Moth

by Jennifer Foor

  House puts his hand on my shoulder. “Is there anything we can do, boss?”

  I shake my head. My eyes are filling with hot liquid and I refuse to let them see how weak I’ve become. “No. I’m good. Thanks for stopping by.”

  “We flew here from Miami, Moth. We’re sticking around. We’ve rented a place so you can get some rest and a shower. You’re still wearing the bloody clothes you had on the other day.”

  I turn around, revealing the deepest heartache. As soon as they see my strain they know I’m a force to be reckoned with. They know I’m in love with her, and that if she doesn’t pull through I may never be able to go back to the person I used to be. “I don’t give a fuck about my clothes or a shower. All I care about is being here when she opens her eyes. Don’t you get it? I was responsible for her. This is my fault.”

  “You didn’t want her with us. That was obvious.”

  I’m shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. The damage is done. She’s fighting for her life. She can’t even breathe on her own. They had to reconstruct part of her esophagus. Even if she recovers she may never be able to speak again. She might not be able to hold her fucking head up. I watched it happen. I let it fucking happen.” I lose it right in front of them. In my career I’ve done everything necessary to be the toughest there was, but now I’m falling apart. I’m watching her die and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. “She’s probably not going to last much longer. I’m not leaving her side. I don’t care if I smell like ass and the nurses refuse to come in the room. They won’t make me leave.”

  Renner throws up his hands. “Okay, Buddy. We get it. We know she’s important to you. We’re staying nearby. If you need anything just give us a call.”

  I don’t stand when they leave. I don’t even acknowledge that they’re gone. Once the tears begin I’m unable to stop them. I sob like a fucking baby while clinging to her lifeless hand. I know this is the end, and although justice was served I feel empty inside.

  That next morning I get word that they’re taking her off of life support. I’m defeated, lost and broken. There are no words to describe the way it feels to sit by someone’s side and watch them slipping away. It’s heart wrenching and I know the moment I hear the machine flat line I’m going to want to hurt someone all over again.

  Nina doesn’t have family waiting for her at home. She’s all alone now. While sitting at her bedside I read the local news and messages from my director and the rest of the team. Nico was found murdered in the same tunnel leading from the shack to the main house. His hands were tied behind his back and there was a bullet through his skull. He never had a chance. It’s evident as soon as they made Nina for being FBI they’d do anything they could to hurt her.

  I meet her director when she visits the hospital that next morning. I’ve arranged to make a statement on Nina’s behalf regarding the investigation and her part in it. While I had time to kill I came up with a good story to save her position within the FBI, not that she’ll ever be returning. If she’s leaving this world I want her to go out with honor. She served her country and died trying to protect it.

  I explain to the director that once we infiltrated Alizar’s operation in Richmond we discovered Nina was being held against her will due to her brother’s involvement. I say she was bait and that until I came along there was no chance of her ever getting free. I’m not trying to make myself look like a hero. I’m not one. I’ve sent more people to an early grave than I’d like to admit. It’s agonizing and I’m contemplating giving up what I do entirely because of it. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a soldier in the war on drugs. Maybe this is my reason for getting out.

  I’m not sure how much of my story the director believes, but it’s clear Nina is a victim, so I’ve been assured that if anything happens she’ll be given a proper funeral. It’s the least I can do for her.

  The doctors have informed me that if she hasn’t woken up on her own by the time they turn off the machines there is probably little chance she’ll ever regain consciousness. Hours before they’re set to arrive to shut them down, I cling to her hand, pleading for one last opportunity to see those beautiful brown eyes I’ve never been able to get enough of.

  “Just wake up. I’m here. I haven’t left. Don’t give up, Nina. It’s not time for you to go.” I’m trying to hold back the fear, but as I speak it’s obvious. “I love you. Please don’t give up.”

  Nothing happens. She doesn’t move. Her fingers remain in the same position as I hold them. It’s no use.

  The doctors arrive shortly later and begin the process of disconnecting her from life support. I sit at her side a withering wreck. I don’t want to watch this, but I can’t take my eyes away from her. I need to be there until it’s over. I need to be able to know I was there up until the very end.

  It’s dead silent when the machines shut off. A nurse comes to my side and whispers that she could go at any moment so I need to say my goodbyes just in case. They don’t hook her up to a heart monitor. There is no consistent beeping reminding me she’s still here. It’s just quiet. It’s eerily cryptic, like it would sound when someone is buried six feet in the ground.

  Hours pass, and each time they come to check she’s still with us. I’m resolved at this point. I know I’m fighting time she doesn’t have left, but I remain. It’s six hours later and I feel a twitch against my hand. I perk up and look to make sure I’m not imagining it. I can’t remember the last time I closed my eyes.

  There it is again.

  Her index finger is moving.

  I hit the buzzer for the nurse to come and continue watching, hoping, praying that this is really happening. Then I hear her gurgle. She’s straining as her eyes flash open. I stand over her and run my hand through her hair. “Shh, don’t try to talk.” I can barely see her because of the wetness forming in my eyes. “The nurse is coming. It’s going to be okay. Oh god it’s going to be okay, babe.”

