How Can I Be Down?

by Brenda Hampton

I laughed. “Naw, man. Knock yourselves out. Today will be a rest day for me. And since I can’t get down like I want to with this fucked up wrist, what the hell.”

  “Shit, as long as your dick ain’t broke, I’m sure you can find a way to work around it.”

  “I’m sure I could too, but I got other things on my mind.”

  I went upstairs to my room and stripped naked, then lay across the bed for a while. With my mind full of unanswered questions, I got out of bed, slid on my pajama pants, and went into Donovan’s room. I sat on the edge of his bed, pulling out his drawers and looking for some answers. Nothing was there but a bunch of condoms and pictures of naked women, aside from his underwear. I lifted his mattress up and there was about $500 in cash under there.

  After that, I checked his closet. He had so many damn clothes and shoes I didn’t know where to begin. I fumbled through his things; then I saw a white box that was full of paper and more pictures were underneath it. I pulled the box out of the closet and sat on his bed, again, looking through it. I got excited looking at some of the women in the pictures because some of them definitely had it going on. I laughed when I saw a few pictures of some females I knew in L.A., but when I found a naked picture of Jada, I was numb. My heart fell to the ground as I looked through the box and found more. They weren’t recent pictures, but had to been at least six or seven years ago. We had been together since high school, so I knew they had to have been taken while we were together.

  And if the pictures weren’t enough, the letters I found were definitely enough to eat me alive. She’d written him letters telling him how much she loved him and wanted to end things with me. Her most recent letter was right before she moved to St. Louis. She told him that when he decided to move to St. Louis, it brought her closer to me, and how when she moved here, how difficult it was going to be for her living in the same house with both of us. She made him promise to never tell me and assured him if I ever found out they would both die.

  I crumbled the paper in my hand, feeling like a fool. I folded the other letters, put them back into the box, and put the pictures in my pocket. I placed the box back in the closet and left Donovan’s room. I went back into my room, and as I rummaged through my closet, I noticed a few things of Jada’s missing. Expensive shit, like two fur coats, her Gucci purses, and when I checked the drawer for her Rolex watch I’d given her last Christmas, that was gone too.

  Quincy and Kareem were upstairs in the entertainment room, so I went up there to see if somehow Jada came back into the house last night without them knowing it. I had an idea who took her stuff but I just wanted to be sure.

  They were in the midst of playing pool, and I leaned against the pool table, taking a puff from Quincy’s joint. “I don’t mean to interrupt y’all game but by any chance did Jada get into this house last night?”

  Kareem took the joint from me, took a hit, and shook his head. “Nope, no way. We ain’t even had no sleep. Quincy, Donovan, and me were up all night long talking.”

  “Did y’all see Donovan leave with anything?”

  “Nope,” Kareem said.

  I looked at Quincy. “Me either. I didn’t see him leave with anything but wasn’t like I was really paying attention.”

  “Well, how often did he leave y’all sight?”

  “A couple times, if I can recall,” Quincy said. “But it wasn’t for that long.”

  “All right, fellas. By the way, where are the ladies at? I thought y’all said some soft legs were coming over.”

  “On their way right now, playa,” Kareem said, ready to shoot the eight ball.

  I smiled and went back downstairs.

  I leaned back in the chair in my room, waiting for Donovan to come. When I called him on his cell phone he didn’t answer, but I was sure he’d be coming home soon since he knew I was looking for him. As I sat there watching the monitors, I pulled Jada’s pictures out of my pocket a few times looking at them disgusted as hell. Bitch had straight up been fucking my partna. And had the nerve to tell me how much she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. How in the hell could I not know something was up, especially with the vibes I was getting from the both of them? I asked myself over and over again: did she really love him? Or was it her way of getting back at me for messing around on her in L.A.? Either way, I felt like pussy had caused me to lose focus. Donovan was supposed to be my boy, but I did more for Jada than I did for anybody.

