How Can I Be Down?

by Brenda Hampton

  “Well, now that I’m back to reality, it’s going to take a lot more than just loving you to cheer me up.”

  “I can stay for as long as you’d like. Or at least be here for you when you need me. But you got to tell me something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Does your mood have anything to do with Donovan?”

  “A li’l bit. Why?”

  “Because when I read the paper the other day I saw a picture of him. The paper said his name was DeAndre McPhearson and said he’d been gunned down.”

  “I wouldn’t know nothing about that. I wanted to hurt him myself but I just couldn’t do it. Besides, he was hanging around with some shiesty-ass fellas so that doesn’t surprise me at all.”

  “Did you read about what happened?”

  “Naw, but Kareem told me. I feel sorry for that fool, but you just can’t trust everybody.”

  “I know. I feel kind of sorry for him too. Seems like he was doing okay when he was living here with y’all. Why did he leave anyway?”

  “He left on his own free will. Now, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It upsets me just thinking about the shit.”

  She turned and looked up at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She kissed me and pressed her head back against my chest.

  I rolled my hand around on her belly for a while then moved it up to her left breast. I licked my hand and shaved her nipple with the palm of it.

  As it hardened, she grabbed my hand. “Uh-uh, you’re finished with me today.” She grabbed my hand tighter so I would stop. When I took my other hand and did the same to her other nipple, she grabbed that hand too.

  “Please.” I smiled. “Just one more time before you go.”

  “No!” she yelled, standing up, looking for her clothes.

  “Come on, you know you want it.”

  “I do, but I need a break after what you just did. My stuff is still sore.”

  “Let me cool it down for you then.” I said, rising off the couch.

  She backed up and tried to run for the steps. When she got there, I grabbed her and we eased to the floor. She rolled over, opened her legs, and I crawled in between them.

  “Where are you going without any clothes on?” I asked, holding her hands down above her head.

  “Nowhere. I just wanted to see if you could catch me. Nothing wrong with having a little fun, right?”

  “I thought you were having fun.”

  “I am. More fun than you will ever know.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Things were slowly but surely getting back to normal. My paranoia was starting to ease, and even though I said I wouldn’t, I was starting to trust females again. Candi and Ginger both helped me get through what I was going through. They comforted me, cooked for me, and were fucking my brains out every chance they got. More so Ginger. I felt a better connection with her, I guess because I’d known her longer and she was the mother of my child. I still played Candi off every once in a while, but I was definitely keeping her “overly pleased.”

  Summertime was just around the corner, and the cold weather was finally behind us. Many more niggas were hanging out in the streets, and the females had all kinds of body parts showing. Kareem and Quincy had a reputation for being the male hoes in the hood. So many females were running in and out it was ridiculous. I had to pull them aside, several times, and ask them to chill; but as usual, they kept shit on the down low for a while, then were right back at it.

  I guess I really couldn’t complain since they seemed to be enjoying themselves, and it was good to finally see things back to normal again. And if we had the ladies in our lives to thank for that, so be it. Pussy had a way of making things better for a brotha anyway.

  Memorial Day weekend I picked up some steaks from Saveway while shopping with Ginger and planned a barbecue for the fellas and me. They’d invited a few ladies, and since I had to make a choice between Ginger and Candi, I chose Candi. Ginger said she was cooking for her family, so what the hell, I thought. But when I slipped and told her Kareem and Quincy was bringing somebody she knew what time it was.

  “Who is she, Kiley? And I hope it’s not that thing you left the club with that night.”

  “Ginger, baby, please. Everything been going so well with us, don’t go trippin’ with me now.”

  “It’s been going well because you’re getting everything you want from this relationship. All I’m getting is a big dick and a smile.”

  “Come on now. I’ve taken you out several times. Don’t even sit here and pretend like I haven’t.”

  “Once or twice in the last month. That’s it. And you seemed to be rushing me so we could get back here and screw.”

  “See, this is what I’ve been trying to avoid. You promised me that you wouldn’t be trippin’ like this with me. I see other people occasionally, but most of my time is spent with you.”

