Chronicles of a Hot Mess

by S. E. Rose

  “Yep, see you there, ten a.m. sharp,” he said with a smile.

  “Great,” she said as she opened her second eye. “Well, I’m off.” She stood up and Kevin stepped to the side.

  “You doing anything good this weekend?” he asked as they began to walk toward his car.

  “I’m being dragged to a club tonight. Tomorrow I can hopefully hide from the world for a few hours and work on my blog,” she said.

  “Oh, I didn’t know you were a blogger,” he said.

  “Yeah, sort of. I mean it’s nothing major, just a blog I have where I discuss PR stuff,” she said.

  “You’ll have to give me your URL, so I can check it out,” Kevin said.

  “Sure. Have a good weekend, Kevin,” she said as he got in his car. She watched him drive off as she turned and headed over to B-Ray’s condo, which was only a few blocks away.

  She lifted her hand to knock on the door when she arrived, but it flew open and B-Ray squealed.

  “Honey, you look frazzled. We need to get you cucumbers, a mani-pedi, and a glass of wine, STAT!” she said. B-Ray was in full going-out costume. She looked amazing. Her fake lashes, the blue sparkling eyeshadow, the bright red lipstick which somehow all worked with her dark skin tones. She was wearing a sparkling blue dress and crazy, ankle-breaking heels. A blonde wig completed the absolutely over-the-top ensemble.

  “Hey, is that Ly?” Nate called from the bedroom.

  “It sure is our little buggy-boo,” B-Ray called. And then it began. B-Ray and Nate primped her for the next two hours. They ate Chinese food from cartons during the painstakingly long process. OK, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it a little. I mean who wouldn’t want two buff males (and yes, B-Ray was buff even in full trans-mode), smothering her with attention, praises and massaging her feet while giving her a pedicure.

  When they finished, she looked in the mirror and gawked at the image reflected at her. She looked...good, like really, really good. Damn, none of her girlfriends had ever been this good with makeup, hair, and nail polish.

  And then they headed out to Duff’s, well, first they went to The Foundation, and then followed that up with a place called Grant House and then they went to Duff’s. B-Ray was a large, large person. So, B-Ray easily secured them a spot at the bar.

  He had been a linebacker in his youth, before coming out to his parents and younger brother. They were actually alright with it, mostly. He didn’t share his trannie life with them, but things were amicable, unlike Nate’s family.

  She was on drink number two. Nate had insisted she only drink club soda at the second place they had gone that night. She had rolled her eyes at him, but he stood strong and won. Well, truthfully, she wasn’t really into drinking much after the other day’s gastric fireworks. B-Ray handed her some type of cucumber-melon martini concoction. She turned and placed her elbows on the bar. She stood in between B-Ray and Nate who had each taken a seat. They had insisted she sit, but she didn’t want to, not yet. She was enjoying the added three inches of height from the heels she had on, her one and only pair of party shoes.

  She surveyed the club. It was a hopping Friday night. Men were dancing, some with each other, some with groups of friends, some had a mix of women and men in a group. Everyone was having fun and for the first time in a few days, she felt herself relax.

  “You were right, Nate. I needed a girls’ night,” she admitted. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he patted it.

  “I know, Ly. I know,” he said and kissed the top of her head.

  “Girl, you gotta get out there! You are looking way too fucking sexy to not get your moves on,” B-Ray announced. Dancing, this was one thing she could do. Yes, it was weird. She was literally a klutz with everything in life, except dancing. This was something that she had done since she was very little when she still lived with her parents and brother. She loved it.

  She finished her drink and set it down on the bar. Nate’s friends, Luc and Duncan, walked over and grabbed her. Luc and Duncan had been together forever. They were awesome and always fun.

  “Come on, gorgeous. Let’s see the moves,” Duncan said. Duncan had grown up in Wales and then moved to Maryland when he was twelve. He still had a bit of an accent, which secretly she loved. The men dragged her out on the dance floor and they danced for an hour or so. She literally had to fake needing another drink in order to get back to the bar, where Nate sat talking to his current boy toy, Brian.

  “Hey, Brian,” Lyla said as she took a club soda from B-Ray’s outstretched hand. She had to keep from laughing about the butt plug as she looked at Brian.

