Embrace the Moment

by Andrea Michelle

  I open a present from my sister. It’s a new notebook that says, You’re a little weird. I like it. It makes me smile. Joey gives me a scrapbook with lots of photos of Josh and me, from childhood to now. I love it beyond words. My mom hands me a book full of poetry. It actually shocks me, because it means she pays attention to the small things I love, and as a last minute gift, it’s pretty darn generous. Josh’s dad grins and tells me that he paid for Joey’s gift, so that is from him, too. Josh says he is giving me his gift in private, which makes our sisters giggle and my mom glare. Josh’s dad remains in the grey tonight.

  A group of the wait staff makes me wear a sombrero as they sing in Spanish. Because it is my birthday, they give me a free sopapilla with honey. The entire time I eat it; I’m thinking about what dessert will be like with, Josh. Will I be good at it? He watches me lick the honey with that look—that one that says he wants a taste. That one look turns my insides into mush.

  Conversations continue around me, but I’m having a hard time concentrating on who is saying what, though, because Josh keeps brushing his knuckles along the outside of my leg. Perhaps, wearing my sundress wasn’t the best idea. My head is already clouded with...ideas of us naked and the taste of brownies on my lips.

  “So, Riley...your mom said your headaches have finally gone away. That’s good. I bet you were excited about not missing the last week of school?” Mr. Parker asks with eyes so much like Josh’s, twinkling friendly at me.

  I nod and shrug at the same time. “If I could have gotten away with missing, I think I would have taken it.” I laugh lightly. I most definitely could have done without the rumor mill and the bullshit of last week.

  He nods. “I remember the way it was. So eager to leave it all behind, but then you become a grown up and miss it. Right, Claudia?” He glances to my mom slowly working on her second margarita. He adds, “Kids these days are so quick to grow up.” I don’t miss the flick of his eyes toward, Josh.

  My mom gets a look of irritation, but composes it into a friendly smile before replying. “Well, I can’t say much. I was one of those kids that grew up too fast. But yeah, you kids should just enjoy being young while it last—NOT be in a hurry to experience everything.” She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, and again I’m reminded of why she grew up so fast, and even if she says she wanted me, I think the slightest regret does exist. I also know what she meant by not being in a hurry to experience everything. She doesn’t want me to move so fast.

  It’s just, I feel like I need to grab this moment, take it and never let it go. The truth is, I might lose it. It may slip right through my fingers, and I need it.

  Josh turns to whisper in my ear at the same time he places his hand onto my knee. “I like this dress,” he says, as he slowly inches his hand higher up my leg.

  I bite my lip—hard. I’m trying not to react to his touch, to his voice and to his breath in my ear. I can’t help it, though. Thankfully, the table is covered with a long tablecloth, and we are sitting so close to each other, no one would guess his hand is traveling up my thigh.

  He licks my ear discreetly and turns back to the conversations. He is totally composed, carrying on a conversation with our parents as if he isn’t inching his hand in between my legs now.

  The blood is roaring in my ears, and my breathing is shallow as I intentionally slow it so not to pant and writhe in this chair. My heart is pounding in my chest with nervous energy shooting throughout my body. What should I do? Let him touch me?

  I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but I’m inviting his touch when I slowly part my legs for him. He side glances at me, as if for just a moment he needs to see my reaction to him or make sure I’m agreeing. His eyes hold the unasked question—smoldering with want for me.

  I meet his gaze as I bite my lip and reach under the table to place my hand over his. I make sure the tablecloth covers my entire lap, and I sit back in my chair. If anyone were to look at me, they would just assume I am comfortable. I am so comfortable.

  I open my legs just enough for me to guide his hand where I want it. He cups me over my panties, and I almost gasp at the feeling. My hand is still over his, and I feel him move one finger along the edge. He is slightly moving the soft fabric to the side. It’s all so deliberate, so slow—so unbelievably torturous—and completely wrong as we are in a restaurant full of people, full of our families.

