One Final Step

by Stephanie Doyle

  It was just that he was still…thinking.

  It was an adjustment to deal with the idea that someone else in the world, someone not paid to keep the secret, knew his darkest nightmare. It was unsettling. That alone made it difficult to be around her. There had to be some allowances given for that. A window of time granted to him to let everything that had happened settle in his mind and his gut. Because he knew when they did talk, she was going to ask more questions about what their relationship might be that he didn’t have the answers for.

  She would probably still want to try them, to try to make something between them work. Whatever the hell that meant. In his mind, it was a ridiculous notion if sex wasn’t going to be included. But even knowing there was no pleasure in it for him, she wouldn’t let him take the necessary medication to make sex possible.

  A stalemate.

  So what was the point?

  A platonic relationship?

  He supposed it wasn’t a bad offer for a man like him. In fact, he remembered thinking when he first met her how perfect Madeleine was for him. She would absolutely not cross the line again and have sex with her employer. So as long as she worked for him he was safe from any type of sexual pursuit from her and of course she was safe from any moves from him. But then everything changed. Because even though he knew he couldn’t perform the act, his whole being wanted her like no other woman he’d ever known.

  And she’d wanted him the same way. Otherwise she never would have come to his house.

  Yes, he might have considered it a great thing that they could take sex completely off the table. Only it didn’t feel right with him. There was urgency to the way he felt about her. An intensity that made him feel like a caged animal any time he thought about her. Those feelings didn’t go with something that was platonic. It would be like a starving man at a feast where the food was under glass. He could see it, but he couldn’t eat it.

  So he had spent the past few days thinking. And thinking. Knowing the best thing he could do was to send her back to Philadelphia and out of his life for good. Only he was too selfish to end it that cleanly. He needed to know she was still in Detroit. And now, the way his body tingled at the sight of her in those ridiculous oversize sunglasses, he knew he wasn’t any closer to sending her back. He wasn’t that strong.

  As hard as it was going to be to give her what she wanted, it would be that much harder to cut her out of his life. Her very presence was reeling him in like a fish on a line. He felt so compelled to get closer to her he finally stopped avoiding her and approached.

  “What? No burka?”

  “I thought it might be overkill.”

  “This is definitely a first. Aren’t you afraid someone might see us?”

  “You didn’t really give me a choice,” she said tightly. “You won’t return my calls.”

  He reached out as if he was going to touch her cheek. Her skin was so perfect, so soft, it was almost like she wasn’t real, but she was. He dropped his hand without touching her. She wouldn’t like it, anyway. Not in public.

  “I needed to think,” he said honestly.

  “Okay, what have you concluded?”

  He raised his eyebrows at that. “You think after two days I’ve concluded anything?”

  “Here is what I’m thinking. I’m living out of a suitcase in a very nice suite you’re paying for. If you’re going to take an indefinite amount of time to think, it only makes sense for me to go home.”

  It made total sense for her to go home. “Don’t leave. Not yet.”

  “You fired me. Remember?”

  “So I could be with you.”

  “Only you’ve been nowhere near me for two days.” Her chin really couldn’t get any higher. “You told me that wasn’t going to happen. You told me you were only making me leave temporarily otherwise I wouldn’t have gone.”

  “Madeleine, you have to know what this is doing to me.”

  “Michael, you have to know what this is doing to me. You want time, okay. You don’t want me to leave Detroit, okay. But you need to talk to me. We’re never going to get anywhere if you shut me out.”

  “I wasn’t shutting you out…I was…putting you on hold.” He winced as the words came out, knowing how awful they sounded.

  She whipped off her sunglasses and pinned him down with a harsh stare. “I’m no one to be put on hold. I have a life. I have friends who need me. What about Ben?”

  “What about Ben?” He could feel the anger in his chest building. He didn’t like to be pushed or cornered. And he certainly didn’t like the idea of her running back to Ben. Sick or not, the man was a force of nature. If Ben ever decided he wanted Madeleine and could give her everything she deserved as a woman, there would be nothing Michael could do to fight it.

  “This isn’t about Ben. I need to know if your plan is to leave me in that damn suite indefinitely while you continue to think and ignore my calls. If so, then what is the point of me staying?”

  So he would know she was close. So he would know where to find her when he did want to see her, when he was ready. He didn’t imagine she would like those answers, either. Hell, neither did he. He was being irrational and he knew it, but he couldn’t wrap his mind around where this was going.

  “What do you want from me, then?” he asked. Maybe it would be simpler to figure out what she expected from him.

  That stopped her. She opened her mouth, then closed it as if it hadn’t even occurred to her what she might want.

  “To be with you,” she said as if struggling to come up with something that made sense for them. “I guess a date.”

  “A date? You won’t be seen with me in public. Or at least not in public without a disguise.”

  “We would be safe at the movies.”

  The movies. It sounded so freaking innocent. A perfectly platonic thing for two people who enjoyed each other’s company to do.

  He wanted to howl like a monster who was being declawed and defanged.

