His Own Way Out

by Taylor Saracen

  “Hey. Thanks,” Blake said, glancing around the well-appointed living room. “Should I take off my shoes?”

  Jay laughed a breathy laugh that had Blake wanting to do things that would elicit the sound again and again. “No, you can keep them on.”

  “Alright,” Blake nodded. “Your place is really nice.”

  “Thanks. I like it,” Jay said, leading Blake toward the couch where a guy was rolling joints as a girl messed around on her phone beside him. “Carly, Matt, this is Blake. Blake, Carly and Matt.”

  Blake shook their hands. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You didn’t shake mine,” Jay stated, grinning when Blake reached out to make the connection.

  Blake liked how Jay’s smile and body were soft, and how their hands were the same size even though Jay had an inch on him. He liked that Jay was flirting and that his friends were going about their business. Blake liked it all.

  “Now I did,” Blake noted, giving Jay’s hand an extra squeeze before letting go. It was nice to steal touches rather than steeling himself for the awkward moments after fucking another random guy in Rise and Grind.

  Jay nodded and kneeled at the coffee table to help his friend roll. Squatting beside him, Blake watched Jay’s nimble fingers, impressed by his technique. “Are you into smoking?”

  Blake chuckled. “Yeah, I’m into smoking.” Pulling his phone from his pocket, he checked the time. It was the first time since he’d gotten a job at the Tulip Tree Tavern that he wanted to call out, but regardless of how tempting it was to do so, he knew he had to show up to work. He had an hour before he needed to start walking to the diner. It didn’t seem like enough time.

  “How long can you stay?” he asked, eyeing Blake’s phone.

  “About an hour. If I don’t start walking at nine I won’t get to work in time.”

  “You walk to work?” Carly asked, crinkling her nose at the revelation. “How long does it take you?”

  “From here it’s an hour or so, but usually it’s about two.”

  “Don’t judge,” Matt chided, elbowing her in her ribs gently.

  “I’m not judging,” Carly promised, tossing her thick blonde locks over her shoulder. “I’m curious. That’s all.”

  “It’s not a big deal,” Blake said easily, noticing how Jay was regarding him with concern.

  “I can drive you tonight,” Jay offered. “That way you can hang out longer.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” Blake protested. “I’m used to walking.”

  “Well, I guess it depends on how long you want to stay here,” Jay reasoned. “If you’re not into it, then whatever. If you are...an hour is a lot more of a commitment than the five minutes it would take me to drive you to wherever it takes you an hour to walk.”

  “Why talk about him leaving when he’s right here?” Matt huffed. “He’s been around for a minute. Why count down the time?”

  “I didn’t mean to,” Jay began, turning to Blake expectantly. “I’m not trying to rush you out.”

  Blake wanted to cup his hand around Jay’s chin and tilt him into a kiss, but he refrained, remembering that they were in mixed company. He hardly knew the guy, but he was immediately drawn to his thoughtfulness. It was refreshing.

  “It’s fine,” Blake assured. “I didn’t think you were.”

  “Awkward,” Carly muttered, still focused on her phone.

  “Shh,” Matt warned, earning him a scowl from his girlfriend.

  “They’re always like this,” Jay informed Blake, handing him a joint and lighter. “You can get it started.”

  Placing the paper between his lips, Blake lit it up and took a deep inhale, allowing the smoke to inflate his lungs before it sputtered from his mouth. As they passed the joint, Blake learned about Jay and found he liked him more with every word that came out of his mouth.

  Jay was smart and accomplished, two qualities that Blake hadn’t realized were a huge turn-on prior to meeting the University of Kentucky sophomore. He was studying English and liked to reference books, but he did it in the least pretentious way possible, a way that made Blake want to read every one he mentioned. It was stimulating to have conversations that illuminated parts of Blake’s brain which he hadn’t enacted since he was in a classroom. Just talking to Jay was better than any sex Blake had had with dudes on Rise and Grind. He liked how different everything felt with Jay, how he felt with him. Although Blake didn’t go into great detail about the shit he’d been through, he did tell Jay that he’d been expelled senior year and had earned his GED over the summer. Jay didn’t flinch, which somehow gave Blake the validation he didn’t know he was seeking.