  Holy shit! I was so nervous about today, but now I am in love with it. If this is an appetizer to dessert, I so need dessert with Josh.

  He touches me just a little. I guess just to feel my desire. I apply pressure to one of his fingers to beg him to enter me. Oh God, please touch me.

  He very gently pushes one finger inside of me, and I am coming done. I am focused on his movements, on his now two fingers as they push into me when I’m suddenly shocked back to my surroundings.

  My mom’s voice filters into my ears unbidden. “Honey, are you alright? You look flushed. You’re not getting a headache, are you? Coming down with something?”

  Oh hell. No, headache...but I am coming down with something. I feel Josh’s eyes on my face, and the smirk on his face makes me want to climb on top of his lap and give everyone here the shock of their lives.

  I’m shaking my head back and forth as I’m incapable of speech. At the same time, I am wishing for him to go deeper into me, he isn’t moving anymore, and I need him to. I want to move so badly, but I can’t. He feels so completely delicious, and my body is craving something I don’t understand. I need something. I need him to move faster. I need more of this.

  I don’t get it though. Evidently, the bills have been paid, and everyone is beginning to stand, as goodbyes must have been said around me unnoticed. He withdraws his fingers and smiles. “You kids have fun tonight,” my mom says as I watch in a daze as they all leave the table.

  I have to gather myself. I adjust my panties and push my dress back down. I’m not even sure that I am even capable of standing. I am completely dizzy and beyond shocked.

  Josh must not be aware of this because he places his fingers into his mouth as he locks eyes with my wide ones—shocking me further. With his other hand, he reaches for me to place mine in his. I do, never looking away from his eyes, as he tastes me on his fingers. It does something strange to me. He releases them with a pop and places both fingers to my lips, where I kiss them because I don’t know what else to do. His eyes darken and dilate right before me. Damn.

  Can anyone else see that we are completely undressing each other right now?

  I hear a throat clear and realize we are blocking the aisle. I blink my eyes a few times, and move out of the way.

  “Sorry, I uh...we should go. That um, was...dinner was...yummy,” I stutter. Josh laughs a full-on belly laugh. I watch even more mesmerized with him in this moment. The way his cheeks get rosy and his eyes light up. It really is a sight and sound to experience. He’s tugging at my hand to follow him as his guffaws soften, and I realize that this night has just taken a sudden turn I hadn’t expected. Happy birthday to me!

  When we get outside, the sudden rush of fresh air cools my warm skin. I take in a lungful because I’ve been holding my breath for so long. I head to the truck door with my back to, Josh—unable to look back at him. I go to open it, but he puts his hand on the door and presses his chest against my back—depleting me of air again. I lower my head, and he moves the hair out of my face. He kisses that spot between my neck and shoulder as my body reactively tilts to the side to welcome it. He’s unraveling me. “You smell so good,” he whispers against my ear as he inhales my scent.

  My mouth parts as a rush of air escapes, when he releases me from his spell. He backs away—the distance allowing me to breathe again. He opens my door for me. I’m having a hard time looking at him. I’m sort of embarrassed by what we just did, what I let him do, what I encouraged him to do. Even if it was just a tease—we did it.

  He lifts me into his truck as always, and reaches for my seatbelt—just bare
ly brushes his knuckles across my breast as he reaches across my chest to buckle me in—I’m unsure if done by accident or intentional. I still haven’t spoken or made eye contact, but I softly gasp involuntarily when he touches my boob. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t yet meet them.

  He stares at me for a moment before he shuts the door and comes around and gets in on his side. He turns the ignition and Bloodstream by Stateless comes through the radio. It’s hypnotic and very suiting for what I feel right now.

  I have my hands folded in my lap, and I’m just staring down at them. I don’t know why I feel shy, but I do.

  He turns in his seat as he fully un-tucks his shirt, and with his index finger under my chin he guides my face to look at him. My eyes slowly lift to meet his, and I find him intently looking at my face. I turn to look away.

  “Why aren’t you looking at me, Riley?” His voice is a mere husky whisper.

