The Walls We Built

by Kassandra Garrison

Yeah, I told them a friend.

  He nodded his head and bent down to admire the new collection. My eyebrows furrowed together as I watched him scan the titles. How did he want me to introduce him to my family?

  So, how was your Christmas, Ezra?

  Good. We had a white Christmas and New Year’s so the weather was perfect for staying inside by the fire.

  And you were able to see your sister.

  Yeah, it was much better with her there. She and her husband are cool and helped me avoid my dad, who believes the sole purpose of holidays is drinking.

  Oh, I’m sorry.

  How was yours?

  I plopped down on the end of my bed where he was crouched looking through my bookshelf.

  Oh my gosh! My dad and Cara totally have something going on and they are so cute to watch! They have this playful bickering kind of thing that’s both sweet and funny. Especially since my dad is usually so gruff with everyone but me.

  You totally called it. You knew they would eventually get together.

  Just call me the Love Doctor.

  He laughed as I pretended to be boastful about having skills in the art of matchmaking. Who was I now? Sophie?

  So, why the sudden change of heart?

  I guess they realized they both deserved a second chance at love.

  That’s really awesome, Char.

  Ezra’s eyes were intently watching me as he stood from his crouched position. He put his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet before forcing out the words that hung between us.

  Charlotte, I need to tell you—

  Suddenly, Sophie swung the door to the dorm wide open as she waved her fist down the hallway.

  Billy, if I find you rummaging through my luggage again, I will punch you in the throat and the crotch, do you understand me?

  I laughed as Sophie haphazardly pulled her heavy luggage into the room, tripping as she angrily shoved it through the doorway.

  What’s wrong with you?

  Nothing until I found Billy in my bag. I swear that guy was dropped on his head several times as a child.

  She threw the bag in the direction of her bed, straightened her shirt and hair, and looked between Ezra and me.

  Am I interrupting something? I can leave again if you’d like. Ezra, three minutes should be enough for you, right?

  He rolled his eyes and stalked off toward the door, glancing back at me.

  Charlotte, I’ll talk to you later. I have to go make sure Billy isn’t in my luggage.

  As he stepped into the hallway, he threw his hands up in the air toward where he left his bag next to the door.

  Come on, Billy! You’ve got to stop going through people’s stuff, man…

  Sophie and I laughed as the struggle outside the door seemed to intensify and then become quiet. She immediately threw herself across her bed and groaned.

  You have no idea how much I missed you, babe.

  Aww, Soph. I missed you, too.

  No, Char, I was talking to the bed.

  My mouth dropped open in shock as I playfully threw one of my pillows at her. It was good to be back, reunited with Sophie, the dorm, and Ezra. I only wished he had finished what he was trying to say before Sophie burst into the dorm.

  Oh, and by the way, we’re all going out for coffee tomorrow. Kind of a reunion before classes start. We’re meeting at nine. And don’t worry, Ezra will be there.

  Months ago, I might have rolled my eyes and scolded Sophie’s poor matchmaking attempts. Only this time, a small grin danced across my lips as I sank onto my bed, butterflies fluttering from my stomach to my chest.

  Eighteen

  I hadn’t realized how much I missed the coffee shop on campus until my nose smelled the first hint of coffee as Sophie and I rushed across the courtyard in the below-freezing temperatures.

  Oh my gosh! Hurry, Sophie. I think my toes are going to fall off.

  I’m going as fast as I can! These boots are slippery.

  Glancing down at her knee-high designer boots, I witnessed her heel sliding on the sidewalk. Luckily, I wore the boots I used on the farm which provided both warmth and traction.

  Save yourself, Charlotte! I’m a lost cause.

  My eyes could not have rolled further into my head if I had tried. There was never a dull moment with Sophie.

  You are so dramatic.

  Is there any other way to be?

  She laughed as I jogged to the door of the café, quickly ushering the both of us inside.

  Hey, over here!

  From the corner of the large room, Ezra and Nathan waved from a booth. Around them were tables of other friends we made while here at school. Sophie immediately made a beeline for Nathan and I followed at a much less rushed pace.

  Nathan and Sophie were already intertwined by the time I sat next to Ezra in the booth. He smiled from across the bench and pushed a steaming cup of coffee in my direction. The foam on top of the coffee was designed with a leaf, the tans and whites of the cream calling my name.

  I went ahead and ordered when you texted me you were on your way. Vanilla latte, right?

  Right. The blandest order imaginable. Thank you. How did you remember my favorite drink?

  We’ve only gotten coffee together a million times.

  Alright, what’s Sophie’s favorite drink?

  Whatever is in style that week. Besides, that’s what Nathan is for.

  We both laughed as I drew the cup closer to me, attempting to sip the hot liquid. To my surprise, it was the perfect temperature for sipping. I could feel the heat of the coffee as it warmed my insides from the bitter cold my body had just experienced outside.

  Now in the warmth of the café, I slipped out of my coat and placed it behind me. Ezra sat with his hands around his cup, waving at the new arrivals who acknowledged our booth.

  So, are you ready for this next semester, Char? Any more math classes?

  Fortunately, no. Oh, and I forgot to tell you at the Christmas party that I aced my final exam in math.

