How Can I Be Down?

by Brenda Hampton

  Kareem was biting into a rib and threw it down on his plate. “Y’all some good horny muh-fuckers. All this wiping and licking bullshit starting to get on my nerves.”

  I laughed. “Nigga, you just jealous. You might want to work on those drips on Felicia’s chest, instead of worrying about what I’m over here doing.”

  Felicia looked down at her chest, picked up a napkin, and wiped the sauce off her shirt. Kareem looked at her, “Baby, you know I would have taken care of that for you.”

  “I’m sure you would have, honey,” she said, puckering up her lips. “You just too busy right now smacking on that food like you ain’t never had nothing that good to eat, when I feed you good every time you come to my house.”

  “Not like this though, baby. You don’t be feeding me this good,” he said, pointing at the ribs, and smacking as he put it back into his mouth.

  “This is pretty good, Kiley,” Quincy said. “And, Candi, the potato salad is off the hook.”

  Felicia put her hands on her hips and looked at Candi and me. “They didn’t even get it. Did y’all get it?”

  Candi and me both shook our heads. “I got it, Felicia,” I said. “You have to excuse Kareem. He a li’l slow sometimes.”

  Kareem chewed his meat, nodding his head up and down. “I got it too. But like I said, I ain’t never ‘ate’ anything this good.” He looked at Felicia. “Now, if you think you taste better than this meat, I got news for you, you don’t. By all means, baby,” he said, patting her on the leg, “you’re good, but just not this good.”

  “I’ll be sure to remember that when you’re laying there crying like a baby when I don’t give you none. And the next time you come running to my house after you leave the club, knowing that those other hoochie mamas can’t do the job, I’m going to leave you standing outside in the cold.”

  “No, you won’t, baby. You know how I know you won’t?”

  “How?” She smiled.

  “’Cause it ain’t cold outside. You can’t leave me out in the cold when it ain’t cold no mo’.”

  Felicia playfully punched Kareem in the arm and we all laughed.

  When I heard the phone ring, I hopped up and went inside to get it. I looked down at the caller ID and it was Ginger’s cell phone number. I wasn’t going to answer, but since I knew she would be trippin’ if I didn’t, I went ahead and picked it up.

  “Are you having yourself a good time yet?” she asked.

  “Of course. How about you? Did Theodis show up yet?”

  “I told you he wasn’t coming over here. I really didn’t want anything. We over at my mother’s house, and since I just laid Desmon down for a nap, I thought I’d give you a holla.”

  “Well, kiss him for me, and if you act right, I just might come see you later.”

  “Good-bye, fool. And call if you decide to come over. My mother and them over here running their mouths. Ain’t no telling how long we’re going to be.”

  “It must run in the family,” I joked, heading to the downstairs bathroom, while talking dirty talk to Ginger. When I heard the back door squeak open, not knowing who it was, I quickly slammed the door and ended my conversation with her. After I washed my hands, I opened the door and Candi was standing there.

  “Did you need something, baby?” I said, wiping my hands on a paper towel.

  “Yeah. I got kind of lonely outside without you.”

  “Say you did,” I said, pulling her into the small bathroom, closing the door behind her. As she backed up against the door, I held her hands over her head and stood in front of her, looking her in the eyes. She released one of her hands from mine and rubbed it on the side of my face.

  “I’m falling in love with you, Kiley. This, without a doubt, was definitely not in the plan.”

  “So, you got plans for me now, huh?” I reached for the light and turned it off. I slowly pecked down her neck. “Did you plan on coming in here to give up some of that sweet pussy?”

  “No, no, I didn’t.”

  “Well, you should have, especially since you came over here with this short-ass flimsy dress on so I can have easy access to everything.” I gripped the edge of her dress to raise it up. Candi turned around, pressing her hands against the door as I moved her thong over to the side and slid inside her. After sinking into it, she bent farther over. Her moans started to sound more like cries. Curious, I stopped. She turned around and held one of her hands with mine. I turned on the light and saw tears trickling down her face. I mean, what in the fuck was going on here? Something wasn’t adding up today, and it caused my paranoia to resurface again. My mind traveled back to the police cars casing the place earlier. Now this. Was Candi afraid of telling me something that she knew? My face twisted as I stepped back a few inches away from her.

