How Can I Be Down?

by Brenda Hampton

  “Let me guess . . . with Jada, right?”

  “No, not with Jada.”

  “Well, did y’all make up?”

  “Of course, don’t we always?”

  “Yeah, I figured that much. It just bothers me how you keep putting her before your own flesh and blood, though.”

  “No, I don’t. Why do you say that?”

  “Because, you ain’t even man enough to tell her about your own damn son. If she loves you so much, then she’ll learn to accept him. What I don’t understand is why he got to be a fucking secret? Kept in the dark like he some out-of-control badass child or something.”

  “Ginger, don’t start talking that shit right now. You know how much I love my son.”

  “Then if you do, you wouldn’t be ashamed of him. So, answer the question, Kiley. Why does the only damn son you got have to be a secret? Are you ashamed of him?”

  “No, not at all. I just want to keep things on the down low until I’m ready to break the news.”

  “Down low, huh? You’ve been saying that for four years now. He’s going to be ten years old and still on the down low. I don’t know if having you in his life is a good thing or a bad thing, especially when you come over whenever you feel like it. Not when he ask for you in the middle of the night or when he wants you to see his new race car set or for you to read him a simple-ass bedtime story. I hope you’re feeling like a proud papa these days.”

  “Ginger, just be quiet. If you’re not going to be there tomorrow then I’ll stop by there in a few. And if you’re trying to make me feel like such a bad father, I don’t. I know I do everything for Desmon that I’m able to do. Not only that, he doesn’t want for a damn thing. So, chill, all right?”

  “Fuck all this material bullshit over here. He don’t need that shit. He needs his fucking daddy. That’s what he needs. If shit didn’t work out between you and me, cool. So be it. But he doesn’t deserve to be without. If anything, you need to be on his time, not him on your time. When he needs you, you be there.”

  “I said I’ll be there!” I yelled, just as Jada walked into the bedroom.

  “Okay, fine. Then tell him you’re coming. That way if you lie, you lie to him, not me.” Ginger gave the phone to Desmon. Jada looked at me like “who in the hell are you yelling at?”

  “Hi, Daddy,” Desmon said in a low voice.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I got up off the bed, went into the bathroom, and closed the door. I turned on the water so Jada couldn’t hear me. “I’ll be over in a li’l bit to see you, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want anything?”

  “Some chocolate ice cream.”

  “All right, tell your mama I’m on my way.”

  Desmon told Ginger I was on my way and hung up the phone.

  I turned the water off and walked out of the bathroom with the phone on my ear pretending to still be talking to someone. “All right, man. Yeah, that fool crazy. I’ll pick you up in about thirty minutes. Cool. Deuces.” I looked at my phone and turned it off.

  Jada was sitting in the chair with her feet pressed against the bed polishing her toenails. “Who was that?” she asked.

  “My Uncle Vinney. He in St. Louis and want me to come pick him up from one of his partna’s crib.”

  “Can I go with you?”

  “Uh, not this time, baby. Him and his friends be drinking, smoking, and cursing all the time. I don’t want you being around all that shit.”

  She looked at me. “Please, I’m around that kind of shit every day. What makes you think that would bother me? So I don’t care what you say, I’m going. I don’t feel like being cooped up in here on a Saturday night anyway.”

  Jada had on an old gray jogging suit. Knowing she was going to want to change, I quickly said, “Baby, it’s going to take me five minutes to change my clothes. I don’t have thirty minutes to wait on you to get dressed when I told him I’d be there in thirty minutes. After I drop him off, I’ll come back and we’ll go downtown to hang out, okay?”

  “All right, but don’t have me waiting all damn night, Kiley. I’m tired of being cooped up in here all the time.”

  I rushed putting my clothes on before she changed her mind and jetted. I stopped at a Quik Trip and bought Desmon some chocolate ice cream. When I got to Ginger’s place, she opened the door up and, as usual, was running her mouth on the phone. I picked Desmon up and took him into the kitchen to give him his ice cream. I put it in a bowl and sat down at the table with him eating.

