Reflect Me

by K. B. Webb

  Wynee rolled her eyes and waved a hand between us. “Tiffany this is Logan. Logan this is Tiffany. Now you’ve been introduced. Maybe you could go check on your tables instead of having everyone else do it for you?” Wynee had a sarcastic smile on her face.

  “I was actually coming to see if I could get Logan here anything?” She smiled at me and leaned over a little so I could see straight down her shirt.

  “Um, yea Tiffany, you could get me something.” Her eyes lit up and a cocky grin spread across her face. “Could you go find Molly for me?” Wynee chuckled and tried to cover it with a cough unsuccessfully. Tiffany must have not liked my answer because she stormed off without any further response.

  “So Logan, you ready to see Molly sing tonight?” Wynee raised one eyebrow at me and eyed me suspiciously.

  “Yeah, I am. Listen, Wynee, you and Justin are her best friends. She’s obviously a guarded person, which I get, but I want to get to know her better. As a friend, ya know? What do I need to make her see that I am just trying to be her friend? I may not know her well, but I can tell she’s been hurt, and I don’t want to hurt her. I want to help her.” Wow, Logan, just lay it all out there like that. She would probably run back and tell Molly everything I had said which would probably scare her away. Great move!

  Wynee gave me a half smile with a look that said she knew I wanted to be more than friends. “She has been through a lot, Logan. More than one person should have to go through. And she’s still going through a lot now. I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m not the biggest fan of Brian and the way he treats her. There’s something going on there that she just won’t tell me. But, Molly’s secrets are her own. She will share them with you when she’s ready, if she will ever be ready. She rarely lets people into her life. She isn’t just guarded, she’s smart. The girls who have been hurt, had their heart shattered a time or two, had promises broken and been let down more times than they can count, those are the smart girls. They protect themselves at all costs. Molly is a smart girl. If you really want to be her friend, you’ll just have to be patient with her.”

  She looked around the room and back at me and pinched the bridge of her nose. She looked like she was about to divulge top-secret CIA knowledge, “Look, Logan, I’ll tell you one thing about Molly. If you want to know what she’s thinking, what’s really on her mind, the shit she feels like she can’t talk about with anyone, listen to her sing. All of her songs have meaning, a message really. For most people, music is just life’s background noise. But for Molly, it’s her soul. What she breathes, day in and day out. She can be a hard egg to crack. If you want to get anywhere with her, as a friend of course, then you need to pay attention to the little things. Like her music. So if you want to get to know her, Logan, just listen. Her songs will tell you more than she ever will.”

  Like a sign from God, the lights in Ricky’s dimmed just as she finished her sentence. Then all of a sudden, a light came on that lit up the stage perfectly. Standing in the center of the stage at the microphone was a tall, lanky looking guy with a headful of red hair wearing a sleeveless shirt. He had two full tattoo sleeves that were brightly colored. “Hey, y’all, it’s great to be here at Ricky’s again. I won’t waste time with small talk, because I know what you are all looking forward to. After a few weeks off, our favorite girl is back to sing a few songs with us. Where you at Molly?” The whole bar erupted in applause and cat calls, and a shy looking Molly took the stage. She had on tight jeans and a black fitted t-shirt with the Ricky’s logo across the right breast. Her hair was down and was hanging around her face in the most beautiful way. Her cheeks had just a hint of a blush to them and a small smile was splayed across her lips. I wanted to reach out and touch her. Press my lips against every inch of her body. Make her feel things she never even knew were possible. Show her that whatever demons she felt like she needed to keep to herself, she could share with me. I would gladly shoulder any burden if it would make this phenomenal woman’s life easier.

  “Hey, guys.” She waved at the crowd that had quickly formed around the stage. “It’s great to be back. To start the night off, I thought I would sing one of my all-time favorites. Ready, boys?” With a quick glance over her shoulder, the drummer started tapping his drumsticks together over his head.

