ground in the hallway as I closed the door behind me. Oh. My. Gosh. That was one of the most embarrassing events of my entire life. Now I know why people have nightmares about being the only naked person in the room.

  As I fastened my bra, I could hear Sophie and Ezra’s voices outside of the bathroom.

  Ezra, why’d you just stand there staring?

  I didn’t realize she was in a towel until after I stepped up to the doorway. You’re the one who left the door wide open. Anyone could have looked in and seen her like that.
<
br />   Jealous it wouldn’t have been you?

  Shut it, Sophie. Your luggage is still in the hall, by the way. Stalker Billy wanted a pair of your panties so I gave him some.

  Oh, shut up, Ezra. My gosh. Driving that long in a car with you was a mistake. You are on my last nerve.

  Let me just go back to my dorm and tell Nathan all about how obnoxious you were on the way here. I’m sure that would make him hot for you.

  Oh my gosh, I have to go see Nathan! Get out of my way.

  By the time their bickering had ended, I was fully clothed and quite entertained by their exchange. Just then, I heard Ezra’s voice on the other side of the door.

  Um, Charlotte… I’m sorry about that. I’m going down to my dorm. I’ll see you in the morning.

  Wait. I’m coming out now.

  I stepped out in my pajamas, a t-shirt and flannel bottoms, and looked around the room for him. Ezra was already close to the door by the time I stepped out of the bathroom.

  Hi.

  Hey, Char.

  He smiled as he stepped closer to me, his hands wavering hesitantly by his sides. His hair was tussled on top from the wind outside and, by the sound of it, the car ride here.

  Do friends hug when they’ve missed each other?

  Didn’t you see Sophie almost tackle me while I was in nothing but a towel?

  No, I think I missed that.

  Rolling my eyes, I accepted his outstretched arms, both appreciating his warmth and the closeness to him. It felt as if an eternity had passed since we were last together.

  I missed you too, Ezra.

  He stepped back and looked around the room, eyeing the new collection of books I had on my bookshelf.

  Oh, you brought more. Can I look? Nathan and Sophie are in my dorm right now and I really don’t want to witness their reunion.

  Yeah, absolutely. I brought some I’ve been meaning to read for a long time and some new ones I was gifted for Christmas.

  Hopefully no repeats of the book I gave you.

  No, the one you gave me is at home on a stand on my bookshelf. My dad and Cara were so impressed by it.

  Oh, did they ask who gave it to you?