  Ginger came in puffing on a cigarette. “I didn’t even think you were going to show.” She sat down in the chair next to me and pulled an ashtray up in front of her.

  “I told you I was coming. Have I ever lied to you before?”

  “Yes, several times. You lied about today. If I hadn’t chewed you out, you never would have come. You lied when I met you and said you didn’t have a girlfriend. You lied when—”

  “Okay, Ginger. So, I’m a liar. I’m the worst damn father Desmon could have and the worst thing that ever happened to you. Are you satisfied?”

  “I won’t be satisfied until you finally acknowledge your son. When you start taking him around your family, your woman, and your friends, then I’ll be satisfied.”

  “Well, the only family I have in St. Louis is Kareem, my friends couldn’t care less about my son, and he’s not any of my woman’s business.”

  “That’s really sad, Kiley. I’m sorry to hear how much your son doesn’t fit into your life. Good parents are proud of their children. Wouldn’t dream of keeping them from anyone. You should really be ashamed of yourself. And if you’re not, I’m ashamed for you. Let’s just pray that Desmon’s too young to understand what kind of man you really are.”

  Ginger put her cigarette out in the ashtray, got up from the table, and went into her bedroom. Feeling bad about the situation, and knowing that she was partially right, I stayed almost the entire night with Desmon. By the time I kissed him good night and closed his bedroom door it was almost one o’clock in the morning.

  Ginger had gotten in her bed and gone to sleep. I woke her up and told her to come lock the door. She got up and walked me to the door in her leopard-print bra and panties.

  “Good night,” she said, opening the door for me to leave.

  I guess she was really upset because she didn’t even try to shake a brotha down before he left. That was a good thing.

  On my way to my car, I remembered what had happened to me the last time I was in East St. Louis and thought about those fools who tried to jack me. Just to be on the safe side, I took my gun out and laid it on the seat next to me. I drove down the street ready for any muh-fucker who dared to trip.

  No sooner had I driven two blocks from Ginger’s house, Donovan’s black Navigator cut me off and pulled in front of me. Jada hopped out the driver’s side with a silver metal bat in her hand and started pounding the shit out of the Lexus. I ducked as she smashed the driver’s window with it. The glass came flying through the window and a few shards caught me in the side of my face.

  I grabbed the gun in my hand and quickly rolled over to the passenger side to get out. When I did, I aimed it at her. “Put the damn bat down, Jada!” I yelled.

  She ignored me and kept banging my damn car with it. I ran around the car, and when I tried to grab her, she swung the bat low, cracking me on the leg. When she tried again, I caught it in midair with my hand and felt my wrist crack as she came down hard with it. In pain, I pushed Jada back and tripped her to the ground. Trying not to hurt her ass, I hopped in my car and took off. I wanted to roll right over her but instead, I sped off to the highway.

  When I looked in my rearview mirror there was no sign of her, but I did notice blood streaming down the side of my face. With a cracked wrist and a banged-up car, I drove to the emergency room at St. Luke’s Hospital and checked in. I lied and told the nurse I slid off the road and hit a tree.

  As I paced around in the waiting room, I pulled my cell phone
out and called the house. Donovan answered and when I cursed his ass out for letting Jada use his car, he claimed she told him she needed to go to the grocery store. He also told me she left right after I did, so I was sure that she followed me over to Ginger’s house. When I yelled at Donovan again, he gave the phone to Kareem.

  I took deep breaths, talking to Kareem. I was straight up in a rage. “Man, if that bitch come back there tonight, kick her ass out for me. Go in my room right now and pack up as much shit as you can.” I paused, as my wrist was hurting and I could feel pain shooting up my arm. “Can a brotha get some help in this damn place?” I yelled waiting for a nurse to call my name.

  “What happened, bro? Are you all right?” Kareem asked with concern in his voice.

  “Just do like I told you to. Get Quincy and Donovan to help.”

  “She didn’t shoot at you did she?”

  “Hell naw, man. Now stop asking questions and do like I told you to! I’ll tell you what happened when I get there.”