  She took a deep breath, wrapped both hands around the microphone, and closed her eyes for a brief moment. The band started playing out a rhythm, and I quickly realized the song was the Pearl Jam hit “Better Man”. She opened her eyes as she started to sing and made eye contact with me and held her stare there. Breathtaking. She was absolutely breathtaking. And her voice was even more amazing than I had imagined it would be. It was soft yet deep at the same time. It was absolutely beautiful. I realized I would need to go buy a thesaurus to find out new words to describe her. Words like wonderful, beautiful, amazing, and breathtaking seemed to sell the beauty of her body and soul short.

  She sang of lying about being in love with a man because she couldn’t find anyone better. I wanted to stand up, run up on the stage, and tell her she had a better man right in front of her. Her eyes were sad as she kept singing. I could hear the pain in her voice, and I instantly realized what Wynee was talking about. Molly was trying to translate her pain into song. Maybe she didn’t really love Brian? Maybe she stayed because she felt like she was stuck with him and she couldn’t do any better? If that were true, the way they acted around each other would make a lot more sense.

  I couldn’t understand why she would feel that way though; she was beautiful, smart, funny, and an amazing mother. She could do better. Hell, she was better than Brian James, and if I was being honest with myself, she was better than me. I wanted to be the guy to show her that. To show her all the things she obviously couldn’t see about herself. My mom used to always tell me that there was no better mirror than someone who truly loved you. I wanted to be Molly’s mirror. I wanted her to see herself the way I saw her. She deserved that. She deserved to be happy and treated like the angel that she was.

  The song was over too quickly for my liking, and after a round of applause and quite a few whistles, she left the stage with the promise to perform again later.

  She walked off the stage and right over to the table that Justin and I were sitting at. She had her eyes on me the whole time. They were slightly glossed over, like she was trying her best to hold back tears. Before she could even speak, I stood up and wrapped her in a tight hug. The first hug we had ever shared. I pulled her in tight, and she instantly wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held me with all the strength she had. I put both of my hands on the small of her back and lifted her up slightly so she was standing on the tips of her toes. I smelled her hair that was the scent of coconuts with a hint of cigarette smoke. It should have been terrible, but it was all Molly. Unique, with a little bit of edge, just like the girl I realized I was quickly falling for. She let out an audible sigh and dug her nails in my back a little.

  “You were amazing, Molly. I am so glad I came tonight.” I smiled down at her and let her out of my grasp slowly. I wanted to hold her close to me forever, but I knew right now I couldn’t. I had to build up to that. I had to earn this complex, broken woman’s trust.

  “Thanks, Logan. It was nothing special though.” There it was, her brushing herself off again, selling herself short. She had confidence somewhere in her; I could see it in her smile, but she had obviously been through a lot, and somewhere along the line, she’d lost sight of herself.

  “No, Molly, I mean it. You were great. Don’t ever doubt yourself. I’m proud of you, for what it’s worth.” The invisible line, I just stepped over it and I knew it.

  Molly smiled back at me. She stood up a little straighter. Like the compliment was actually sinking in. Like she saw how great she was for the first time. “Umm, thanks a lot, Logan. That, I mean, well, thank you.” She put her small, soft hand on my arm and squeezed a little. She looked up at me with those beautiful eyes, her dark lashes brushing against her
pink, full cheeks as she blinked rapidly. A genuine smile crossed her beautiful mouth. I was lost in her completely in that moment. I couldn’t hear the band playing anymore or the general noise of the bar. All I could think about was Molly standing in front of me with her hand still wrapped around my arm giving me a smile like I had just given her the world.

  “Well, well, well, what are my best friend and my girl talking about?” Brian. Shit. He walked in between us and wrapped Molly in a tight side hug around her waist. She winced a little from the contact.

  “Um, nothing, Brian. Logan was just telling me that I sounded good tonight.” Molly looked up at me with a smile on her face, but I could see her eyes were apologetic.

