Dying To Tell

by Beevis, Keri

  ‘What’s he talking about?’

  ‘I have no idea.’ Giles’s eyes were wide with shock and his expression had gone from guilty to outrage, as he clearly decided denial was his best way of getting out of the situation. ‘Alyssa, darling, you saw what happened. He attacked me for no reason.’

  ‘Jack, I think you’d better go outside and cool down before you completely ruin Oliver’s birthday,’ Henry barked. ‘I don’t know what the hell’s gotten into you lately.’

  Jack ignored him and snarled at Giles. ‘Tell them what the fuck you did! Tell them what happened on Christmas Day. Tell Alyssa why you were sending her sister creepy fucking gifts.’

  ‘Please, Jack. I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. You’ve got it all wrong.’

  ‘Giles was with me all of Christmas Day,’ Alyssa’s tone was firm. ‘I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate, but nothing happened with Steph. You’re losing the plot, Jack.’

  ‘Not all of Christmas Day.’

  Jack heard Tom’s voice. He sounded angry. As he joined the group, he gave Giles a look of disgust. ‘You left ours early Christmas Day night, had a headache if I remember rightly. You didn’t go home though, did you.’

  ‘Of course I did! Where the hell else would I have gone?’ Giles was looking a little wild, like a cornered animal, though he clung to denial.

  ‘Ten fifteen, that’s the time the front door security camera shows you arriving at the house and Steph letting you in. Of course you thought you’d got rid of the footage. I knew something was up when just Christmas Day was missing in the security archives. Only a few of us have access. I guess you didn’t know about the backup. Thank God Henry is so bloody paranoid he keeps everything. Took me a while to find it, but there you are arriving at the house.’

  ‘You went to the house? I thought you had a headache!’ That was from Henry. ‘Why would you go to the house?’

  ‘You lied to me. You told me you’d gone straight home to bed.’

  Giles had gone sickly pale. ‘I can explain, Alyssa.’

  ‘I didn’t know Henry had installed cameras inside,’ Tom continued. ‘In fact I probably wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t deleted the footage from the hall camera too. But there it was, with a clear view of the lounge, showing exactly what happened that night. Exactly what you did to my sister.’

  Jack’s heart thudded. He wanted to be sick. The insinuation of Tom’s words was clear, but still he had to hear it from Giles. ‘What did you do to her?’

  ‘It was all her. She wanted it.’

  ‘What?’

  Giles’s eyes widened as Alyssa took a menacing step towards him.

  ‘I didn’t mean for it to happen. She was drunk and one thing led to another. I’m telling you, she wanted it!’

  ‘Maybe at first she was flirting a little, and yes, she’d been drinking,’ Imogen agreed, moving to stand beside Tom and taking his hand. ‘But I saw the footage with Tom. She tried to stop you. What you did to her was definitely not consensual.’

  ‘You raped my sister?’ Oliver released his grip on Jack’s arm and lunged forward.

  Giles whimpered. ‘Please, it wasn’t like that.’

  Jack couldn’t listen to it anymore, the lies and the denial. Stephanie was no longer there to defend herself, but they had the truth. It didn’t make him feel any better though and if he stayed there he was going to go for Giles again, end up being arrested for the second night running. Jack shook off Henry’s hand, aware his stepfather had for once been rendered speechless. Learning that Giles, the favoured son-in-law-to-be, had raped his daughter was going to take a while to properly sink in. Beside Henry, Jack’s mother looked broken.

  ‘I can’t be here right now,’ Jack muttered to Imogen, pushing his way past the startled-looking waiters who seemed to be deciding a little too late what course of action they should take.

  Outside in the car park, Jack sat in his car, head in his hands, and attempted to process everything that had happened. The rage was still there, but it had simmered, leaving him feeling hollow and numb. He had failed Stephanie.