  Seriously? That’s great, Char! I knew you could do it!

  Not without your help. Thank you so much!

  It was my pleasure. So, you managed to maintain your 4.0 GPA then?

  Yes, I did.

  Nathan and Sophie managed to take a breath and looked over at a couple of people who were taunting them. Sophie wrinkled her nose at Ezra while Nathan tussled my hair before standing up. They both walked to the next table over and sat beside their friends’ smiling faces.

  Immediately aware of our privacy together, I turned toward Ezra and watched as he sipped his cup of coffee. When he realized my attention was fully on him, he placed the cup carefully down on the table and met my eye contact.

  You didn’t get to finish what you were trying to tell me in the dorm last night.

  Oh, um, yeah… Maybe we should wait until we have more privacy.

  I looked over my shoulder at our distracted friends who were seemingly unaware of our presence at the moment. Several of the boys were busy putting salt into their friend’s cup who had gone to the bathroom.

  You think they’re listening?

  I guess not.

  His blue eyes were intensely dark as he moved closer to me in the booth, glancing behind me for anyone paying attention.

  I really missed you during Christmas break.

  Yeah, I missed you, too, Ezra.

  And it made me realize I can’t just be your friend. Don’t get me wrong. I loved being your friend over the last couple of months… but I don’t know if it is ever going to be enough with you. And I understand if this makes you mad and you don’t want to hang out anymore. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore.

  Ezra…

  Before you break my heart, I just want you to know I’m not just a hard-up teenage boy who wants in your pants. I think you are the most real, beautiful, intelligent, and witty girl I have ever met.

  My fingers slid across the warmth of my coffee cup as I fought the grin gradually spreading across m
y lips. Ezra’s hand and heart were on the table as his vulnerable eyes waited for my response.

  Okay, Charlotte, say something. Every second feels like an eternity. If you’re going to break my heart, do it quickly.

  His eyes scanned my face as I lifted my chin to meet eye contact, a spark of hope twinkling in the depths of his ocean blue irises. If I could swim in those eyes, I would immerse myself in their depths and lose myself in their steady currents.

  Ezra, I’m not going to break your heart. I—

  Suddenly, I heard a familiar and unpleasant voice introducing a new student at the table behind us. The entire group’s attention was on the boy standing at the end of the table next to Wyatt.

  Hey, everyone. Here is the newest member of the football team who just transferred from another college. This is Mason.

  I nearly dropped my coffee in my lap as I heard the name being announced, quickly spinning around to look at the newcomer. Maybe I was overreacting and it was another boy named Mason, totally unrelated to my past.

  Yet, life gave me no mercy as my eyes landed on the boy, his blonde hair and green eyes all too familiar. I was the only person in the group who did not require an introduction as I met eye contact with my brother.

  My heart raced and the anger inside of my soul boiled as I glared at Mason. All the past feelings of betrayal and abandonment burned in my eyes. I couldn’t be in the same room as him. My anger was far too overwhelming to manage a normal greeting.

  Quickly, I stood up from the booth and grabbed my coat. My ears felt like there was cotton filling them as I failed to hear any noises around me. In the back of my mind, I faintly recognized Ezra’s voice, full of concern.

  The bitter cold washed over my hot face as I pushed the door open to the gray winter outside of the café. My steps were nearly a jog as I rushed back across the courtyard toward my dorm. I felt a hand on my elbow as I spun around, half expecting to see Mason. To my relief, it was Ezra.

  Charlotte, what the heck is wrong with you? Is it me?

  No, no. It’s not you.

  His eyes scanned my face as he continued to hold my arm gently. Suddenly, he stepped back and looked down at the slick sidewalk, relinquishing his hold of my arm.

  Was it that new kid? Who was that?

  No one.

  So, you really did have a boyfriend, didn’t you? And that’s him.

  No, he’s not my boyfriend. Ezra, I don’t want to talk about this.

  Fine.

  He started to walk away, pulling his coat up around his neck and shoving his hands in his pockets. But I didn’t want him to leave; I wanted him to stay. And I wanted to tell him the truth, no matter how badly it hurt.

  He’s my brother.

  Ezra turned around, looking unconvinced. He took several steps back in my direction to shorten the distance between us.

  You expect me to believe that’s your brother? You told me you were an only child, Charlotte.

  I lied.

  Why would you lie about that?

  Because it was hard enough admitting my mom abandoned me, let alone my brother chose to leave with her.

  My voice cracked as I opened my soul to him, the grief and brokenness spilling from its depths. Realization washed over his expression like a crashing wave, sadness replacing the anger once in his eyes.

  I’m sorry, Char.

  When I saw him, I just couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him. I’m so sorry for leaving you like that. Especially when what you said was so beautiful.

  Ezra stood in astonishment, unflinchingly focused on me regardless of the bitter wind whipping around us. The dark blue of his wool coat only made his eyes more striking in our gray surroundings.

  Then, what were you going to say back in the café?

  With the same adrenaline that marched me out of the café, I stepped as close to him as I could, tilting my head to look into his eyes. The scent of his warm cologne wafted over me, urging my deepest desires to be spoken.

