Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  “It’s been hard dealing with the scars you have,” Raikidan murmured. “It’s been hard seeing you get more over time. But this? This I can’t handle. These scars are unacceptable.”

  My eyes widened when I realized what he was going to do. Flames crackled behind me and warmth spread all over my body. I watched as tendrils of fire snaked their way around my arms and down my torso. My scabs healed, and my scars faded to nothing. The heat of the flames burned away the bandages, but it didn’t matter to me. I stared at my scarless body long after the flames stopped burning and healing.

  Raikidan left without a word, but my focus remained on what he had done. I sat down on my bed and traced my arms. I hadn’t seen my skin so flawless is decades. This is just a dream. No way I look this good again… My tracing stopped when I felt scars that hadn’t gone away, or even faded for that matter. My gaze lowered as I realized I was only nearly scarless. One scar was the one Raikidan had given me when he saved my life. My hands wrapped around my body and touched my sides. And the others are from that day…

  “Laz, dear,” Shva’sika called. “We just saw Raikidan leave, are you still up for—Laz?”

  She rushed over to me and knelt down. I looked at her, the feeling of awe and shock preventing me from greeting her.

  Shva’sika touched my face and then my shoulders. “Laz, did he do this?”

  I nodded slowly.

  “Um, Laz, you’re naked,” Ryoko stated. “You definitely didn’t let him do anything thing to you.”

  “Ryoko, hush,” Shva’sika scolded.

  “But—”

  “Azriel told us her complexion was bad. He also said Raikidan was waiting to be let in when he left this room. We saw Raikidan leave here in a hurry, and he has told us he can heal with fire. Who’s to say he can’t heal up scars as well?”

  “But she doesn’t have clothes on. Laz would never let him see her like this.”

  “Who’s to say he saw her?”

  “All her bandages are gone and there are ashes on the floor. If he used the fire to heal her, the bed sheets and blankets would be gone as well.”

  As the two bickered the wheels in my head turned. “Clothes.”

  Shva’sika tilted her head. “What, Laz?”

  I started to look around. “I need clothes, now.”

  “Um, here.” Ryoko grabbed a scrap of cloth from a table and tossed it to me. “Armor will work right?”

  Instead of answering, I had it change into something to wear and bolted out of the room. Flawless skin wasn’t the only thing Raikidan had given me. I had a lot more energy now, too.

  “Laz, he’s on the roof. I figured I’d save you the trouble of looking for him.”

  “Thank you, Seda.”

  I bolted up the stairs. I didn’t acknowledge anyone in the living room as I went to the door leading to the roof.

  “Uh, Azriel, I thought you said she was barely awake,” Blaze commented.

  “And battered all to hell,” Raid remarked.

  “She was,” Azriel replied. “What’s going on here?”

  The door flew open and I burst through the threshold out onto the roof—my breath coming in short, exhausted heaves. Raikidan stood by the edge of the roof and that was what mattered right now.

  Raikidan turned around when he heard me. “Eira?”

  I took a few deep breaths before taking a couple steps forward. Raikidan watched me with interest. I took a few more small steps before running the rest of the distance and embraced him with a tight hug. His body tensed with shock.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you.”

  Raikidan wrapped his arms around me. “You’re welcome, Eira.”

  We stayed like this for several moments and a small prick of sadness hit me when he was the first to pull away. He turned to face the edge again, confusing me. “Raikidan?”

  “I’ll be back,” he replied.

  Before I could respond, he flew away in the shape of a large raven. Where is he going? Why did he leave?

  Chapter 38

  My muscles ached and my head hurt. That assignment had been the worst yet. Well, almost the worst yet. That battle the other day definitely held the top spot, but this assignment was pretty close, and the outcome had almost been the same. I didn’t want to shower. I didn’t want to eat. I just wanted to sleep.

  I barely had the energy to close my door, let alone walk to my bed. The moon and streetlights guided me to my bedside, but I didn’t collapse onto it like I had wanted to. Instead, I stared at the two objects that lay on my covers. There was a flower cluster and something that looked like a necklace.

  Forgetting my fatigue, I picked up the flower cluster. It was a cluster of pink and yellow honeysuckle flowers and violet hyacinths. Holding them close to my face, I inhaled deeply to take in their sweet scent. I would have to place them in a vase so they’d last longer. Placing them back down on the bed, I picked up the necklace. It’s beautiful.

  The pendant had two elaborate, white gold wire-wrapped amethyst gems. The smaller of the two gems was a marquise-cut, and was held into the piece in a woven teardrop shape, while the larger amethyst was shield-cut and wrapped into the weave with intricately-shaped wire that resembled plant vines or thorns, and one piece on the top that resembled v-shaped animal horns, giving the entire piece a modern-but-tribal look. The pendant looked like it could function as both an aesthetic piece and possible weapon, with all the sharp edges. The chain for the pendant was made of white gold and was long enough to wrap twice around the neck. I ran my thumb over the pendant and smiled.

  “You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to find the right gems for that.”

