Shameless With Him

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “She always has.” I said the words, and my eyes widened. “I didn’t mean that.”

  “I know you didn’t. But you’re sort of letting her do it right now.”

  “I don’t mean to. I just…want her to be happy.” I shrugged.

  He brushed his knuckles down my cheek, and I licked my lips. “And she can be. She just doesn’t need to take over your life to get that.”

  “You’re here, too.”

  “Because I needed to talk to you.”

  I froze, blinking. “You sat through how much wedding crap just to talk to me? There’s such a thing as a phone, Caleb Carr.”

  He smiled then, and my ovaries burst. Damn things. “I love when you call me by both names. Like a title.”

  “More like a curse.”

  He leaned down, and I swallowed hard, looking up at him.

  “Caleb, we can’t. This is my mother’s guest bathroom.”

  “Just a little. I promise.”

  “A little bit of what?” I asked, but then I couldn’t think at all. Because his lips were on mine, and I was holding back a groan. He slid his hands around me before he cupped my ass, bringing me closer to him. I could feel the long, hard line of his erection as I ground into him like a wanton hussy. And I loved it. I didn’t care that I was probably making enough noise to wake up hell, or my mother, all that mattered was that I needed Caleb’s mouth on mine, his taste mingled with mine.

  I pushed my hands through his hair, and he growled, lifting me up ever so slightly. And when he gripped me harder and picked me up, he slid my butt right onto the counter.

  “You have to stop,” I whispered, but he didn’t. Instead, he started licking down my neck, kissing, nibbling, and I spread my legs for him so he could settle between them. He ground himself against me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him, holding him. I wanted him right then and there, even though we hadn’t talked, and this sure as hell wasn’t part of my non-existent plan.

  But before I could do anything, before I could make another mistake, a knock on the door froze us both.

  “Lacey? Is Caleb with you? No, that’d be crazy. He wouldn’t be with you in a bathroom all alone when we’re in the middle of planning my wedding, would he?”

  “I’ll be right out, Lace.”

  “You’d better be. Do not ruin this, Zoey.”

  My sister stomped off, and I winced, resting my head against Caleb’s chest.

  “Oh my God, why did we just do that?” I groaned.

  “Because it was really fucking hot?” Caleb asked, and I punched him gently in the chest.

  “Why isn’t there a window big enough in this bathroom for me to crawl out of?”

  “Well, first, you’re on the second floor, and that would probably hurt.”

  “Oh, no, I would survive. Lacey’s perfect wedding plans wouldn’t allow me to die.”

  “How about being in a cast or horribly bruised for her wedding photos?”

  “Okay, you got me there. But, seriously, what were we thinking?”

  “I don’t think we were thinking at all,” he said, and I could hear the honesty in his voice.

  “What are we doing?”

  “I have no earthly idea. But I’m kind of enjoying figuring it out.” He kissed me again, this time softly, slowly, but I held my hands back, gripping the edge of the counter instead of him. Because I knew if I put my hands on him, I wouldn’t stop, even if we were in the worst possible place for anything to be happening.

  Then he kissed the tip of my nose and walked out of the bathroom, adjusting himself as he did.

  That was hot. And kind of mortifying. Because Lacey stood in the doorway, her arms crossed, and her eyes narrowed.

  I hopped off the bathroom counter and quickly righted my clothing.

  “Hey, I’ll be right out.”

  “You know what, don’t bother. I’m sure it was a long enough day for you already if you’ve gone and lost your senses like this.”

  I turned to her, my eyes wide. “I thought you wanted me to spend time with Caleb.”

  Not exactly the words I was thinking, but they were the truth. My sister had been the matchmaker at first, after all. What had changed?

  “For you to be cute and sweet with each other. Not paw at each other and practically have sex in Mom’s bathroom. Thankfully, she’s outside on the phone with Dad, talking about something. Seriously, do not ruin this, Zoey. This is my wedding. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Don’t make it about you.” Lacey stomped off again, and I just stood there staring at her retreating form, blinking.