  “What’s up? Did the police say something to you about me or did . . . did I hurt you?”

  She started to cry harder and moved her head from side to side. A light no escaped from her lips, and then she gave me a quick peck on the lips. Afterward, she opened the door and ran out.

  I quickly pulled up my pants and ran after her. By the time I reached her, she was opening the door to her car. I grabbed the door so she wouldn’t get in. “What in the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “I just need to go, Kiley. Please just let me go. I’ll call you later.”

  I was trying my best to figure out what had upset her so quickly. “Did the police say something to you, or was it the phone call from Ginger?”

  Her eyes fluttered and she nodded. “It was the call from Ginger. I didn’t appreciate the disrespect, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. I need to go.”

  I didn’t buy that bullshit for one minute, but trying not to act a fool about the situation, I moved away from the car so she could drive off. She jetted so fast that if I blinked, I missed her.

  With my head hanging low and my thoughts all over the place, I made my way to the backyard. Candi’s actions had me fucked me. I knew women did crazy shit like that, but, damn; to stop me in the midst of things and to start crying worried the hell out of me. I didn’t think she’d heard my conversation with Ginger, but there was a possibility that she had. Then, what if the police had gotten to her? What if they’d told her about my past, but she didn’t want to tell me? I didn’t know what that fuck was up, but in order to calm my nerves, I finished up the night getting high with Kareem, Quincy, and their lady friends. When they inquired about what had happened to Candi, I told them that she had an emergency and had to go. I didn’t think Kareem believed me, and after the ladies left I told him and Quincy what happened. They laughed about it.

  “What the fuck is so funny?” I asked

  “It ain’t funny, dog,” Quincy said. “Sounds kinda scary to me.”

  “To me too,” Kareem said, leaning back on the couch cracking up.

  “Y’all lost me. What’s so funny about her leaving like that?”

  Kareem sat up and folded his hands together. “First of all, big brother, if you’re laying it down like I saw you laying it down against that wall right there,” he said, pointing to the wall, “she probably scared of you. Some women just ain’t ready for that type of action.”

  “I agree,” Quincy said. “Prime example, if I would have done some shit like that to Veronica, she’d probably be scared of my ass too.”

  I stood up and went over to the bar to pour myself a drink. “Naw, that ain’t it. She never seemed to have a problem before. Why now?”

  “Well, you said yourself she heard you on the phone with Ginger.”

  I took a sip of the cognac. “Yeah, I’m sure she did. And since I was getting a li’l freaky deaky on the phone with Ginger that probably pissed her off. Either way, I’m not going to call her. She told me she’d call me so I’ll wait until she cool off.”

  I tossed and turned all night thinking about Candi. Last thing I wanted was to hurt her. She’d been so good to me, and the thought of upsetting her like that just frustrated me. I picked u
p the phone several times, only to lay it back down, not wanting to pressure her since she’d backed off when I asked her to. So instead, I watched my James Bond collection, not feeling good about what the days ahead would bring.

  CHAPTER 17

  I didn’t hear from Candi for almost two whole weeks. When she finally called, she told me that since she’d fallen in love with me it was difficult for her to accept the fact that I was still seeing Ginger. I was happy to hear from her, but I reminded her she was free to see whoever she wanted and so was I. She said she didn’t want to see anyone else and was ready to take our relationship to another level. Feeling for Ginger, I couldn’t agree to that. I told Candi if she wanted to call it quits that was fine with me. But after telling her how much she meant to me and how my life wouldn’t be complete without her, she agreed to take our relationship one day at a time. The police hadn’t been back, and I’d barely seen any police cars casing the streets. I had also spoken to my connect in L.A. He told me everything was all good, and that no one had been looking for me. With that tad bit of information, I decided to put these crazy thoughts to the back of my mind and tried my best to forget about that had been transpiring. I went to the strip club to ease my mind, worked out more often to keep my body in shape, and spent more and more time with Desmon. Being with him helped to ease my mind.

