by Tenaya Jayne
"Why not?" I demanded.
He sighed. "Because of what I did to you earlier. It weakened you."
"Oh…I’m fine. Really. Please, Vincent. I can tell you have something good in mind. I have to be with you. I have to dream. Please…I promise I’ll take a nap tomorrow…Please."
"Okay. Let’s go."
Vincent took me by the hand and pulled me from bed. I was in my blue nightgown again. We went to the roof. I was exhilarated with the impossibility of it all; standing barefoot on the edge of the ice-covered roof, looking out over the whole world.
"So you’re sure you want to fly?" he asked, throwing off his trench coat.
"Totally."
"Okay."
Vincent took a step away from me and squared his shoulders. He closed his eyes and both of his hands clenched into fists. Then he threw his head back and a roar burst from his chest like that of a massive lion. A ripping and searing issued from his body and two monumental wings exploded from his back, flaming blue phoenix wings. Vincent stood perfectly at ease now while his fire wings, twice as large as he was, hissed and danced in the air.
Adrenaline and awe lashed through me. Vincent was the most magnificent and powerful thing I had ever seen. He smiled easily at me, his eyes burning the same fire as his wings.
"So, are you ready for yours?" he asked.
"Hell, yes!"
He chuckled and opened his arms to me. I went to him. He wrapped his arms and his wings around me and kissed me. Every part of me froze in his fire and I wondered if my eyes had become what his were. They never had before and I could never tell for sure, but at that moment, my eyes felt different, throbbing and burning in a torturous gratification. Then I threw my head back and cried out, involuntarily. The sound I made was not nearly as impressive as Vincent’s roar. But it startled me that I could make such a sound. Then I felt my back break open at both shoulder blades, and a rushing feeling left my body.
I pulled away from Vincent to examine my wings. Mine were almost identical to Vincent’s except that his flames had an undertone of black to them and mine had an undertone of white. I experimented with my wings for a moment, trying to make them move the way I wanted them to. I didn’t even have to think about it. My wings were a part of me. I was able to move them as easily as I could move my arms. The adrenaline and excitement went even higher, and I was itching to take off. I shook my hair out over my shoulders in a superior haughty fashion, making Vincent laugh. I extended my wings out to their full breath.
"Let’s go!" I exclaimed.
Vincent reached out and took my hand before we jumped.
I woke up late in the morning, feeling like I had hardly slept. Having such dreams did not allow for much rest. My time with Vincent during the night had been indescribable, but it also made me sad. My dreams were fantasy and I longed for reality again. I wanted to wake up in Vincent’s tangible arms.
When I finally threw my covers off and stood up, I gasped and hunched over in pain. I pressed both of my hands on either side of my head, trying to hold it together. Falling to my knees, I put my head on the floor, trying to alleviate the pressure. It worked, the pain slowly beginning to abate. I focused on breathing deeply until the pain disintegrated into a dull ache at the base of my skull, just behind the ears. I stood back up very slowly. The pain was bearable. I knew this was the price of having my spirit rent from my flesh and flying all night rather than resting. It was also the effect of withdrawal. My inner candle was burning dangerously low. All of this mixed up together had created a nasty come down.
I gave myself a few more minutes while the pain sloughed off into a passive annoyance. I resigned myself to getting dressed and going downstairs. When I left my room, I could hear Uncle Jack clattering in the kitchen. I sighed and fixed my smile in place before making my entrance.
"Hey there!" Uncle Jack bellowed, as I came into the kitchen. He hurried over to me and pulled me into a tight hug. "How are you?"
"I’m fine," I lied. "And you?"
"Oh, so happy to be home!" he exclaimed. "It was so good just to sleep in my own bed. I’m so sick of my hotel room. And all the noise! Ugh! Enough to drive you mad! It’s so good to be back in the quiet. I see you managed to stand it." Uncle Jack faltered on his last sentence, his brow furrowed at me. I blinked and shifted uneasily under his eyes. Did I look strung out?
"What?" I asked defensively.
"Well, you look different. Older somehow…and…"
My mind raced to come up with some way to distract Uncle Jack. "Ha!" I said loudly. "I was just thinking the same thing about you. And you know I am seventeen now."
It worked. Uncle Jack’s eyes bugged for a second. "Oh no! I forgot your birthday! I haven’t forgotten your birthday since you were three years old! I can’t believe it. I’m so sorry, Dulcee!"
"That’s okay. It doesn’t matter."
Uncle Jack looked crumpled. "It does matter!" he argued. "Let me make it up to you."
"Okay." I shrugged. I really didn’t care at all.
"So, what did you do to stay sane? Did you learn any good tricks to keep yourself from feeling alone?" he asked, spreading some jam on a piece of toast.
I laughed darkly to myself. My sanity would greatly be in question, if I told him the truth. I quickly thought back to the first day and the things I had done before Vincent came into my life.
"Uh…Yeah. I kept the TV on all the time, or the radio. And I didn’t go wandering around the house at night."