  When nine o’ clock rolled around, Blake decided to be forthcoming with his intentions. “If you’re cool with driving me to work I can stay for a while more.”

  The smile on Jay’s face told Blake that was precisely what he wanted to hear. “I’m definitely cool with that.”

  “You should get us all some food while you’re there,” Matt suggested.

  “I could go for some French fries,” Carly agreed.

  “No problem,” Jay said, “Text me what you guys want when I leave, and I’ll pick it up.”

  “He’s always this amazing,” Carly told Blake. “He’s not fronting because you’re here.”

  “Good to know,” Blake nodded, grinning when he caught Jay’s eyes.

  As was typical when one was enjoying himself, the minutes flew by and before Blake knew it he was walking to the parking lot with Jay.

  “That’s yours?” Blake asked, pointing at the flashing taillights of a white Mercury Mountaineer.

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow. It’s nice,” Blake said as climbed into the tan leather passenger seat. Though it had been obvious from the way Jay carried himself that he was successful, his car was further confirmation.

  “Thanks,” Jay replied, turning the key in the ignition.

  The tension had grown unbearable for Blake, who gave into his urge to go for a kiss. “C’mere,” he whispered, placing his hand on Jay’s cheek. He closed the space between them, lips on lips as their tongues tangled and twisted together. The affection Blake felt for Jay increased with every rotation, so much so that he feared that if they continued kissing he’d be too far gone to actually drag his ass to work. Reluctantly, he pulled back, smiling at Jay as he did.

  “You have to get to work,” Jay sighed, looking as disappointed by that fact as Blake felt.

  “Yup.”

  “The Tulip Tree Tavern, right?” He backed out of the parking spot. “I know where it is.”

  “Thanks for the ride,” Blake said, buckling his seatbelt.

  “It’s no problem.”

  “It’s nice, though, that you’re leaving your friends to take me.”

  “I’m happy to,” Jay promised. “What time do you get off?”

  “Four.”

  “Give me a call and I’ll pick you up.”

  Blake shook his head. “I’m not going to drag you out of bed to pick me up. I walk home every night. It’s not a big deal.”

  “It’s cold out,” Jay stated. “I want to. I want to pick you up.”

  Blake was floored by the consideration and how genuine Jay was in his offer. “Okay. I’ll call you. Thanks.”

  Jay nodded and parked the car in the lot outside the restaurant. “I’m going to come in and order their food and then I’ll be back when you call me later.”

  “Sounds good,” Blake said, stealing another kiss before they exited the car.

  While Jay was waiting for his take-out order, Blake couldn’t stop himself from sneaking peeks in his direction. He was handsome, and his kindness made him even sexier than Blake found him to begin with.

  Jay smiled and waved at Blake before he left, and Blake kept his eyes fixed on him until he was no longer in view. He wanted to follow him, but he focused on getting through his shift and how he could get back to Jay’s car as soon as it was done.

  The night moved
like molasses, and by the time he was ready to call Jay, Blake was exhausted, but still excited. It was odd to reach out to someone he barely knew to come give him a ride, but Jay had convinced him that he truly wanted to pick him up.

  That was until he didn’t answer the phone. Blake tried to call him twice before deciding that he should start walking. It was reasonable to assume that Jay was deep in sleep, so Blake did, even though the nagging whisper of negativity in his ear told him that maybe Jay thought better of it, that the act of care was too much too soon.

  He was halfway home when his phone rang.

  “Holy shit, I’m so sorry. I was dead asleep,” Jay said as soon as Blake picked up.

  “You don’t have to apologize for sleeping at four in the morning,” Blake laughed. “It’s fine.”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m almost home. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I told you I was going to come get you and I want to. Tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there.”

  “It’s not...”

  “I keep my word,” Jay interrupted. “Don’t let me beat myself up for being a douchebag, alright?”