  They cheek kissed and then she leaned against the cool bar countertop and fanned herself. B-Ray pursed her lips.

  “Come with me, you are in desperate need of a freshen-up,” she announced as she dragged Lyla back to the bathrooms. After getting powdered and doused with more perfume and of course a lip touch-up, they were back at the bar.

  “You look great tonight, Lyla,” Brian said, looking her over. She had started to get the sneaking suspicion that Brian was bisexual as she had caught him gawking at her more than once. But Nate always said she had no gaydar, so she decided he was more interested in who she was, rather than what she looked like. Not that bisexual mattered to Nate, he just wanted a fun, nice guy. She always felt bad for him when they hung out with Luc and Duncan. She knew deep down, that he wanted what they had. Although, she knew he would never admit that out loud. Luc and Duncan said their goodbyes as she contemplated Nate’s future.

  She leaned back against the bar and proceeded to drink her club soda. Her eyes roamed the bar. It was as she scanned the room, that she blinked and re-scanned it. Oh. My. God, she thought to herself. Amery was across the bar on the other side of the dance floor. He sat at a tabled area that was a bit protected, a VIP-type area.

  “What’s wrong?” Nate asked, turning to her. “Lyla?” His gaze followed hers and then his mouth also fell open. “Oh. My. God.”

  “I know, right? What. The. Fuck. Of all the clubs and bars in D.C., fucking Amery had to be at this one. And hey, why is he at this one? Oh God, Nate, do you think he’s gay?” Lyla practically yelled.

  “Uh, no. Seriously, woman, you have zero gaydar. He’s not gay, but he is,” Nate said, pointing to the man sitting to the right of Amery. She also noted Kent was sitting with them.

  “What? Who?” Lyla said.

  “Ward Snare,” he said motioning to the man by Amery. She squinted and as her eyes focused, they widened. Where Amery was hot like an Adonis, and Kent was hot like a runway model, Ward was like the fucking Zeus of men. She had never in her life seen such male perfection with her own two eyes.

  “Who is he?” she breathed.

  “Fucking perfection,” he muttered, sucking in a breath as he said what was literally on her mind.

  “Yeah, got that, but who is he?”

  “He plays ball with Kent. Seriously, you don’t know him? He’s like super famous in the sports world and in the gay world, ’cause he’s fucking hot, you may have noticed this,” he said, and he took a finger and pressed her chin back up, so her mouth closed.

  “Why have you never mentioned him?” she asked.

  Nate shrugged. “I actually haven’t seen him in person. He was with another team until last year and then he was traded and ended up here. I’d heard rumors he liked his place, but I hadn’t seen him here till now.”

  “Why don’t you go say hi to your friend?” B-Ray chimed in, startling Lyla who dropped her glass to the ground. It shattered into a million tiny pieces.

  “Shit,” muttered Nate, as he motioned to the bartender that there was glass on the floor.

  Lyla whipped her head around. “Oh God, do you think he saw me,” she whispered.

  Nate looked back over. “Uh, yeah, klutzy-klutzikins, he’s heading over here with his entourage.”

  “Oh, fuck,” she muttered as she swiveled back around and got an eyeful of Amery, Kent, and Ward. They had all stoo
d and now Amery had made eye contact with her and they were heading over to her. She desperately looked around. Could she hide? Was it too late?

  “Too late to run,” B-Ray chuckled. “That male radar has locked in on you and it is coming this way. Hot damn, girl! That is one fine piece of ass. I call dibs on Ward.”

  Nate, Brian, and Lyla all turned to glare at B-Ray who only laughed harder. The people on the dance floor seemed to part like the Red Sea as they made their way closer.

  “What should I do?” Lyla whispered out of the side of her mouth as the men approached.

  “Uh, flirt, and try to get laid,” B-Ray said matter-of-factly.

  “Just relax and breathe,” Brian suggested.

  “Chillax!” Nate practically yelled in her ear. She scrunched her shoulders and glared at him with a side eye. He grinned at her.