  “You didn’t answer my question. Did you invite that thing over to your house for the holiday?’

  “Yes, I did. Only because you said you were cooking for your family. If you’d like to come over instead, I’d be more than happy to tell her not to come.”

  Ginger rolled her eyes and spoke with attitude. “Naw, that’s okay. Don’t be doing me any favors.”

  She hurried to grab her bags from the front seat and got out of the car. I didn’t want to get into an argument with her, especially since I had offered to change my plans. With a smile on my face, I popped the trunk to get the rest of her groceries. I followed her as I carried the bags into her apartment. As I set the groceries on the kitchen table, I heard her on the phone, laughing and talking to someone. She said “baby,” so just to fuck with her, I went to her room and stood in the doorway with my arms folded. I really didn’t care who the nigga was, but I pretended as if I did. As long as I was getting mine, I was good. “Who are you talking to?” I asked.

  She grinned. “Okay, Theodis, I’ll see you around six. And for the holiday, if you can pick up a few packages of hotdogs for me I’d appreciate it.”

  She hung up the phone and tried to walk by me. I held my arm across the doorway.

  “Move, Kiley. I’m not going to play your damn game anymore. I’m tired of putting my life on hold for you and you screwing around with who the hell you want to.” She pushed my arm. “Now, move, goddamn it!”

  “Don’t curse at me. I told you if you wanted to come over you could. Why you still trippin’?”

  “Because I was a second choice for you. Maybe even third or fourth, who knows? But don’t worry about it. I made plans just like you did.”

  “Plans with Theodis, huh? You still got that fool running around here?”

  “Yes. He’s there for me when you ain’t, just like I’m sure you got somebody there for you when I’m not around.”

  I was upset, but I couldn’t bring myself to argue with her. I went in the kitchen and unpacked her bags. After I put everything up for her, I got in my car and left. She called me while I was driving, but I didn’t answer my phone. When I got home and listened to my voice mail, she apologized and asked me to call her back.

  I lay on my stomach across the bed and started dialing her number. Just before I hit the last number, the doorbell rang, and when I looked at the monitor, I saw two police officers standing on the porch. I scrambled around the room, looking for the keys to unlock the front door. After taking deep breaths, I slowly went to the door. I wasn’t sure if they’d seen me pull up, and I knew if I didn’t answer the door they’d think I had something to hide.

  “Yes,” I said, standing in the doorway with my arm resting against the door.

  “Hello, sir. May we come in?” one of them asked.

  “Sure,” I said, backing away from the door to let them in.

  The other officer pulled out a notepad. “I’m Officer McBride and this is Officer Jackson. If you don’t mind, we’d like to ask you some questions about a gentleman by the name of Donovan Dukes, alias DeAndre McPhearson.”


  I nodded. “Well, come on in, Officers. Have a seat,” I said, getting ready to walk into the living room.

  “No, we won’t be long Mr. . . .”

  “Aw,” I said, shaking their hands. “Kiley Franklin.”

  “Right, Mr. Franklin.” McBride wrote my name down on his pad. “Anyway, Mr. Franklin, when is the last time you saw Mr. Dukes?”

  I shook my head. “It’s been awhile. A friend of mine told me what happened to him and, actually, I really wasn’t surprised.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Well, Donovan and me used to be very good friends. He lived here for a while with a few other fellas and me. But he started hanging around with the wrong crowd, and when I came in one night and saw them doing drugs I asked him to leave. Shortly after, he packed his things up and left. He’d called me a few times after that. One time he told me a dude named . . .” I pretended like I was thinking. “Uh, Marcus, that’s it. He told me Marcus and him had a fight and Marcus shot him in the shoulder. So, when I heard about what happened to him, I felt bad for him, but I really wasn’t surprised.”

  “Yeah, we talked to Marcus. He gave us your address and told us to come talk to you. Said that you and a gentleman by the name of Quincy jumped on him and beat him up real bad.”

