The Cowboy’s Return

by Aarsen, Carolyne

  Was Summer happy about that? Sad? Angry?

  Lucas shook the unspoken questions off and returned Mrs. Auger’s smile. “It’s nice to be home for a while.”

  “And I hear you’re staying in your old house? I’m sorry about your grandmother, but it must be nice for you to spend some time with her. I’m glad Summer got the job of taking care of her. It’s nice to have her back for now.” Her voice held a mixture of curiosity and puzzlement. As if she wanted to ask how he felt about having her daughter close by.

  “I believe that,” was all Lucas said. “And how are you doing?”

  Mrs. Auger blinked and looked away. Her lip trembled, and she swallowed a couple of times. “Last week it was five years since Michael died, so it’s been hard.”

  Lucas glanced at Elliot, not sure what to say, but his brother was walking toward Dietrich Bogal, the owner of the store, to get assistance.

  Five years, and she was still struggling with her grief. Losing Michael had been devastating.

  “I keep telling myself I should move away. Start over,” she said, giving him an apologetic look. “Every day I go outside I can see the mountain he died on. See the place where he went out of bounds.” She shook her head. “Summer keeps telling me I should leave and put it behind me, but I guess I feel like I have a connection by staying here.”

  “I understand that,” Lucas said, the words a lame attempt at some kind of sympathy. He felt bad for the woman.

  “That’s why Summer left,” Mrs. Auger continued. “Because it hurt her so much. I guess because they were twins it hits that much harder. She came completely undone. It took her a long, long time to get past it, though she seems to be doing better than me now.”

  Her words buzzed in his head, attacking everything he had thought, pushing at his assumptions about their breakup.

  Summer had called him to tell him about Michael’s death. He was on a training exercise in Wainwright, and he couldn’t get away for her brother’s funeral. He was broken up about it and desperately wanted to be there for her, to support her. She was crying and he felt incredibly helpless. But toward the end of the call she said she understood. That she would be okay. He doubted that and called her whenever he could.

  Then, two weeks later, during one of his limited calls, she told him she wanted him to quit the army. To come home now. Live on the ranch and be with her. She was afraid of what could happen to him.

  He couldn’t believe she was asking him that. The entire time they were dating he had told her he was joining the army. That he would be a soldier just like his father. She knew exactly how much this meant to him. Though he understood her fear and realized she was speaking out of her own loss, he kept telling her that her brother died snowboarding, he died doing extreme stunts. It wasn’t the same, but she wouldn’t listen.

  She ended the relationship, told him she couldn’t do “this,” whatever she seemed to think “this” was.

  The breakup had shaken his world. His army buddies told him to move on. Forget her. Told him that if she couldn’t understand his need to be a soldier, then she didn’t really know him. Didn’t really love him.

  And he had taken that advice, used it to build a wall against the pain that encroached every time he thought of her. He had turned his pain into anger, which was much easier to deal with.

  However, now as he heard Summer’s mother speak, as he saw the grief she still carried, other thoughts crowded in.

  He should have been here for Summer. He should have understood what a shattering loss she had endured.

  Instead, all he could think of was her request to take away the one thing that kept him connected to his own loss. To his own father.

  He felt as if his world had shifted on its axis.

  And he wanted, no, needed, to talk to Summer.

  Chapter 6

  Glenda lay on her back, nose pointed to the ceiling, frowning even in her sleep, the lines well-worn in her face.

  Happiness has not been a friend to this woman, Summer thought.

  Last night Summer had convinced her to take a sleeping pill, and from past experiences she knew it would be a good hour before Glenda even stirred this morning.

  A break from her would be nice, she thought as she closed the door. Even if it was only an hour. Glenda had been extra demanding the past couple of days. Summer suspected Lucas’s presence was the cause. He certainly was the cause for her own erratic feelings.

  Yet, despite Glenda’s prickly attitude, Summer felt sorry for her. The woman had only Lucas in her life, and their relationship was as strained as ever.

  When she and Lucas were dating he’d mentioned Glenda only a couple of times, and both those times his voice held an edge of anger.

  Not your concern. You’ve got your own burdens to carry. Don’t take anyone else’s on.

  As if on cue she felt another tightening across her stomach. This one was harder, and she had to breathe through it.

  “You’ve got a month to go, little one,” Summer whispered, cradling her stomach in her hand. As if in response, the baby moved, stretching out her stomach. Summer grimaced at the discomfort, the usual confusion crowding her mind. This baby was changing her body, toying with her emotions, and making her feel even more fragile than she had before.

  Please, Lord, help me deal with this, she prayed, lowering her head, recognizing how helpless she was at this moment. How little control she had.

  Once again she felt as if she was riding an emotional rollercoaster, riding slowly upward, waiting for the sudden drop.

  She shook her head, catching herself. She had at least a week before Glenda would be able to fully take care of herself, but then she would have to find some way to keep herself occupied while she waited for this baby to be born.

  And then?

  She shook off the question as she grabbed her cell phone, walked to the closet, and pulled out a winter coat. She slipped her phone in the pocket so that Glenda could call her if she woke up. Right now she needed to get out.

