One Final Step

by Stephanie Doyle

  “Someone I knew once. He doesn’t matter.”

  “You seemed pretty upset with him.”

  “You were spying on me?”

  “No. Only…watching.”

  “Why?”

  She squirmed in her seat a bit and Michael found himself smiling. He would never tire of unsettling the seemingly unflappable Madeleine Kane.

  “I don’t know. I thought you were acting strangely. When I leaned in I was hoping you would kiss me. Instead you practically sprinted off. I guess I was lingering for a time while thinking about what that meant. Then I saw you approach the man in the hooded sweatshirt from behind. You looked angry with him.”

  Michael didn’t want to believe there was any sprinting involved. However, he would definitely cop to the fact that he didn’t want to be seen kissing Madeleine. Not by Nooky.

  “I can’t get you to be seen with me in broad daylight, but you thought kissing me in the park was okay.”

  Madeleine huffed a bit. “First, I was disguised. And second, stop making me out like I’m some kind of vampire. I merely avoid any place where we might be seen together, or could possibly have our picture taken together.”

  He chuckled at her haughtiness. “True. You were disguised. And I suppose we did sit outside that day at Darnell’s and the sun was out, so we’ll have to rule out the vampire thing. But the truth is I don’t know how I feel about kissing you. Publicly or otherwise, okay.”

  She looked at him then, the peanut M&M’s forgotten.

  “What do you mean?”

  He sighed. He supposed if they were going to do this thing, then he had to be completely up front with her. “I want to see you. I want to spend time with you. That’s a given.”

  “But you don’t want to kiss me.”

  “Kissing leads to other things. To places I can’t go. I don’t know if I want to put myself through that.”

  He could see her scowl as the light from the movie reflected off her face.

  “You’re mad,” he said. Not exactly the emotion he expected. He was sort of counting on compassion and understanding and hoping that didn’t come with a side order of pity. Or worse, disappointment in him.

  “You’re damn right I’m mad. You’re such a man.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Why can’t kissing just be for the sake of kissing? Why does it have to go anywhere? You were probably one of those boys in high school who kept track of his game. First base leads to second base, then third base…”

  “I get your point.” Maybe he had been one of those boys who liked to take things as far as they could go every time, but what horny teenager didn’t?

  “It’s one of the reasons people always saw me as so chaste and pure. One more reason why my downfall was that much more spectacular to those who knew me. I never did the things other girls did in high school.”

  “Uh, I hope not. You told me you went to an all-girls’ school. Although wait…that might be hot.”

  She elbowed him in the ribs. “There were public schools and an all-boys’ Catholic school in the general vicinity for girls who wanted to date.”

  “But you weren’t one of those girls.”

  “I didn’t date much, but there were a few dates. I never cared for the feeling that I was something to be conquered. I liked kissing, but when I was with a boy I always felt like he was lying in wait, ready to pounce and move on to the next step.”

  “That’s because he was. He was a boy.”

  “And you’re a man.”

  “Have to tell you, we don’t change much in that regard.”

  “My point is we should have grown up, evolved. We can sit here in this theater holding hands and enjoy it. You can take me home and we can make out in the car and enjoy that. Why does it always have to be about what’s next?”

  Michael considered that and thought only, because it does. It was the way of things between men and women who wanted each other. But he knew he didn’t like the kid who planted the idea in her head that she was nothing more than a base to steal. He thought it before and he was seeing it again: he wasn’t the only one of them in this relationship who was messed up about sex.

  It felt to him like Madeleine didn’t know what it meant to be wanted for who she was alone, she didn’t know what it meant to want that person back for the same reason. He wondered if she’d ever been made love to or if she’d ever made love to someone without there being some agenda.

  For that matter, Michael wasn’t sure he ever had that experience, either. Before the attack happened, sex was just sex. After the attack, sex was a game of skill and deception and illusion.

  And lies.

  “You want to kiss, then?” Michael asked. “Fine, then, let’s suck face.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Make out. Swap spit.”

  Madeleine frowned. “Okay, that is not an appealing image and we can’t. Not here.”

  “Why not?”

  “We’re in public.”

  Michael raised his arm around them. “We’re in a dark movie theater with only two other people way over there. This is the perfect place to do it.” He leaned over the armrest and he could see she wasn’t backing away. For effect he wiggled his eyebrows. “You know you want to.”

  She must have, too, because when he dipped his head she didn’t pull away. Their lips met and at first Michael kept it soft. A meeting of lips over and over again. A slow exploration of mouths. After a time she sighed and he pushed his tongue into her mouth, loving the feeling of penetrating her even if it was only this way. He thought about how nice this was. To kiss her and make love to her mouth and not worry about his moves for the coming steps ahead because there were no coming steps, and he didn’t have to plan any other moves. He could sit here and neck all day with Madeleine Kane and be happy.

  It was freeing. It was fun.

  But then she reached her arm up and her fingers stroked along the edge of his chin and neck. He felt a ripple of sensation course through his body. Pulling away he could feel the puffs of air on his mouth. Although it was hard to see, he imagined her lips would be a little swollen and wet. Her eyes a little glassy.

