Shameless With Him

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Tears were freely flowing down my cheeks as well as Lacey’s at that point. My mother sniffled, and I swallowed hard as Caleb handed over a tissue.

  “Thanks,” I gasped, wiping my face. “Where did you get this?”

  “Lacey made sure all of us had a pack of tissues in our pocket. We’ll have some for the wedding, too.”

  I held back a laugh. Of course, Lacey did. She really did think of everything. And while I knew my maid of honor—if I ever got married—was going to be amazing and helpful, I had a feeling that Lacey was going to be right alongside her. However, I wasn’t getting married anytime soon, and I purposely didn’t look over at Caleb as I thought those things.

  “Okay, let’s get this rehearsal going. Caleb and Zoey? Get close. Because you guys are going to be attached at the hip for the rest of this wedding.”

  Caleb slid his arm around my waist again, and I sighed dramatically into him.

  “On it,” I said, and everyone laughed.

  Lacey narrowed her eyes at us, but then went back to dictating the wedding.

  Or planning it, whatever.

  The rehearsal went quickly, and then it was time for the food. My favorite part.

  There would be courses served and lovely cheese spreads and desserts and cake for the wedding. Tonight, though, was all about the pizza.

  “Pizza and wine for a wedding rehearsal?” Caleb asked.

  “Oh, this isn’t delivery pizza. And it’s not DiGiorno,” I said, making Caleb laugh.

  “Okay, tell me, what’s so special about this?”

  “Everything is cooked right in front of you in that wood-burning oven. You pick exactly what toppings you want. If you want to go classic with some Margherita pizza or pepperoni. Or if you want to go completely hipster and add some arugula and pears and whatever you want to it. You have fun, and the chef is sure to have the ingredients.”

  “I’m not putting arugula on my pizza,” Caleb said dryly.

  “I don’t know, I’ve had it before. It’s really good.

  “Fine. You can put arugula, but if you touch my pizza with pineapple, we’re going to have words.”

  I didn’t tell him that I actually liked ham and pineapple pizza. I already had to hide it from so many, might as well hide it from Caleb, too.

  Everybody got their own pizza, and I groaned as I bit into the whole wheat crust, the cheese melting and almost burning my mouth.

  “This is amazing,” I grumbled around my bite.

  “Can’t talk, dying in bliss.”

  I laughed and looked over at Caleb as he practically demolished his pizza. He hadn’t been eating that much recently when we’d been near each other, and I figured work was hard, or he wasn’t that hungry. I just didn’t know.

  And that kind of worried me.

  We were going steadily into this almost serious relationship, and he hadn’t really told me much about himself. I didn’t know everything, and he was pretty closed-off. I had to remind myself that even though we had been friends forever, we hadn’t been in this new part of our relationship for long.

  I didn’t have to know every single secret, I just wished he would open up a bit.

  Then again, I was holding the worst secrets from him.

  The fact that I had loved him as the Caleb of my dreams for as long as I could remember, and the fact that I was totally falling for him now.

  He looked over at me and winked before taking a bite of mine. I knew I didn’t have a plan when it came to making Caleb fall in love with me. And the thing was, I had done the exact opposite. I had fallen for him even more than before, and I had no idea how he felt about me.

  I ignored that, ignored the Caleb of my dreams, and focused on the Caleb of my present.

  Because I was so afraid that if I didn’t, if I didn’t live in the moment, there wouldn’t be a Caleb going forward.

  As someone who tried her best to plan for anything, I didn’t know what the next step was. Or how I should feel.

  Or if I’d have a Caleb at all in any part of my future.

  Chapter 14

  Caleb

  I groaned, sliding my hands over Zoey’s thighs before I went back, licking, sucking. Her taste exploded on my mouth, and I shifted my hips, my dick so hard, I was surprised I could still see straight as I lapped at Zoey’s pussy.

  “I’m going to go if you don’t slow down,” I growled, and then went back to humming along her clit.

