Embrace the Moment

by Andrea Michelle

  I love this boy. “Josh, I’m the one that is sorry. I told you to ignore him and to walk away, and then I turned around to listen to his craziness. It’s my fault. I have no idea why I turned around. I knew he had nothing good to say. I was only going to go back after you got in the truck. If I would have stuck to that plan, you wouldn’t have been involved, and he may not have been so angry.”

  His eyes are locked with mine, and with each word that leave my lips; I find they grow more confused. “What do you mean you were going to go back to him after I got in the truck? Why?” He asks in a soft voice, but I can tell he is a tad irritated with me.

  “The thing is, Josh, he was drunk. I...I just didn’t want him to get on his bike, and I thought I could convince him to call someone to come pick him up. That’s all. I knew seeing you with me made him angrier. I just thought I had to try, but then I turned around, and none of what I thought mattered anymore.” I sit up crisscross and look at him with all seriousness.

  He frowns, but nods his head. “I understand that.” He pauses for a beat. “You care about him.” He isn’t asking me. He’s making a statement, and he’s wrong.

  I’m already shaking my head back and forth. “No, no I don’t, Josh. It wasn’t about caring about him. It was me...not wanting to see him hurt himself or someone else by driving drunk. That’s all, Josh.”

  We stare at each other for a solid minute without words before he asks, “Do you have a plan B?”

  “WHAT?”

  “Plan B. Dean mentioned you should get a plan B. Is he the plan B?”

  Oh, my god! “Are you effing serious? No, he is not plan B. I have no plan B, Josh. I have you, and that is all I have ever wanted or needed. One plan—with you.” Why would he think otherwise? And since he’s being so questionable, I wonder if I should ask him if he has something to tell me.

  I don’t get to think it, or ask him, because he seals my lips shut with a kiss so intense, so breathtaking and so thorough that I can’t think straight. His hands are cupping my cheeks and mine are in his hair. When he finally releases me, I’m dumbfounded, speechless and a lot dizzy, which I don’t think is a side effect of my concussion, but just him affecting me. “I love you, Riley. When I saw you hit your head like that...I panicked. I honestly thought I could lose you. I never...ever want to lose you. You’re my pretty girl, my girl, my Tink.” He is saying this—all the while he is forcing me to lie back down and covering me up.

  He kisses my forehead, but I grab his face before he can pull away. I make him meet my eyes. “Josh, I love you more than life itself. I hope you know that. I hope you know how much you mean to me—because you mean everything to me. Before you, I might have been breathing, but I wasn’t truly living—I wasn’t me. I’m me...with you. Do you get that? Do you know that, in there?” I ask, placing my hand to his heart.

  His face is guarded, and I don’t like the insecurity I see in his eyes. I’ve never really seen it there before, so why now? I don’t think he knows it. He should, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t answer. He just kisses my lips softly and tells me to, “Sleep.”

  Yeah, like that’s going to happen now. I roll over and snuggle with Tink. “You know I love you, right?” She meows and snuggles closer to me.

  CHAPTER 6

  Clarity isn’t always so clear. It was never clear to me that Dean and I were both affected by the blue/green-eyed girl we’d met when we were five. It was never clear to me that when my feelings for her began to shift into something more—that his had, too. It was definitely not clear to me that he would act on them before I did.

  Now that everything is clear and clarity has slapped me in the face...I feel a little insecure. I don’t do this feeling well. Hearing Plan B come out of Dean’s mouth, and seeing the shock on her face makes me nervous. Its crystal clear that he isn’t just going to let her go—too bad for him that she is already gone.

  Hearing Riley confess her feelings for me is a huge ego boost. I’ve waited a lifetime to have her finally admit those things to herself—to me. For whatever reason though, I feel uncertain.

  I’ve been in such a bubble that events are happening around me, and I’m not exactly participating in them.

  My mind is always on her. Does her head hurt? Does she dream a lot when she is asleep? Do her dreams become nightmares like mine? Does she miss me? Does she forgive Dean? What did he say to her when they were alone? Did she believe him? Did he affect her? Does she blame me for her injury? What is she thinking?