  But in the end he knew she was right. If he wouldn’t talk to her and wouldn’t see her then she wouldn’t stay.

  “Okay. I’ve got the concert tonight. I don’t suppose you would consider…”

  “No,” she said abruptly. “Too many people and the TV crews will probably come back. They’ll want a small clip from you, too. You should have something prepared.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Okay, movies it is. I’ll pick you up tomorrow around six.”

  Suddenly a flash of something caught his eye. Someone a couple of yards off, who looked like he might be part of the crowd, was paying far too much attention to them. The man wore an oversize hoodie, with the hood draped over most of his face, but the glance he got was enough for Michael to know who it was.

  “I like thrillers. And classics. And romantic comedies. Also, I’m going to want peanut M&M’s. I can’t see a movie without peanut M&M’s.”

  “Got it, M&M’s,” Michael said without listening. His focus was entirely on the hooded man and what in the hell he was doing at the park.

  Then Madeleine moved toward him, like she was about to lean in. Like she was expecting him to drop a simple kiss on her lips, which might be normal for a couple who were dating. But they weren’t normal and he wasn’t kissing her with the company who was watching them. He stepped back a few steps out of her reach.

  “See you then. I’ve got to run. Set up for the finish and stuff.”

  “Oh. Right. Okay, then, tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  He turned his back and walked away, pretending to head to the other end of the event, where the finish line would be set up for runners to start crossing in a couple of hours. After a few minutes, he casually turned around and saw she had left and was headed back to the street, probably to catch a cab.

  Not his smoothest move to dismiss her so quickly, but he had business he needed to take care of that he didn’t want Madeleine anywhere near. Circling back and using the various groups of people milling about as cover, Michael spot
ted his target walking around. He moved in quickly until he was a few feet behind the man.

  “Looking for me, Nooky?”

  The smaller man startled, then rolled his shoulders as if gathering courage before turning around for the confrontation.

  “Hey, Mickey, funny we both should be in the park today.”

  “Not funny at all. Everyone who watched the local news knew I would be here today supporting the marathon.”

  “You caught me. All your good charitable works, huh. You’re like a regular angel now. Not like it was back inside. Back then you were a real mean dude. Real mean. And violent.”

  Violent, yes. It was how he had felt every day. Violent and nearly desperate to get out. Once free, it was as if he could run away and leave what had happened behind him. Outdistance it. Michael suspected it was one of the reasons that made him such a fast driver.

  “Nooky, make your point.”

  “I think I already made my point with my note. I think you wouldn’t like it if all these nice people found out what you really are. I think that should be worth some money to you.”

  “So you came here today to shake me down?”

  “Look, why you gotta make this difficult? A couple large and I’m out of your life for good.”

  It was tempting. He’d paid off the doctor who’d treated him in the infirmary. He’d even planned to pay off Ricca. If it had taken all his money to erase what had happened, he would have gladly given it. Fortunately, the second payoff wasn’t required. After serving five years of his ten-year sentence, Ricca returned home to his gang and was dead from a drive-by within only weeks of being freed.

  Michael had learned of Ricca’s death when he’d gone looking for him. He’d thought it might have changed something. It hadn’t. He knew then that what was broken inside him could never be fixed.

  Which was what made the idea of any kind of relationship with Madeleine ridiculous. He thought about what she might say if she could see him now. Paying off his past. Trying to use his money to separate himself from the stink. She wouldn’t approve. She would want him to do the right thing. The legal thing.

  The idea of Madeleine anywhere near this creature made him nauseous. Yet this garbage was part of him. And there wasn’t going to be any part of the law in this transaction.

  He was about to nod and give his consent to the payoff. Not because the threat meant anything to him. Hell, if he ended up doing the interview it would all come out, anyway. And most CEOs he knew would consider his actions badass.

  No, he was doing this to make a problem go away. Plain and simple. Still, something inside him again rejected handing over the money.

  Sure, it was the price of doing business. His logical mind knew that. Hell, he should be happy he was getting let off the hook for a couple of thousand. Only he couldn’t make himself say the words. His nonlogical brain didn’t want to have to pay off this weasel.

  Really, what he wanted was not to be ashamed.

  A word surfaced loud and clear. “No.”

  “What?”

  It rang out in his head. So loud he had to say it again. “No.”

  “You kiddin’ me? I will tell the whole effin’ world about you. You got lucky you didn’t kill that guy. That’s all that separated you from serious time. Face it, you’re an animal just like me. And dressing up and cutting ribbons ain’t going to change that.”

  No, it wasn’t. But paying off Nooky to go away wasn’t going to make what happened go away. Michael knew that now. All the money in the world would never be enough. He’d been kidding himself all this time to think he could buy silence. It seemed there was always going to be another Nooky.

  “Nooky, you’re right. I haven’t changed all that much. The person capable of beating a man to a pulp still lives inside me. So hear this, you’re going to go to Archie and quit. You’re going to tell your parole officer you need to find another job. You’re going to stay away from me for the rest of my life. You see me walking down the street you will turn and walk the other way. You see my face on TV, you’ll turn the channel. And you will keep your mouth shut. All knowledge you think you have will disappear from your memory.”