  “Officer, that isn’t true. He was one of the fellas who helped Donovan move his things out. Yes, he argued with my friend Quincy and me after calling us some faggots, but it went no further than that.”

  “So, are you a faggot, Mr. Franklin?”

  I laughed. “That’s really none of your business. The fellas and me like to keep things on the down low if you don’t mind, and it really has nothing to do with this case.”

  They looked at each other. “One last question, Mr. Franklin. Several months ago, a young lady called the police and said a Mr. Kiley J. Abrams assaulted her. Are you Mr. Abrams?”

  “Look. I go by my mother’s last name, which is Franklin. My father’s last name is Abrams and I haven’t used that name since I was born. He wasn’t never no daddy to me so it would be stupid of me to keep his name.”

  They looked at each other again. “Thanks, Mr. Franklin. We’re not going to take up any more of your time, but if you can think of anybody else who might have had it out for Mr. Dukes,” he said, handing me his card, “give me a call.”

  “Will do, sir. Sorry I couldn’t be much help to you.”

  After the officers left, I closed the door and wiped the sweat from my head. I closed my eyes, knowing that deep down they could see right through me. Thing was, there was no proof of anything. There was no evidence anywhere that I knew of. I went back upstairs to my room and watched them as they sat in their police car talking. I’d have given anything if I could tell what they were saying. And after a few more minutes, they jetted.

  My palms were wet and so was my forehead from the beads of sweat that dotted it. There was a tight knot in my stomach because I wondered if the police knew more about what had gone down. What if somebody was talking in L.A.? Could Jada be there running her damn mouth?

  I was paranoid as fuck, so I made a quick call to one of my police connections in L.A. He didn’t answer, so I left a message for him to hit me back. I then called Quincy and Kareem to tell them what was up. Neither of them answered, so I left messages to warn them about the police and about Marcus possibly running his mouth, too. I also wondered if the police had been talking to people like Ginger, or even Candi. And even though I was in no mood to hear Ginger’s mouth, I called to see what was up with her. When I asked if the cops had been snooping around, she said they hadn’t. I was relieved and was glad to hear her sound like she wasn’t trippin’ anymore. Because of Desmon, I had to keep Ginger on my good side. A little smooth talking definitely helped to keep things with her calm.

  “Who are you, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?” I asked in a joking manner.

  “No. But you know you be pissing me off though, don’t you?”

  “And purposely doing so.”

  “Anyway, I wanted to tell you I’m coming over Memorial Day.”

  “What about all that meat and stuff you bought at Saveway for your family?”

  “I’ll cook it some other time. Besides, I don’t want no other woman over their digging her claws into you.”

  “Digging? The only digging I feel like doing is into you.”

  “Why have you gotten all nasty all of a sudden? You didn’t use to talk to me like that.”

  “Maybe because I wasn’t fucking you like I’m fucking you now.”

  “It’s loving me, Kiley. Not fucking me.”

  “Yeah, well, whatever you want to call it, it’s all the same thing.”

  “Well, since you seem not to be lying to me when you said I could come over for the holiday, I ain’t coming.”

  “What?”

  “I just wanted to see what you were going to say. I’m not going to cancel plans with my family all because of you. Besides, I’m going to call you around the clock to make sure ain’t none of that ‘fucking’ going on.”

  “Hey, feel free. Call all you want. I take my barbecuing seriously. Besides, how you gon’ be calling here when Theodis will be keeping you occupied?”

  “Fool, I haven’t seen Theodis in months. I was talking to the dial tone. Don’t believe everything you hear and use your brain sometimes, okay?”

  “I do be using my brain. Y’all women just play too many games. Once we got one game all figured out here y’all come with another one. Then always talking about us. Y’all invented the games; we just copying off y’all.”

  “I beg to differ, but I just called to hear my bookie-boo voice since him was all upset with me when he left,” she said, talking baby talk to me.

  “Bookie-boo? What in the fuck is a bookie-boo?”