  “Hold on,” Kareem said. He laid the phone down and I wanted to jump through it and kick his ass for bullshitting with me. He picked it back up.

  “Kareem, don’t fuck with me, man! Quit playing games, nigga.”

  “Stop yelling at me, fool! The cops just pulled up. We looking at them on the monitors right now. What the fuck happened?”

  “Listen. Send that nigga Quincy to the door. Tell him to pretend like he don’t even know me if they ask for me. Make sure he invites them in but don’t let them search shit unless they got a search warrant. You and Donovan, do not be seen. Whatever you do, let them see Quincy and Quincy only.”

  “All right, man. They knocking so I’ll call you back after they leave.” Kareem hung up.

  I panicked and slammed my fist on the chair. “Can I get some stitches or a bandage up in this son of a bitch so I can get the fuck out of here!” I yelled at the nurse sitting at the desk.

  “Mr. Franklin, calm down. Come on back this way and a doctor will be with you shortly.”

  After I walked into the room, I kicked the door and dropped back in a chair. I gave them my fake ID and told the bitch I was paying cash for the visit ’cause I didn’t have insurance. I’m sure that’s why they were making me wait, but once they came in and nursed my cracked wrist and put fifteen stitches down the side of my face, they said they’d bill me.

  Not hearing anything from Kareem yet, my heart was racing a mile a minute. I didn’t want to call home because I didn’t know if the cops were still there maybe waiting for me to call. Thing was, I knew Kareem wasn’t going to follow my instructions.

  When I finally made it to the city and drove down Euclid, it was obvious he didn’t. Police were every damn where. I could see Kareem lying on the ground handcuffed and Donovan and Quincy standing close by talking to an officer. Jada was leaning against Donovan’s truck with her arms folded. A mean mug covered her face and she kept turning her head from side to side, squinting. I wondered if she was waiting for me to show up. But with too much action going on, I opted to view the scene from afar.

  After a while, the police took the cuffs off Kareem and he got off the ground. Most of the other officers got in their cars and left, as Donovan, Kareem, and Quincy went back into the house. Jada stood outside for a while talking to the last officer, then got into the front seat of his car, and they drove away.

  Knowing that it wasn’t in my best interests to go home yet, and considering the fact I was still riding around with a banged-up Lexus, I went back to the Marriott for the night. Before I did, I called Al, a partna of mine who worked on my car before and asked him if he wouldn’t mind taking care of the dents for me. He said he would be happy to; then I asked him to rent a car for me. He had no problem helping a brotha at four o’clock in the morning, especially when I paid him and paid him well for doing so.

  I checked into the hotel and couldn’t wait to call home. Kareem answered and I could tell he was still wide awake. “All I’m telling you is, I’m killing that bitch, Kiley. I promise you, in love with her or not, that backstabbing ho dies,” Kareem spat.

  “Why or how did you get seen by the police when I asked you to stay in the house?”

  “I did stay in. But when Jada pulled her stupid ass up telling the cops to search the house for you and calling us drug dealers and shit, I went to go shut her up. The police grabbed me and threw me on the ground, before I knocked her ass out.”

  I took a deep breath. “So, what did they say? I mean, did they say they were coming back with a warrant or anything?”

  “Naw, Quincy and Donovan told them she was upset because you broke up with her and put her out of the house earlier today. When they asked to speak with you, Quincy told them you went to Chicago on business after y’all argument today and wouldn’t be back until next weekend. The detective left a number for you to call him.”

  “Call him for what? I told y’all not to mention my name.”

  “Man, they knew all of us by name. Thanks to Jada. And ain’t no telling what else she told them. When they questioned me, I told them we moved to St. Louis after our mother died. For the most part, I think they cool but the sooner you call and clear things up, the better. That way they’ll believe fasho we ain’t got nothing to hide.”

  “I’ll call the detective tomorrow. In the meantime, I’m going to stay the night at the Marriott. If Jada comes back, let her get her shit and ask her to leave. Don’t start no argument with her because that’s what she wants you to do. I’ll be there before noon tomorrow.”