  Unable to face returning home, needing instead to be alone for a while, he headed to the coast, parking up about a mile from the house. The temptation was there to stop at an off licence, but alcohol mixed with his current frame of mind probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Instead he left his car, hiked down to the beach and sat on the sand, watching the waves crash as they hit the shoreline. How had he missed all of this? Why hadn’t Steph told him?

  He bitterly reminded himself that she had tried, but he hadn’t been there.

  In his pocket his phone vibrated. As tempting as it was to ignore it, Jack knew he couldn’t. There was too much going on. He glanced at the screen; saw it was Tom.

  Police had to pull Alyssa off Giles. She’s given him two black eyes to match his broken nose. We’re at your place. Where the hell are you?

  Jack didn’t reply, not ready to talk about what had happened that night.

  He spotted another text that must have come through earlier in the evening. It was from Tiffany.

  Hey stranger. You’ve not returned any of my messages. I thought you said we’d stay friends?

  The corner of his mouth twisted as he closed the message and slipped his phone back in his pocket. It was something people said when they broke up, but they seldom meant it.

  He knew Tiffany well enough to realise that it was an excuse.

  Still she lingered on his mind for a while as he continued to watch the waves. It was almost a full moon and there was enough natural light to see the water building before it rolled towards the shore, each wave lapping that little bit closer. In the distance there was a flicker of yellow light from a boat. Jack watched it move slowly across the water. Stephanie had always wanted him to get a boat, said it was a waste living right on top of a harbour if he had nothing to put in it.

  He remembered Imogen’s words, that Stephanie had stopped by his house on Boxing Day, wanting to talk to him, but he had already left for London. Would it have made any difference if he had been there? Would she have opened up about what had happened?

  They were questions he would now never know the answer to, but regardless of what the answer would have been, he still felt guilty. He was her big brother and he was supposed to protect her. He had failed.

  His phone rang again, jarring him from his thoughts, and he pulled it from his pocket, heartbeat quickening when he realised it was Lila. Was she in trouble?

  He went to answer, stopped himself when he remembered Tom’s text, knew it was okay and she wasn’t alone.

  The text that came through from her a couple of minutes later confirmed he was right.

  Where are you? Tom told me what happened. Call me. I’m worried. I need to know you’re okay. Xx

  There it was; he was letting her down again, making her worry unnecessarily.

  Jack knew he should call her back, text her at the very least, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead he threw his phone down on the sand, ignoring the stab of guilt each time it rang, knowing he was being a complete jerk treating Lila this way.

  He didn’t deserve her. She was far too good for him and she should find someone who would treat her better.

  When he eventually picked up his phone again, he counted five missed calls from her, knew she was going to be going crazy with worry. He could end that worry with one text, but he didn’t. Instead he pulled up Tiff’s earlier message and on a whim hit call. She answered almost immediately, her voice a little breathless, as if she’d rushed to get the phone, and there was no mistaking that she was happy to hear from him, even if she did try to play it casual.

  ‘Jack, hi. Long time no speak.’

  ‘Hey, Tiff. How are things?’

  ‘Good, really good.’

  Jack listened as she chattered away, eager to convince him that their break-up hadn’t affected her, wanting him to know her life was great, and keen to remind him of what he had
lost. She didn’t pause to ask him how he was – typical Tiff – but that was fine. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about the crap going on in his life. Certainly had no intention of telling her what had happened that night. It was actually nice to be able to switch off from it for a few minutes. But then her voice cracked and the truth came out in four simple words.

  ‘I miss you, Jack.’

  And it was in that exact moment he realised he didn’t miss Tiffany. That he had made a terrible mistake calling her. Still, he took the coward’s way out and when, after a moment of silence, her tone took on an edge and she questioned why he had nothing to say to that and wanted to know if he missed her too, he lied.

  ‘Of course I do. We have a lot of history and I know that matters. We weren’t good for each other though. We wanted different things.’

  ‘But we can change. If we both try a little harder.’

  ‘You know we already did that. It didn’t work.’

  ‘So we try again and this time make it work.’