  What in the ever-loving hell? Since when had I made anything about me?

  I fisted my hands at my sides and tried to control my breathing.

  I loved my sister. Lacey was a huge part of me. I honestly didn’t know who I was without her. But I still could not believe that she had just said those words.

  Shame crawled over me because, yes, this hadn’t been the place for what Caleb and I had done, and I shouldn’t have kissed him or let him kiss me. But I hadn’t thought my sister’s words could hurt this much.

  I slunk out of the bathroom, all heat and emotion from before wiped away with one quick, cruel sentence. I grabbed my bag and my phone and my tablet from the table and hurried out to my car. Caleb was long gone, and I was grateful for that. I didn’t know what I would say when I saw him again.

  What I would do.

  Because I couldn’t ruin things with my family, and I couldn’t ruin things with Caleb.

  I just hadn’t known that my title and place in my family had become this.

  The one who ruined.

  Chapter 8

  Caleb

  * * *

  “Why exactly am I here again?” I asked, wondering why I had been asking that question so often these days. Why did I always find myself in places I hadn’t planned to be?

  Maybe I could get into an existential crisis at that point, or perhaps I could just blame the fact that everybody in my life was getting married and popping out babies. Every single fucking person.

  Dimitri just raised a brow as he sipped his beer. “I don’t know why you’re complaining. You get food, you get beer if you’d like it, you get all the soda and water and juice and sparkling beverages that you want, and you don’t have to actually deal with baby games.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t actually have to play baby games, do I? Because I’m pretty sure there are baby games at a baby shower.”

  Yes, I was at the Montgomery/Carr shower. Not that Thea was actually a Montgomery anymore. No, she had changed her last name to Carr since there were already enough Montgomerys sprawled around the state—and probably around the world at this point. However, the Montgomerys hated giving up their name, so it was branded on every single invitation, and even on the damn wall on some printed-out banner that they had made. Apparently, there was more than one artist in the family, so they had hand-done the damn thing.

  I didn’t know why I was so cranky. Probably had to do with the fact that I’d had blue balls since kissing Zoey, not once but twice. And both times hadn’t been just a kiss. That second time? Dear God, I’d almost fucked her right there in her mom’s bathroom. I hadn’t been that horny and idiotic about where I was making out with a girl since I had been a teenager.

  And even then, I hadn’t crossed that line. Apparently, I was losing my mind.

  And that sobered me quicker than an ice-cold shower. I didn’t want to lose my mind. I didn’t want my brain to be hurting at all. I hadn’t had a hallucination since that first time, nor had I had a migraine in a few days. But that didn’t mean one couldn’t come out of the blue. So, I wasn’t going to drink tonight, not when I had an hour-long drive home. And I wasn’t going to ignore any symptoms that might arise. So far, so good. But I still didn’t trust myself. Not anymore.

  “Okay, you’re not thinking about baby games and being at a co-ed baby shower anymore. You doing okay? How’s your head?�
�

  I looked at my big brother and shrugged, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “I’m fine. Haven’t had an incident since you came over.”

  “Good. Because you’re going to tell me every time you have one.”

  I glared at him but I nodded. “I will. Promise.”

  “I’m surprised I didn’t have to fight you on that.”

  “I guess I’m scared shitless enough that I’m not going to hide anything from you anymore.”

  “Fuck,” Dimitri whispered before he set down his beer and held me tight in a hug that I hadn’t been expecting. I let out a shocked breath and then released my hands from my pockets so I could hug him back. I was scared, and I wasn’t too manly or dick-sure to admit it. I didn’t want to be sick. I didn’t want to be weird. And I sure as hell did not want to die.