  Nina struggles for the next several days. She’s still in critical condition, but improving every day. I’ve managed to pick her up a pad and pen, while I was out showering and putting on clean clothes, so she can talk to me without speaking. On the eighth day she’s able to sit up in bed. We pass the time by playing cards and watching television. We don’t talk about what happened, or the fact that Nico is gone. I think in a lot of ways she’s too weak to understand the concept of time. I’ve never explained how many days she’s been in the hospital and she hasn’t asked. She’s on a ton of medication to manage the pain, so her mind isn’t functioning normal enough for her to understand or comprehend anything of importance.

  Nina spends another seven days in the hospital in Guatemala until she’s well enough to be transferred to a facility back in the states. From there she’ll go through extensive rehabilitation where I won’t be able to stay with her. I’m saddened, but know I have business to tend to.

  Having time to ponder gave me a real chance to go over the hard evidence I’ve been too occupied to notice. There were signs from the beginning, yet up until I took matters into my own hands the leak wasn’t obvious.

  I’ve gone above his head to make this happen. I wasn’t even sure it would work, but at this point I don’t give a shit what happens with my job. I’ll find something else to do if I need to.

  I’m not there when the CIA takes my director into custody. According the team, he claims he’s being falsely accused. We know he’s full of shit. He masterminded my brother being murdered, and then the plan to have me taken care of. I hope he’s murdered by the people I’ve spent my life putting away. There’s irony somewhere in that.

  My new director isn’t happy with me. He’s elated we’ve taken down Alizar, and found the leak in our division, but it doesn’t mean the operation is over, or that I didn’t just double his workload.

  There is always someone else just waiting to step in and take over. The same goes for my job and my ex-director. As soon as I’m able I head back to Miami and report for duty. I walk into his off
ice and take the seat across from him. I’ve know Agent Sully for around seven years. He’s a good guy with a ton of arrests under his belt. It’s a pleasure to be in the presence of him. “Moth, it’s about time you got your ass in here. From what the guys have been saying you’ve gone soft. They tell me you’re in love.”

  I smirk, but know they’re partly right. Things have changed and with Nina on the road to recovery I can’t be traveling and away for long periods of time. “I am.” I smile before continuing. “About that. I’m not here to be reassigned or be put back on duty. I’m actually here to put in my resignation. It’s been an honor, but I think I’m done with the DEA. I’ve spent the last couple years obsessed with Alizar. I put people in danger, and others lost their lives. I know I’m not to blame, but I carry the burden regardless. I’ve had a hit out on me, and discovered someone I trusted was working for the enemy. This case changed me. I’m tired of living out of a suitcase not knowing if I’m going to make it back the next time around.”

  “This is about the FBI agent, right? She’s obviously the reason for this change. Falling in love makes this job hard.” He’s rocking back in his chair as if he knew this was coming. Perhaps he did. Maybe House or Renner mentioned it. It’s not like I’ve wanted to leave her side since the shooting.

  “Yeah. It has everything to do with her.” I pull out my badge and slide it over toward him, then unfasten my gun from the holster and do the same. “I guess that’s all you need, aside from the email I’ll be sending this afternoon.”

  I’m halfway out the door when he finally answers. “What about a desk job? I’m looking for a new assistant director. No field work. You’ll still report to me and work alongside your team, but no more traveling. I’d be making the position for you. You deserve it, Moth.”

  “Can I have some time to consider it?”

  He shoves my badge and weapon back in my direction. “Take as long as you need. There is always a position here for you, Agent Douglas.” He uses my real name. It’s his way of making the offer more professional.

  “Thanks, Agent Sully. I’ll be in touch.”

  My final decision is made within the next week when I get word that a joint task force has been created to take down all of the pharmaceutical companies affiliated with Alizar’s operation. I don’t take the lead on account of promising to stay by Nina’s side, but work from my office doing everything in my power to see that everything is done right.

  The first person taken into custody by the FBI is the man Nina identified as the person who killed my brother. He’s being charged on so many felony counts he’ll never see the light of day. As much as I wish I could end his existence, I know this is better than giving him a quick exit off this earth.

  The call to my father is something I’ll probably never forget. I know he was smiling when I told him the news. He might not be my favorite person, but it brings me peace knowing Jamie’s death didn’t go unsolved. We got the guy, and he’ll never hurt another innocent victim again.

  It’ll never bring my brother back, albeit justice has been served.

  Alizar may have taken something important from me, but it also led my team to finally bring down the cartel. My brother is dead. People are hurt, without jobs even, but at the end of the day the streets are a better place. It has to be enough.

  Chapter 24

  Six months later

  My hands are covering Nina’s eyes as we make our way inside of the home I’ve purchased on the outskirts of Miami. It’s a small waterfront bungalow with a kidney shaped pool centered overlooking a large lake. Off the rear of the home is a two story deck with matching Adirondack chairs to relax in. The master bedroom is located on the first floor, just like she told me she wanted. I’ve waited for what feels like forever to bring her home. She’s had a horrendous road of recovery with rehab, and I’ve done everything in my power to make her transition home an easy one.