  Zoey answered by sucking my cock deeper down her throat, swallowing so that I felt the suction along my length. My eyes practically crossed at the sensation that spread all over my body from that touch. I let out a breath, trying to focus on the delectable task at hand.

  But it was really hard to do when my cock was in her mouth.

  “You have to come first,” she panted, and then went back to sucking.

  I shook my head, even though I knew it was ridiculous because she couldn’t see me with my head between her legs. However, it didn’t matter. I wanted the taste of her in my mouth, and I was pretty sure I was going to blow if I wasn’t careful.

  So, in answer, I sucked on her clit, penetrated her with two fingers, thrust in and out of her as she clamped her thighs around my head. When she came, I continued my sucking and licking for a few moments before I moved so quickly, she couldn’t reach out for me.

  I sheathed myself in a condom and was inside her balls-deep before she could even let out another breath. I stayed still for a few seconds, trying to catch my breath as she squeezed around me, tight, slick, and all mine.

  No, fuck, not all mine. It would be good to remember that fact.

  “Dear. God.” Her nails dug into my back, and I pounded into her, my body shaking, sweat-slick as I latched my mouth to hers. “I can taste myself,” she muttered against my mouth, and I grinned.

  “Sweet, and fucking mine,” I muttered and kept going, thrusting deeper with each stroke, wanting her to climax again as I did.

  She arched up, her breasts pressing into my chest as she wrapped her legs around my waist harder.

  I thrust deep once more, and she came, her whole body shaking as her eyes went wide, her pupils dilated. Just the look of it, her mouth parted, her rapturous gaze only for me, I came right then, unable to hold back. I fell on my side, my cock still buried deep inside her as I ran my hands over her body, through her hair, wanting to touch her.

  I just wanted to be with her. And that worried me.

  This was getting far too serious, too quickly.

  I knew that.

  I knew I should be safe and not do something stupid like fall for her when I didn’t know what was going on outside of us, but I couldn’t help it. I was falling so hard and so fast that it scared the fuck out of me.

  And I couldn’t really do anything about it. Not then.

  So, I just held her and kept my gaze on hers as she leaned into my strokes, smiling like a cat in cream.

  “It’s a wonderful way to wake up,” she whispered, nibbling on my chin.

  I leaned back so I could look at her again.

  “You liked that?” I asked her.

  “I loved it.”

  She looked at me then, and I swore my heart stopped.

  Hearing the word love from her scared me. Not that I was afraid of that emotion in general, but I didn’t know what the fuck was going on with me. I wasn’t a good bet. My head still hurt like hell. Yesterday, I’d called the doctor, demanding results. They said they were still waiting, and I hadn’t even been able to talk to my physician. I hated my fucking doctor’s office. They were worthless, and I knew I needed a second opinion.

  However, I hadn’t even gotten a real first opinion yet.

  I was scared. I felt like I was always scared these days. “You’re off today, right?” Zoey asked, and I nodded.

  “Yes, but I have tons of errands to run and shit to deal with before the wedding.”

  I also had another doctor’s appointment, but I didn’t tell her that. I didn’t know why. I pretty
much told her everything else these days. My whole family knew about the migraines and the hallucination I’d had once and the fact that there were no clear test results at the moment, but I hadn’t told her.

  Did that make me a piece of shit? Probably. She needed to know what was going on with me, but I was afraid to say anything. And I didn’t know why. Things were going far too fast for us in recent weeks, and I knew it.

  I needed to find a way to slow things down. I just didn’t know how. We saw each other almost every day because we had the same friends, and she was best friends with the women in the family. With Lacey’s wedding the next day, I couldn’t really avoid her.

  And I hated that I’d just thought the word avoid when I didn’t want to avoid her at all. That fact worried me most of all. Because I didn’t have answers, and I felt like I actually needed them if I was going to continue this relationship with her.