  Grinning, Blake looked at the nearest street sign. “I’m at Maxwell and Madison.”

  “Be there in a few minutes. See you soon.”

  “You really don’t have to...” Blake began, quickly realizing Jay was no longer on the line. “…come,” he continued quietly, tucking his phone back into his pants pocket.

  It was hard for Blake to believe that a catch like Jay was leaving his bed in the middle of the night just so Blake didn’t have to walk home in the cold. It was even harder to believe that the shyer guy had smacked his lips against Blake’s as soon as he climbed into his car, and that Blake could feel that much in a single moment. But it happened, and Blake was sure it would continue to happen a lot more.

  27

  Lying in bed wrapped up in Jay was exactly where Blake wanted to be, so that was where he was as often as possible. The more time they spent together, the less Blake wanted to be apart. Their relationship escalated quickly after the late-night-pickup-that-almost-wasn’t, first emotionally and then physically. It was the second time someone Blake cared deeply about gave him their virginity, and he didn’t take the privilege for granted. With his arms hooked over Jay’s shoulders, he’d lost himself inside him, lips and hips locked as they rocked in unison. The weight of the moment should have felt heavy, but it was as light as Blake’s heart. Everything was right.

  “Do you like it?” Blake asked one morning as they peeled their sweaty bodies off of one another.

  “I cum, don’t I?” Jay replied, tracing his fingertip over the ridges of Blake’s abdominal muscles. “Fuck, this body.”

  “What about it?”

  “I like it.”

  “You like it?” Blake grinned, placing his hands behind his head and watching as Jay looked him over.

  “I love it.”

  Lifting an eyebrow, Blake raked his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “You love it?”

  “I do,” Jay confirmed, peppering his chest with kisses before inching up to slot their mouths together.

  Blake kissed him eagerly, letting his hands travel up Jay’s broad back. He tickled his pale skin gently as he inhaled his lover’s soft sighs. Lifting his sleepy eyelids, Blake admired how the early morning sun seeped through the blinds and washed his man’s face with a golden hue. “You’re beautiful,” he muttered, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Jay’s neck, “so beautiful.”

  “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?” Jay whispered, running the tip of his pointer finger down the slope of Blake’s nose.

  “Are we going to get into a debate over who’s more gorgeous?” Blake laughed, reaching up to grasp Jay’s hand firmly. He kissed his knuckles sweetly, savoring the scent of his skin. “I’m good at arguing, but I’d probably let you win.”

  “I wish I was as confident as you. That I had something to back it up with,” Jay admitted, laughing when Blake gave him a hard smack on the bare ass.

  “I love it when you back it up,” Blake flirted, licking his lips as Jay shimmied his ass under his grasp. “Mmm, I like that.”

  “You do?” Jay hummed in a sing-song tone. “How much?”

  “It’s my favorite thing.”

  “Oh yeah? You like it better than video games?” Jay challenged, chuckling when Blake gave him several swift swats to the butt.

  “You know what I like,” Blake growled, smiling into the kiss Jay had laid on his lips. He liked him...a lot. “You drive me crazy, baby.”

  “Good. I want to, because then maybe you’ll be half as gone as me.”

  “Half?”

  “Half,” Jay confirmed, snuggling into Blake’s waiting arms.

  “I’m there,” Blake promised, twirling a lock of Jay’s hair around his pinky.

  “It’s scary.”

  “What’s scary?”

  “Feeling these feelings so fast,” Jay revealed, puckering his lips to ask for another kiss. Blake was happy to oblige. “Feeling these feelings at all maybe.”

  “I want you to feel them.” Because I feel them, too. Because I love you.

  “Why?”

  “Because I feel them, too,” Blake confessed, debating whether he should continue his admission by letting the words on the tip of his tongue roll off or if he should swallow them down, holding them in his heart for a while longer.

