His Own Way Out

by Taylor Saracen

  “I’d ruin it if you let me,” Blake decided, smiling as Jay dropped the towel and crawled toward him on the bed. “You’re not supposed to let me,” he laughed as Jay kissed his way down his body.

  “In this situation it works out in my favor,” Jay grinned, continuing his descent. “So, I’m going to just go with it.”

  “At my expense?” Blake tsked, loving every minute of his boyfriend’s rebellion.

  “We all have to make sacrifices.”

  “I want it on record that I told you to go to class,” Blake said, sighing as Jay took him into his mouth, “but you can add an addendum that I’m glad you didn’t.”

  “Noted,” Jay mumbled around Blake’s dick.

  Responsibility was overrated.

  28

  Jay was too generous to Blake. He gave him endless kisses, tons of attention, and the keys to his car—which turned out to be a massive mistake. While driving Jay’s Mountaineer, Blake always attempted to be overly cautious, not only because his boyfriend’s car was nice as hell, but also due to his pesky little lack of a license. He’d been forthcoming about his unlawful status with Jay, and his man had said annoyingly perfect shit like, “I trust you” and “I know you’re careful,” statements which made Blake feel even worse about the fender bender.

  He knew he was fucked the moment it happened. Maybe that’s why he reacted the way he had. The stress of the circumstance had made him momentarily insane enough to flip off the school teacher he’d rear-ended when she tried to take him to task. The amount of trouble he’d been in in his life had conditioned Blake to posture in such situations, refusing to show a semblance of weakness. In hindsight, the better approach would have been contrition. If he’d kissed the lady’s ass a bit perhaps he would have been able to apologize and move on, avoiding the subsequent call to the police and the revelation that he wasn’t road ready. Blake cursed his temper as he stood on the side of the road trying to figure out how to explain the accident to his boyfriend. Knowing Jay, he would let Blake off the hook even though he should’ve held him accountable.

  “The car’s whatever,” Jay said as he surveyed the minimal damage to the front bumper, “It shouldn’t take much to buff it out. I’m more worried about what I’m going to tell my parents.”

  “Why would you have to tell them anything?”

  Jay narrowed his eyes at Blake, who narrowed his back. “Because it’s their car. It’s not like they won’t find out when they start getting shit in the mail and their insurance premiums go up.”

  “Wait, your parents own the car?”

  “Yeah. I don’t have a job, Blake,” Jay reminded him as if he was an imbecile. “How would I own a car?”

  “They could’ve bought it for you or something,” Blake reasoned, a familiar pressure of anxiety settling on his chest. “Fuck. What are you going to tell them?”

  “Right. That’s what I’m trying to figure out. There’s no way they’d believe I’d let a friend drive it,” Jay said, sitting down on the curb, “especially a friend who doesn’t have a license.”

  “Tell them that I had a really important doctor’s appointment, or a job interview, and you were doing me a big favor,” Blake offered, taking a seat beside his boyfriend. “I mean, you’re a nice guy, they’d believe you were doing someone a favor, wouldn’t they?”

  “No. The only thing that could make me stupid enough to let an unlicensed driver take my car is love, or at the very least sex,” Jay sighed, rubbing his forehead as if he was trying to stimulate his brain to give him a possible excuse.

  “I’m sorry,” Blake uttered, feeling more so by minute. The last thing he wanted to do was complicate Jay’s life in any way, but it seemed the little accident was going to cause a huge wreck for his boyfriend.

  “I should tell them the truth,” Jay decided, both knees bouncing as he stared forward at the car. “I should just tell them the truth. I’m gay, right? I should tell them that. I should tell them that I’m gay and that I’m in a relationship with you, and that I let you drive the car because you don’t have one. That we share things, you know, the way people in relationships do, because we’re in a relationship...a gay one,” he rambled.

  Blake considered interrupting the outpouring of repetitive statements but thought better of it. Jay was processing what would be one of the most important conversations he would have in his life and Blake didn’t want to cut short any of his thoughts about the matter.