  My throat went dry, and bile coated my tongue just at that thought, so I pushed it from my mind, however broken it might be. I was fine. The doctors were going to figure things out, and I was going to be just fine. The fact that the doctor I currently had kept running test after test and didn’t seem to know what he was doing might worry me, but it wasn’t like I actually knew what needed to be done.

  “You know, my friend who also has the serious migraines is here. Remember, she’s marrying into the family?”

  I frowned. “I thought her brother was marrying into the family.”

  Dimitri shrugged. “I honestly have no idea anymore. All I know is that she was invited because, somehow, she’s connected. Their whole family is here. In addition to a few other families who married into the Montgomerys.”

  “I have no idea who some of those people are.”

  “You don’t have to worry about it. At all. Just make sure that you watch what Thea’s eating.”

  I frowned. “Excuse me? You want me to get between a pregnant woman and food? Do you want me to lose an arm?”

  Dimitri snorted, and I shook my head. “This is a cheese-themed baby shower. You know our love of cheese.”

  “You mean your unholy fascination with it?”

  “There’s nothing unholy about cheese. Cheese is good. Cheese is life.”

  “Yep, how right that is, husband,” Thea said from across the room. She was back into her own conversation before I could even comment on the fact that she had somehow heard that stupid cult-like saying from across the room.

  “The fact that you have a motto with your cult means you may have a problem with cheese,” I calmly pointed out.

  “There’s nothing wrong. Plus, it’s a joke between us now. Hence the oddly themed cheese baby shower for a woman who’s not allowed to have soft cheeses.”

  “Pregnant women aren’t supposed to have soft cheeses?”

  “Nope. They’re allowed to have hard cheeses and some processed soft cheeses. I have a whole list, it’s printed out on the fridge, and we almost put it on the invitation, but I figured that would be too weird.”

  “Weirder than the fact that you have like eighteen different types of cheese available, including dips and spreads?”

  “I don’t judge you. You don’t get to judge me.”

  “I really have no idea where to start with the judging.”

  Dimitri grinned and laughed. “Anyway, we made sure that nobody brought any of the incorrect types. They’re all on the list of banned contraband substances.”

  That made me laugh. “So, if anyone hides the brie within the cocaine, I know that they’re on the wrong side of the law?”

  “You mock me, but she’s been craving soft cheeses, to the point that I’m afraid she’s going to sleepwalk right out one day and find herself some.”

  I just shook my head, my stomach hurting from laughing so hard. “Thank you for getting my mind off what the hell is going on with me because you two are ridiculous.”

  Dimitri grinned, his eyes wide and happier than I’d ever seen them in my life. “Yeah, I’m happy. I’m going to be a dad, Caleb. I still can’t fucking believe it.”

  I shook my head and then leaned down to pet Captain’s head as the golden retriever came up to us. Dimitri knelt by the older dog and hugged him close, slowly running his hands down the golden retriever’s back.

  “You know, you pretty much raised me and Amelia, and Devin a little bit, too. And between us and Captain, you’ve probably got this dad thing down.”

  “I might’ve started with piddle pads for Captain, but I didn’t start with diapers with you three. It’s all new, and it’s a little daunting.”

  “But Thea’s sisters have gone through this before. Same with her brother, right?” I asked.

  “So have all of her cousins. I swear that family breeds more than rabbits do.” He mumbled the words, considering that all the Montgomerys had keen ears and were surrounding us at the time.

  “It’s amazing how much they all look alike, too,” I mumbled.

  “Don’t say shit like that. They can hurt us. Did you see that one over there? He’s like six-five and built. He could probably break us with his pinky.”

  “And I hear that one is actually married into the family,” Zoey said as she came up to my side. I froze, unaware that she had been so close. Which was weird, because all I could do was notice where she was lately.

  She handed me a water, and I raised a brow.

  “I got one for Amelia, but Tucker had already gotten one, so then I was standing there with two glasses. I figured I’d give it to you since your hands were empty.”