  He made her want him just by kissing her and he liked knowing that. This time she moved to him and started kissing him back. This time it was her tongue in his mouth and he had to hold back a groan of pleasure. Her mouth was wet and hot and so damn sexy. Need began to build and hunger tugged at his insides.

  He was supposed to be enjoying this, simply taking in the feeling of two mouths meeting, but his body kicked in and told him it wanted more. It wanted everything. He wanted to consume Madeleine, become a part of her; let her become a part of him. He shifted a bit and deepened the angle of the kiss, letting his tongue clash with hers for supremacy. In his mind he saw her breasts naked in his palm; he saw her back arching as he thrust into her.

  How could it be that he felt this good and was this turned on by a woman but not be hard?

  As soon as the intrusive thought hit, any chance he had of letting his body relax ended. Because when he questioned his physical reaction he instantly went back to the reason behind it and in that dark place there was no pleasure. There was no peace.

  He was about to end the kiss when a light flashed in his eyes.

  “Hey, you two, break it up. This is a family theater.”

  Michael blinked and realized an old man wearing some sort of uniform was shining a flashlight down on them. Instinctively he held his hand up over Madeleine’s face to protect her.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  “Geesh, and you two ain’t even kids. Now what kind of example are you setting?”

  Michael didn’t bother to point out they weren’t setting any example because there was no one behind them to see what they were doing.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled again.

  “You two behave or I’m gonna…I’m gonna…I’m gonna get the manager!”

  “Yes, sir.”

  With
one last stern look, the usher eventually turned his flashlight back toward the floor as he moved down the aisle to secure the theater for all customers and prevent necking of any kind.

  “I told you!” she whispered in his ear.

  “Yeah, we got caught by the movie police. Oh, my!”

  “This is not funny,” she huffed.

  On the contrary, he thought it was hysterically funny. Madeleine Kane got caught making out in a theater. He imagined that wasn’t something that ever would have happened until she met him.

  “Lighten up. We escaped with our lives.”

  This time she did chuckle and he enjoyed the sound so much he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, bringing the top half of her body closer to his so he could feel her humor.

  “Michael?”

  “Watch the movie before we really get in trouble.”

  “I want to say, the kissing… It was worth the risk.”

  He squeezed her arm and in response she rested her head against his shoulder.

  Was it worth it? He didn’t know. He wondered if every time he kissed her he was going to feel the stirrings of sexual arousal only to have some stray thought or memory plunge his body into a mental ice-cold bath.

  This was definitely uncharted territory for him but he wasn’t ready to give her up yet.

  Not yet.

  * * *

  “ARE YOU ready to come home?”

  Madeleine grasped her cell a little tighter. Michael had dropped her off back at her hotel and she’d been smiling like a goofy teenage girl who’d had the best date of her life. She wanted to take a hot shower and then crawl into bed, where hopefully she might dream about every delicious moment of the kiss they’d shared in the theater.

  The question from Ben brought her spiraling back down to earth.

  “Do you need me to come home? Did Anna leave you on your own?”

  “Anna’s still here. If not exactly happy about it,” Ben added.

  “Ben, tell me what happened. If it was a fight, you need to make up. Say you’re sorry even if you don’t mean it. You need her.”

  “I don’t need anyone right now who isn’t affiliated with the medical community, and I don’t want to talk about Anna. I’m not calling you home to sit as a nurse on my sickbed. You’ve been back in Detroit now for almost a week. I’m wondering if the assignment is over. I saw a Hollywood TV clip and they were actually extolling the charitable virtues of your boy without showing him plastered up against some starlet. I would say job well done.”

  “We’ve definitely made progress in a short amount of time. It’s amazing how quickly a reputation can be made. Good or bad. In the twenty-four-hour cycle of news no one can remember what happened a month ago, so whatever the last impression is, that’s the one that sticks.”

  “You were counting on that, no?”

  She was. She realized she could safely say Michael Langdon was currently more thought of as a philanthropist than a playboy. Unfortunately, that didn’t really give her any good reasons to stay in Detroit. At least none Ben would accept without questioning her.

  “There is still the interview. I’ll need to coach him through that, if it comes through.”

  “Isn’t it likely to? That was Peg you dealt with at Sunday Night Hour. I know her. I can put in a call…”

  “No—” Madeleine cut off her employer. For one, Ben didn’t need to be doing anything extracurricular before his next round of treatment started. For another, Madeleine was no longer sure the interview was a good idea.

  She knew Peg well enough to know she would do her research. She would spot the full three-year prison term as an anomaly. The attack would be on Michael’s record. Maybe not the reason behind it, but she didn’t want to put him in a situation where he would have to answer any questions regarding what had happened.

  He could, of course, refuse to answer any questions regarding his time in prison. It wasn’t unprecedented for an interviewee to dictate what the interviewer could and could not ask. But Madeleine knew too well how those interviews usually came off. Defensive. Guarded. As soon as people suspected you had something to hide they would press for more answers.