  Outside the sky was a dull gray, and a few flakes of snow drifted down on the faint breeze. Winter was coming and soon, she thought, thankful that even this far into November the snow hadn’t come down yet.

  Snow meant poor driving conditions.

  She zipped up her coat, struggling to get it over her stomach, tugged a toque on, and pulled her mitts out of her pocket. She yanked open the front door before she could change her mind about heading out. It had been a couple of days since she’d gone for a walk, and she needed the exercise.

  The burst of cold air was like a slap in the face, and she sucked in her breath at the sudden shift in temperature. She headed down the sidewalk and then the frozen road. Once she got moving her blood started pumping, and in a few minutes she was much warmer.

  Snow sifted down, misting the trees with white, frosting the road.

  She turned the corner of the driveway, and as she came out of the trees and onto the road, she caught a dark form in her peripheral vision bounding over the rise in the road. Heart pounding, she turned.

  But it was only Misty charging down the hill toward her, tongue hanging out, looking like she was smiling.

  “Misty. Stop,” she heard Lucas call out as he topped the rise, jogging toward them. He wore loose pants, a toque, and a sweatshirt, and from this angle he looked so much like the young man she used to date that her heart folded.

  “Hey, girl,” Summer said, bending over enough to pet the dog, hiding her reaction.

  She hadn’t seen Misty nor Lucas the last couple of days. Which, given her sudden reaction to him, was a good thing. The less interaction, the less she would have to deal with these unwelcome feelings.

  Misty licked her hand, then bounded a circle around her, looking a lot perkier than the last time she’d seen her.

  “Hi there,” Lucas said, coming to a stop, his breath a white cloud. “Out for some exercise?”

  “Yeah.” She looked up at the leaden sky, grimacing at the increasing snowfal
l. “Haven’t been able to go for a walk the past few days. Glenda has been getting up extra early.”

  “How is she doing?” Lucas asked, shifting from foot to foot, cooling down.

  “Better. She still resists her exercises, but she’s more mobile now, so there’s progress.”

  “How long are you helping her yet?”

  “Just one or two weeks more.”

  “And then I imagine you wait for the baby.”

  “Yes. That’s the next job.” Summer tried to keep her tone even, tried not to think of the time after that. Tried not to meet Lucas’s eyes as her mind shifted to her pregnancy.

  “Will you be staying at your mother’s then?”

  She nodded, frustrated to feel a sudden surge of shame and guilt. Moving back in with her mom. Back to the place she couldn’t leave fast enough. How sad that her life had come full circle back to that.

  “And nothing more about Misty?” he asked.

  Summer had checked the Facebook page regularly, and though there were several comments about how pretty Misty was and a few offers to take her if no one claimed her, there was no one who knew who she belonged to. While she hadn’t spoken to Lucas directly, she had texted him each day to keep him updated. All she’d gotten from him in return was a thumbs-up emoji to acknowledge her text.

  Lucas had been leaving early every morning the past three days. Off to the ranch, she assumed, to be with his family.

  “No. No one came forward today either.”

  “I’m thinking if no one claims her, I’ll have to make a decision.”

  “How so?”

  “I’m not sure what the future holds for me, so I’m not sure if I should keep her or not.”

  The uncertainty in his words created an answering concern.

  They stood in awkward silence, then Summer petted Misty once more. “I suppose you’ll want to get back to the house,” she said, a broad hint they should part ways.

  “I’m in no rush. Can I walk with you for a bit?” he asked.

  Summer wanted to turn down the invitation but that would be churlish, so she just nodded, shoving her mittened hands in her pockets, and turned.

  They walked alongside each other in silence for a few moments. Summer kept a steady pace as she felt the chill air fingering her exposed neck, her cheeks, and face.

  Misty trotted ahead of them, her tail a wide plume sweeping back and forth, happy that her own walk had been extended.

  “I saw your mother on Wednesday,” Lucas said after a while. “In the hardware store.”

  Summer wasn’t sure where he was going with that, so she simply nodded.

  “We talked about your brother,” he continued.

  Okay, that was where he was headed.

  “And what did my mother say?”

  Lucas released his breath through pursed lips, and Summer stole another sideways glance at him. He was looking directly ahead, the scar on his face pink from either the cold or his run. A frown pulled at the scar, making him look somewhat sinister.

  Summer shivered, looking away.

  “She told me how much she misses him. How she thinks she should move but can’t face being away from Rockyview.”

  “We’ve talked about that so often,” Summer said, unable to keep the harsh tone out of her voice. She and her mother had fought many times about this very issue. Summer had accused her of not being able to move past her grief and told her how unhealthy it was. “I wish she would move. I think it would be better for her.”

  “Maybe it would, but a change of scenery doesn’t always ease pain.”

  Another few beats of silence followed his comment. Misty stopped at a bend in the road, looking back as if to make sure they were still coming.

  “You know, I have to apologize,” he finally said, his voice quiet, his tone reserved. “I was so caught up in what was happening in my own life…I never realized what you were dealing with when you lost your brother. I’m so sorry.”