  I looked down at her and smiled. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. And, really, I feel like I can get stepped on at any moment with all these giants around here.”

  Dimitri laughed. “There’s a few people shorter than you.”

  “Do you mean the children?” she asked, a mock grimace on her face.

  “Well, I don’t know about that ten-year-old, I think they are taller than you,” I said.

  “I am not that short. There are shorter people here. Adults. I’m average height.”

  “Average for humans, not Montgomerys,” I said and winced when a Montgomery, one I didn’t actually know, punched me in the arm on their way to one of the cheese spreads.

  One of the cheese spreads.

  Because, of course, there were like five of them around the house.

  “And on that note, I’m going to check on my wife. They’re starting the games soon.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “You said I didn’t have to play.”

  “You don’t. But Thea wants to play. Therefore, I’m going to sit next to her and help her smell random mushed peas and beans to figure out which one’s which.”

  I gagged. “Why are baby games so disgusting?”

  “I’m trying not to ask myself that question, other than the fact that I think they’re trying to prepare us for the amount of bodily fluids that are going to be sprayed on me when the baby’s born. And after.”

  I visibly shuddered as Dimitri walked off to join his wife. I looked down at Zoey. “You know, this sort of makes me not want to have kids at all.”

  She snorted, shaking her head. “But then you get to hold your niece or nephew and smell their little baby powder head and hold them close and feel their little fingers wrap around yours. You’ll fall in love. You’ll forget the fact that they poop and they throw up and they constantly cry and they never sleep.”

  “Do you think that’s just what the media tells you that babies are like?” I asked.

  “You mean this is a conspiracy? Probably not. But I figure I’ll see soon when Lacey and John are ready for a baby.”

  “They’re going the surrogacy route, right?”

  She froze, blinking at me. “How on earth do you know that?”

  “John talks to me when he’s nervous.” I held up my hands after I set down my glass since she was glaring at me. “He doesn’t talk with everybody about personal things like that. But he talks to me. Has for a while. I guess it came with the fact that we were out one night waiting for a storm to die down, and we talked a
bout a lot of personal shit. But he doesn’t blab about his and Lacey’s life to most people.”

  “I hope not, because Lacey doesn’t need that.”

  “John’s the most amazing guy I know. You know that.”

  “I do, but I’m still overprotective. She’s my baby sister.”

  “Since, according to my baby sister, I’m an overprotective asshole, I feel you.”

  “You did threaten to beat up Tucker.”

  “He dared to touch my precious, innocent, little sister.” I narrowed my eyes. “And you should stop laughing so hard. People are starting to stare.”

  “Oh, no, it’s just that you think she’s precious and innocent. And probably going to be a virgin until her wedding night, too.”

  “She can stay a virgin always. Isn’t that the way things are?”

  “I’m totally not a virgin, bro,” Amelia said as she walked past, Tucker right on her ass. He had his hands on her hips, and I narrowed my eyes. “Why do people keep surprising me like that?”

  “Because you’re standing between two doors, so people can come up behind you easily,” Zoey said, laughing. “Plus, the more you talk about other people, especially when they’re in the same room, the more likely it is that they’re going to show up and scare the crap out of you. That’s sort of how science works.” I laughed.

  “That’s not even real science. Or even close to science.”

  “No, but it’s karma. As for John and Lacey, yes, they’re going the surrogacy route. But if John brings it up again, please do not let him think that I’m so eager to be that baby’s oven.”

  I choked on my water, having taken another sip before I set it down on the table between us. “You, wait? What?”

  She shook her head, laughter dancing in her eyes. “Yeah, that was my reaction, too.”

  “They asked you to be their surrogate? Wait, does that mean your egg, too? Ugh, that’s way too personal. Sorry.”

  “They haven’t asked, but Lacey’s hinted. So, I have no idea what they want. I’ll see what my answer will be if and when they actually ask, but you never know.”

  “You really would do anything for your baby sister,” I said, awed.