  Brian laughed. “Average Molly, you sound average. Don’t let anyone fill your head with bullshit.”

  I saw the shift in her from comfortable, confident women, to shy, insecure girl. I didn’t like the shift. The shift fucking pissed me off. I liked my Molly with her head held high. Not the girl she was when Brian was around. The moment he stepped into the room, she became a different person. The kind of person who didn’t think she was worth the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. But, what Molly Scott didn’t know, was that she was worth so much more than that. She was the kind of girl guys dreamed of. Smart, kind, beautiful, generous, selfless. Yes, Molly Scott was the ideal woman. Now, I just had to find a way to make her see it.

  Fuck. Brian was going to make me pay for being so close to Logan, and I knew it. Now, I had to wait around until I got off work to actually deal with it. But, even though I knew I would be sporting a new bruise or two tomorrow, it was worth it. In those few minutes with Logan, I felt better than I had in years. The last time a guy had actually made me feel good about myself was when I was with Colt, and that felt like a lifetime ago.

  After drinking a beer with Logan and Justin, half-assing a hello to Wynee, and talking to Tiffany for longer than I approved of, Brian was gone. I wished he had never shown up. He always ruined any kind of happiness I had going. Before he left, he said one thing to me that terrified me and broke my heart at the same time, “Logan will never want a damaged little girl like you.” He may have been right. I was damaged, and Logan could have had his pick from any girl in this bar, but part of me deep down thought maybe he was wrong. Maybe Logan felt whatever I did. Felt the pull, the connection, the click between us.

  I sang one more song that night, “Let Her Cry” by Hootie and the Blowfish. I kept my eyes closed most of the performance and just let all the emotion I had inside me take over. I hated Brian James. There was no love between us, and he knew it just as much as I did. We were with each other out of obligation. I prayed every night while I was pregnant that he would change. Maybe Lyric would know a home with two parents who loved her and one another, but I knew it would never happen. I wanted to believe that Brian loved her, but deep down, I also knew that wasn’t true. The other emotions I had inside me were because of Logan. I often thought about what my life would have been like if Logan was mine. I knew it would be different than what I had right now. But because of the cards life had dealt me, I would never know.

  Toward the end of the song, I finally opened my eyes only to find Logan staring at me intently, like he was trying to see inside my soul. His eyes looked sad and confused. His brows pulled together and he had a frown on his beautiful face. I looked at him and did my best to act like I wasn’t affected by his full attention being on me, but I was. I knew I was the reason for his expression, and that hurt more than anything Brian could ever say or do to me.

  After I got off stage, I closed out my last few tables and started cleaning up for the night since the bar would be closing about fifteen minutes later. I was so deep in thought over everything that was and wasn’t going on with me and Logan that I didn’t hear Wynee come up behind me.

  “I’m cutting out, Molls.” Cutting out? Wynee and I usually stayed until after closing on the weekends to clean up and restock the bar. I gave her a look that obviously said ‘what the hell’ because she quickly filled in the blanks. “Logan offered to stay and help you, and since I know you have been working so hard lately and little Miss Lyric hasn’t been sleeping great, I am telling you now that after you close here, you go home and go to bed, and do not come get her till tomorrow afternoon. And before you try to argue with me, Molly Scott, I am not taking no for an answer. A good night’s sleep is something you need.” She had both of her hands on her hips and was giving me a look that I knew meant business. She tried her best to look angry by squinting her eyes and forming her lips in a straight line. She ended up looking adorable. I wanted to laugh at her attempt at anger, but I knew better than to mess with Wynee when she was in a demanding mood.

  I let out a loud sigh and rubbed the back of my neck with my right hand. She was right. I was exhausted. Taking care of Lyric alone and working so much was taking all of my energy. “Okay, but Logan doesn’t need to stay. I can close up alone.”