  ‘Tiff, I–’

  ‘Why are you so against this, Jack? Is there someone else?’

  There was his get out of jail card. He should have ended it right there and been honest with her, but instead he deflected. ‘I thought you were happy. You’ve just spent five minutes telling me how great everything is. Why do you want to go back?’

  ‘Because I love you. Breaking up was a mistake. I realise that now.’

  ‘I love you too, but… Look, I have to go, okay? You take care of yourself.’

  He ended the call before she could say anything else, kicking himself for being foolish enough to tell her he loved her. He did love her, in the way he might love an old friend, but he wasn’t in love with her, wondered if he actually ever had been.

  When the phone rang again, Tiff’s name flashing up on the screen, he let it go to voicemail.

  What a mess. He should never have called her.

  Lila’s face flashed in his mind and it hit him hard, a sucker punch to the gut. He didn’t love Tiffany, but he did love Lila, and if it was too soon to be in love with her, he was well on the way. He was a stubborn hot-headed idiot, so busy mourning his sister, he was pushing away the best thing in his life. He thought of Lila back at his house, no doubt crazy with worry wondering where the hell he had disappeared to. Yes she deserved better, but that was on him to prove to her he would be better. Instead there he was, sitting on the beach wallowing in self-pity, and ignoring her calls while leading on his ex-girlfriend.

  You’re a bloody idiot, Jack.

  He was, and he needed to fix it.

  36

  Lila awoke early on Saturday morning despite having barely slept.

  She rolled over, looked at Jack. He was still asleep, lying on his belly, head turned away from her and arms hugging the pillow his face was buried in. She watched him for a few moments, the slow steady rise and fall of his broad shoulders, the scruff of thick light-brown hair.

  The previous night she had experienced every emotion, the raw sorrow when Tom and Imogen had shown up at the house, telling her what had happened, aware that the knowledge his sister had been raped would be killing Jack. She could see the toll it had taken on Tom, knew Jack and Stephanie had been closer. He would be suffering. That had been swiftly followed by fear. No-one knew where Jack was. He had already been in a weird mood before he left the house. Distant even. It had unsettled her all evening to the point she had barely been able to concentrate on the movie her and Elliot had watched.

  After Jack failed to reply to Tom’s text, she had tried calling him, texting him when he didn’t answer. By the time he finally arrived home, a full two hours after that first call, she was almost frantic with worry. Jack was impulsive, she knew that, and he had been through so much already. What if the revelations about Stephanie had pushed him over the edge?

  Relief was swiftly followed by anger – he was okay. She got that he was hurting, but he was still an arsehole, and though he was being overly affectionate to her, that didn’t let him off the hook for what he’d put her through. After Tom and Imogen had left and Elliot had slunk off to bed, sensing the shitstorm that was about to explode, Lila had laid into Jack, all of the fear and worry, that awful foreboding panic that he had done something really stupid, coming out all at once. She rarely lost her temper, but when she did she lost it spectacularly, and it seemed she caught Jack by surprise.

  It was short-lived though and once she ran out of steam more guilt had followed for yelling at him after what he had been through. Exhaustion hit next, catching them both. It was a second late night, nearly four, when they’d finally sunk into bed, Jack holding on to Lila as if she was an anchor he barely dared let go of. She had been too tired to read much into it at the time. In the cold light of morning though she couldn’t shake the ominous feeling that something was off.

  Where exactly had he been? He still hadn’t told her.

  Leaving him sleeping, she slipped out of bed, reached for her bathrobe and crutches.

  She found Elliot in the kitchen, unsurprised to see he was already up. Her brother had always been awake at an ungodly hour, that big geeky brain of his too active to stay asleep. He was sat at the table drinking coffee and intently studying his iPad. Lila poured herself a cup and went to join him.

  Elliot put down his mug. ‘You look like crap.’

  Lila’s lips twisted. ‘Good morning to you too.’

  ‘Is it good?’