  “It’s the name I give you when I’m talking to my girlfriends about you. I be telling them how my bookie-boo be putting it on me.”

  “That don’t even sound right. Why can’t you call me Tarzan or Amistad? Give me a more masculine name—you know what I mean?”

  “Because, I like bookie-boo. If you don’t like it, too bad. It’s not for you to hear anyway.”

  “All right, Big Gulp, you keep telling your friends about your bookie-boo if you want to. They gon’ be trying to get a piece of the action in a minute, then you’ll be all mad.”

  “Wait a minute . . . Big Gulp? What kind of damn name is that?”

  “It’s the one I use when I talk to the fellas about you.”

  “Oooo, Kiley. You know you ain’t right. That is terrible.”

  “I’m just playing with you. Can’t you take a joke?”

  “You’d better be playing. If not, you better come up with a better name for me than that.”

  “Okay, I will. Let me get off the phone and think about one for you.” I hung up and in a few minutes called her right back. “Okay, got one.”

  “What?”

  “Deep Throat.” I laughed and she hung up.

  I called her back. “Sharkey?” She hung up again.

  I kept this up, and when I finally called saying what she wanted to hear, she stayed on the phone and laughed.

  “I love you too, bookie-boo.”

  When I woke up the next day, I went downstairs to the kitchen to spice up my meat. I was worried because I still hadn’t heard from Kareem or Quincy, so I called them again to see what was up. Both of them said they hadn’t been approached by the police, and they got in my shit about being too paranoid. Maybe I was, so I did my best to chill and enjoy the day.

  “I’ll be home within the hour to help with the food,” Kareem said. “Do you need me to stop and pick up anything?”

  “Nah, I think we’re good. Holla soon.”

  I got down on seasoning the meat, and then headed to the backyard and fired up the grill. I laid a few pieces of meat on it, then ran upstairs to change clothes.

  By the time I came back down, Kareem and Quincy were pulling into the garage. Quincy got out,
strutting with a joint dangling from his mouth and a blue bandana tied around his head.

  “You just about done with that meat yet, bro, or what?” he asked.

  “Naw, fool. I just got started. Why don’t y’all go upstairs and change so y’all can help me finish up.”

  “Change?” Kareem said. “Change for what? This cool what I got on, ain’t it?”

  I looked at Kareem and Quincy with their dirty sweat suits on from playing ball. “Come on now, fellas. We can’t be around the ladies looking like that. Kareem, I know your da—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re right. My daddy didn’t raise me to look like this.” He walked up the steps with Quincy. “Did anybody call?”

  “Yeah. Jackie.”

  “Jackie? Jackie who?”

  “Aw, sorry, that was for me.”

  Kareem and Quincy laughed and went into the house. We waited for our guests to arrive, and to no surprise, Candi was the first female to show. Shortly after, Felicia and her friend, Chris, who Quincy was talking to, came by. I asked Quincy what happened to Veronica and he said he’d finally given up on her. He insisted she was a waste of time and he couldn’t put up with her shy-ass ways anymore.

  While I was outside cooking the meat, Candi was inside making some potato salad and baking a German chocolate cake. Quincy and Kareem wasn’t doing shit but drinking up most of the alcohol and grabbing the hotdogs off the grill as soon as they were done. When I complained about it, Felicia and Chris stepped up and offered to help Candi out in the kitchen. I thanked them, and as I turned my head to continue cooking, I watched a cop in his car slowly drive down the alley, looking around. When he waved, I waved back, dropped my head, and went back to barbecuing. I started getting really paranoid when I saw two police cars, and alerted Quincy and Kareem of their presence by nudging my head. We all played it cool by waving again, and we were sure not to display any of the weed we’d smoking. Seconds later, the police cars were out of sight, putting me at ease.

  The food was done, so we all sat down at the picnic table to eat. My legs straddled the bench and Candi was sitting down right in front of me. She wiped my mouth with a napkin, as sauce got on it from grubbing like I hadn’t eaten in ages. And when she got some sauce on her lips, I leaned over and licked it off.