  Later that day, Kareem, Quincy, and me tossed a football around on the porch while making plans to take a trip. Desmon was riding his new 4x4 Power Wheels car that I’d bought him for his birthday up and down the street.

  As the heat started to take its toll, I went inside and grabbed some ice-cold bottled waters from the refrigerator. On my way out, I handed Kareem and Quincy one, then sat down in a lawn chair leaning back with my foot resting on the rail in front of me.

  “Shit,” I said. “This is the fucking life. Chilling out here with you fellas and watching my son get older beats going to Jamaica any day of the week.”

  “I’m sorry, big brother, ain’t nothing about sitting on this hot-ass porch, trying to cool off by drinking muh-fucking water beats going to Jamaica,” Kareem joked. “Then again, when you went before, you did go with Jada, didn’t you? Probably didn’t even get a chance to enjoy your poor self.”

  We laughed.

  “Naw, I really didn’t. We argued so much it was crazy. Do you know that heifer accused me of lusting for some women on the ship? White girls, too. I don’t have no problem doing ’em but I very rarely will lust for them.”

  “Man,” Quincy said. “Jada would accuse you of lusting for her dog, if she had one. That was one crazy bitch.” He looked at me. “Aren’t you glad she’s finally out of your life?”

  “Somewhat,” I said. “Sometimes I think about her and sometimes I’m glad she’s history.”

  “Besides,” Kareem said, sitting down on the first step of the porch, “what’s there to think about when you got women in your life like Candi and Ginger? You hit the jackpot with them, man, straight up hit the jackpot.”

  “I wouldn’t say all that. They can be a pain sometimes too. Especially when shit don’t go how they want it to.” I laid my water down on the porch and headed down the steps to help Desmon, who was stuck in some mud. By the time I reached the bottom step he had gotten himself out.

  “He don’t need your help, fool,” Kareem said. “Stop treating him like a punk and let him handle his own shit.”

  “Like I let you handle your own shit, huh?” I said, tapping him on his face with my hands.

  “You want some of this, big brother?” He put his water down, stood up, and made fists with both hands. “Spssss,” he said, moving side to side like a boxer.

  “You silly, man. You can float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, but Muhammad Ali you definitely can’t be.”

  We all laughed again and when Desmon car got stuck in the mud again, I went to go help him out. When I pulled his car out of the mud, I proudly watched him head down the street like a big boy. Suddenly, a car skidded around the corner. When I saw how fast the car was moving and a semiautomatic pistol come busting out the back window, I yelled at Kareem and Quincy on the porch and ran to catch Desmon. I dove on top of him, we hit the ground, and my head smashed against the concrete. With blurred vision, I looked up and saw Kareem pull his gun out from his pants and fire shots at the car. Then I saw him fall backward and his blood splash on Quincy’s white T-shirt. Quincy was firing bullets too, and I flew down the street like a marathon runner, firing behind the car. I couldn’t catch it, so I hurried back up the street to see about Kareem. Quincy was on his cell phone pacing back and forth, calling for an ambulance. I walked up the steps, saw Kareem lying flat on his back, and fell down beside him. I lifted his head up and held his trembling fingers as he tried to touch his chest where the bullets went in.

  He took deep breaths as he looked at me with tears in his eyes and blood dripping down the side of his mouth. “Did you . . . get them fools, man?” he stuttered.

  Tears streamed down my face as I squeezed his hand. “Yeah, I did. I got ’em. But hold on for me, li’l brother!” I yelled. “Help is on the way.”

  Kareem grinned and tightly closed his eyes. After I yelled at him, he opened them. He started shaking his head slowly. “I . . . I can’t hold on much longer. You gon’ have to . . . handle yo’ shit without me.” He grinned, closed his eyes again, and his body started shaking even more. Shortly after, he started coughing up blood.