"I bet you’ve watched a lot of movies," he said, smiling. I just smiled back and nodded. "I’m sure my pay-per-view bill is going to be nasty." He laughed and before I could think to stop myself, I nodded again. Oh no! I thought. What have I done? I didn’t watch any pay-per-view. When the bill comes he’ll know I lied to him.
"So, I bet you would like to go to town," Uncle Jack said.
Stupidly, I hadn’t thought of this. Of course, he would want to go to town. We needed food and he would assume that I would have severe cabin fever. But I didn’t want to go to town. I didn’t want to be that far away from Vincent. If Uncle Jack would go by himself, Vincent and I could be together for a few hours. But I knew that if I didn’t go it would seem strange. If I had been alone all this time, I would want nothing better than to leave the house. I couldn’t see any way around it. I had to go.
"I’m dying to go," I lied.
Uncle Jack smiled, handing me a plate. "I figure we can go in about an hour. How does that sound?"
"Fine."
I sat down and ate as slowly as I could. Uncle Jack seemed so happy. I felt obligated to play along. He chattered through breakfast about the case and how things were going his way. He talked about the bogus evidence that Vivian’s family had brought against him and how it discredited them when it became known that it was fabricated. I hardly listened to a word he said. I sat there nodding, at times throwing in an occasional "Really?" or "Wow." And all the while, my thoughts were with Vincent. I missed him. I wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking about me. And I thought about all the things I would have to do and lie about these next few days.
I felt that giving my uncle a chance to absorb the truth was a wise thing to do. I thought he would understand, but I remembered what Vincent had said, and I couldn’t risk it at this point. So after we finished our breakfast, I allowed myself to be swept away to town. As we drove down to the road from the house, I found myself looking out the window, searching the trees for a sight of my beloved. I didn’t see him and it filled me with despair.
"So what did you do with yourself all this time?" Uncle Jack asked, digging for more info.
"I did everything there is to do in the house. I swam in the pool a lot and I read in the library. I watched movies on TV and in the theater. It’s not much to talk about," I said blandly.
Gloom settled on me as we drove down the mountain. I tried my hardest to keep up friendly conversation with a pleasant tone. It was becoming a challenge. With every mile we put between
the house and us, I could feel the passive annoyance in my head, growing less passive. All I could think about was Vincent. When we finally arrived in town, the pain had climbed back to a throb. I groaned and rubbed the back of my head. It was going to be a very long day.
First, Uncle Jack tried to make me choose a birthday present by dragging me around the boutiques in the old part of town. I finally told him I needed time to think about what I wanted, before I made a decision. He accepted that grudgingly and we moved on to the grocery store. The throbbing pain at the base of my head was spreading up through my skull. At least I didn’t have to make conversation now. Uncle Jack was in his food shopping mode, and it seemed to take all of his brain power. He was so careful, so he wouldn’t forget anything on his massive list.
"If you see anything you want, just throw it in the cart," he urged me.
The only thing I wanted was extra strength ibuprofen. When I reached out to take it off the shelf, I became instantly afraid of something I had not yet worried about, my engagement ring. There was no way I could take it off, but I didn’t want Uncle Jack to see it. There was no possible explanation I could give for it. How do you explain magic? I quickly put my left hand in my pocket and used my right hand to retrieve the ibuprofen.
Uncle Jack noticed my selection. "Are you alright?" he asked concernedly.
"Just a headache," I mumbled.
Uncle Jack frowned, scrutinizing me closely. "I’ll finish up quickly. Then we’ll go home."
A surge of happiness went through me. "Thanks," I said, trying not to sound too pleased about going home.
My suspicion, that my headache was caused by distance from Vincent, like a drug addict going through detoxification, seemed more accurate as the day wore on. I noticed Uncle Jack kept looking sideways at me. I felt so relieved when the truck was all loaded and we were on our way home. I found it was easier now to make friendly conversation. Although the truth was I didn’t care at all about the things we were talking about. I didn’t care about anything except getting home as quickly as possible. And as it turned out, I had been right about my headache. The closer we were to home the lesser the pain became. I played the part of loving niece as we unloaded the food and put it away.
"I really think I should go and lay down," I said in a pathetic tone. "My head is still hurting."
"Okay," He looked disappointed. "Do you want me to call you down for dinner, later?"
"I don’t think…" I broke off mid-sentence, seeing the look on his face, "Well yeah, I suppose."
He brightened instantly.
I walked over and gave him a big hug. "I’m glad you’re home for the week."
He smiled brightly at me. "Me too. Now you go lay down and get feeling better."
I wanted to run up to my room but knew it would look weird if I did. I walked slowly, hoping when I opened the door Vincent would be there. My heart sank. The room was empty. But to my delight there was a note on the bed. I ran to it and read it greedily.
Meet me in the solarium after your uncle goes to sleep. My whole body aches for you. Your beauty, your voice, your touch. I miss you excruciatingly. -V
His words made me so happy. He was missing me the way I was missing him. Acting on instinct, I walked out onto my snow-covered terrace. There he was, standing in the shelter of the trees by the lake. He saw me instantly and put one finger to his lips, so I wouldn’t yell out to him, which I was about to do. He placed one hand on his chest and gave a deep sigh, as if he was pledging allegiance to me. His eyes flashed their fire at me. I inhaled sharply with relief as my weak candle expanded into a fire.