  I jumped and looked up. Sitting on my windowsill was none other than Raikidan. I should have known. The flowers were the calling card. I wondered how long he’d been there. Knowing my luck, he was there when I had walked in.

  “So, this is what you’ve been doing this whole time?” I hadn’t seen him since he had healed me days ago.

  He shrugged. “Mostly.”

  I raised my eyebrow. “Mostly?”

  “Most of my time was trying to find the gems, then a jeweler from the North to make it.”

  He found a craftsman from the north to make this? I was a little confused. “Why’d you do this?”

  Raikidan just shrugged. I walked to my floor length mirror and put the necklace on. It was even more beautiful when worn.

  “It’s perfect,” He said in a low husky voice behind me.

  I shook that thought out of my head immediately. It had to be my imagination playing stupid tricks. It wouldn’t be the first time. But he was right. It is perfect. My smile turned into a frown. Too perfect…

  His dark eyes snared me. I couldn’t find the will to pull away as he caressed my cheek. “Eira…”

  I stared at my reflection, as the memory pushed its way to the surface. This was wrong—all wrong.

  “Don’t do this to yourself. You know what—”

  “You aren’t his to have. Not when you don’t want to be.”

  It was all too perfect, just like… that lie. I took the necklace off.

  Raikidan’s expression changed from pleasure to confusion. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?”

  I knew he was upset, and I felt bad. He went through all of that just to see me take it off.

  “No, I don’t.” I paused. “I… I love it. It’s just…” I sighed. “You wouldn’t understand. I’m sorry.”

  Walking over to my bed, I clasped the chain together and hung it on my light. Because of the chain’s length, the pendant touched the nightstand top at an angle. I grabbed the flowers off my bed and placed them next to the pendant. Unclasping my hair clip, I placed it on the nightstand on the other side of the necklace and fell, face first, onto my bed. G
lancing at the walls, I watched as the light from the window danced across their surfaces. I had to look away. So I did, right into my pillow.

  “Rai, just go away,” I muttered.

  He couldn’t expect me to not hear him breathing near me, or to feel the heat from his body. When he didn’t go away, I groaned and pulled my pillow over my head, sinking my fingers into until I could hear them rip the fabric. The whole time, I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could. I wanted the world to fade away. I wanted to be left alone. I drifted to sleep, and as I did, I prayed I’d never wake up. That way, I wouldn’t have to feel this way.

  The next few days, I avoided Raikidan as much as possible. It got to the point where I barely ever left my room, and rarely let anyone in. This forced Raikidan to sleep elsewhere, since no matter what, I made sure he couldn’t get back in. I couldn’t look at him. How could I when I was so confused?

  I leaned against the mountain of pillows on my bed and stared at the necklace Raikidan had given me, along with a few photographs. I knew I shouldn’t look at any of them, not until I figured everything out, but I couldn’t help it.

  Just then, my bedroom door burst open, crashing into the adjacent wall. Shva’sika stormed in and slammed the door shut. Perfect. She wasn’t in a good mood, based on her entrance, and neither was I, so I knew this wouldn’t go well. Luckily I had the photographs in my hand. While I was using them to reflect, they also doubled as a good way to hide the necklace. I didn’t want anyone knowing about it until I got my head straight.

  “Can I help you?” I asked.

  Shva’sika crossed her arm. “Yeah, let’s start by you telling me what’s wrong with you.”

  I sat up. “Hmm, last I checked, I had every right to keep to myself while I think some things over. And last I checked, that was a larger right than having someone rudely barge into my room while barking out commands.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Well—sorry for being concerned for your wellbeing.”

  I snorted. “Seriously? You’re going be rude to me and try to claim you’re doing it out of concern? Get out of my room.”

  “No,” she said. “Not until you talk to me about what’s wrong with you.”

  “If I don’t want to talk, I don’t have to.”

  She noticed the pictures in my hand. “What are you holding?”

  “Just some photos. Looking them over has been helping me think.”

  “Let me see them,” she ordered as she walked over to me with her hand outstretched.

  I folded them closer to my body. “No. They’re mine.”

  “You’ve been acting out of the ordinary for days. And if you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong, I demand to know what you’re looking at.”

  “Ordinary? What the hell would you know is ordinary for me?” I asked. “What you deem is ordinary? Because last I checked, I’m allowed to act any way I please. And, so that everyone would keep their noses out of my damn business, I’ve only ever acted in ways anyone would ever expect of me, so I don’t have to hear any of you fuss over me like some dimwitted child!”

  Shva’sika reeled from the insult, but recovered quickly. “Well, maybe if you’d actually talk to us, we wouldn’t make assumptions.”

  “Get out of my room.”

  She ground her teeth and then lunged for the photographs in my hand. I did my best to fight her off, but in my attempt, the necklace fell onto the bed, and then the worst possible thing happened to the pictures. Shva’sika reached for the photographs, misjudging because of the struggle, and grabbed a few of them roughly, crinkling them. My heart stopped. No…

  Shva’sika immediately let go and backed away. “Laz, I’m—”

  “Get out,” I said.