  As into him as Blake believed his boyfriend was, he knew Jay only managed to let go of his inhibitions in the tender moments before yanking himself back to a place of fear. While it was frustrating for Blake to deal with his boyfriend’s second-guessing, he knew he had to be patient. Coming to terms with his sexuality had been a process for Jay, and the fact that he wasn’t ready to tell his family he was gay made things more difficult. Regardless of how often Jay assured Blake he was all in, Blake could tell the secrecy impeded his boyfriend’s ability to confidently move forward in their relationship. Despite his foresight and belief that things would be better for Jay when he shared his truth, Blake never pushed. Impatience was the enemy of growth and he didn’t want to stunt Jay’s progress with his haste. Still, he wished Jay would stop standing in his own way.

  “You do?” Jay questioned, humming quietly when Blake intertwined their fingers.

  “You know I do.”

  “I like to hear it.

  “That’s good because I like to tell you,” Blake grinned.

  “So tell me,” Jay prompted. Though his tone was innocent, Blake could hear the challenge in the sentiment, for Blake to say it and for Jay to accept.

  “You want me to?” Blake whispered, a subtle melody dancing playfully in his voice. “Tell you how I feel about you? You want that?”

  “Yes.”

  “I love you,” Blake said matter-of-factly, because the statement was unequivocally true. He loved how even just being in Jay’s presence made him want to be better, how Jay assured him that success wasn’t measured by assets while Blake worked to keep his life on track. How supportive he was of where Blake came from and where he was headed. He loved the way Jay loved him, even though his boyfriend had never spoken the words. His actions were resounding.

  Though Blake had been fairly confident in what Jay was hinting toward in his campaign for clarity, he doubted it in the moment of silence that followed his admission. As the seconds passed, Blake grew more unsure of himself until Jay finally replied, “I love you, too.”

  “Yeah?” Blake grinned, his heart swelling in his chest at the sound of the phrase coming from his boyfriend’s mouth. He didn’t know how much he needed to hear it until he did.

  Snaking his hand behind Jay’s head, Blake drew him closer, hungrily slotting their lips together for a kiss that was rife with emotion and happiness. Things between them were instantly more solid and serious than they had been before the utterances, and it was all so right.

  “Now I don’t want to go to class,” Jay
groaned, as he broke away from the kiss. “I want to stay here with you all day.”

  “You say that whenever we’re in bed like this,” Blake smirked.

  “You’re temptation personified,” Jay flirted, grabbing Blake by the waist and pulling him in closer.

  “Mmm,” Blake moaned as his boyfriend sucked gently on the dip of his neck. “I love it when you talk literary to me.”

  Jay laughed lightly, the warmth of his breath fanning over Blake’s skin, tickling him as his lips tingled, needy for more kisses. “I love that you love it.”

  “There’s a whole lot of love going on right now,” Blake chuckled, smacking Jay’s ass hard enough to get him to lift his head. “I don’t want you to, but you have to go, babe. You’re gonna be late.”

  “Why do you have to be so responsible?” Jay joked, standing up to stretch his arms over his head before he grabbed a towel from his closet.

  “That’s the first time anybody’s ever complained about my level of responsibly being on the ‘too responsible’ end.”

  “I’m not sure what that says about me.”

  “Honestly, I’m not either,” Blake chuckled tapping his fingers against his torso as he admired Jay’s body. “You look good standing over there in your towel.”

  “Fuck off,” Jay smirked, tightening the knot around his hips.

  “You do,” Blake said, sitting up and waggling his eyebrows. “I’m about to ruin my new-found responsibility streak and tell you to get your ass back over here.”

  “You wouldn’t want to ruin a one-day streak, would you? C’mon,” Jay chided playfully as he licked his lips.

  He appeared to be considering something, and Blake knew the responsible thing to do would be to tell his boyfriend to get in the shower, but responsibility was a real cockblocker when his man looked as good as he did. Jay’s body was a marvel of strength and softness. Though it wasn’t conventionally considered to be the archetypal male form, it was perfect for Blake because it belonged to Jay, because of how the flesh felt when he clawed it in the throes of passion, because it was where the person he loved lived.