  It’s just one question, following another question in my head.

  Before I know it, the last week of school is upon us, but until then we’re enjoying flirty conversation and just—being together.

  I’m sitting in her room on a Sunday evening, writing the different notes from school that she missed into her notebook from last week. She is in a really good mood, and it makes me happy.

  “Josh, you don’t have to do that, you know? School is almost over. I don’t really care anymore,” she tells me as I close her notebook and smile.

  “We have tests believe it or not, and it’s my job to make sure you don’t fail. Besides, you will enjoy reading my notes, they aren’t all school related.” I hint, winking. I may have or may not have doodled dirty thoughts in her notebook for later viewing and blushing.

  She grins and cuddles into my side. “I like having you here with me, Josh.”

  I kiss her hair, “You like me in your bed?” I laugh when she pinches my side playfully.

  “You’re so stupid, but yes. I like you in my bed.” She cups my cheeks and looks into my eyes.

  I forget how to breathe. She makes me forget how to breathe. I look down at her and brush the hair out of her face. “You are so beautiful,” I say.

  Her eyes flick to my lips, and she swallows, “You are, too,” she whispers.

  I smirk and roll her onto her back, “You think I’m beautiful?” I ask threading my hands through hers above her head.

  She giggles and nods her head. “You’re nice on the eyes. I mean...kind of good looking. I might just a li’l bit—think you’re hot.” She bites her lip. Damn, that is sexy.

  I kiss her nose. “Just nice? Just.. kind of and a li’l bit? Really, pretty girl? What could I do to make you know for sure that you’re hot for me?” I whisper in her ear as I make her shiver while I nibble and lick at her neck. I’ve come to notice, this makes her hot—this makes her squirm.

  “Mmmmm, that. Yes, you can keep doing that. I like it when you kiss my neck.” She wiggles under me.

  I kiss my way up to her face. “Where else do you like me to kiss you?” I ask knowing I’ve only kissed a few spots on her body. Something in the way she freezes and stares at me, tells me she is thinking of places she would like me to kiss. The slight blush that creeps onto her cheeks, tells me it’s never been kissed before. Ah. My pretty girl is having a dirty thought, and I friggin’ love it.

  I kiss her eyes as they flutter closed. “Do you like eye kisses?” I breathe.

  “Yes,” her voice answers all breathy.

  I kiss her forehead. “Do you like when I kiss you here?”

  “I love that.” Mental note, she loves that.

  I avoid her mouth and move to her ear. I lick it and then whisper, “I already know you like when I kiss your lips. That leaves a few other places for me to kiss. Are you hot for me yet?” I ask breathing heavy in her ear. I am hot for her. God, I’m hot for her.

  I push my hips into her, and I know that she knows now just how hot for her I am. She whimpers a little, and I begin trailing kisses down her neck just to drive her wild. She is squeezing my hands tightly as if she is fighting the urge to use them.

  She turns her face into mine, her lips begging for mine to touch them. I don’t oblige just yet. I kiss the corner of her mouth and then the other corner. I move down to her stomach and place a kiss on her navel. She is wearing one of those-damn-cami’s that always tease my eyes with visuals of what’s underneath. It sits above her bellybut
ton, and the frayed jean shorts she has on barely cover her ass. She is unbelievably edible. I want to lick and kiss every inch of her.

  The heated way she is looking at me right now, the way her breathing has changed and the way she is squirming under me, tells me she might just let me if I tried. I don’t, though. I don’t push it further just yet.

  “Josh?” she says my name like a purring moan. It’s hot.

  “Hmmm?” I ask traveling my mouth over her cami up her stomach and to the spot where her cleavage shows. Without intention, and as though my tongue has a mind of its own, it dips itself in for just a little taste.

  “I’m hot for you, Josh. I’m so hot for you. Now, kiss me,” she demands, pulling at her hands and writhing against me.

  I oblige this time. “My pleasure.” I lower my mouth to hers. I kiss her softly and sweetly as her body falls limp below me. She whimpers.

