Embrace the Moment

by Andrea Michelle

  She scoots closer to me placing her legs on top of my own and meshing our bodies tightly together, putting her hands on the tops of my thighs. “Because see, he held the piece that matched hers perfectly. That’s when the rush comes, and all the stars reappear. The rush isn’t the mixed up puzzle. The rush is...knowing his piece is the one she needs to be complete. She wants what she can’t have.”

  I’m sitting so very still, hanging on her every word. I even have to remind myself to breathe. She is gliding her hands under my shirt, touching my skin. It ignites my desire. Then she inches closer, as if we weren’t close enough yet. “You had the missing piece, Josh. You helped me put the puzzle back together, and the stars have never shined brighter.”

  She begins tugging my shirt up over my head, and I let her. She is practically sitting on my lap with her hands running up my arms and her eyes admiring the view. I just want to mimic her moves and feel her skin on mine.

  She leans down and kisses her rose on my tattoo. I watch her with deep concentration. She kisses up my arm, over my shoulder, up my neck and to my ear where she whispers the sweetest words. “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you, Josh. You have nothing to worry about.”

  I glide my hands up her ribcage and to the nape of her neck where I pull her mouth to mine. I kiss her so desperately. It’s almost painful, as I thoroughly taste every part of her mouth. It’s like our tongues are making love. Our bodies are completely aligned, completely in tune with each other. Her hands are moving like she can’t decide what to do with them. One minute, they are tangled in my hair, and the next minute they are gliding along my chest, my arms and my back. Jesus, the sounds she makes—the soft little whimpers—I just want to take everything she has. And the way she is arching into me, and rolling her hips like she loves the feeling of the pressure there, tells me she wants me, too.

  Her head lolls back, and I take this time to kiss down her neck, tasting the saltiness that is mixed with her sweetness. All the while, one of my hands inches under her shirt to feel her up, and the other is gripping her waist tightly. When her head snaps back, she is breathing heavy, and her eyes are on fire. “Josh, I’ve never felt this. This moment...like this. It scares me so much because I keep thinking it’s all a dream. I’m going to wake up and not have this anymore. All the stars will disappear.”

  She is dead serious. God. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you. You’re my missing piece, too, Shaw.” And then we are all hands and lips again until red and blue flashing lights color our skin. “Shit, we’ve been busted molesting each other in a public playground,” I whisper against her lips. We both break out in laughter and climb off the tunnel just as the officer gets out of his car.

  “Sorry, we um...we’re going home.” I stutter putting my shirt back on. He flashes his flashlight between us, and an amused grin breaks across his face.

  “Yeah, you do that. This is a kid’s playground and not that kind. Okay?”

  “Yes, sir.” We both reply in unison.

  As we walk back toward our houses, she starts laughing out of the blue. I look to her puzzled. “What’s so funny?”

  She throws her thumb over her shoulder, “Back there. He said this is kid’s playground and not that kind. It’s just funny. I wonder how many kids they catch um...ya know...actually playing.” Hmmm...I wonder if I can let her be my playground and play some more.

  “Yeah, well I’d love to have you be my playground.” I say the thought out loud accidentally and realize how forward that was. She missteps and goes tumbling to the ground as I catch her. “You okay? I didn’t mean to trip you all up,” I say, grinning at her and helping her to her feet.

  She is all flustered, and I love it. “Yeah, I, um...it wasn’t you. Uh, I’m just clumsy.” This is true. She averts her eyes, “yeah, um...it’s getting late. We have school tomorrow. I should get home. I need to shower and um, stuff.” Of course, images of her and I in the shower fill my brain almost immediately and the wonder of what ‘stuff’ means.

  I clear my throat, “Right. Let’s get home. Stuff to do and all.”

  I kiss her at her door, and refrain from deepening this into any more PDA offenses for the night. It’s just enough to leave her tingly.

  “Goodnight, Josh.”

  Her coy smile makes my heart hammer in my chest. “Goodnight, Riley.”