  “Because I’m gay,” Jay continued, “and they should know that. We’re serious about each other...” he looked to Blake for confirmation.

  “Of course we are,” Blake promised, placing his hand on Jay’s knee, trying to calm its bobbing.

  “They should know that.”

  “Okay,” Blake nodded. “Whatever you think is right.” He paused for a moment, debating whether he should bring his concerns to light. Unable to hold himself back, he noted, “They’re probably not going to be so crazy about me after all this though. I should’ve never driven your car without a license. They’ll be pissed, and they won’t think I’m good for you.”

  “I think they’ll be more shocked by my sexuality than the fact that I let you drive my car. I think the whole car thing will pale in comparison to the bigger admission.”

  “I don’t want you to come out to take the heat off the accident,” Blake protested.

  “It’s not like that,” Jay huffed. “It’s just the impetus I guess.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I should call them now.”

  “Here on the side of the road? Why don’t you wait until we get back to your place? It will be quieter, and you can have some privacy.”

  “Who’s around?” Jay asked, presenting the empty shoulder to Blake.

  “Me.”

  “I want you here.”

  “Okay, then I’m here,” Blake promised.

  He watched as Jay’s hands shook while he dialed his parents’ number. When he brought the phone to his ear, Blake held his free hand, attempting to steady it, to steady him.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered as he waited for them to pick up.

  “It’s alright,” Blake assured. “It will be alright.”

  From what Jay had told Blake about his parents, they were good people who loved their son. While Blake didn’t foresee the revelation of Jay’s sexuality being a huge issue for them, he also didn’t understand why it was a big deal to anybody.

  “Mom,” Jay said into the phone. “Is dad there?” he paused. “Yeah, I need to talk to you both.”

  Blake’s heart pounded as he waited for Jay to open his mouth again.

  “Should I put them on speaker?” Jay whispered. “So you can hear how it goes?”

  Blake cringed, not sure what to say. “That’s up to you. However you want to handle it.”

  “I’ll put them on speaker,” Jay decided. “That way if I black out or something you can tell me what we said.”

  “Black out?” Blake cried, clamping his lips shut as soon as he heard a male voice come over the line.

  “Jay?”

  “Hey, dad.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Mom are you on, too?”

  “Yes. You’re making us nervous,” Mrs. Dennison said. The stress in her tone would have made the fact apparent without the explicit acknowledgment.

  “It’s not…" Jay began, clearing his throat, “It’s not really a big deal.”

  “Well then out with it,” Mr. Dennison urged. “The buildup is brutal.”

  “The Mountaineer was in a little accident.”

  “Oh my goodness. Are you hurt?” Mrs. Dennison asked, her voice rising an octave.

  “No. I’m not.”

  “Did you hit somebody, or did someone hit you? Was insurance information exchanged? Were the police called?” Mr. Dennison questioned.

  “I wasn’t actually in the car,” Jay admitted.

  “You weren’t actually in the car,” Mr. Dennison repeated. �
��What do you mean you weren’t actually in the car? Who was driving?”

  Jay cleared his throat again as Blake held his breath, knowing the moment was upon them. “My boyfriend was driving.”

  “Your boyfriend was driving,” Mr. Dennison said slowly.

  “His boyfriend was driving,” Mrs. Dennison told her husband. “So, what Jay’s saying is that he has a boyfriend, and it was his boyfriend who was in the accident.”

  “Right,” Jay confirmed.

  “Okay,” Mr. Dennison exhaled, “and is your boyfriend hurt?”

  “Um, no, he’s alright. It was a fender bender. The only damage is some denting on the other car and some scrapes on ours.”

  “Tell them I’ll pay for the damages,” Blake whispered, aware that the commitment would mean picking up additional shifts at work.

  “He’ll pay for the damages, but there’s something else,” Jay confessed, cringing at Blake, who cringed right back at him. “He doesn’t have a license so I’m not sure how that will impact our insurance policy.”

