Home is Where the Heart Is (Home #1)

by Cheynee Filkov

  Jace savagely punched Tyler, his face a mask of rage and disgust. The look in his eyes was almost mad, as he hit him again and again.

  Oh no, no, no, no. He was going to kill Tyler and then go to prison all because of her.

  “Jace – stop it!” she screamed.

  He was so caught up in his rage that he couldn’t hear her and just continued to punch Tyler’s face, blood spurting out in streams. Terror gripped her tightly as the fury that twisted his face made him almost unrecognisable. But despite how scared she was of him in that moment, she couldn’t let him do this. Tyler was the ultimate douche, but he didn’t deserve to lose his life because of it.

  Rushing over, she tried to pry Jace off him.

  “Jace, please just stop it. You’re going to kill him!”

  When she tried to grab his fist, Jace spun around and shoved her away from him. She flew across the sand and landed in a heap against the rocks, cutting open her palms and bruising her knees.

  She cried out in pain and that single sound pulled Jace from his madness.

  “Isabelle? Fuck! Isabelle!”

  When he rushed over and tried to help her up she slapped his hands away from her.

  “Don’t you touch me!”

  “Angel,” he murmured softly. “I’m so sorry, are you OK?”

  Forcing herself onto shaking legs, Isabelle turned to Jace with tears in her eyes.

  “Stay away from me,” she whispered raggedly.

  “Babe, I didn’t mean to. I just lost my mind when I saw him on you. Come here - let me make sure you’re OK.”

  When he reached out to touch her, she flinched back so violently that she nearly fell to the floor again.

  His jaw tightened but he didn’t make any move to touch her again.

  “I won’t touch you I promise, but at least let me take you home.”

  Isabelle shook her head, tears falling down her face freely. She couldn’t trust herself to speak and she couldn’t look at him. Her hands were stinging and her knees throbbing from the fall.

  He’d pushed her. His rage was out of control and he’d pushed her. What was she supposed to do with something like that? How was she supposed to be with someone that unstable?

  “Isabelle, you know I would never hurt you. Stop this and just let me take you home.”

  She raised her gaze to meet his then and slowly lifted her bleeding palms like an accusation.

  “You already did hurt me. It’s about time I took care of myself, so I’ll find my own way home. Don’t follow me, don’t call me…just leave me alone Jace.”

  He looked as heart broken and shattered as she felt but he moved to let her pass him. And although she felt a niggling stab of guilt, she did not turn back around.

  *

  They say a good night’s sleep will do you wonders; which would explain why Isabelle felt like complete shit. Three days had passed since her birthday party and her fight with Jace and now that she’d had a little time to calm down, she was filled with remorse at her words and actions.

  Her knees were bruised and her palms had been cut up enough that they needed to be treated so there wouldn’t be any infection, but she’d had worse and survived. She didn’t want to lose Jace from her life completely but there was an underlying panic that kept spreading with each passing day that she didn’t hear from him and his balcony remained empty and closed.

  She probably would have let her damn pride get the better of her and not make the first move if she hadn’t come out to her balcony that morning and found the telescope Jace had given her for her birthday – set up perfectly with her star certificate framed and sitting beside it. When she’d cautiously approached, she’d found a note taped to the telescope.

  Look forward, not back. You were right. I won’t bother you again. Happy Birthday.

  His words cut some part deep inside of herself and the next thing she knew she was standing outside his front door, knocking.

  On her third round of knocks Jace opened the door. He was dressed in cargo shorts, a stained white shirt with bare feet. His hair a tousled mess, skin pale and his normally gorgeous blue eyes were bloodshot and dilated.

  He was still hot but he looked like a freaking mess and smelt like stale cigarettes and weed.

  “Are you high?” Isabelle asked.

  Jace’s unfocused eyes moved over her and for a moment his defence slipped and agony flooded his features, but then his bored expression was back and he looked straight through her.

  “Matt!” he bellowed. “Are you coming or what?”

  “Jace,” Isabelle said pleadingly. “Are you going to just ignore me?”

  “I’m giving you what you want and staying away. We both know you’re not the only one fucked up and I’m sick of pretending to be someone I’m not.”

  “This isn’t you,” she whispered.

  He barked out a humourless laugh and then moved past her swiftly.

  She stood there for a few moments in stunned silence. What the hell had happened to Jace? She had never seen him act so callously or apathetic before.

  "What are you doing here?" Matt’s cold tone broke through the silence.

  Isabelle turned around to face a furious Matt and resigned Maia.

  "Hey..." Isabelle began uncertainly.

  Maia offered a sad smile. "Hey, what's up?"

  "I uh... I wanted to talk to Jace and maybe um..."

  "Haven't you done enough?" Matt demanded.

  She was never particularly close to Matt but still, his ire hurt.

  "I didn't mean..."

  Matt put his hand up to stop her speaking and then turned his back to focus his attention on Maia.

  "I better go and find Jace and do some damage control before he drinks himself to death because SHE showed up."

  "Jesus babe - enough with the drama," Maia said.