  I was such a fucking asshole, but I didn’t know how to fix things.

  I didn’t know if there was any fixing it.

  “I’m glad you’re not working today, mostly because you know…the wedding and all.”

  I grinned. “I’m going to see if John needs me for most of the day. However, he’s pretty steady, and he’s spending some time with his family and Lacey before the big day.”

  “And I get to help with all of the little nitty-gritty details because Lacey has already texted me, I think four times.” She leaned over me, her breasts right in my face as she looked for her phone. “Six. Six times.”

  I lapped at her nipple, sucking. She groaned, rocking against me, her pussy wet and pressing against my thigh.

  She let out a shaky breath. “Okay, enough of that, we have to get going. I have to see what Lacey wants.”

  I hummed against her breasts and played with her ass, sliding my fingers between her crease.

  “Caleb. We need to stop. We need to be responsible.”

  I nodded and let her breast go with a resounding pop.

  She didn’t really want me to let go, I could tell.

  “You’re right, even though I’d rather stay in bed. I’ve got things to do.” Like a doctor’s appointment I really didn’t want to go to.

  She grinned and looked down at me, her eyes filled with something I didn’t want to name. Because I was too chickenshit. Because what if I really was sick? I didn’t want to burden her with that. She deserved so much more than someone who had no idea what the fuck was going on.

  Because the doctor still hadn’t ruled out any neurological diseases, and I hadn’t heard anything else. For something that apparently needed to be taken care of quickly, he hadn’t done a single thing for me. I did not want to go to this doctor’s appointment.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, and I shook my head, grinning at her. I had to look like everything was fine. Because it was. Everything had to be fine, at least for her. She had enough stress with Lacey, I didn’t want to add to that.

  “Nothing. You should go get ready.”

  “I know. I’ll see you at the wedding, though?”

  “I’m the best man. Got to be there.”

  She grinned, then she kissed me again and hopped out of bed.

  We hadn’t actually discussed if we were each other’s dates, and I was glad for that. Because things were getting so serious, I needed to settle down. I just didn’t know how. She packed up her bag and headed out just as I was getting into the shower.

  “Have a good day. Don’t work too hard.” She frowned and leaned over to rub at my temple.

  “You look like you have a headache. Are you doing okay?” she asked.

  I smiled, trying to look like I was just fine. I wasn’t. “I’m doing good. Stop worrying about me. I’m a grown man.”

  She looked down at me, wearing nothing but my skin, and grinned. “Yeah, I know you’re a grown man.”

  I would’ve blushed, but I was used to this. Zoey was sweet, tempting, and yet could probably outdo me with dirty jokes.

  And I wasn’t ready for her. Had never been. Even when I’d only thought of her as a friend, I’d never been ready for what Zoey could give me.

  I needed to slow things down. Needed to figure out exactly how to get that done.

  “Go,” I growled, and she smiled and then hopped right out, her bag in hand.

  We didn’t keep anything at each other’s homes. We didn’t think we were there yet, or maybe we were, and she sensed that I wasn’t ready. We hadn’t called each other boyfriend or girlfriend or added any other labels. Which was good. I sure as hell didn’t want them.

  I needed to figure out my own shit, and then maybe I could figure out Zoey.

  Hell, I just didn’t know. We’d been together in some fashion for what? Months at this point. Jesus Christ. How had that even happened? It had been almost a full season already, and we were doing really good about not putting any form of label on what we had.

  I was a jerk. I wasn’t treating her right. I knew that. Only I was still waiting to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. Endless tests had come up with nothing. And I felt like I couldn’t make any other decisions until I knew what was going on. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was just a roadblock in my mind, but it was my mind, the decision I had already made. So, I was going to stick with it. After I’d jumped into the shower, trying to make it quick, my head started to pound.

  I staggered out of the stall and to the toilet and threw up everything in my stomach. It wasn’t much since I hadn’t even had coffee yet. I sat there, pulling a towel under me and drip-dried as I tried to breathe.