  When I saw a car pull up in front of the house, I noticed two women getting out. I figured they must have been the chicks Quincy and Kareem invited over, and I watched as they went to the door and rang the doorbell. As soon as Quincy opened the door, I saw Donovan’s black Lincoln Navigator pull up. I hopped out of the chair and ran downstairs to make it to the kitchen before he came in the house. I figured Kareem and Quincy were going to be upstairs in the entertainment room with their company, so the downstairs kitchen was a private place for me and Donovan to talk. As I jetted down the steps, I bumped into Quincy and the ladies on their way up.

  “Damn, man,” Quincy said. “Slow down. Where are you headed moving like that, and can you at least say hello to the ladies?”

  I hurried to speak, anxious to meet up with Donovan.

  I went into the kitchen and when I heard Donovan coming through the front door, I slammed a plate on the floor, knowing he would come to the kitchen to see what was up. Of course, he did, and I’m sure he thought a fight or something was going on. As I bent down to pick the broken glass up with my good arm, he stood in the doorway looking at me. Seeing that I was having a difficult time he squatted and helped me get the shards off the floor. We both dropped glass pieces in the trashcan and then took a seat across from each other at the table.

  Donovan stretched his arms out, observing his muscles. “Wheww, these damn things are tight. I just came from the gym and seriously think I pulled a muscle.”

  I looked at his casual attire. “Damn, nigga’s dressing like that going to the gym these days?”

  “Naw. I changed before I came home. My workout clothes are in the car.”

  “Hmmm. But, uh, Kareem and Quincy said you had some important business to tend to.”

  “Yeah, I did. Tricia was bugging me about picking up her new dinette set from the furniture store. I’d been putting it off for so long and she was starting to get a bit upset with me.”

  “Right, right. I know how it is when a woman gets upset. Shit they do can most definitely be costly.”

  “Yeah, I see.” He nodded, then looked at my arm. “I knew you and Jada got into it but, damn, how did she break your arm?”

  I lifted my arm on the table, while staring at Donovan with a hard stare. “My wrist, my brotha. She cracked my wrist. But I’m sure she told you the details, didn’t she?”

  He stretched his neck from side to side, starting to fidget. “Why would she tell me? I haven’t seen her since she left with the police last night.”

  I cleared my throat. “Naw, that’s a lie, muh-fucker, and you know it. You took that bitch some of her things today, didn’t you?”

  Donovan eyes shot down to the floor, then he rested his hands behind his head and leaned back in the chair. Fidgeting again, he opened and closed his legs, then slid his hand down over his dick. “Listen, I wasn’t trying to go behind your back or anything, but she asked me to bring her a few things so she could leave town. I really didn’t think you would mind, since you wanted her out of your hair anyway.”

  “Did you think I would mind if you fucked her?”

  “Fuck her? Man, please. What in the hell are you talking about? It ain’t even like that.”

  I reached in my pocket and pulled out the naked pictures of Jada. I tossed them across the table so he could see them. Reaching down, I pulled out my gun and laid it on the table in front of me. “Do those jog your memory? Don’t lie, you playa-hating, backstabbing son of a bitch. I’m sure after taking a look at those, it’ll refresh that fucked-up memory of yours.”

  Donovan pi
cked up one of the pictures and looked at it. Then he laid it back down on the table. I knew he kept a gun on him as well, so before he could even think about getting to it, I picked mine up and aimed it directly at him from across the table.

  “I knew you was a no-good muh-fucker, Donovan. One thing my daddy told me before he died was to watch your black ass. And true enough, pussy is just pussy, but don’t no nigga who call themselves a friend of mine snake me like your punk ass did.”

  Donovan stared down the barrel of my gun, carefully watching as I held my hand steady on the trigger. His beady eyes showed fear. “Okay, Kiley. That shit between Jada and me was a long time ago. I haven’t been with her in quite some time, and if you’re talking about when I had sex with her last year when y’all had that big argument about her spending too much money. She . . . she came in my room in the middle of the night and teased the fuck out of me. All I was trying to do was get laid.”

  “Lay on this, muh-fucka!” I pulled the trigger and the bullet went flying straight into Donovan’s upper right shoulder. The force of the shot pushed him backward, knocking him out of his chair.