  “Jay!” Mr. Dennison scolded. “Why was he driving if he doesn’t have a license? That’s completely asinine and irresponsible!”

  “Dan,” Mrs. Dennison cautioned. “Jay just came out and told us everything, so while it was a mistake that he allowed this boy to drive the car, it’s important to remember that he could have been secretive but that he’s coming out and telling us.”

  “I’m not worried about the gay thing, Jane,” Jay’s father sighed. “I’m worried about the fact that my son seems to have his head up his butt and isn’t making good decisions.”

  “It was a mistake. I know it was a mistake. Blake knows it’s a mistake. I’m sorry. Nothing like this will ever happen again,” Jay promised.

  “Blake,” Mrs. Dennison noted. “That’s your boyfriend’s name? Blake? When do we get to meet him?”

  Blake couldn’t help but smile at Mrs. Dennison’s complete disregard of what had occurred, and hyper-focus on her son’s relationship.

  “I’ll talk to him about it,” Jay replied, looking like the weight of the world had been removed from his shoulders.

  “I’m going to need to speak with you and Blake about the financial ramifications for this accident once I figure out what I’m dealing with,” Mr. Dennison states. “I’m not saying that’s all we’ll talk about, but I want to get this settled before I can think about anything else.”

  “I understand,” Jay said, grinning when Blake squeezed his hand.

  It wasn’t the ideal circumstance, but as they got into the Mountaineer, with Blake sitting comfortably in the only seat he planned to sit in for as long as he didn’t have his license, he could see the realization in Jay’s eyes that everything was okay and that, maybe now, it would be even better.

  And that’s what he wanted for him.

  29

  Going to Louisville to meet Jay’s parents two weeks after the fender bender wasn’t necessarily on Blake’s short list of shit he wanted to do, but he went anyway. It was important to Jay, and Jay was important to him. Ever since Blake had earned Claire’s parents’ immediate disapproval, the concept of “meeting the parents” was nerve-wracking. The added stress of the Dennisons being privy to one of his latest infractions didn’t make things any easier on Blake.

  “I’m kind of nervous,” Blake admitted as they got out of the Mountaineer.

  The neighborhood was nice, with tree-lined streets and well-manicured lawns. The pride of ownership was apparent, and Jay’s tidiness was undoubtedly an outcome of the environment. It wasn’t as though Blake came from squalor, but the suburban lifestyle felt different than the rural roads he’d grown up on. Although he had seamlessly transitioned into city living, he still struggled to shake the country from his bones. Wide spaces had given way to an array of places and Blake wondered if he would feel settled anywhere.

  “I am, too,” Jay stated, much to Blake’s chagrin.

  Blake stopped dead in his tracks, so he could show Jay he was pressed. “You’re supposed to say things to make me feel better about this, you being nervous doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “Do you want me to lie to you?” Jay asked. “I mean, I love you and I hope they will, too.”

  “You don’t think they will?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But you’re sort of alluding to it,” Blake said. “Don’t you think? By saying you love me and you hope they will, I think it implies doubt.”

  “Am I not supposed to doubt it?” Jay questioned, appearing to be as confused as Blake felt. “I’ve never done this before, brought anyone home, now I am...and it’s you.”

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  “Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re a guy. That’s all I’m saying. I didn’t break them in with a girl. I went from zero to sixty.”

  “Do you really think they needed to be ‘broken in’?” Blake scoffed. “Wouldn’t that have complicated things? They would’ve thought you were a certain way and expected it, not realizing that you weren’t that way at all.”

  “That’s too much for me think about right now,” Jay tsked. “I know they’ll like you. There’s nothing not to like.”

  Blake wholeheartedly disagreed, but there was no reason to get into his detriments when Jay already knew what they were and chose not to acknowledge them. “There are a ton of things not to like.”

  “I disagree.”

  “Your parents wouldn’t,” Blake retorted.

  “You don’t have to tell them everything.”

  “That makes me feel like you’re ashamed of my past.”