  CHAPTER 7

  Who knew innuendos could make my heart flutter and my knees feel weak. I sure as hell didn’t. I am so excited and anxious to be getting back into my normal routine. Although, my brain seems to be constantly thinking about other routines I could be doing with Josh. In fact, he is all I think about. Was there ever a thought before him?

  Sleep didn’t come easy last night. I am so nervous about stepping back into the halls of hell. I’m just ready to be done with it. I’m still confused on if I should confront Josh with what Dean told me at the hospital. It’s been days and I can’t. I just want to enjoy him, and after last night’s public display of affection, I think he wants to enjoy me, too. What did he say? That he isn’t going anywhere—that he is here with me. I wonder if that means Dean has his facts incorrect, but I know it to not be the truth. Em told me they’d signed. I just think he may have backed out. I hope he backed out.

  But I doubt it, considering he just told me he was going to see his coach. Josh just left me standing in the hall with Em, neither of us realizing the high school world had just stopped and focused in on us.

  “Em, why is everyone staring at me?” I ask her.

  She looks around the halls just as curious as I am, that is until her phone pings, and she looks at it. “What the damn hell?” she mumbles under her breath.

  I look at her as she is looking down at her phone. Everything in her expression, tells me that these stares probably have something to do with whatever is on her screen. “What is it?”

  She hands me her phone, and on replay before me is the fight between Josh and Dean. What is odd, though, is this video is being recorded before Dean ever approaches Josh and me. There is a close up of us kissing and of us talking (no sound). Thank God. The video rolls all the way to me flying in the air and hitting my head on the concrete. “What the damn hell?” I whisper with the same response.

  I hand her the phone back. “Who sent that to you?” I ask, positive that shit will hit the fan when I go have choice words with them.

  She shakes her head and shrugs. “It’s a blocked number. I don’t know.” She starts looking around the halls and pulls me by the arm into the empty music room. “Riley, someone was watching y’all.” The way she said it—well, it sent a shiver up my spine.

  Who would be watching us?

  Who else, besides Dean, would even care one bit that Josh and I were together?

  Who would share that with everyone and why?

  “I know, Em. That’s um...kind of...” I trail off as my entire body shudders.

  “Creepy and fucked up?” she finishes my train of thought.

  “Yeah. Creepy and fucked up.” The first bell rings and we leave the room. I’ve realized now that nothing about today will be normal or routine.

  As we walk to our lockers, the whispers have already begun.

  Slut.

  Skank.

  Cheater.

  I heard that Josh sneaks into her bedroom window at night. She was screwing them both.

  What a whore.

  That was just the girls’ opinions. The boys were vastly different. Their whispers weren’t whispers behind my back at all. They were in my face, flirting and eyeing me like their new flavor of candy. It disgusted me. Obviously, they believed the rumors and got the impression I put out. Little did they know, I never had sex with either of them.

  Emily squeezes my hand, “fuck em, Riley.” She heads off to class leaving me to my own defenses. As if the day needed to get any worse, Dean also chooses today to be the day he returns to school—making it suspicious that both of us missed the same amount of days of school las
t week. It was a coincidence obviously, but teenagers are wired to believe nothing is coincidence, and everything is suspect.

  It doesn’t help matters that he walks right up to me, grips my chin and kisses my cheek while I stand shocked and unable to move. He doesn’t speak, not a show of expression on his face. He just implies with actions that we are together. We are not. WTF? I just stand there, like a complete idiot. I just stand there, and watch his retreating frame in complete confusion.

  More whispers follow me after I grab my stuff and head off to class.

  I wonder if Josh knows that Dean has been playing doctor with his girlfriend while he’s been at school.

  She has some nerve bouncing back and forth from them both.

  Personally, I’d take Dean. He has that badass bike. I never understood what he saw in her anyway. She’s so blah, and he’s so yum.

  Oh nuh-uh, girl, Josh is way hotter than, Dean. Those eyes, those abs—Holy hell...I just want to lick every inch of him, and I don’t mean his abs, if you know what I mean. I’d let him lick me, too—if you know what I mean.

  OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I know what she means. I have the urge to do the toddler thing and stick my fingers in me ears and shout, lalalalalala.

  Ugh...I have one week. One fucking week and these walls will become part of our past. I’m sick to my stomach by the things I am hearing. Inside, the words are clawing at my veins, and I’m bleeding a slow death. Outside, I act like I don’t hear them. It’s brutal.

  The halls are cruel, and the classroom is no safer.

  During first period, someone places a condom on my desk. I discreetly shove it in my backpack and ignore the laughing.

  In second period, my phone receives a text from an unknown number. Hit me up, I can show you a good time, too. I don’t even want to guess what that is about.

  Now, in the halls before third period, when I see her—I’m over it.

  Preslee walks right up to me with her crew of followers, smiling wickedly. She is such a bitch. “So, Riley. I hear you have been a very busy girl.” She says while her ‘followers’ laugh. Such puppets.

  I snort, “That is none of your damn business,” I retort as I switch out the books in my locker, rolling my eyes dramatically for emphasis.

  She laughs and places a hand over her stomach. I flick my eyes to her hand and then back to her face. She notices and is pleasingly aware that I know her secret.

  “Well, since one of your boy toys played a little too carelessly with me, I would say that it is part of my business.” She states it as though it still could be, Josh. That bitch has lost her ever-loving mind if she thinks I am still buying her shit. I know the truth now. Josh never touched her.

  I smile sweetly back at her. “Well, since only one has played carelessly with you, I would say that is between you and him. I’m over your willingness to share so much with...everyone. And to think, they are calling me the slut.”

  I slam my locker and walk off. I don’t get far before she catches up to me, losing her followers in the process. “Only one? Really. Only one? I’ve played with both of them, Riley. Don’t kid yourself into thinking they like your sweet innocent act. Dean likes it rough and dirty, and Josh likes it in my mouth. I’ve played with both of your boys. If that means I’m a slut, then so be it. I’m good with that, and I am definitely good at it. Just ask them. At least, I don’t pretend to be something I’m not.”

  I’m momentarily stuck on her words in my mouth? What did she mean by that? “I don’t pretend anything,” I snap back at her.

  I’m aware a few are crowded around us, and I really don’t care. I’m over this chick.

  “No? You pretended to be a virgin when obviously you were doing Josh at night. You pretended to be this sweet innocent girl incapable of love, but now that Dean’s gotten tired of your bullshit, you suddenly have shit all figured out, huh? You just play games,” she says, judging me.

  I stare her straight in the eyes. “Why do you care so much about what I do, Preslee? What is it to you? You don’t have any of your facts correct, but you mean so little to me that I couldn’t care less to correct you.”

  She went to move forward, to say something further to me, but Dean grabs her by the elbow as he locks eyes with mine.

  “That’s enough, Preslee. Back the fuck off,” he whispers harshly into her ear. She listens to him.

  He pulls her back with an expression on his face that I can only perceive to be remorse. I don’t stick around to listen to them, or the backlash she begins to yell at him.

  I take off in the opposite direction, deciding to take the long way to class, scribbling a note quickly as I walked.

  I pass it off to Em on my way to class for, Josh. “You look like you are ready to claw someone’s eyes out, Riley,” she says, concerned.

  I don’t have time to explain everything, so I tell her quickly that I hate everyone, and that if I survive the rest of the school year without murdering someone—without murdering Preslee—it will be an effing miracle.

  She just laughs, takes the note and says, “Screw em, they are all just a bunch of fucktard twatwaffles.”

  Yeah, whatever that is...they are all a bunch of that.

  “Can you believe we will be going to school here soon?” Em asks, as we walk around the UTA campus like we already live there. She wanted to take an impromptu drop by after school on Tuesday, and I declined. So here we are, on Wednesday, scoping out our future surroundings—her with excitement, and me with apprehension.

  I look around a little overwhelmed all of a sudden. “No, it’s still a little surreal. Now, what I really can’t believe is that you are enrolling during the summer without me. Why do you want to do that again?” I ask. I mean it’s the summer.