  “Damn!” he yelled, holding his shoulder as blood rushed from it. When he kneeled on the floor and tried to reach for his gun, I quickly got up and stood over him. I kicked him in his gut and reached down inside his pants to pull his gun out. I rested the steel against his temple.

  “It’s a pain being a conniving fool like you. I’m sorry that you felt suicide was your only option, and it’s a damn shame you had to use your own gun.”

  I was getting ready to pull the trigger, when Kareem and Quincy came rushing into the kitchen.

  “Kiley!” Kareem yelled and ran up to me. He looked at the chicks standing behind Quincy, who looked scared and ready to find the nearest exit. “Evidence, man! Too many witnesses!” he yelled. “Let it go, brotha! Please let it go!”

  Donovan rolled to the ground and lay on his back, while holding the wound to his shoulder. “Help me,” he cried out. “Som . . . somebody help me, please!”

  Blood was all over the floor, and not giving a fuck, I laid my gun down and removed his from behind him. Not finished with him yet, I smacked him hard across his face with it. “Get the fuck out of here and take all that bitch Jada’s shit with you.” I looked at Kareem and Quincy. “Get this muh-fucka to a hospital. If he dies on the way, push his ass in the river and clean up behind him.”

  As I headed out of the kitchen, my eyes connected with the ladies in the hallway, shaking like they were standing in zero-degree weather. “You didn’t see what you just saw, you didn’t hear what you just heard, and if you run your mouth to anyone about what happened here today, I will make sure it’s the last time you ever talk again.”

  I went upstairs to change clothes so I could get the fuck out of there. I wasn’t sure what Donovan was going to do but I wasn’t taking any chances. I didn’t think he was going to the police because he was a man on the run just like the rest of us. The farther away all of us stayed from the po-po, the better.

  As I was changing clothes, Kareem came upstairs into my bedroom breathing hard. “Okay, he in the car, but what in the hell is going on? Day by day this shit is getting fucked up and I don’t know a damn thing.”

  I stared at him, with fury still in my eyes. “Would you stop asking questions and do like I told you to for one damn time in your life, Kareem?”

  His face twisted. “Fuck naw! I need to know what the hell is going on, now! You’ve been putting me off long enough, ordering me around, and I’m getting tired of the shit.”

  “Listen, I don’t have time to argue with you right now. Just get the hell out of here and I’ll call you later to explain.”

  “So, back to the damn hotel again, huh?” He punched the wall with his fist. “Damn! I’m getting sick and tired of being your puppet! Is it that goddamn hard for you to tell me what’s going on!”

  I glanced at the hole in the wall and closed my eyes trying to cool down. “Kareem, I told you I would explain this to you later. All I’m trying to do is get the hell out of here in case somebody heard that gunshot. So, for the last time, do like I told you to, okay?” I said, calmly.

  Kareem cut his eyes and left the room.

  I plopped down in the chair, closed my eyes, and rubbed my face with my hands. I felt like I was truly losing my mind. I straight up almost killed one of my boys over a stupid-ass bitch. The things I said I was never going to do anymore, I was starting to do again. All I wanted to do was live peacefully, but I didn’t see that happening. I took a few deep breaths, finished putting my clothes on, and left.

  Instead of going to a hotel, I drove to Ginger’s house. When I saw this low-riding Q45 with silver shining rims and a dropdown TV in the back, I knew what time it was. But company or not, I wasn’t leaving. Ginger opened the door, looking shocked to see me. When she saw the stitches on my face and my arm in a sling, she asked me to come in.

  Whoever the brotha was, he was sitting on the couch with Desmon on his lap. As soon as Desmon saw me, he hopped down and came over next to me. I couldn’t pick him up ’cause my wrist was still in pain. I nudged my head toward the front door and she turned to the brotha sitting on the couch.

  “Uh, Theodis, if you don’t mind I need to talk to Kiley about something,” she said.

  “Are you asking me to leave?” he asked.

  “Naw, fool. She’s asking you to sit right here and listen to our conversation,” I snarled.

  He slowly stood up, staring me down. Ginger went over to him, whispering something to him.