  That whimper is my undoing. I deepen the kiss and let go of her hands. They immediately tangle into my hair as mine travel her body.

  We’re basically dry humping each other, and I could probably get off just like this, she feels so damn incredible under me. I’m thinking by the goosebumps that have covered her body and the way she is trembling that she could to. I wonder how far I should take it, but then we hear the chime to the alarm in the house announcing someone walked through the front door. We both jump apart panting and flushed.

  We both sit up and play cool, even though inside my body is hotter than fire. She looks at me with lust in her eyes and smiles. “You, Joshua Parker, are definitely beautiful.” I love the things that come out of her mouth. I laugh.

  “Riley, I’ve got Chinese. You hungry?” I hear her mom shout down the hall.

  I chuckle and whisper, “Yeah, Riley. Are you hungry?” I ask, knowing for damn sure that I am starved.

  She grins, knowing just what I implied. “Very,” she whispers.

  “Oh hey, Josh.” Her mom says, leaning in the doorway. “I’ve got enough to feed an army. If you wanna stay and eat, you are more than welcome. I’ll go dish plates.” She offers smiling and heading back down the hall.

  Riley’s eyes are on me, and her cheeks are the prettiest shade of pink. “Where is your head, Riley?”

  She sucks in her bottom lip, and I can tell she is hiding a grin. I release her lip with my thumb. “Say it.” I tell her.

  She diverts her eyes when she speaks, “you can stay and eat if you like. In fact, I think I would love it if you did.” She swallows and her eyes flick to my lips a few times before she says, “You know—Chinese food, I mean.”

  Oh hell, she so didn’t mean Chinese.

  I make her look at me. “You, Riley Shaw, are mouth-watering. I would love to eat...with you.” I say with all seriousness, climbing off of her bed and pulling her to stand with me. Her face contorts into amusement and shock. I wink, and smack her ass before I turn around, leaving her standing in her room hot and bothered.

  When I glance back at her, she has her mouth hung open. Picture that while we eat Chinese.

  All through dinner, I make sure I keep Riley just on the edge of uncomfortable. At the table, I sit across from her and repeatedly rub my bare foot up and down her calf. Her skin is always so buttery soft. I can tell she is getting flustered because she keeps missing her mouth when she eats. Of course, it is usually just as her mouth opens that I glide my foot up her leg.

  I keep remembering how much I love watching her eat sushi. This take-out is no sushi roll, nor is there going to be any conversation of how to make our fortunes dirty with her mom and sister in the room.

  After sharing many pleasantries with her family, and heated gazes with just her, I offer to help her mom with the kitchen clean up. I think I got some bonus points from my girl and her mom, because they both look at me in surprise and grow that grin that said ‘Awww.’ Yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m a sweet guy. Maybe I’m embracing it. After all, the last time I helped Riley and her mom in the kitchen, I happened to enjoy seeing the happy look on Riley’s face.

  I have just finished loading the dishwasher when Riley wraps her arms around my stomach, clasping them in the front, and resting her head against my back. I let her hold me like this for just a minute, and then I remove her hands and turn around to face her. She is looking up at me with an odd expression on her face. Wonder maybe? A little bit of curiosity? It could be—definitely a lot of adoration. I see it now—that look that others told me about when they see her look at me. She adores me. She looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, with those green glitter flecks that make my world become completely centered on her. Seeing it kind of makes the insecurity I’ve been feeling seem foolish. I hung her the damn moon—that’s what they said she thinks. At least I would if I could. I’d bring her every fucking star in the sky, and grant her every damn wish, as well, just to make her happy. At least, I’d try to.

  She reaches onto her tippy toes and runs her hands along my hairline before she wraps her arms around my neck and lays her head on my shoulder. Her breath along my neck warms me.

  I look down at her and kiss her hair, snaking one of my hands around her lower back as I let my fingers brush the sliver of skin I feel on her back. With the other hand, I wind a curl around my finger and then place it behind her ear. She sighs a contented sigh, “I just want to stay like this forever,” she whispers. I glance down at her face and tilt her chin to look up at me with my index finger. I place a gentle kiss to her lips.