  I answer so quietly I don’t even know how he hears me, “I’m embarrassed.”

  He tucks a curl behind my ear. “Why? I’m not. That was so fucking hot, Riley.”

  My eyes cut to his, and I couldn’t look away even if I wanted too. “I’ve never done anything like that before. I felt out of control, Josh.” I admit. I lean my head to the side of the seat as I mirror his position, pulling my legs up on to the seat.

  He mimics my move by resting his head on his own seat—his face just a few inches from mine now. “I never have, either. Did you like the way it felt?” he asks.

  My mouth suddenly feels dry, and I lick my lips just to wet them. His eyes watch its path. “Yes. I liked it...a lot. I wanted...” I trail off, unable to say what I wanted, what I felt.

  He moves his face closer to mine—just a breath away now. “You wanted what?” He whispers the words almost against my lips.

  “I wanted more. I didn’t want you to stop. That is crazy. People were there and I...I just wanted...you,” I admit.

  His eyes twinkle sinfully. His smirk deepens the dimple I love so much. I want to lick it, but I don’t.

  He releases my buckle and pulls me to the middle of the seat. His finger trails down my cheek, down my neck, down my rib cage, and to the hem of my dress. He moves underneath the fabric, placing his hand firmly on my thigh and up to my waist. I jerk a little. His eyes never leave mine as he moves his mouth closer. I can’t help it. I lick his dimple, and he groans. He licks my lips, and I moan. He glides his hand further up my dress until his hand begins to feel me up, as our lips finally touch and begin a wicked dance together.

  “Josh?” I breathe between kisses.

  “Mmm?” He replies in between kisses as his thumb twirls around my nipple over my bra.

  “What are we doing?” I ask pulling away, breathlessly.

  He grins and moves his hand back down my stomach, and down the outside of thigh and around the curve of my ass. “You’re not the only one feeling out of control. I haven’t been able to think straight since I saw you practically naked.”

  He leans into my neck and begins licking and kissing me there. Once again, I’m nervous someone is watching. I’ve never been more thankful for his tinted windows and that it’s dark outside because I need him to keep doing what he is doing. He pulls away just slightly catching a glimpse of my necklace. He moves his hand back to the top of my leg and touches the charms with his other hand. His eyes warm and his lips curl up into a smile.

  “Where did you get this?” he asks.

  “Emily. It’s my birthday present. Something about the pixie reunited with her music.”

  His soft smile is now wide and just beautiful. His eyes lift to mine, and they heat instantly. “I love that,” he says tracing the line of my lips with his thumb.

  “I love you,” I mutter.

  He gently presses my legs down onto the seat, turning my body to the front. He has his hand sprawled out on the top of my leg as his thumb caresses the inner part of my thigh. “I love you, too. I love that necklace, and I love this dress,” he breathes the words hot in my ear, then gently nibbles on it.

  “God, Josh.” He’s slowly coaxing my legs to open for him, at the same time he is licking the spot behind my ear that makes me shiver.

  “Do you want more?” He whispers into my ear as his hands slides into my panties.

  I can’t control my breathing now. I can’t not pant or writhe. I can’t control what my body wants, and it wants more. “Yes, please. I want more.” I am shocked at how my own voice sounds when I speak—breathy and needy.

  He cups my sex and his thumb pushes on the spot that has me throwing my head back in ecstasy.

  He feels me again just like before. “You’re so wet for me,” he whispers.

  “Please, Josh.” I beg.

  He kisses my lips, his tongue seeking permission to enter my mouth. I part my lips, and as if the timing were crucial, his tongue moves into my mouth at the same time his fingers enter me. He moves slowly...in and out. And his kiss deepens at the same time I roll my hips into his hand, leaning further back into the seat.

  Moans and whimpers are embarrassingly coming out of me, as I’ve never felt such pleasure before. I can’t hold them back. I try to remain quiet. I try to be still. But I can’t do either. I’m shamelessly rubbing myself against his hand. He groans deep in his throat as I do. He begins to move faster and deeper and whatever I need—whatever this feeling is tightening inside of me—I know it’s about to be unleashed with delicious force.