  Jesus. If that wasn’t an omen, I didn’t know what was.

  I tried to get my head to stop pounding for a little bit longer, and then I grabbed my phone to text Devin. My eyes hurt, and I narrowed them, hoping I was texting well enough that the words would make sense, at least with autocorrect.

  Me: Can you drive me to my doctor’s appointment?

  Devin: When is it?

  Me: In about an hour.

  Devin: I’m on my way. Need anything?

  I needed answers. I needed to know what the fuck to do about the woman that I was falling for. The one I shouldn’t fall for. I needed so many damn things that weren’t available right now that I knew I was probably going to mess everything up as soon as I took the next step.

  Instead, I told Devin no and got dressed as quickly as I could. I was just grabbing my wallet and keys when Devin unlocked the door and walked in without even knocking.

  “Good, you’re standing.”

  “I’m glad that you didn’t bother to knock,” I said, trying to smile. My right eye was pulsating, and I was having trouble seeing.

  Great, another fucking migraine.

  “Seeing as the three of you rarely use the doorbell before you just walk into my house, I don’t feel bad. Plus, I was worried. Sue me.”

  “I’m not angry. I’m glad you came in. The sound of the doorbell or a knock may actually set me on edge.” I put on my sunglasses even though I was inside, the light starting to hurt my eyes.

  “Another migraine?” Devin asked, his voice low.

  “No surprise there. But, hell, at least my doctor, if I ever actually get to see the man, will see me in a full-blown migraine.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I rarely see him. He shows up for like two minutes to prescribe some tests, but I’m always with the nurses or the PA. I’m not actually with the doctor, who’s supposed to diagnose me.” I didn’t know if that was how it was supposed to be done. I had been healthy for all of my life, so having to actually see a doctor who wasn’t just a general practitioner was new for me. I was out of my depth here, and I felt like I was drowning.

  “I fucking hate our healthcare system.” Devin shook his head.

  “Don’t even get me started.”

  “It sucks ass. I know Tucker is dealing with a bunch of things with Evan, too.”

  “Hell, how is Evan?” Tucker’s son was in remission thanks to a bone marrow trans
plant as well as every other procedure the kid had been put through, but things were still scary.

  “Doing okay, but there was an insurance issue, so Evan is stuck in the hospital overnight rather than getting sent home because he won’t be able to get the right meds unless he’s in the hospital. Tucker’s staying with him while the parents get some sleep. But I think they’re all exhausted at this point.”

  “Jesus. I thought Evan was doing better.”

  “He is, but he still needs meds, and if his doctors don’t order the right scripts, and if the insurance doesn’t cover them like it should, things get stirred up.”

  “I know. Hence why I really need your help today.”

  “Well, I’m here for you.” He paused, frowning. “Though I’m actually wondering why you didn’t ask Zoey.”

  I looked down at my feet before we made our way out.

  “Are you kidding me? You haven’t fucking told her that you’re sick?”

  “I didn’t want to worry her. She has so much to do with the wedding and shit.”

  “No, that’s just a cop-out. Why the hell are you scared to tell her that you’re sick?”

  I let out a sigh, not knowing what the right answer was since I didn’t even have one for myself. “I don’t know. Maybe because I need to figure this out on my own first. I wasn’t expecting Zoey. We’re just casual. You know? Nothing serious.”

  “Are you telling me that or yourself?”

  “Fuck you.” I already hated myself enough, and probably would even more by the time things were over. I didn’t need Devin on my ass about it, too.

  “No, fuck you if you hurt her.”

  “Come on, let’s go to the doctor,” I grumbled.

  “What are you going to do about Zoey?” Devin asked.

  “I don’t know. I think it’s time to cool things off, though, you know?”

  “No, I really don’t.”

  “I don’t want anything serious. Especially when I’m trying to figure things out with myself. With the wedding and everything, things just got too deep, too quick.”