  “You seem uncertain,” Ben noted. “Do you have doubts about his ability to handle something like that?”

  “No. And keep in mind we’re not talking about a politician connecting with constituents. At the end of the day he’s just a man looking to partner up with someone to make a really incredible car. I don’t want you to worry about it, though. Peg will call in the next day or so to let me know.”

  “Wait. You said the car was really incredible. You’ve seen it?”

  “I have.” She smiled, knowing Ben’s passion for all things automobile. “Basically, I can work it with my phone, drive it forever without impacting the environment and afford it on a couple of months of salary.”

  “Impressive. But does it fly?”

  “He’s still working on that.”

  Ben chuckled but Madeleine could sense his energy was fading. “You have to give me some sense of when you’re coming back. I’m trying to get some…affairs in order. It would be easier if I knew your schedule and could have work lined up.”

  “Don’t worry about my next assignment. Actually, I was thinking, maybe I might…take a couple of weeks…off.”

  She scrunched her face up, hoping she didn’t sound so obvious. Thank goodness Ben avoided the FaceTime feature when he called her. She couldn’t say why she was reluctant for him to know about her and Michael. Maybe in some ways she was afraid she would disappoint him by getting involved with yet another person she was working with.

  When the silence lingered, she added, “It has been a while since I had a vacation.”

  “It’s been five years by my count. The last time I brought it up you said, and I quote, ‘vacation is for other people.’ That’s suddenly changed. Interesting. Also odd that you would choose Detroit as a vacation destination.”

  Really there was no point in the small deception. Trying to get something by Ben was like trying to sneak a big blow-up beach ball by an NHL hockey goalie. It wasn’t going to happen. And deliberately not saying anything about it would make him think she felt guilty about the situation. Which she didn’t. What was happening between her and Michael was like nothing that had happened between her and the president.

  “What if I said Michael and I have become…friends? Very close friends.”

  There it was. On the table for her boss to deal with. His employee was forming a relationship with a person she was supposed to be working for. Technically, he could fire her. Worse, he could believe all those things that had once been said about her.

  That she was power hungry. That she seduced men for the fun of it then spit them out. That she was someone who used sex for her own gain.

  Please don’t think any of those things. While it had been true…in that one awful moment…it wasn’t who she was as a person.

  But when he said nothing immediately she started on her defense. “Technically, our contract has ended. I’ll only work with him again briefly if Peg does decide to do the interview. Otherwise our business relationship is over.”

  “And another relationship has taken its place.”

  “You disapprove,” Madeleine said, trying to decipher if the low tone in his voice was disappointment or exhaustion.

  “I’m not your father, Madeleine. And I’m not the public at large. You’re one of the smartest women I know. As your employer, if you tell me your personal relationship has no impact on your professional one, then I don’t give a shit what you and Michael Langdon do in private.”

  “Thank you.”

  “As your friend…I would remind you the man has a reputation you were paid to alter. I hope you don’t confuse altering the impression with altering the man.”

  While Ben didn’t understand the specifics, his words still struck home. She couldn’t become invested with trying to change Michael. Or more accurately, fix Michael. If she was going t
o do this with him, she had to be willing to accept who he was in every way.

  After all, he hadn’t wanted to kiss her. She’d basically made him do that. What had he been thinking about before the usher arrived? That he was enjoying it or counting the minutes until it was over? No, he had to be enjoying it. She felt it. That kind of connection couldn’t be faked.

  How many times had he faked it with those other women?

  Madeleine locked down the insidious thought and shook her head. “Trust me. I know what I’m doing.” At least she hoped she did.

  “Then I will. And if you need me, for anything, you know where to find me. It’s not like I take a lot of detours between the house and the hospital.”

  “You promise me Anna is there with you.”

  “Anna…is here.”

  “Good luck,” Madeleine offered, not sure what else to say. “Get better” seemed trite and overly optimistic.

  “I’ll need it.”

  She hung up the phone without saying goodbye. And without telling him how much he’d meant to her as a friend. If she started to speak those words she knew tears would follow and she didn’t want to embarrass him. She knew Ben well enough to know that extreme emotion wasn’t something he was comfortable with.

  When her downfall occurred and she was being spun around in the aftermath of the scandal, like a small boat caught in a hurricane, there were days she wondered if she would ever be able to catch her breath again. Or if she would simply drown in humiliation.

  She’d needed help back then. Her father would have nothing to do with her. Because his health was failing at the time, she understood why he couldn’t be around her. Seeing her in his home only seemed to make him sicker, and the constant calls and press outside had only added to his strain.

  And her brother was furious at her. For humiliating him, for putting their father through the stress and anguish of her debacle. But Madeleine always wondered if maybe deep down inside, Robert wasn’t secretly thrilled to see the little sister who had surpassed him so fabulously come crashing back to earth.

  Not the greatest sibling relationship.

  No, it was only when Ben hired her and believed in her that the spinning had stopped. He set her back on her feet and made her remember who she was. The person she’d been her whole life except for fifteen stupid minutes.