  Elliot’s tone had sobered as he studied Lila and she shrugged.

  ‘Honestly? I don’t know.’

  ‘Where’s sleeping beauty?’

  That had her grinning. ‘Still sleeping.’

  ‘Has he told you where he was?’

  ‘Not yet.’ Lila sighed. She got it that Elliot was annoyed and she appreciated he was being protective of her, but he had to look at the bigger picture. Jack had been to hell and back. Was it any wonder he had reacted badly?

  ‘I’m heading back to Norwich in a bit. I can take you home if you want.’

  ‘Thanks, but no thanks. Look, Elliot, I know you don’t get it, but he wasn’t thinking straight last night. I’m not giving up on him.’

  Her brother studied her for a moment, his eyes huge behind his thick-rimmed glasses. He gave the ghost of a smile and finished his coffee, nodded at her. ‘Okay. You know where I am if you need me.’

  After he had gone, Lila let Cooper outside. It was still early, but already a warm bright morning, the sky a cloudless deep blue, and with the exception of a couple of kids who were loading up a rowing boat further along the shoreline, she had the place to herself. It wouldn’t stay that way for long though. Being a Saturday and with the weather so good, tourists would soon arrive, parking up along the edge of the creek, many of them heading down to the beach. She wished she had her camera with her, knew while the place was empty was the best time to get the shots she craved.

  As Cooper sniffed at a patch of green, she glanced back at the house. The curtains in Jack’s bedroom were still drawn and she didn’t expect to see anything of him any time soon. As tempting as it was to crawl back under the covers with him, catch up on some much needed rest, Lila was too antsy, knew that sleep wouldn’t come.

  Something was off about the previous night and she couldn’t figure out what it was.

  Although she had been furious, she knew much of Jack’s behaviour could be put down to what had happened at the restaurant. She knew how close he had been to Stephanie and that it would be killing him knowing what had happened with Giles, but that didn’t explain earlier. Jack had been acting weird with her before he had even left the house and that was bothering her.

  She turned to call the dog, saw he had made his way down to the creek and was swimming between the boats.

  ‘Cooper!’ She hissed his name quietly, not wanting to disrupt the silence of the morning. When he ignored her, she tottered down to the water’s edge. ‘Cooper! Come here now!’

  She could hardly go wading in
after him with her crutches and was debating what to do when a female voice came from behind her.

  ‘Cooper!’

  Lila turned to see a woman standing on the muddy bank. Although casually dressed, her blonde haircut looked expensive, as did the emerald-coloured silk scarf that was looped around her neck.

  The woman whistled loudly and the dog’s head shot up. ‘Cooper! Come here now.’

  He seemed to recognise her, paddling furiously towards the shore.

  ‘Um, thank you.’ Lila stood by in surprise, not really sure what else she could say or how she was supposed to react, assuming the woman was a neighbour of Jack’s. She watched as the woman took a step back as Cooper shook himself before she stepped in to catch hold of his collar, rubbing him behind the ears.

  She glanced up at Lila. ‘You must be Jack’s wife? Girlfriend?’

  Lila wasn’t really either, but it would sound odd to explain their relationship and current living arrangement, so she simply nodded and mumbled, ‘Yes. I’m Lila.’

  ‘I’m Hayley, Hayley Baxter, one of Jack’s neighbours. Well, I say neighbour, I let the house out mostly these days. I know this young man though.’ She smiled at Cooper. ‘Our dogs used to play together when I lived around here.’

  ‘It’s nice to meet you.’

  ‘Is Jack about? I’m on a fleeting visit, but it would be nice to say hello.’

  ‘He’s not actually up yet. I can ask him to come over and see you if you like.’

  Hayley smiled. ‘No, it’s okay. I’m actually heading out. I’ll maybe stop by later.’

  ‘I’ll let him know.’

  Lila made small talk with the woman for a few minutes longer then together with Cooper, made her way back to the house, oblivious that she was being watched.