  “But—”

  “Get the hell out!” I shouted. “Had you minded your own business, this wouldn’t have happened. They are the only copies I have, and you’ve ruined them.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and lowered her gaze as she backed away. I plopped down on my bed in despair when the door closed behind her. I did what I could to unwrinkle the photographs one-by-one, but the damage was already done.

  I sighed and ran my finger over the photograph on top. Pictured was me with a man with olive skin, rich brown eyes, dark hair, and a dual set of ears, like Azriel. One of his arms hung over my shoulder while the other rose above us and out of the image as if he had been the one taking the photograph. The two of us smiled wider than I thought I could anymore, and my eyes were alive with a light that had long since died. Tannek…

  I looked at the necklace Raikidan had given me as I held it in my hand by the pendant. I remembered how I felt when I saw it around my neck. Did I almost feel that light again? Is that why I feel this way? Is it why so many weird things are happening to me when he’s around?

  “Don’t give into it,” the voice in my head whispered. “You’d be a fool to go through that again.”

  I sighed. “How can I give into something when I’m so confused about I feel?”

  “Don’t be weak,” it said, surprising me that I received a response back. “You know how to feel. Indifferent. You’re incapable of reciprocating those feelings.”

  “But that’s not really true if you’re warning me, now is it?”

  This time I didn’t receive a response. My room and mind remained quiet, and making a decision on how to feel became no easier.

  “Laz, do you want to talk to someone who is a bit more calm and rational?” Seda messaged telepathically.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I muttered.

  The air was quiet for a moment before she contacted me again. “Yes, there is. You overreacted to Raikidan’s gift.”

  “Did I over react? Or did I not react the way he would have preferred?”

  She chuckled. “You know you can’t play that game with me. So why not talk this out, just the two of us? You don’t have to leave your room, and I can stay here in mine, and no one will know.”

  I sighed and fell back on my bed. “I don’t know where to start.”

  “We’ll start with your reaction. Instead of accepting the gift with a ‘thank you,’ like most would, you pushed him away as if the gift meant more than you wanted it to.”

  “He went out of his way to have this thing made.”

  “It’s not that uncommon for friends to give gifts that are specifically created for each other.”

  “It is when the gift is easily several hundred gold pieces.”

  “So the value of the gift is the issue?”

  I sighed. “No, not entirely.”

  “Then be honest and open with me, Laz. You know you can trust me. I won’t tell anyone anything that is said between us.”

  I swallowed hard and my hands clenched. “I’m afraid…”

  “Of?”

  I sighed. “Of the possible bigger meaning behind it…”

  “Tell what you think it could mean.”

  She knew the conclusion I had come to, but she was going to force me to talk this out. I almost chuckled. Force wasn’t the right word. Seda wasn’t holding a gun to my head, but the way she spoke to me, she challenged me. I had to work this out.

  “The idea is illogical,” I said. “There’s no reason why it should have even—”

  “What thought?” she asked. “You have to assume I’m not a mind reader.”

  I laughed. “You would use that joke.”

  “Good, I got a laugh. That’s a start. Now tell me, what thought came to your head that has you acting so out of sorts?”

  “That… he may care more than just as a friend.”

  “And you think that’s illogical, why?”

  “Because he’s promised to someone else.”

  She chuckled. “You sure? I happened to be quite aware
of that conversation the two of you had, and he was rather reluctant to talk to you about it. He may have made it look like it was because he’s reluctant to have a mate, but with the way you acted over a small gift gesture, he may have been afraid of you finding out the real truth until he knew you could handle it.”

  I threw my hands up into the air. “So, what, now I’m dealing with a liar? That makes me feel a whole lot better, with my past.”

  “Don’t you start twisting my words,” Seda scolded. “If you reacted this way to a gift, you would have acted even worse if he had been talking about a heavy topic such as eternal bonding.”

  I took a deep breath and sat up. “His promised mate is a dragon, Seda. I’m human—a failed human experiment at that. I’m not worth much…”

  “That’s not true, and you know it. That’s why you’re struggling with this. You’re worth something, and he sees it. Whether it be as a friend or more, and you know he does.”

  “Doesn’t change the fact that his mate is a dragon who is out there somewhere.”

  “No one said his mate had to be a dragon. It’s just assumed. Mixed partnerships can—”

  “Not this kind,” I interrupted. “I learned that from my mother. My father wasn’t human. He wasn’t anything remotely close to that. And he fed her with lies, and then left, with no real intention of returning. He abandoned us…”

  I thought I could feel her nodding, as if the telepathic connection was stronger than other times we had connected this way. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Your fear stems from that.”

  I chewed on my lip. “Yes… and no. Something else, too…”

  “We’ll talk about that other thing, but first, we’ll address this current problem with your parents. You’re assuming you’ll end up like your mother, based on one experience. I know that was painful to experience, but it’s rather unfair to assume all males, regardless of species, would do what your father did.”

  I held my chest when it began to ache with pain. “I’m not willing to risk feeling that kind of pain. I’ve felt enough in my life…”

  “We’ve moved on to the other half of your relationship fear,” she observed. “Easily, too. Why? Is this half a larger part of your fear?”