"Dulcee…I love you." His whisper was faint and seemed to come from a great distance. I closed my eyes and savored his words.
"I love you, too."
He put his fingers to his lips as if to send me a kiss and then he was gone into the blackness of the trees. I lay down on my bed, filled with relief, and joy, and a sweet kind of pain. I yawned and kicked off my boots. Only the slightest sliver of my headache remained. I nestled into my pillow, determined to make good on my promise to take a nap.
The evening was drawing near. I had tried my best to sleep but mostly I just tossed and turned. My body was trying to sleep but my mind was racing. At least I lay down for an hour.
When I couldn’t stand to lie there anymore, I moved over to my reading chair and recalled all the sweetness of the last few weeks to my mind. I gently caressed my engagement ring. The little white flowers were as alive as they had been the night Vincent put it on my finger. I no longer marveled at such impossible things. I just accepted the flowers would live so long as Vincent and I loved each other.
The smell of dinner brought me back to earth. My stomach rumbled. I shook off my reverie and prepared to put on my mask of boring normality and play loving niece again. I came tromping down to the kitchen and found Uncle Jack cooking up a storm.
He had massive steaks broiling, and creamy mashed potatoes, steaming hot corn bread and strawberry topped cheesecake for dessert. I was relieved I was so hungry, since he had gone to so much trouble.
"Hey! Is your head better?"
"Yeah much," I said. "Do you need a hand with anything?"
He shook his head and smiled warmly at me. I sat down at the counter and allowed myself to enjoy his company. It was easier to be happy Uncle Jack was home when I knew I could see Vincent soon. We ate in the kitchen.
"Man, I tell you, I am so off schedule," he pronounced randomly. "The time difference really isn’t much, but all the stress. And I’ve been staying up all hours of the night working on the case. Whew, I bet I’ll be up all night tonight."
The bite of steak stuck in my throat. That was the last thing I had wanted to hear. This was going to make my date harder to keep, or ruin it altogether. I was instantly incensed, rigid in my seat, trying to get a grip on myself.
"Are you okay?" Uncle Jack asked, noticing the look on my face.
I still had not swallowed successfully. Choking down my bite and trying hard not to look or sound enraged, I muttered, "Fine."
I was desperate to see Vincent, really see him. Touch him, talk to him, while I was awake. I had known separation would be hard, but this was far beyond that. I had to be an actress, too. I didn’t think I had ever felt so angry in my life and all because my plans for the evening might be ruined. It was irrational, but as I had acknowledged so many times during the last few weeks, Vincent had ruined me. I was addicted, obsessed, a junkie and my uncle was threatening to take away my fix.
I kept my eyes on my plate and proceeded to hack my steak into little pieces with more force than was necessary. Uncle Jack continued to glance at me with a quizzical look on his face. I shoved my food in my mouth and chewed, disgruntled.
"So, what do you want to do tonight?" he asked, sounding upbeat.
This also made me angry. I hadn’t thought that he would want me to hang out with him all evening. I didn’t think I could hold my fake smile that long.
"Don’t you need to work on the case?" I was grasping at straws.
"Oh no!" he said brightly. "Not tonight. I’m on vacation from it. I want to spend time with you. What will it be?"
The anger was flaring just beneath my skin. It would seem very ungrateful and ungracious to deny him, but at this moment, I didn’t care.
"I don’t want to do anything," I said waspishly. "My headache has come back. Please excuse me."
He looked like a popped balloon. I felt only a slight twinge of guilt as I got up from the table and put my plate in the sink. I turned and looked back at him before I left the kitchen. He was looking at me, a confused and hurt expression on his face. Then I felt really sorry for my rudeness.
"I’m sorry…" I said, trying to think of a reason for my actions. "PMS, I suppose."
I shrugged my shoulders and went upstairs feeling perfectly wretched. I plopped down on my bed, covering my face and crying. I was overwhelmed with my emotionality. I didn’t want to hurt Uncle Jack. He was the only person
in my life, aside from Vincent, who meant anything to me. Uncle Jack had hardly been home one whole day, and I couldn’t keep up the facade. I was tempted to go downstairs right then and tell him everything. I thought for sure he would understand, having loved so greatly once himself.
My gut told me that was the best thing I could do. I rubbed my eyes and got up off the bed. I stood at my door, my hand on the knob, deliberating.
"Don’t do it, Dulcee."
I gasped and looked around. Vincent was standing in the shadows in my alcove.
"Oh! Vincent, where have you been?" I sobbed as I ran to him.
I slammed into his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around me. My whole body shuddered and then sighed. He was really here. I clung to him and kissed him with great urgency. I felt like I had been underwater the whole time we had been apart, but now in his arms, I could breathe again. My heart beat at its natural pace, in sync with his. Even through my delight, I found myself crying again.