  “And why am I going to do that?”

  “Because if you don’t I will hire a private investigator. That investigator will tail you every hour of every day. He will photograph your every move, night and day, for as long as it takes for you to make one mistake which will land you back in jail after your parole is revoked. How many strikes would that be for you, Nooky? I think by my count we’re at three. One mistake. You so much as jaywalk and your parole officer will know about it.”

  “You are damaged, man.”

  “No, I’m rich. I have all the money in the world to see to it that someone is there when you screw up. How long do you think it will take? How long until you find yourself in need of a piece to protect yourself? Or maybe it will be some illegal substance you’ll need so you can sleep at night. Or a girl you’ll need to buy because you’re too ugly to get one any other way. And that’s not even taking into account your need to steal things. Because you like stealing, don’t you, Nooky? A stick of gum and you’re mine.”

  Michael could see the beads of sweat forming on Nooky’s upper lip. He knew too well he didn’t have it in him to go totally straight. He was a lifer, just out for a break.

  “Funny thing is, Nooky, I bet I end up paying the investigator less than what you wanted. That’s how confident I am you can’t stay straight for as long as it takes to tie your shoes. Get out of my face. I see you one more time, my next call is to a P.I.”

  “This is messed up, man. I just wanted…”

  “I don’t care what you want. You’re not part of my life anymore. Take off. Now!”

  With that last shout, Nooky turned and scrambled away. Michael watched him until he was out of sight and wondered if he’d done enough to scare him away indefinitely. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, it felt good to make a stand and not just against Nooky.

  His past was always going to be there. He sure as hell didn’t want to linger in it, or even embrace it for that matter, but he was tired of trying to run from something that was strapped to his back like a sack. He had to accept it was there for good and simply carry the load.

  It was crazy to think it, but he had a hunch Madeleine would have been proud of him. It gave him a good feeling throughout the rest of the day.

  * * *

  “LADY, can we go? The meter is running.”

  Madeleine sat in the back of the cab. When she saw Michael confront the man in the park she’d asked the cabdriver to hold up.

  “Yes, I’m sorry. We can leave now.”

  Leaning back against the seat as the cab pulled away, she considered who the man in the hooded jacket might be. She’d spotted him herself and for half a heartbeat feared the paparazzi had seen through her oversize glasses and hat and was about to start snapping pictures. But the man seemed to loiter about with no real intention so she ignored him.

  Until Michael all but sprinted away from her. She couldn’t say what made her stay and watch the interaction between the two men. Maybe it was the disparity between them. Michael looked sophisticated in beige slacks and a light brown sweater, where the other man looked dirty even from a distance.

  She could feel Michael’s threatening pose and knew this was no ordinary conversation. The way he towered over the smaller man, it was plain to see his target became increasingly agitated until ultimately he walked away.

  Definitely not a fan looking for an autograph.

  So who was he? More importantly, would Michael tell her?

  Her first thought was that she shouldn’t push him if he didn’t. She’d succeeded in her goal of getting him to talk to her. That should be enough.

  After two days of not hearing from him, she knew his first instinct was to run. Run from her, run from them as a couple. She couldn’t let that happen. At least not without a fight.

  There was something about him that ma
de her feel different when she was around him. Something she hadn’t had…maybe in her whole life. Whatever it was, it felt a lot like need. She wasn’t exactly proud to admit that to herself. Madeleine Kane wasn’t a woman who needed a man. Madeleine Kane was a kingmaker.

  Only with Michael she was different. With Michael she was just a woman. A woman he made feel cherished. And despite his impotency…wanted. Very much wanted. For that reason alone it was worth sticking it out and giving everything she had.

  She couldn’t say where this would end. If she was right and his amazing car did make him bigger than life, she didn’t know how long she could hold him offstage with her in the shadows. Because once he walked onstage, she wouldn’t follow him.

  It was possible she could be setting them both up for a horrible fall. However, it was a risk she was willing to take. And if she was going to convince him that she was equally worth the risk, this was going to have to be more than a date.

  Real intimacy was something that came about over time. Madeleine needed to create ties and binds that he wouldn’t find easy to shake loose. She was going to have to know everything about him with nothing held back.

  She figured he’d given her one secret, the most important of his life. Now it was time to find out all the others.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “SO ARE YOU going to tell me who that man was with you in the park yesterday?”

  Michael turned to her in the darkened theater. He was already halfway through a bag of popcorn and Madeleine was picking out a single peanut M&M at a time to eat when she sprang the question on him.

  They had compromised on the movie choice—a re-showing of an old classic. Only two other people were seated on the opposite side of the theater. He could tell it made Madeleine feel more comfortable, almost like having their own private theater. And the other two ticket holders were so far away he knew they wouldn’t be able to overhear their whispered conversation.

  Not that Michael had any intention of talking to Madeleine about Nooky. There was no point.