  “Then it’s settled. I’m yours to keep forever, pretty girl,” I say, with a hint of humor.

  She smiles softly and bites that bottom lip. “Wanna go for a walk?” I ask.

  “M’hm,” she answers nodding.

  We’re outside walking on the sidewalk of the neighborhood. I’m careful to go the opposite direction of Dean’s house—uncertain if he is back in town or not. He’s been AWOL for a few days just like he said he would be. I hate that he lives so close by—just a few houses down—just a few houses too close.

  I interlace our fingers and look to Riley glancing up at the sky. “Wanna know what my favorite thing is living here, besides you of course?” she says suddenly.

  “What?”

  She continues to look up, “The stars. They are so bright and visible here. When you’re in the city at night, it’s like the stars disappear, but not here. Here, they are so beautiful,” she says. She is beautiful.

  I smile. “Yes, they are beautiful,” I agree as I pull her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles. Not once, do I look up to the sky to see the beauty in the sky. My beauty is right next to me. She glances at me with a happy smile. It’s been so long since I’ve seen this happy side of her. It really warms my heart, but then a sudden realization hits me in the gut, and I choke on it. I will deal with it tomorrow. Tonight, my world centers on her, and the desire to keep that smile on her face forever.

  After a few moments of comfortable silence, I feel the urge to get something off my chest. “Can I ask you something?” I ask as we cross the street finding our way to the tiny playground on the edge of the neighborhood. This one isn’t as nice as the one by the lake—it’s more for toddlers, with its tunnels, slides, swings, and the climbing structure.

  “You can ask me anything,” she answers, sitting down on top of one of the little tunnels with her feet dangling off.

  I drape my leg over the side of it and pull her body in between my legs, closer to me. I rest my back against the play structure, and she rests her back against me—the stars become our nightlight.

  She pulls her legs up and her hands fist around mine on her stomach. I kiss the top of her head and take a deep breath. “I don’t know why I want to ask this, or if I really want the answer, but I wonder about it.”

  She squeezes my hands gently and slowly says, “O-kay.”

  “It’s just, I know why you thought you and I could never be together. I never agreed with you, but I got it.” Her body goes rigid, and her eyes shut. “But I guess what I don’t get...is why you w
ere with...him.” Her already shut eyes squeeze tighter, and a deep sigh leaves her chest. I’ve succeeded in removing her happy smile just as I thought to keep it there forever. Real smooth, Parker.

  She opens her eyes and sits up. I feel bereft without her close to me. She runs her hands through her hair and then swings her leg around to straddle the tunnel and face me. She places her palms on the tunnel between her knees and tilts her head to the side.

  “It’s complicated, Josh.”

  I study her eyes, looking deeply to see if she is angry. I don’t see it. All I see is a lot of confusion. “Can you try to explain? Because, I keep thinking that you were with him for two years, Riley. That’s a long ass time not to feel something for someone. Do you still have feelings for him?” Like I said, I’m asking, but I don’t know if I really want her answer.

  She shakes her head back and forth saying no. “Josh, I...I...I don’t know how to explain what I felt for, Dean. He um, he confused me all the time. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something at some point along the way, but that is where I get confused about it because I don’t know for sure what it was that I felt. I just know that it’s nothing, and I mean NOTHING like what I feel for you.”

  She looks away from my eyes and up to the stars. “It’s like the stars I mentioned before, like when you go to the city, and they disappear. Everything becomes noisier and less peaceful—less beautiful but still full of nice scenery. You like it, though, because it’s distracting, because it keeps your mind on something else besides the beautiful stuff you want and can’t have. So you settle on the noise and the view. It’s a little of a rush because it’s a puzzle you try to fit together, but it doesn’t fit, because you really don’t love the city, you love the stars. It’s all the wrong pieces.”

  Her eyes look back at me, piercing into my very soul, and my heart constricts in my chest. “See, that one missing piece is always still in the picture, lingering in the shadows, mixing up the puzzle, showing you glimpses of the stars. He’s the very reason they never fit together.”