  “So, why were you at the hospital? Man, please don’t tell me she tried to kill you.”

  “It’s a long story, but I’ll tell you when I get there tomorrow. I need to chill right now, so deuces.”

  I hung up and lay across the bed with my clothes on. I hurt like hell, and Jada had really disappointed me. If she had asked me why I was at Ginger’s place, I would have told her. I was planning on telling her anyway since Ginger had been coming down so hard on me about Desmon. I knew I had put him on the back burner to keep Jada happy, but I was starting to think she wasn’t worth neglecting my son for. And by the way things were going, I knew it was time for me to spend as much time with him as I could.

  CHAPTER 6

  I didn’t get a lick of sleep that night. All the bullshit that went down was heavy on my mind. Couldn’t believe after all these years Jada would snake me like that, especially when she benefited from the money more than anybody did. And the fucked up thing about it was that the fellas warned me. I simply thought they were just hating, but they saw shit about her I didn’t see. Sad thing about it was that a part of me still loved her.

  Riding around in the rental car, I scoped the streets for a while to make sure the coast was clear before I went home. Everything looked normal, so I pulled into the garage and quickly let the door down after I was in. By the time I got to the back door, Kareem and Quincy were there to greet me. I’m sure they’d seen me coming by looking at the monitors.

  Kareem looked at the side of my face and saw my arm in a sling. He shook his head and opened the door for me. “I’m killing her. I swear I am and I don’t care what you say,” he said. I went inside and sat down at the kitchen table. I hadn’t gotten any medication for my cracked wrist and was still in excruciating pain.

  I leaned forward with my elbows resting on my knees and looked at Kareem and Quincy. “We gotta start making some other plans. I got a bad feeling this time something’s about to go down. Do y’all remember what I said I wanted to do if it comes to this?” I asked.

  “Yeah, man,” Kareem said. “But I don’t want to move again. This is fucking home. If we run now, shit will start to look suspicious. I say we chill. If the cops keep coming back, then we make other arrangements.”

  “I agree with Kareem,” Quincy said. “Let’s not jump the gun. Jada’s gone. If she tells the police anything else, they gotta find the evidence first. And ain’t nothing up in this house to be found. Besides, I think they l
ooked at the situation yesterday as a woman being upset because she was kicked out by her man. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  I looked down at the floor, thinking. “All right. But please be on guard. If you bring somebody up in this damn house, make sure you know who the fuck they are.”

  “Cool, cool,” Kareem said. “Will most definitely do that, my brotha.”

  “And, Kareem, all this talk about killing Jada, just let it be. I got plans for her myself, so let me handle my business how I want to, okay?”

  “Whatever. But if she comes back here talking that shit, I can’t make you any promises. I’m sorry, that’s just how it’s got to be.”

  I looked around. “Where’s Donovan?”

  “He got a phone call and said he’d be back,” Quincy said.

  “From who?”

  “Don’t know. He just said he’d holla at you when he gets back.”

  I stood up and walked over by the kitchen window. I moved the curtain aside and looked out. “I don’t trust that nigga. Something about him just bugs the hell out of me.” I turned and looked at Kareem and Quincy. “What about y’all? How do y’all feel about him?”

  “I mean, he cool,” Kareem said. “Ain’t too many brothas I trust, but I think more than anything, he’s envious of you. Other than that, I really don’t have a problem with him.”

  “What about you, Quincy. How do you feel about him?”

  “He all right, I guess. Do I trust him? Can’t really say. Never really thought much about it.”

  I nodded. “Okay. Well, I’m going upstairs to chill for the rest of the day. What’s up with y’all?

  Quincy and Kareem looked at each other. “I was thinking about bringing some safe, secure, trustworthy booty up in the crib to relax with. If not that, then, maybe Kareem and me gon’ go down to the Union Station and chill.”

  “I like your first idea better,” Kareem said. “Brotha need a li’l love and tender care to take all this bullshit off my mind. Should I call someone for you too, big brother?”