  “Of course I’m not.”

  “You could’ve fooled me,” Blake scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Sometimes it was easier to lash out than to take a deep breath and calm himself down.

  “Now you’re just trying to pick a fight,” Jay rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why. Maybe you’re overwhelmed.”

  “That’s a good guess considering I’m standing outside your parents’ house a few weeks after I crashed their car without a license. This isn’t, like, low-level grievances. I managed to majorly fuck shit up from the jump.”

  “You’re thinking about the bad stuff too much.”

  “I could say you’re not thinking about it enough,” Blake shot back.

  “You could but you’d be wrong. They’ve been good about things, but it’s different when something’s an idea versus when it’s actually right in front of your face.” Jay held his hand up in front of Blake’s face for affect and grinned when Blake grabbed it and planted a series of smooches on his palm. “We’re about to be right in front of their faces. Believe me, I’ve thought about it all but I’m trying to focus on the positive.”

  “That’s very Zen of you.”

  “I’m probably going to shit my pants when we walk through the door,” Jay deadpanned. “So, there’s that.”

  “Don’t do that,” Blake laughed. “You’ll ruin dinner.”

  “C’mon,” Jay urged, lacing their fingers together as he guided Blake toward the porch.

  Blake was surprised that Jay was holding his hand in such close proximity to the Dennisons’ house and wondered if he was going to show the affection in front of his parents. His question was answered when Jay broke the connection to twist the doorknob and didn’t initiate it again as they stood in the foyer.

  Blake’s palms began to sweat as he heard footsteps approaching. Nonchalantly, he wiped his hands on the thighs of his jeans before tucking them into his pockets. He wanted to look calm, but he was sure he was failing miserably.

  Jay’s parents looked like Blake had expected them to. Good southern Christians complete with their crosses and matching polo shirts. He could immediately feel Mrs. Dennison’s warmth and a chill from her husband, who didn’t seem glad to see Blake in the least. Though he was unsure whether Mr. Dennison’s disposition was due to the fact Blake was Jay’s boyfriend or because he’d messed up his car, he didn’t feel particularly e
mbraced, even after Jay’s mom hugged her son and moved on to give Blake a nice tight one.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Blake,” she crooned. “Aren’t you handsome!”

  “Thank you, ma’am. It’s great to meet you too,” he replied, sneaking a glance at Mr. Dennison’s unimpressed glare.

  “If it isn’t the car-wrecker himself,” Mr. Dennison snarked, extending his hand after earning a look from his wife.

  “Uh, hello, Sir. I am really sorry about that and I fully intend to pay you back every penny.”

  “Oh, you better believe I’m going to hold you to that.”

  “I expect that you won’t be as reckless with my son as you are with our vehicle?” Mr. Dennison continued.

  “He’s just giving you a hard time,” Mrs. Dennison said with a click of her tongue. “Stop it, Dan. Let’s go sit down and get to know each other,” she suggested, leading them to the living room.

  Blake had barely sat down when Mr. Dennison asked, “Speaking of hard time, have you done any?”

  “Dad,” Jay cried. “Come on.”

  Blake cleared his throat, trying to loosen the stress that had settled there. “No. It’s fine, of course not.”

  “Of course? Driving without a license is illegal. Why would it be ‘of course’? Are we to assume that’s the only illegal activity you’ve embarked on?”

  “Dan,” Mrs. Dennison warned as Jay shook his head.

  “I’m going to go...” Blake gestured toward the general direction where he imagined the bathroom would be.

  “Down the hall, second door to the right,” Jay told him.

  As soon as Blake was safely in the bathroom, he slid down the wall and tried to catch his breath. He was overreacting. He knew he was overreacting, but that didn’t stop him from overreacting. He needed to get it together. Fast. Knowing exactly who could calm him down, he pulled out his phone.

  Blake (4:36pm): Hey

  Greg (4:37pm): Hey. How’s it going with the rents?

  Blake (4:37pm): I’m hiding in the bathroom.