  I held him in my arms to stop him from shaking and looked up at the sky, “God, please!” I begged. “Not now, man, please not now!” I looked down at Kareem as my tears started to fall harder. “Don’t you do this to me, man! Don’t you leave me like this!” I yelled louder.

  Kareem squeezed his eyes tighter and placed his bloody hands on his chest. With the little strength he had, he forced his eyes open, grinned, and closed them again.

  His blood had stained my clothes and it was all over the porch. I knew it was over for him. My heart dropped and I screamed so loud I could hear my voice echo. Quincy tried to put his arms around me, but when Desmon started crying, he ran down the steps to grab him.

  Just that fucking fast, my li’l brother was gone.

  When the ambulance came, the paramedics pronounced Kareem dead at the scene. They covered his body with a white sheet, and shortly after, the place was swarming with cops. They questioned us over and over about what happened, and since I was too messed up to talk, Quincy did most of the talking. I dazed off, hoping to wake up from this badass dream I’d seemed to be having, but this time I couldn’t. Just last night I had one about Kareem and during my dream, he died. Not thinking much of it, I kept it to myself.

  As I watched them finally take his body away, I knew it was real. He was gone. The same way Daddy had left me, and there was nothing in my power I could say or do to get neither one of them back.

  Before the police left, they made it perfectly clear they’d be back. I sat in the living room in a daze. Quincy came downstairs to tell me Desmon was upstairs asking for Ginger. I tried to strengthen up to go see about him, but I fell back on the couch and continued to sob.

  Eyes just as swollen as mine was, Quincy sat down next to me and pounded down on my leg. “I know, man. Ain’t nothing I can say to make this easier for you but we gotta be strong. Kareem probably upset with the both of us for acting like this.”

  I sat up and covered my face with my hands. I wiped my tears, then gripped my hands together in front of me. “You know who that was, don’t you?” I said, looking over at him.

  “Yeah, I got a pretty good look at him. It was that fool Marcus.”

  “Yep. So here’s the plan. You know the cops coming back for us, right?”

  “Yeah, I kinda got that feeling.”

  I nodded. “Okay. First, I’m going to take Desmon home. After I drop him off, I’m going to the hospital to get things situated with Kareem. Hopefully, they’ll hook me up with somebody I can talk to about having his body cremated like he always w
anted. When I get back, we gon’ shake, rattle, and roll.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me,” Quincy said, drying his eyes and standing up.

  “Cool.” I stood up too. “While I’m gone, gather up whatever you need, because after tonight, I don’t think it’ll be safe for us to stay here. Come on, follow me.” I unlocked the basement door and Quincy followed me downstairs. When I punched in the code to open the wall, he looked at me like I was crazy.

  “What in the hell?”

  “Not now, Quincy. I don’t have time to explain.”

  We went into the private room and when I opened the safe, I showed Quincy the money and told him to pack it up with the rest of his things. He stood with his mouth open, while looking at thousands of dollars I had stashed away.

  When I got to my room, Desmon was sitting on the bed crying. I hugged him and told him to put on his jacket so we could go. His face had been skinned from hitting the ground when I jumped on him, so I put a bandage over it to cover it up.

  On the drive to Ginger’s house, I punched out the radio with my fist, thinking about Kareem. I couldn’t stop crying, all I could think about was blowing that muh-fucker Marcus and his partnas to pieces.

  Desmon dashed out of the car and started banging hard on Ginger’s front door. When she opened it, she started to yell, but then she saw the bandage.

  “What in the hell happened to him, Kiley?” she asked, as he cried holding on to her. “What happened to my damn baby!” she yelled.

  “He fell,” I said softly, standing by the front door.

  She took the bandage off his face and looked at it. “Fell?” she yelled. “This damn scar on his face look worse than just having a goddamn fall!” She stood up and darted her finger at me. “Why are your eyes so red? Are you high or something? I knew it was a big mistake letting him spend time with you, I knew it!”

  “Ginger,” I said. “Calm down.”