  She sighs, “Because, it’s just one semester early, and my dad already rented our apartment and I’ll be living here. Hey, you should move in with me. It has two bedrooms,” she says full of excitement. Em’s dad is loaded. Her parents are divorced, and to keep her happy, he gives her anything she wants, buying her love. With the exception of the car she wants, that is. She’s still driving around a POS. He told her if she quits smoking, only then will he buy her the car of choice. She still smokes, so...

  “I don’t have a job, Em. I couldn’t pay my half,” I explain.

  “Pay? I’m not even paying. C’mon it will be so much fun. It’s the apartment just around the corner. Ohmigawd, when we went to talk to the leasing office, there were so many cute ass guys, my eyes were confused at who to visually molest first.”

  “I don’t need a guy, Em.”

  She sighs and averts her eyes. A wave of unease sets in. “Why did you do that?” I ask.

  “Do what?” she asks, fiddling with an imaginary chip on her nail polish.

  “That. Why did you get all weird just now, when I said I don’t need a guy?”

  She huffs and turns with her hands on her hips. “It’s just that...I was talking to Collin yesterday about some stuff, and um, he said he was really excited about being in Louisiana...with...Josh. He um, made it sound like Josh was kind of excited too.”

  I tense. My entire body goes rigid, and my blood turns to ice. But he said he wasn’t going anywhere. I knew it was all a dream. “Oh.”

  Her eyes look sad, and her shoulders slump as do mine. “Hey, you two belong together. You’re like kismet. It will work out.”

  I wrap my arm around myself, and a physical feeling hits me in the gut as I feel the dark hole widen. “Yeah, um, let’s walk. K?” I don’t want to talk about this. I’m so stupid. I knew he wouldn’t be here at UTA with me. He hasn’t mentioned it one time, not one time. But then again, he has never mentioned signing his letter either.

  As we walk, I feel like someone is following us, so I look over my shoulder, but I don’t see anyone that stands out—just college students walking freely. I release a shiver still because the feeling doesn’t go away.

  We do a little more sightseeing before we head back to Em’s car, but I
freeze dead in my tracks when I notice the motorcycle parked next to it unattended. My eyes begin darting around like a lunatic.

  Em opens her mouth. “Hey, isn’t that—,”

  “Dean’s bike,” I finish. “Yeah, but why is it parked there?” I ask, spinning around to look at our surroundings. I still can’t shake the feeling that someone is watching us. Oh God, what if it’s him? Why would he be here? I shiver again and grab her hand.

  “Let’s go,” I say as she nods.

  Once in the car, I still scan the crowd, but I don’t see him. That is definitely his bike, though. “You don’t think he is going to college here. Do you?” I ask, as the unpleasant thought occurs to me.

  Her eyes dart to mine and she shrugs. “I honestly don’t know. We’re not exactly friendly company. But good God, I hope not.”

  Ugh. I hope not too, but why else would he be here. Just freaking great. I don’t get to have Josh with me, but as always Dean will be there. No, no, no. I’m not having this.

  CHAPTER 8

  My fingers were crossed for another chance at happiness with, Riley. I was so excited to have her back at school this week. But as with anything involving Riley and me...happiness is just a tease, and anything school related just becomes a migraine without relief.

  What a hellish week this has been, from start to fucking finish.

  So let’s backtrack a bit. Monday it all began just like this...“I have to go talk to coach about something. I’ll see you at lunch.” I told Riley, as I placed a peck to her lips in the hall before first period—trying my best to ignore the strange expression that flashed across her face, or the way her body tensed for a beat.

  Of course everyone around was nosey and watching our every move. News of break ups and new relationships traveled fast in those halls.

  She smiled sweetly, but it almost seemed forced—not genuine. Once I stood in coach’s office, I thought how much I hated the way her smiled appeared like that. I reined in my nerves. Nerves for his response, nerves for the consequences of my action, nerves for why her smile was insincere...nerves, nerves, nerves.