  I can’t breathe. I try to break free of his lips just to catch my breath, but he doesn’t let me. He catches every moan and every whimper with his mouth. His thumb pushes down on my spot again.

  This is it.

  I understand now why girls get addicted to this. Easy or not, it’s hard to not want this feeling, once you’ve had it. I’m in love. I’m on fire. It’s all in perfect symphony to the music filling the cab of his truck. It’s beautiful—he is beautiful. What he is making me feel is beautiful.

  I’m grabbing his hair with one of my hands as he kisses me senseless, and the other hand is feeling him explore me. He is right...it’s so hot. Feeling him touch me for the first time is a heady mix.

  I bite his lip, and the sound he makes deep in his throat sends me over the edge. My head falls back and my back arches. He licks a path down my neck and begins to circle his thumb and move in and out as my body squeezes deliciously around him.

  “Oh God, Josh. Ah...that feels...” I say between pants and moans not even able to finish my thought before all I can do is feel.

  I’ve never felt an orgasm before. Not like that. I’ve touched myself, but it has never, ever made me feel...that. When I’m done shaking and trembling under his touch, he removes his hand.

  Once again, he shocks me by placing his fingers onto his tongue. This time, I shock him, as well. I move my face right to his and grab his wrist. I pull his fingers away from his mouth and take them into my own. It’s so unexplainable...how it affects me, and then his mouth devours mine. Tasting me on his tongue is a heady concoction and makes my mind wonder how that too would feel. He is amazing with his fingers, and his kisses make me crazy. Kisses there would damn near kill me.

  When I pull back, his eyes are clouded with lust and love. I smile and bite my lip. I’m not sure if I should thank him. I’m not sure what the protocol is for what he just did to me. But I feel completely sated and like I should thank him. I don’t though.

  “Better?” he asks, smirking at me.

  I nod. Dessert is going to be delicious. I think to myself but then realize I’ve said that thought out loud.

  Shit.

  He laughs, “Damn straight. But playing is just as much fun.” He winks at me, and turns to put the truck into reverse.

  What the hell did we just do? Wow...like I have no other words but wow.

  I spend the rest of the ride listening to him sing the chorus to Bloodstream and thinking that I will never listen to this song again without remembering how he felt.

  Josh ta
kes us to our spot. I’m completely shocked when we get there. My eyes dart to his in response. “How did you do this?”

  He shrugs and drapes his arm around my shoulder. “A guy never tells his secrets in that department, baby girl.” I’m speechless.

  By our tree, lies a blanket surrounded by a few tea light candles and a small basket. It’s so beautiful. Once we reach the spot, I feel all teary eyed. I just don’t know what I did to deserve him. I just can’t believe he is truly mine after all these years—after everything my family has cost his. I wipe a stray tear as it falls and turn to find his eyes watching me carefully. “I love you, Josh. I completely and without a doubt love you.” He smiles the softest of smiles. He’s so gorgeous under the moonlight and the candles that flicker against his olive skin. “I never thought we would be together, you know? I just knew it was impossible after everything, but somehow I got lucky.”

  “I’m the one that’s lucky,” he says.

  “Not a chance. I’m nothing special, but you...you are so beyond special it almost seems unfair that you would be stuck with me.”

  His smile falters. “You have no idea how special you are. Do you?”

  I don’t reply. I just stare at him—uncertain. His hands cup my cheeks as he squats down to look into my eyes. “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. Your heart, although you think is cold, is so full of love for everyone in your life. You care more about the people around you than you do yourself. The fact that you don’t know how special you are makes you that more special to me, and makes me want to spend every day for the rest of my life showing it to you until you believe it. I have never in my life loved someone as deeply as I do you, besides family, of course. I need to see your smile, to hear your voice, to just be anywhere in your presence just to breathe. I wasn’t fully living before you. I’ve only just begun now, and now that I have you, I don’t ever want to lose you.”