  “Ginger, no need to kiss his ass. Let the man go. I’m feeling up to it right about now anyway,” I said.

  “Kiley, look. Let me handle this.” She put her hand on Theodis’s chest. “Would you just please go? I don’t want no trouble. I’ll call you later.”

  He snatched his coat up off the couch and walked slowly by me.

  After Ginger closed the door, she rolled her eyes at me and plopped down on the couch. She lit a cigarette. “See, I knew that shit was going to happen. That’s why I told you to call before you came over here, Kiley.”

  I sat down on the couch next to her and put Desmon on my lap. I rubbed his hair back with my hand and kissed him on his fat cheeks. “Why haven’t you gotten his hair cut yet?”

  “Look, don’t start with me. I’m taking him tomorrow, if you really want to know. I can already tell you’re upset about something. I hope you didn’t come over here to dump on me.”

  “Naw, I didn’t. I just needed to see my son.”

  “Looks like you need more than that. What happened to you? Were you in a fight or something?”

  “Yeah, and you should see the other fool. He really fucked up.”

  “I hope so ’cause looks like you got your ass beat.”

  “Actually, he did, but, uh, do me a favor.”

  “What?”

  “Go lay Desmon down. I need to talk to you about something.”

  Ginger put her cigarette out and took Desmon off my lap. “Lucky for you it’s his nap time anyway. Do you want anything while I’m up? I was just about ready to fix me and Theo . . . Never mind.”

  “Yeah, get me some water and bring me a few aspirin with it. If you were cooking dinner for you and Theodis, call that nigga back over here after I leave.”

  Ginger smiled, stepped in front of me, and carried Desmon out of the room. Relaxing, I stood up and stripped naked. I took my sling off and rested back on the couch with a hard dick, waiting for Ginger to return.

  When she came back into the living room with the aspirin and water in her hand, her jaw dropped. She laid the aspirin down on the table, and without hesitating, she eased her body down on top of mine. “I thought you said you wanted to talk.”

  “I’m the mastermind when it comes to lying, according to you, so I lied. Talking was the last thing on my mind, and since I suspected you were about to get down with Theodis, I didn’t want you being deprived after putting him out for m
e.”

  Ginger scooted back a li’l bit and slid out of her oversized T-shirt. She was bare underneath, and when she laid her soft body back on top of mine, I felt like I was in a different world. I was so accustomed to Jada’s thick body on top of mine that Ginger’s lighter body felt kinda strange. After she pecked me on the lips a few times, she slid down and got on her knees between my legs. I leaned my head back and looked at the ceiling, as she stroked my dick with her hands. I rubbed her hair and watched her give me pleasure with her mouth. The feeling was so good, the touch was so right, and the more I watched the harder it was for me to keep control. I closed my eyes and started thinking about Jada. Although I tried not to think about Donovan fucking her, the thought stayed with me for a while.

  Realizing that I couldn’t take Ginger’s pleasure anymore, I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. Ginger backed up and grabbed a hair clip from the table to put her braids up in a bun. I kneeled down on the floor and sat her on the table in front of the couch, slightly pushing the table back so we could have room. She opened her legs up wide and when I crawled in between them, she wrapped her legs tightly around my neck.

  “Kiley? Why are you doing this to me?” she moaned, rubbing the back of my head.

  I searched her insides with my tongue, and backed up a few times to peck her thighs. “Because I need you, Ginger. If just for one damn night, I need you,” I said, looking up at her. She pressed my head back down between her legs and I continued my business.

  Once I finished loving Ginger’s insides, she got on her knees and allowed me to dip into her sopping wet pussy from behind. Trying to release my tension, I banged her so hard, she begged me to stop. When I wouldn’t, she fell on her stomach and let me have my way. Getting tired with that position, I turned her over on her back, teased her walls with my goodness, and then placed her legs high on my shoulders.

  When I slammed myself deep inside, she screamed and backed up. “Baby, look,” she said, looking at me with her big, round, watery eyes. “You have to take it easy with me. I know you’re frustrated about something but—”