  I realized something on break, too. I missed you more than a friend should. And I don’t know why I have been fighting it for so long, really since I first met you. But I’m done hiding my real feelings for you, Ezra. I like you.

  His tender smile warmed my heart as he pulled me into him, his warmth a comfort in the sub-freezing temperatures. Our eyes were closer than ever before as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt the deep rumble of his chuckle under my arms as his smile bared his teeth.

  What are you laughing at?

  I just can’t believe Charlotte Pryor likes me.

  Well, I always have thought you were cute.

  I reached up to poke the end of his nose as I had done Halloween night. He pulled his face away from mine, his mouth dropped in astonishment.

  You remember that night? I thought you said you didn’t.

  I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to admit I remembered anything from that night.

  I thought it was cute.

  Even the vomit?

  Not the vomit itself, no.

  I laughed as I looked around the frozen courtyard, the wind rattling the bare tree branches once luscious and bountiful in the spring.

  Well, where do you want to go now? We can’t go to the café.

  Ezra, I don’t want to ruin your time. Go back and hang out. I’m just going to hide out in my dorm for a while. It’s what I do best.

  He shook his head as he glanced between me and the coffee shop.

  To be honest, I think I would punch his lights out if I went back.

  Well, you can come back to my dorm with me if you want.

  Are you sure? Friends don’t hang out alone in their dorms, do they?

  I’m not sure we can still consider each other friends after what we just confessed.

  Oh, and what would you consider us then, Char?

  Eh, let’s just call us acquaintances.

  Immediately, I started to sprint back to my dorm, laughing the entire way across the dead grass, not bothering with the slick sidewalks. I could hear his rapid footsteps behind me, catching up too quickly. There was no way I could outrun his longer legs.

  As we sprinted across the field together, I never felt freer. And as Ezra caught up with my slower pace, wrapped his arms around my waist, and spun, I had never been happier. Laughter poured from the deepest part of my soul, a place I believed light would never shine again.

  Nineteen

  The warmth of my dorm was a relief from the harsh winter outside my window. By the time Ezra and I reached the entrance of our building, my fingers were painfully stiff and my nose was slightly numb on the end.

  Oh, man. I think I might lose a finger.

  Ezra chuckled at his own humor as he stretched his frozen fingers, shedding his coat and placing it on a hook on the wall by the door. He turned around and stared at me, unsure of what to do next, his cheeks pink. Was it from the cold or was he as nervous as I was?

  So, how is this going to work, Charlotte?

  I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. How do you usually do it?

  Ezra shrugged and looked around the room as if the answer could be found around us.

  Do what exactly? I’m not really sure what this is.

  Neither do I.

  Well, are we going to spend time alone?

  Yes.

  And not see other people?

  Yes.

  And do sweet things for one another?

  Of course.

  Kind of sounds like dating to me, Char.

  But I don’t want to label it because then I feel like I owe you… something.

  Now it was time for my face to redden as I avoided his intense eye contact. After a longer pause in the conversation than I had anticipated, I glanced back up at him.

  Charlotte, you don’t owe me anything. I’m not interested in you for sex.

  Oh, thanks.

  No, that’s not what I mean. Yes, I would eventually like to have sex with you but I’m in no rush. There’s more to a
relationship than sex. And we will not do it until we are both ready to take that step.

  The respect he was giving me was incredibly touching, a smile spreading across my face despite the awkwardness of the conversation. I sat down on my bed and slid so that my back was against the wall. He walked across the room and did the same, allowing a courteous amount of space between us.

  What else is there to a relationship then, Ezra?

  He leaned his head back on the wall and searched for the answer on the ceiling, the corners of his mouth pulled up in thought.

  First off, I get to buy you coffee now.

  What?

  You said boys only buy their girlfriends coffee. So now you can’t buy me any.

  No, that’s not fair.

  That’s what you said.

  My hand playfully tapped him on the arm as he trapped me in my own statement. He looked away from the ceiling and into my eyes as he continued.

  Holding hands, writing notes in class, going to events together… and let’s not forget Valentine’s Day.

  Oh no! Are you going to get me one of those cheesy cards?

  Absolutely.

  Well, it will be the first Valentine I’ll ever receive that wasn’t also given to the rest of the class… or from my brother.

  Really?

  Yup. I wasn’t ever the kind of girl the boys in my class chased after.

  Well, that’s their loss… and my gain. Boys want the easiest prey. You aren’t easy.

  So, why aren’t you out there hunting for the easy stuff? Did it lose its appeal after the first dozen?

  Ezra was taken aback from my statement, his expression incredulous and his mouth gaping slightly open.

  Hold on. Is that why you asked me how I usually do this kind of thing? You think I’ve done this a lot?

  Well, yeah. Sophie said you’ve always been in the popular crowd, so I thought that kind of thing went with it. You can’t honestly tell me this is your first time dating a girl.

  Well, no, I’ve dated before but no girlfriend, per say.

  Oh. So, just one-night stands and casual flings?

  Wow, Char.

  He pulled himself over the end of the bed and raked his hands over his face, shaking his head in disbelief. I leaned forward and waited for an explanation, confused as to what set him off.