  He ignored her exasperated comment and with a final glare at Isabelle, took off at a jog.

  "Well, that went well," Isabelle stated.

  Maia sat on her front step and gestured Isabelle to do the same.

  "Sorry about that - it's the bro code and everything that's making him act like a bitch."

  "I didn't come here to cause any trouble."

  "I know you didn't. Listen, I get that you got hurt and it must have been terrifying watching Jace lose control like that so I don't blame you for Jace's spiral."

  "But...?" Isabelle prompted.

  "He's my brother," Maia replied with an apologetic smile. "My other half, so I'm always going to have his back. Our Dad fucked him up and it wasn't just you he scared when he lost control. I don't want to lose you as a friend and if you need to talk - you've got my number but for now I need to focus on Jace and maybe you should focus on yourself."

  "Is everyone going to hate me now?"

  "Some people might," Maia replied bluntly. "The guys are always going to stick together but you're not going to be made a pariah just because you hurt my brother."

  "He hurt ME," Isabelle responded vehemently.

  Maia stared at her for a few long moments and then wordlessly got to her feet.

  "I'll see you at school babe, stay safe."

  The front door shut quietly behind Maia and then Isabelle was alone again with her regret, anger and confusion. Maia hadn’t yelled at her, didn’t say anything mean or unwarranted but Isabelle had the very real sense that she’d just disappointed her in the worst kind of way.

  *

  Isabelle had about reached her limit. It was tough to say what she hated more; being totally ignored by Matt, Ben and their guy group, the pitying stares from the girls or Tyler and his band of delinquents propositioning her every damn second they could.

  Maia had spoken to her in class and saved her a seat at lunch, but by that point Isabelle was so totally done with the glares, stares and whispers - that she ate lunch in the library.

  It became a constant game of hide and seek, as Isabelle withdraw more and more back into herself. All she wanted to do was speak to
Jace and lose herself in his crooked smile and warm embrace. He was the only person that could make her feel any better or give her some clarity, but he hadn’t turned up to school for the past week. He hadn’t answered any of her texts and it was beginning to piss her off.

  He had hurt her, pushed her onto some goddamn rocks and she was the one to be ignored and shut out. It wasn’t freaking fair!

  “Hey sexy, you need a ride?”

  Isabelle rolled her eyes at Tyler and shook her head. “No.”

  He walked next to her as she hurried towards the study room where Kimberley would no doubt be waiting.

  “Are you sure?” he reached out to tuck a strand of her hair but she side stepped out of his reach.

  “I’ve got something to do,” she told her curtly. “And I don’t like to be touched.”

  His smile was wicked when he replied. “That’s because you haven’t been touched by me.”

  “Urgh, gross!” she grumbled, pushing him out of her way and hurrying to the building.

  He was most likely harmless, and she couldn’t understand why the beating from Jace hadn’t scared him off. But as he got bolder she felt more and more uncomfortable around him, her instincts going into over drive as her anxiety spiked.

  “Until next time then, sexy,” he called to her back.

  She ignored him and continued on her way, unease settling into her veins. She felt like a live wire about to be tripped and not just because Tyler was a level five creeper. The weird feeling of being watched washed over her again as she hurriedly opened the door to the study room and rushed inside.

  She had just reached the table when Kimberley spoke.

  “So, I heard you broke Jace.”

  Isabelle’s eyes locked onto Kimberley who was drawing what looked to be a deformed skull.

  “We were never together,” Isabelle bit out. “And he’s the one that doesn’t want to speak to me.”

  Kimberley glanced up briefly. “I never said you broke up with him.”

  Her words sunk in as Isabelle tried to recall what she’d actually said.

  Broke. She had said she broke Jace.

  “What do you mean broke him?” she asked curiously.

  Kimberley glanced up at her and Isabelle could swear she saw disappointment in her eyes.

  “As in destroyed; no longer whole. Look up the dictionary, Barbie. Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  Isabelle forced down the lump in her throat.

  “I didn’t break anything,” she replied defiantly.

  Kimberley rolled her eyes, actually freaking rolled her eyes at her.

  “Right, because ditching school, taking drugs and drinking until he feels nothing is model behaviour for being well balanced. Going to parties and picking fights so that someone will bruise his skin the way you bruised his heart is healthy. Have you pulled yourself from the mirror long enough to even look at him lately? Empty. That’s what he is, completely and utterly gutted from the inside out - and as much as misery loves company I can’t stand just sitting by and watching him throw his whole life away.”

  Kimberley may as well have punched her in the stomach. Isabelle felt so sick, which of course led to anger at Kimberley of all people judging her.

  “Your point?” Isabelle snapped, wrapping all her hurt in layer upon layer of hatred.

  “I thought you were better than that.”

  “Excuse me – what?”

  Kimberley didn’t even bother to look up at her. “You heard me, Barbie.”

  It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It wasn’t like they were even friends or that Kimberley had an opinion Isabelle valued … but in the weeks they’d been forced into ‘self-therapy’ with each other, she had thought they had reached somewhat of a truce and that out of all the people in this stupid town, Kimberley would understand Isabelle’s side.