  “Lyla,” Amery said as he approached, his eyes roamed up and down her body, making her suddenly self-conscious about her wardrobe choice of a short black dress with spaghetti straps, it had a slight glittery embellishment on the one side at the waist, where it cinched in and captured her small curves.

  “Amery,” she breathed.

  “This is Ward Snare, Ward, this is Lyla Perkins and her friend Nate...sorry, Nate, I didn’t catch your last name the other night,” Amery said.

  “Nate Thalen,” he said, holding out his hand to Ward. Ward shook it and then Nate introduced them to B-Ray and Brian.

  At that point, the bartender stepped around the bar to clean up the glass, so they all stepped to the side.

  “What are you doing here?” Lyla asked them.

  Ward smirked. “Well, our boy here lost a bet,” he explained. Lyla raised an eyebrow.

  “What type of bet?” Lyla asked.

  Ward laughed. “He didn’t think I could hit three home runs in a row,” Ward said with a shrug.

  “Why don’t you guys join us?” Amery offered. “We have extra seats over there.” He motioned to the table they had just come from and Brian, Nate, and B-Ray jumped down off their stools with way too much enthusiasm.

  “Sure,” “OK,” “Yeah,” they all said simultaneously.

  Lyla wanted to roll her eyes. Before she could protest, her gaze roamed up to find Amery studying her.

  “Come on,” he said, his voice softening. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”

  She nodded, and he took her hand and led her across the room. They all took a seat after Lyla made introductions and Ward introduced himself to the swooning males at the table. It wasn’t long before B-Ray had everyone in stitches as she regaled them with stories of a trannie convention in Atlantic City the month before that had led her to never wear five-inch heels again.

  “Let’s just say, doorframes hurt,” B-Ray laughed.

  “Shit, that sounds like a move our killer here would make,” Kent said pointing to Lyla.

  “Oh, don’t even get me started on little Miss Thing here. We’d be here all night. She has two left feet, except when she’s dancing. She’s like the Rainman of dancing,” she went on.

  Amery’s head snapped up at the mention of Lyla’s dancing skills. Lyla saw it in his eyes before his mouth even opened. Shit.

  Amery

  He had wanted to give Lyla space after the catastrophe margarita afternoon. He knew she was embarrassed. He got it, but he was never so happy as he was when he had seen her across the bar. What could have been a long night with Ward and Kent was now shaping up to be a little more his speed.

  He knew the minute B-Ray mentioned that Lyla was a dancer that he had to test the waters. Without missing a beat, he stood up and offered Lyla his hand.

  “I have to see this action,” he stated. She rolled her eyes, and he grinned at her.

  “Fine, but only for a bit because my feet are starting to hurt,” she protested.

  “Fair enough,” he said as he led them to the dance floor. They found a corner that was less crowded than the center and Lyla stopped for a moment. At first, he thought maybe she was going to chicken out and head back to the table, but then she closed her eyes and tapped her fingers to the beat of the pop music on her exposed thigh. Her body began to sway and then it was like she came to life. He would have never imagined she could dance like this, not in a million years. Her body seemed perfectly timed to the rhythm of the music. He smiled at her when she opened her eyes again and she smiled shyly back at him. They danced for the better part of an hour before she stopped abruptly.

  “Amery, if I don’t stop dancing, my feet may literally fall off my body,” she said.

  “By all means then, let’s head back to the table,” he agreed, offering his arm to her. He was mildly surprised when she took it without a single retort. Her small arm looped through his as though it was made to do that.

  “She’s got moves, no?” B-Ray asked when they were seated.

  “That she does,” Amery said with a smile that made Lyla blush.

  “You about ready to blow this joint?” Ward asked Amery and Kent. “We got a late practice tomorrow, so I don’t want to be out in the clubs all night.”

  “Shouldn’t you guys be like, I don’t know not out partying if you have practice?” Brian asked.

  Ward rolled his eyes. “If you are asking that, you don’t know baseball.”

  Brian shook his head. “Guilty as charged.”

  “What? Seriously?” Ward asked as though Brian had just admitted he only had long-term relations with octopuses from Venus named Sylvia.

  “Uh, yeah. I only watch golf,” he said with a shrug.