  “Molly, he wants to stay. Hell, this was his idea not mine! I’m not sure what is going on between you two, and I don’t think you are either, but it’s obvious to anyone with eyes and a brain that Logan feels something for you. He’s a good guy, Molly, nothing like Brian. Give him a chance. He wants to be your friend, let him.” She smiled halfheartedly at me and glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening. “He’s the kind of guy Colt would have wanted you with.” With that final heartbreaking statement, she walked away.

  I stood stunned for a few minutes trying to hold back the tears that were pooling in my eyes. She never brought up Colt unless it was something serious. She was right though, Colt would have gotten along really well with Logan, and he would have been beyond disappointed in me for letting Brian treat me like he had been. Maybe I could try. What would it hurt, right? That’s what I kept repeating to myself as I headed to the front doors to lock them. Just try, Molly, just try.

  Logan was sitting at the bar with his back turned to me, spinning a beer bottle around on the counter.

  “You know you didn’t have to stay, right? I carry pepper spray if it’s my safety you’re worried about. Plus, I throw a mean right hook.” I smiled at him and he laughed one of those laughs that made my heart skip a beat.

  “Like I’ve told you, Molly, I know you can take care of yourself. I just wanted to hang out with you some more, and when I talked to Wynee about sticking around with you and letting her take care of Lyric for the night, she thought it was a great idea.”

  I walked behind the bar and started cleaning out beer mugs and clearing out empty bottles of liquor. I looked up at Logan after a few minutes and he had a sly grin on his face.

  “So, Molly Scott, tell me more about yourself. So far, I know you are the world’s best mother, can rock a stage like no one else can, Wynee Williams is your best friend, you went to school in Sterlington, and smoke Marlboros. What else is there?”

  “Hmm, well I hate lettuce; it gives me the creeps. I’ve known Wynee basically my whole life. Lyric is the coolest kid ever, so while I may not be the world’s greatest mother, I am the luckiest. I’ve lived in Sterlington my whole life and in my house since I was a year-old. What else do you want to know?”

  “Date anyone before Brian?” Shit. I couldn’t talk about Colt with him.

  “One other guy, but I don’t want to talk about it.” I guess he could see my discomfort because he quickly tried to recover with a lighter question.

  “Oh, sorry. Um, any brothers or sisters?”

  “Nope, just me. Well, I guess it’s just me. My father may have some other kids running around who he doesn’t give a damn about, but none that I know of. I’m Lora’s only kid. Thank God. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be subjected to her terrible parenting.”

  “Lora, that your mom?”

  “Yeah, we don’t really have a relationship.”

  “Why is that?” This was my chance to let him in, to let him see a little more of me, to begin to understand my story a little. I could find a bul
lshit excuse or tell the truth. Fuck it, why not?

  “Well, Lora got pregnant by Dix, my dad, when she was seventeen. She wasn’t ready to take care of a kid, so after a year of trying, she gave me to my grandfather. She would randomly show up throughout the years either asking for money or saying she was clean. She is a drunk and has had a problem with coke over the years. My grandfather finally told her when I was thirteen that he didn’t want shit to do with her anymore. She had messed up her life, but he wouldn’t let her mess up mine. She agreed to officially sign rights over to him as long as he sent her $1,000 a month. And he did, up until he died.

  “When he died, she expected to get everything; she was his only child. But, he’d made a will that stated I got everything. The house, his car, his life insurance policy. Plus, he had set up a trust fund for me when I was two that I inherited when I turned twenty-one. To say she was pissed would be a huge fucking understatement. She showed up at the house and here at least once a week for months. Telling me I needed to give her money like he had, but I told her no. She never did a damn thing for me, and when my grandfather, her dad, was dying, she never even came to visit. I’d be damned if she gets to live off money that he worked so hard for. So, now every few months, she shows up here too fucked up to function, ranting about me being a worthless piece of shit and a whore. I threaten to call the cops, and she leaves. I’m used to what she does by now. That woman has never loved me, and I know it. It’s just not how she’s built. She is missing the gene that tells women to love their children. She thinks I ruined her life.