  The sincerity in his voice edged with sadness combined to dislodge the old pain. Her heart hitched and her throat tightened as unwelcome sorrow ignited in her chest.

  She swallowed and swallowed again, determined not to let the combination of hormones, vulnerability, and memories braid together to make her cry. Especially not in front of a man who had once held her now hurting heart.

  Finally she regained some measure of composure. “Thanks so much,” she choked out. “That means a lot.”

  “And I know that’s why you broke up with me.”

  “I had already lost my brother, and I saw what it did to my mother, I couldn’t go through that again.”

  “But I came back,” he said. “And so did my father.”

  “I couldn’t risk it,” she said, feeling a need to make him understand. “My brother’s death devastated my mother. And it hollowed out my life. If losing my brother could cause me that much pain, losing you was unimaginable.” The words spilled out of her. Things she had wanted to say to him, but she hadn’t had the opportunity.

  A few more steps then, “How are you feeling now? About your brother? Do you still miss him as much as you did?”

  Though part of her resented his probing, she realized that she had had little chance to talk to anyone, other than her mother, about her loss.

  “Time has helped, but yeah, I miss him. He was my twin brother, and even though we were quite different from each other in many ways, I often felt like he was the only person who really got me. Who I could say anything to and he wouldn’t judge me. I guess that comes from being together in the womb, growing up so close. Doing everything together.” Her voice quavered, and she pulled in another breath, hating the lack of control she was feeling lately.

  “I never even thought about the fact that you guys were twins. Of course his death would have had a greater impact.”

  “It was like a brutal subtraction. Like someone wrenched something essential out of my very being.”

  Lucas stopped, his hand on her shoulder to halt her forward progress. She reluctantly turned to him, steeling herself for the pity she knew she would see in his eyes.

  “Again, I’m so, so sorry.” His aqua eyes held hers, and although she knew she should look away, she couldn’t. It was as if she were drifting into him. He could always do that. Pull her into himself, into his soul. He gave her a sorrowful smile, his hand still resting on her shoulder. “I should have been less selfish and more considerate of you. I guess I was just too…” He stopped, shaking his head. “No, this is not about me. It’s about you and…well…I’m deeply sorry for your pain and your loss and my lack of consideration.”

  Part of her wanted to cry out that it was too little too late. But the deep sincerity in his voice called to the empty part of her that had always wished he would have understood.

  “You had your own life to deal with,” she said.

  “No. Don’t try to let me off the hook.” He lifted his hand from her shoulder and stroked her cheek, his touch featherlight, yet it shivered down her spine deep into her soul. “I wish things could have gone differently.”

  He cupped her face, his eyes holding hers.

  She swallowed, electricity crackling between them.

  Was he going to kiss her?

  She wanted him to. The loneliness that had dug into her soul after they broke up made her yearn for what they used to have. The love they shared. She had never found anyone like him and doubted she would again.

  He shifted closer as if sensing her willingness. Her hand drifted to his shoulder. Clung.

  Then the baby kicked, bringing her with a harsh thud back to reality.

  They were each in a different place. And her place was hardest of all.

  She tore herself away, moving back.

  “I should…I should go back,” she said, breathless with the emotion of the moment. Frightened at how close they had come.

  And yet, regretting in the deepest part of her soul the circumstances that had brought them here.

  Clos
e, and yet, so far apart.

  * * *

  Lucas stood at the back of the church looking through the open double doors for his family. The church was fuller than the last time he’d been there. The community seemed to be expanding and growing. And the people attending the church seemed to be younger as well.

  The band at the front of the church played quietly, and the hum of conversation from the people finding their way to their seats, stopping to chat with other people, almost drowned it out.

  “Hey, you, looking for someone?” Kane’s voice behind him made him spin around.

  Lucas grinned at his foster brother, his eyes shifting to Faith standing beside him.

  “Hey, Faith,” he said. “You’re not playing your guitar with the praise band today?”

  “No. These are not my people,” she said. “I play with Marianne, Nestor, and Ian.”

  Lucas remembered Marianne from school. They were the same age. He and Marianne and Faith were in the same chemistry class. Marianne would have failed if it hadn’t been for Faith.

  “Well, I’m sorry I didn’t get to hear you play.”

  “You’ll get to hear me week after next,” Faith said with a breezy confidence that assumed Lucas would be around in two weeks when he wasn’t sure himself what he wanted to do.

  “That’ll be nice,” he said, keeping his response vague.

  “So did you find out who owns the dog?” Kane was asking as they walked into the church to “their” pew.

  “No. Nothing yet. Summer posted about her on Facebook and even though there are lots of people willing to take her, no one claimed her or seemed to know who she belonged to.”

  “She’s a beautiful dog,” Kane said as they settled into their spot eight pews from the back.

  Lucas had to grin as he sat right beside the aisle. As long as he could remember the Tye family had sat in this very spot and, as he looked around, he recognized many other people who had also claimed their own space in the church.

  Mrs. Bond sat a few seats ahead. One of her granddaughters lived in Rockyview, the rest were scattered. Tanner, one of her grandsons, used to live on the ranch with her. Used to run it, but a tragedy in the family had sent him away.