  “Hey, my house is open for partying if anyone wants to come back for a while,” Kent said. “I mean it’s kind of a hike, but I can call in a favor and get us a limo.”

  “Seriously?” B-Ray and Nate said together.

  “I’d love to, but I have to be up for a dentist appointment tomorrow,” Brian said looking at Nate and mouthing “sorry.” Lyla gave Nate a look and Nate nearly choked on his drink. He wondered what that was about as he examined Lyla, hoping she would agree to come with them.

  “You game, Lyla?” Amery asked. He tried to keep the pleading tone from his voice.

  “Sure. I mean, where does Kent live?”

  “I live pretty close to Amery,” Kent said.

  “Yeah, that works then. I’ll just need a ride back to get my car from the metro tomorrow,” Lyla said.

  “Cool, Nate can drop you off at your car and me off at the metro,” B-Ray said, clapping her hands. “I mean, I will have to do the walk of shame, but so be it.”

  “No, you don’t, B. You left clothes at my house after we had that epic party in Fells Point a few months ago, remember?” Nate said.

  “Oh shit, girl. I forgot about that. Well, fuck yeah then. No walk of shame for moi,” B-Ray said with a big grin that showed off her amazingly white and straight teeth that Amery suspected were veneers because no teeth could look that perfect.

  Kent was already texting on his phone. “OK, done. It’ll be here in fifteen minutes. You in, Ward?”

  Ward shrugged. “I guess so.”

  They all finished their drinks and Brian excused himself as the rest of them headed to the front door of the club to find the waiting limo.

  Chapter 8

  The ride to Kent’s house was entertaining. The limo had champagne of course, and they went through two bottles as they discussed the pros and cons of living outside the city. Amery noticed that Lyla only drank water and he had a sneaking suspicion that her drunken fest the other night was not her norm. He was glad because he was over that scene. No more drunken, party chicks for him.

  “Living in the city is best!” B-Ray said, slurring “best” so that it sounded like “breast.”

  “I agree,” Ward concurred, raising his finger.

  “No fucking way. I love my yard and it’s quiet,” Kent argued.

  “Kent, you have two houses, dude,” Amery pointed out since Kent did have an apartment in his building down by the stadium.

  “True, s
o, I win,” Kent said.

  “You win what?” Ward asked.

  “The game,” Kent said.

  Amery rolled his eyes at his friends, who were clearly shit-faced. Lovely, he thought to himself, he would now have to play babysitter for the rest of the night and tomorrow. If those two were late to practice, he knew he’d hear it from Derek.

  “We are here,” Kent practically yelled as they pulled up to a gate. Kent got out and punched a code into the gate and then got back in as the driver took them down a tree-lined drive that opened into a circle with a fountain in the middle. A Georgian-style mansion filled their vantage point.

  “Holy shit!” Nate and B-Ray said simultaneously.

  “Welcome to Casa de Kent, my humble abode,” Kent said with a laugh as they all piled out of the limo.

  Amery watched Lyla’s eyes widen as she looked up at the fortress of a house. They all followed Kent inside and through to the backyard. There was a giant pool with a slide, diving board, and beach entrance. Off to the side was a kiddie-pool-sized hot tub and a pool house with a bar and sauna inside. The side of the pool house had a pull-down screen where they could watch movies or television. Then there was the indoor pool and basketball court and of course a baseball field.

  “I’m sorry, but no one mentioned you lived at fucking Disney World,” B-Ray said, her mouth still hanging open in awe.

  “This old place,” Kent said with a laugh.

  “Jesus Christ,” Nate muttered as Kent clicked an icon on his phone and the pool lit up in multiple colors as did a rocky waterfall on one side of it.

  “And this would be an example of why Kent sucks at financial planning,” Amery announced as they all walked toward the bar.

  Kent served up drinks and then one by one everyone ended up in the pool. While no one was shy about stripping down to their underwear, Lyla kept on her dress and sat on the pool’s edge. Amery sat down next to her, watching the others splash and joke and do an occasional cannonball off the diving board.

  “Penny for your thoughts, killer?” he asked.

  She shrugged and smiled at him. “Just tired, I guess,” she admitted as she laughed at Nate trying to do the Dirty Dancing lift with B-Ray.