  Isabelle slapped her hand on the table to try and gain Kimberley’s attention.

  “You don’t know anything about me!”

  Kimberley finally looked up and her eyes were blazing.

  “Yeah? Let me see if I have it right. You are fucked up, damaged goods because someone you thought you loved hurt you. They stripped all your hopes, your innocence and light until you had to abandon any stupid fairy tale dreams and instead embrace the nightmare you were now stuck in. Wake up Barbie, and stop blaming others when you’re not totally faultless.”

  “Listen, I’ve never said I’m perfect, but Jace isn’t completely innocent either. He hurt me; I think I’m allowed to be upset about that.”

  Kimberley rolled her eyes. “Grow the fuck up Princess, it was an accident and we both know he would never intentionally hurt you.”

  Isabelle didn’t move and she didn’t have a retort, because Kimberley was right. Deep down she knew Jace had never given her a reason to believe he would ever hurt her and nor would he. In fact, he had done nothing but take care of her and help heal her emotional scars.

  Shit, she’d really messed this up.

  Kimberley didn’t back down at the horrified expression on Isabelle’s face - instead standing up and stalking closer.

  “Now where was I? Ah, that’s right - you got fucked over and instead of working to heal, you let yourself get lost in the darkness. You punished yourself and everyone around you by staying in this limbo of self-hatred until you met a boy. He was beautiful, funny, smart, and maybe a little broken just like you. You tried to fight it, but eventually you gave in, and maybe you even let yourself be happy for a while.”

  Gearing up to deliver the final blow, Kimberley moved so they were face to face.

  “And then you ruined it. You found a reason to push him away and then you broke him so that he would never try to get close to you again. You threw away your one shot at making yourself whole again because you were scared of letting love in. You ran - not because you’re saving him from your brokenness, but because you’re a fucking coward.”

  “H-how?” Isabelle choked out.

  Kimberley moved away from her, taking her seat again and resumed her drawing.

  “How did I know all that? Because I am you Isabelle - except I’m ruined, not broken.”

  Kimberley took a quivering breath and then continued.

  “My Dad… I grew up faster than most kids, OK? I was damaged goods before I even hit my thirteenth birthday. As I grew older and I understood what had happened to me was wrong, it was harder to pretend I was normal. So I threw myself into boys, drugs, crime, whatever I could to try and feel anything. Nothing stuck until Jace came along, and then six months in I freaked out when I realised I loved him. And I threw it- him - away so the only person I could disappoint was myself.”

  Isabelle stared at Kimberley in disbelief. Had she really just opened up to her and admitted to being molested by her Dad? Was she trusting Isabelle with knowledge she possibly hadn’t told anyone else?

  “Kimberley-” Isabelle began, trying to keep the pity she hated so much out of her tone and eyes.

  Kimberley shook her head, cutting her off. “Don’t. I’m not telling you this so we can have a pity party and compare emotional scars. I’m telling you this so you can see what your future has in store for you if you don’t fix your mistake and make it right with him.”

  Isabelle looked away. “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Then you’re an idiot. Do you think I’m happy, Isabelle? When I go to bed every night to face the nightmares alone? I don’t even like you and I would save you from this if I could.”

  “No, I mean I don’t think it can be fixed,” Isabelle told her. “The way he looked at me just before he walked out…I don’t think I can take it back.”

  Kimberley rolled her eyes. “All I’m hearing are excuses.”

  Isabelle glared at her. “You’re kind of a bitch, even when you’re trying to help.”

  Kimberley smirked a little. “We’re not friends, Barbie. I don’t need to sugar coat it for you.”

  “Well…thanks�
�I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

  “Don’t take too long. If you don’t fix this, it’s not just his future that looks bleak.”

  Kimberley pushed the drawing she was working on towards Isabelle, before rising out of the chair and walking out.

  Isabelle turned the picture to face her and gasped in shock.

  There was a skull with worms coming out of the eye sockets, a snake wrapped around the neck in a choke hold and blood tears dripping down one whole side.

  It was entitled ‘Self-portrait’.

  Horror and dread filled Isabelle’s entire body, making her feel like she had been injected with lead. The world was rapidly sliding out from under her, so she did the only thing she could think of to calm her racing heart… she called Tate.

  "Hey, Belle bear," he greeted on the second ring. "How's it going?"

  She let out a shaky breath, determined to remain calm and rational this time.

  "Not great," she admitted softly.

  "What happened?" he asked, instantly concerned.

  Isabelle allowed herself a little smile. This was why she loved Tate and knew she could always count on him.

  Taking a deep breath to settle her nerves, Isabelle told him everything.

  She told him how she lost her virginity after Jace bought her a star, and how for one moment she felt like she was flying - until then she was spiralling down.

  She tried to brush over Tyler and his unwanted attentions that caused Jace’s harsh reaction, so Tate would have enough self-control to let her finish. As it was, he blew out an angry breath but let her continue.