  There wasn’t much talk about us living together. If I wasn’t sure about the way I felt when we were first thrown into this, I’m positive what I feel now. I’ve spent six months being everything she needed, six months promising she’ll never be alone again.

  I took it upon myself to travel to D.C. and get all of her belongings so she’d have her life back when she was finally able to leave.

  Bringing her home has my stomach in knots. I open my hands and wait for her to respond when she looks around at the open floor plan of where we’ll be living from now on. Since accepting the desk job, my hours are minimal. The office is close, and if I need to be home I can come and go as I please. I’ve taken two weeks off in order to make sure she’s settled before leaving her home alone. I know she’s doing fine, but a part of me still worries.

  It’s weird. I know she’s the same person I fell in love with, but her voice is different due to the damage she incurred, and she seems more fragile. She speaks with a raspy undertone, though it’s quite sexy. I’m still leery about her raising her voice, but the speech therapist says she’s able to do everything she did before, even yell at me when necessary.

  When she turns around she’s full of tears. While I have her in an emotional state I get down on one knee and pull the box from my pocket. “Nina, you and I do everything backwards. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I know I love you. I’ve watched you die and come back to life. I’ve been by your side through the worst possible scenarios. All I know is that I can’t be away from you. You stole my heart and I want you to keep it. Say you’ll stay with me. Say you want to start this new journey with me. Tell me we’ll raise a family in this house together. We don’t have to start right now. Consider this a promise. Please make me the happiest man in this world.”

  She’s nodding, then finally replies. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you. Now, or whenever you want. I love you, Timothy Douglas. Do you have any idea how happy you’ve made me? I couldn’t have gotten through these past months without you by my side.”

  It took me a long time to be able to kiss her again. I was terrified of hurting her. This kiss is powerful, and I remember how long it’s been since we were able to have sex. I’m hungry but cautious as we proceed. When I know I can’t stop I pick her up and carry her into our new bedroom. She’s on the mattress before she’s able to look back and approve. Her arms reach for me to join her, and I don’t waste a single second. There are no obstacles keeping us from being together. I’m in love with Nina and she’s in love with me, Tim. Sure, she still calls me Moth. She can call me anything she wants, as long as her last name changes to mine. “We’ll have to invite the team to the wedding, and my dad.”

  “It’s fine,” she says in between kisses.

  Some people might say we were fools rushing into this. I’d tell them to shove their opinions up their asses. I didn’t know what I was missing until she came into my life, and then I soon discovered I could never let her go.

  We make love, slowly, like two people completely connected do. She’s my everything and she knows it. There isn’t a single second that has passed by since she came into my life where I haven’t put her first. It’s become a habit I’m proud to admit to. While she was recovering I got to know everything about her. She became my best friend, the person I wanted to share the rest of my life with.

  We both want children. Before we wouldn’t have sacrificed our careers, but now everything has changed. Nina won’t be returning the Federal Bureau of Investigation. She’s going to do freelance work for the DEA from home, mainly computer hacking and research. I had to pull a few strings to get her into the agency, but her credentials didn’t make it difficult.

  Nina extends her hand into the air as we lay naked together in our new bed. “It’s beautiful. A chocolate diamond. Wow.”

  “Beautiful like your eyes. As soon as I saw it I knew it was the one.”

  She giggles. “That’s what you say about me.”

  “Exactly. When a man knows he knows.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Do you have any idea how much I appreciate yo
u? And thank you for what you did for Nico. I appreciate you having his body brought back to the states so I could keep his ashes with my fathers. It’s not how I wanted us to be a family again, but it still means everything to have closure. You’ll never know how much I want you.”

  I nod and come in for a kiss. “I have a pretty good idea, but you can spend the rest of your life reminding me.”

  “I love you, Moth. Thank you for this second chance. I don’t know if I would have come back from that without you by my side. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a support system, since I’ve been close to someone. I know we didn’t start off on the best of terms, but I’m grateful you came into my life when you did. You saved me in more ways than one.”

  “I promised I wouldn’t leave. I’m a man of my word. Besides, I couldn’t if I tried. I felt like I was dying alongside you. You did something to me when we were together. You changed me.”

  Her hands cup my cheek. “You’re a beautiful man. I’m forever grateful.”

  “You can thank me by climbing on top and giving me another round.”

  She does as she’s told. “It’s my pleasure.”

  The End.

  Check out other books by Jennifer Foor

  Stand Alones:

  Happily Ever Never

  http://www.amazon.com/Happily-Ever-Never-Jennifer-Foor-ebook/dp/B00YI6WGYA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461259509&sr=8-1&keywords=Happily+Ever+Never

  A Hope and a Chance

  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00P5LPHB6?creativeASIN=B00P5LPHB6&linkCode=w00&linkId=TIQGKQ6ZRRSNI3JM&ref_=as_sl_pc_tf_til&tag=jennfoorauth-20

  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-hope-and-a-chance-jennifer-foor/1120676605?ean=9780692315323

  Diary of a Male Maid

  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00889U974?creativeASIN=B00889U974&linkCode=w00&linkId=7BHCVYS7AC6JHI7B&ref_=as_sl_pc_tf_til&tag=jennfoorauth-20